Matt-Man and a Moment of Truth

Hail and well met

I am always looking and listening for the wisdom of the divine to slip in the mundane. Today I find it from years ago, a show called "Tales of Tomorrow". The opening is narrated by a spokesperson/actor and he promotes the sponsor which is to be expected. First there was a watch band making company and now it is the Masland carpet company. An interesting fact about the Masland company is that back in the day they printed a company magazine called the Shuttle. It contained the usual announcements of births, marriages, anniversaries and so on but it also had editorials. These allowed employees the ability to express their thoughts and ideas openly. It is from one of these that the spokesperson read from and the light of truth winked at me.

Here now is the transcript of what he said.

The force of the atom is insignificant compared to the explosive force of human nature. The force that we need to consider is that which brought man from the darkness of the cave to the lights of a cathedral. It is the energy of man's ambitions striving eternally for a place in the sun and it must be controlled. Not by international agreement nor by legislation destroying mans freedom, it must be controlled by the individual himself. The formula is a simple one, is man to young to practice it? It is simply the golden rule "Do unto other as you would have other do unto you".

I don't know the edition nor do I know the author's name all I do know is that here is a peek at truth. I hope it touches each and everyone that reads it.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Returns to Fight Another Day!!!

Hail and well met

I know I have been rather lacks in my posting and there is a good reason for that. I had nothing worth typing out into the world of cyber space. Now I do.

I got back this week from an important trip to my favorite place in the world, Lothlorian. No not the place in Tolkien's novels but a place here on Earth. There are a ton of stories there but the rule stands "What happens at Loth stays at Loth". What I can say is that I got an answer to something. So here is a musical representation of where I was and what I asked for...enjoy!




Time doesn´t wait,
Wait for no man.
So get on with it.
there´s no escape,
Try if you can.
And, oh, this world is crazy.
And, oh, it blows my mind.
Oh, it seems like everybody's rushing,
Just to get to the back of the line.

Well I walk through the valley of
The shadow of death.
And I dance with the Devil
but I got no regrets.
He told me next time your in
town drop me a line.

Oh, just gimmie a sign.
Let the world fall apart.
Just gimmie a sign
don´t leave me in the dark.

I couldn´t shake that little voice
Ringing in my head.
Wanted to run away from myself.
So I asked for a wise
man to make me wise
He said son the answer's
contained inside
I choked on the fortune,
But I feel fine

Oh, just gimmie a sign,
Let the world fall apart
Just gimmie a sign,
don´t leave me in the dark.
Just gimmie a sign.
[ Kevin Rudolf Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]

You know they're gonna aim at you.
You know they'll try to take from you
Just gimmie a sign cause I
need it this time

Stand up (stand up)
Stand up (stand up)
Stand up (stand up)
Stand up, Stand up
Stand up (stand up)
Stand up (stand up)
Stand up (stand up)
Stand up (stand up)

I got in some trouble way
back in the day.
Spent a few years tryin' to find my way
I broke a few rules, I
ain´t payin' the fine.

Oh, just gimmie a sign.
Let the world fall apart.
Just gimmie a sign,
don´t leave me in the dark.
Just gimmie a sign.
Oh yea, just gimmie a sign.
Oh yea, just gimmie a sign.
Yea, oh, oh yea, oh
Just gimme a sign.

You know they're gonna aim at you.
You know they'll try to take from you
Just gimmie a sign cause I
need it this time

Gimme a Sign by Kevin Rudolf

So that about sums it up. Looking forward to a phone interview in about 40 minutes. Not the perfect answer but it is step in the right direction...I have a plan!


Wait? What?

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

A Matt-Man for All Quizes

Hail and well met

It has been awhile since I posted a quiz and I liked this one so here it is...


I'm tired of all those surveys written by high school girls. Here's one for folks who are a tad older. Thanks to Tim Scallon for posting this originally.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most? Insurance because it is legal blackmail and extortion

2. Do you miss being a child? Part of it but wouldn't want to go back.

3. Chore you hate the most? Dusting because it is never done and I don't do anything to cause it. Dishes are not problem cause I made them dirty and the same goes for laundry but dusting....I hate it.

4. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? Um well define romantic and in what context. I will guess on the lowest common denominator and say over a year ago.

5. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be? The concept of going back in time to change things “if you could”. But then no one would ask these questions and I wouldn't have to go back at which point they would start asking these questions and I would and then they wouldn't and I wouldn't while they would....Yeah head explodes somewhere in here and someone says “If it wasn't for that horse I wouldn't have spent that year in collage”

6. Name of your first grade teacher? Hmmmm have to really think about that one. I do believe it was Mrs. Venezia at Algonquin Elementary School.

7. What do you really want to be doing right now? Either running my own store or having sex, both would be like one of the things on my bucket list.

8. What did you want to be when you grew up? Well that changed from a scientist to artist to absolutely nothing (no joke). This has been said to be the “go back and change thing” in my life but I disagree. If I had approached life any different then I would not be who I am now and since I like who I am now I wouldn't change me one darn bit.

9. How many colleges did you attend? Not a single one. Visited several but never attended...well except the center of higher learning known as Screw U and the Collage of E.A.B.O.D.

10. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? Well it was already dirty and since I had to clean I saw no point in messing another shirt.

11. What are your thoughts on gas prices? Too high but we keep on paying so they keep on raising. Will we ever learn?

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? Why is a alarm going off I didn't set it?

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night? Hope I can fall asleep.

14. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Just one? Grrrrrr Stan Lee.

15. Have you ever crashed your vehicle? Yes several times but only one with another car.

16. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer? I refuse to answer due to my views on volunteering.

17. Get up early or sleep in? Get up so I can get shit done.

18. What is your favorite cartoon character? WOW that is a hard question. I have had my share that is for sure. I guess I would have to say Ben Tennyson from Ben 10. But then you have Number 21 and 24 from Venture Bros. Who never fail to bring a laugh.

19. Favorite thing to do at night with your girl/guy? OH come on this is a trick question right? I mean the obvious answer is so painfully obvious. Anyone who doesn't think this right away is just lying to themselves. Let's face it the first thing we all thought is “watch TV.” What? You thought I was gonna say sex didn't ya? HA HA

20. When did you first start feeling old? Oh please old is a relative term and only refers to the interaction of this flesh body with the surrounding energy/matter matrices. I am immortal, when this body returns to its natural state I will move on and enter that from which I came. May the Force be with you!

21. Favorite lunch meat? Corn Beef

22. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart? Well a few months ago I would have said Brachs chocolate covered peanuts, before that one of those funny T-shirts they have for like 10 dollars. Now it is DVD's from their $5 bin.

23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? No I consider it an institution. And that is something that you enter when your not right in the head and leave it when you are better. So you must be crazy to enter it and the only time you will be sane is when you leave it. Oh and no I have never been married but I have known far to many who were (note the past tense there).

24. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about? Right like I am going to tell anyone I know this little secret. I would never live it down but would spend the rest of my life being ridiculed at every turn. Not going to happen.

25. What's your favorite drink? Hmmm anything alcoholic :)

26. Who from high school would you like to run in to? With my car? Any of them. LOL just kidding. Hmm pretty sure I still talk to all the ones I want to, or at least follow them on a Internet social network.

27. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now? 101.9 or 103.9

28. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives? Neither.

29. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back? Not realizing what it was when I was in it and accepting it for that which it was.

30. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work? …..well I don't sit at work, um I sit facing my computer and although it is cool, I don't think it deserves to be considered a person.

31. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes? Hee Hee nope but I have used one.

32. Last book you finished reading? Down the Road

33. Do you have a teddy bear? Currently I probably do somewhere but not intentionally it is just a left over from when I was young.

34. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? Oh wouldn't you like to know!

35. Do you go to church? Only when someone is getting married or buried.

36. How old are you? As old as the world when it was young and as young as the stars themselves.



Oh alright I am 39 and will be 40 in September.


May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Runs with Schisms

Hail and well met

Long time no post. Well things have been wacky. As you can see I have made some changes, all for the better. Notice the new section "Places I say "You should go to"". Also notice that inside that section is a link to the Matt-Man gift shop. Yes I am a shameless whore. But don't think that I just have stuff with my logo on it cause I don't. I also have stuff with other cool logos that I have come up with. Quaint sayings that I have heard and decided to do the work and put them on a something or other. Now you can go and show you support if you like and buy something cool.

I plan on having a really long post soon but right now I am tired and need to sleep. Till I type at you again...

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!!

Matt-Man VS Funk-enstien!

Hail and well met

This hit home as a real cause we can all get behind so listen and get ready to pull out your rupies, stars, fruit...whatever your current game currency is to make a donation...


Yes for only pennies a day you can clean a gamer bringing joy, and lemony freshness, into his (lets face it guys we stink) life....and the life of all those around him.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Says Goodbye

Hail and well met

This is not original this was sent to me but it was so relevant I had to re post it here.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has
been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since
his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be
remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to
come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't
always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in
charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing
regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with
sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school
for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an
unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job
that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not
inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an
abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and
criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a
burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the
will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of
coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded
a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by
his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son,
Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.


If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do
nothing.

Matt-Man, The Lone Wolf

Hail and well met.

I just posted a note on Facebook where I made a statement. I don't normally go off on self explaining rants but this time I kinda want to. Not so much to tell everyone out there anything but instead to get my thoughts in a cohesive matrix so I can understand them. In other words get my ducks in row so I don't quack up. Ha I made a funny...Oh yes I did!

Some facts about me. I have had exactly 2 girlfriends in my life. The first was in high school and her name was Nicole Pascal. She was 2 years older then I was at the time, a bit taller (can you imagine) and about half again as big, not fat just big. She had an amazing smile, could laugh the sting off a bee and for a short time we were in love.

What happened you ask? Well life happened as did the 80's. For all the forward thinking that was supposedly going on it was still taboo to date a black woman. Between my parents (worried about the rest of my family, truly) and her family and friends we broke up. I do believe I broke it off, for which I still have to bash my head in when I think about it.

Just goes to prove that if you are thinking of doing something because someone else thinks you should, stop, hit yourself with a big stick and loudly say "NO". Then dig a big pit in the ground gather a bunch of squirrels and put them in there for, say a month so they get good and ravenous. Then invite the people over who were telling you what to do and shove them in and tell them you think they should get mauled by a horde of ravenous squirrels. I think they will get the picture and if not who cares cause they have been mauled by ravenous squirrels. Oh and for shits and giggles set the squirrels on fire cause that makes it cooler.

So that was when I was like 15/16. Now we can jump ahead to 2006 I am 37 and I meet Terri. An amazing woman who liked me. I liked her and we had a good time for about a year and a half. This time it was her that did the breaking and she sighted that we were going in different directions. There is a tome of things my mind has come up with as to why she left me but all in all it dose not matter, she left and that was that.

I still love her and want her to be happy. I mean it now as I meant it when I first said it. I found out she is with someone and it seems she is happy. I am glad for her. '

So when I realized she was in a relationship I sorta realized that I am not. I am no closer to one either. I have no idea how to start one. More importantly I don't believe I am capable of really having one. Part of it is my wiring and part of it is my source code.

I won't go into details but some of my problems come from my parents (in case you didn't get the metaphor) and the rest come from my thought process, how my brain works (the wiring).

I don't have radar of any kind.

Recently I went to a bar just to see what it was like. To be honest I freaked. I sat there for about 25 minutes and realized I had not one thing in common with anyone in that room. More to the point there was not one single woman there I would have wanted to talk to...at all. I left having made some great deductions and that has led to this post.

I am not going to find anyone I want to be with at a bar/club/normal public gathering. I need to be with someone that gets my shit, period. I am not going to have a relationship with someone that is going to resent my time spent gaming, cause it is going to be the source of my income so if you dis my gaming you dis me. Besides I want to share my life with someone not keep it in the closet most of the time only to take it out for an airing once in a while.

The ability to speak like a normal person escapes me. I either speak to softly or to fast. I am not that spontaneous when it comes to speaking in a group. I just don't have the skills. It reminds me of an episode of Brady Bunch (yeah how corny is this, equating my situation to that show) where Peter tries to be bicycle repair person. The owner tells him that he gets it in his brain but something is lost in the translation to his hands. Well that is me with my brain and mouth, they just don't speak the same language.

Now we come to a rather weighty subject. Me. I know that everyone has said that it is not a big deal but it is. I am over weight. Now I have lost some of it but it never seems to truly go away. For a couple of years I have tried to eat right, work out and generally mind my calories and foods. Although it did result in some changes it never went all the way. It stopped cold and nothing I would do changed it. That last hurdle just laughed at me month after month. The harder I worked the less things changed. My waist never dropped past a certain amount (although I know my bones have something to do with it) and my belly never went away. Frustration is all it got me. Now I don't have access to a gym and even though I could some of this stuff at home it just get harder and harder to get motivated here. I feel hopeless in this matter which only leads me to make bad decisions. Enough of this subject.

Wow that was depressing. I could go further into my current situation, being unemployed and all but that will go nowhere. Besides this has gone on long enough and I need to come to the point.

With all of this weighing on my mind I have decided to accept my lot in life of being alone. Enough with all this worrying about it, stressing over it and letting it get me down. It is what it is and there is little I can do to change it. Yes there are some things but I see little hope of getting worth while results out of expenditure of resources.

I am letting all the hoping and dreaming about not being alone go. No more crazy plots or plans to find the right person. No sleepless nights depressed about it.

I will be alone. I will accept being alone. I will move on and live my life, alone.

Well that about sums it up. I am done for now.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Just Might Be Crazy

Hail and well met

Let it not be said that I am sane in any way. Although if you asked many I am sure it would boil down to me being a rather uninteresting person. Probably my most notable trait is being late for just about everything, unless I leave an hour beforehand. Soft spoken if at all and when I do speak it is at the speed of thought so it is hard to understand, a problem I am going mad trying to fix. Not that much to look at, tried losing weight only to have it laugh and take a seat on the sofa. I am not getting down on myself just stating facts. Oh one more is that I seem to attract women that are already taken...which has its own set of luggage as far as mental baggage goes.

So all of this sums up a rather boring person, not prone to flights of mad fancy (I'M FANCY!).

NOT!!!!!!


SO NOT!!!!!

Why do you ask? Well if anyone with my history ever thought of doing what I am going to do they would surgically remove four of their vertebrae and eat their own ass.

At first when I first was confronted with this idea I laughed inside and I mean really laughed inside. Then I stepped back and just chalked it up to mid life crisis, you know the red (insert appropriate sports car name here) to prove having a working penis or some such tripe. Then I realized that for the most part if I can recognize it as such then it really isn't. Much as a person that can question if they are sane is sane, maybe some problems but not looney. Then again thinking of what I am thinking is proof positive sanity is long gone.

This is as far from rational thought as it can get. Add a unhealthy dose of WTF and you are only a state or two away from where I must be...but I like it here.

I have to face it that I will never be able to go back to what I was when I was a simple cog in someone's machine. Nope I have changed, evolved, been transformed (well given my size there is definitely more then meets the eye Neal cringes) into a new creature and trying to go back is just going to end in failure.

I bet some of you have figured it out already but some probably haven't. For those that have good for you, although until I tell the world you won't know for certain. For everyone else...HA you will just have to wait.

I know something you don't know!!!!

Yeah I am a grown up....Well, mature....Well, old.

Nah I am as young as when the world was new and the sun first shown its light upon creation.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Drops the Ball

Hail and well met

Well this is going to be a short post (at least I hope it will). It was brought to my attention this evening that the game I was running on Monday's...sucks. That is not what was said but there is no denying it is true. When a player states that they get stressed out and bummed out after a session that defines "sucks".

Yes I was upset but not at them, at myself. Yes it hurt but not as much as it would have if they had not said anything at all. Yes after hearing it I can see it plain as day.

I could fill this post pointing out all the ways I created suckage. There is a whole essay on "What not to do as a GM". All that would end up being is me tearing myself down and beating myself up over it. Instead I am just going to be proactive about it.

It's dead and I am going to bury it.


This is an edit of the original post. I am not going to give up. I am going to get back on the damn horse and I am going to ride into the sunset.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Laughs....Cause Its True!!!!

Hail and well met


This here is a post from an email I got from the G-mail. It was sent along by a good friend and to say it made me laugh is an understatement. According to the title of the email it comes from Jeff Foxworhty. Here it goes, know you are going to laugh as much as I did.....Cause its true!


Here's to Chicago ! Ya gotta love it!

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Chicago

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Chicago

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Chicago

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Chicago

If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of I-80 for the weekend, you live in Chicago

If you measure distance in hours, you live in Chicago

If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you live in Chicago

If you can drive 75 mph th rough 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Chicago

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in Chicago

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Chicago

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in Chicago

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Chicago

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Chicago

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in Chicago

If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you live in Chicago

If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your Chicago friends & others, you live or have lived in Chicago.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Sees the Living Color

Hail and well met

Not going to spend a great deal of time. I find that in many ways this whole blogging thing is more trouble then its worth. Time spent spewing bits of tripe about my life, where I am, where I was, what I am feeling. All of it goes nowhere and accomplishes nothing.

I have begun to see that I live in a moment. From one to the next. I don't connect them nor to I dwell on them when they have passed. It is the one reason my memory is so terrible. Recent events have shown me this and dredged up some old memories. I could have gotten depressed over them. The loss of something I loved, the way it all happened again later on. The fact that I am sitting here right now unemployed and on the verge of being homeless again.

It would be expected and accepted if I said my life was null and void.

But I won't. I don't. All I can think and say is this...


"Let there be Light."

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Mourns The Passing Of a Great Man

KHANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Hail and well met

It is a little shabbier in the world today. Things are a bit dimmer and lack a sense of elegance. Today Ricardo Montalban passed away at the age of 88. He is known for his portrayal of Khan in both the original Star Trek series and the second feature motion picture "The Wraith of Khan". He also stared on the TV series Fantasy Island alongside Hervé Villechaize in the late 70's. He lent his amazing voice to cartoons such as Freakazoid and Kim Possible. All of this just scratches the surface of his long career.

I remember him with a strong sense of what a man should be like. Strong but gentile. Firm but not forceful. There are no words that can truly convey what he was to me but I can tell you that all of us should strive to be just a little like him and the world would be a better place.

The world he has entered is now a better place then it was. My thoughts and prayers are with his family.

November 25, 1920 - January 14, 2009

This post was scored by Amazing Grace from the soundtrack to Star Trek 2 The Wrath of Khan.

May the Force be with you.

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man: It's a Brand New Year, Day, Life!

This post was scored with Bon Jovi's "It's My Life".

Hail and well met.

I want to yell out to the world something. I am not doing the whole resolution thing. I reject the idea as a whole. No I am not saying that there are not things that I need to change, well actually I am. You see I realize that I cannot change these things, it is impossible.

I see that the only way I have of trying to change things in me is to plan a course of action based on my perceptions of those things in my life I want to change. My best analogy is drawing a course (which is basically drawing a line) from my past through my present towards my future. If I use my perceptions of my character which are all based on my mental recall of events and how I felt about them then I am using the exact things that are my problem to try and plot a new course away from them. I make them an integral part which makes it impossible to remove them because then I lose them as a reference point for this new course. I may not be making sense to anyone with words so here is a visual aide.



Okay here is the basic set up. I am in the now or the present I have past through certain events in my life that have that are represented by the circles. These are all a part of my memory and I think of them when events happen that resemble them. I relive those moments and feel the echoes of the feelings I had when they happened. No matter good or bad if I attempt to plot my course of actions based on those events all I will accomplish is reincarnating those same events over and over again. Here is another visual aide...




You see it just repeating, reliving and reincarnating the same things over and over again. Nothing changes and I don't grow. Life doesn't like things that don't change, it is the purist axiom I know.

Change is the only constant in the universe.

So events and influences enter my life every day that want to turn me down a different direction and bring me to new circumstances. But these are not the circumstances I planned for, not the destination I set my course for. So what happens when I come across them? Well here is are a couple of diagrams that will show you..







Everything changes whether I like it or not. Even by trying not to change causes changes. I become resistant to everything that wants to bring change into my life and with that resistance comes conflict. This conflict is always viewed as being against me changing my circumstances, except the truth is that I am not changing my circumstances but recreating them. So the reality is that I am fighting a new set of circumstances, the very thing I really want and forcing myself to relive the circumstance I wanted to change. The real kicker is that I end up blaming the new circumstances trying desperately to reveal themselves to me for the relived circumstances I wanted to change and then start all over again.

But there is hope. First I must recognize the events that are driving my course of actions, I must then understand what I am doing by using them to plan a way to change them and finally I must ACCEPT them as part of my PAST and put them back there where they belong. It looks something like this...



It is freeing to release all those memories are just echoes of the past and put them where they belong. It is unnerving to realize that to really change I must do nothing more then let go of any ideas or plans to accomplish that change. That nothing I could buy, achieve, possess or even fall in love with could ever bring about that change. That is not to say that buying things or achieving things etc. is inherently bad for me, it is in many cases necessary for me to do those things to simply survive. No it is when I believe that I will achieve a change in myself from those outside events, beyond the immediate rush of getting what I believe will change me which quickly fades leaving me with the truth that nothing has really changed, that they are bad. So it is the intent with witch I embark on these events that determines their inherent good or evil.

So now with this new freedom I find that I can chart a completely free course that is not confined to any particular direction or outcome. I can let the events that are before me bring me the challenges of facing them without allowing my past experiences to determine the outcomes and emerge a newer and newer being. Growing in great new world, which I am now a free flowing part in.



Now I cannot take credit for the basis and content of the idea, that comes from a teacher named Guy Finley. Look him up on the web at

www.Guyfinley.com

I just saw a way to express the ideas he was teaching that resonated with me and I hope will with everyone else.

That is why I renounce that tradition of New Years Resolutions because I don't need to try and change anything in my life. I must except that what I have done is done and in the past, I must understand that nothing I could try and do to escape from who I was then will ever accomplish anything other then reincarnating that person in me over and over again while depriving me of the opportunities to become a new person.

I look forward to facing this new year with an open heart and mind. Let the Creator give me those experiences that I must face to change me into a part of the larger world (I don't mean the big picture either, but the spiritual world that goes far beyond this one and yet is all around us every day).

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Looks to the Silver Screen

Hail and well met

I have not been excited about movies much lately. Nothing seems to be coming out that I really can get behind. I have been scouting out films that are coming out and really just yawning. Yes there is the approach of The Watchmen and after reading the comic I must admit to a little interest but not excitement. Okay there is the release next year of Star Trek by J.J. Abrams which looks good but it is just another Star Trek film (I wonder what number it is so I can tell if its going to be good).

Fanboys is on the docket but after, what is it now two years of waiting it has lost its zing. Ok I will give you this little gem that just came on the radar Aliens VS Monsters, a little animated ditty. It looks funny and has Seth Rogen doing voice work.

Oh and please don't mention Underworld 3, cause I do not believe in cruliety to animals let along beating a DEAD HORSE. I must aside here..

What is the never ending pursuit of making films that predate the first ones? What is the point? Did Lucas really believe that telling us the story would be entertaining? WE ALREADY KNEW THE ENDING!!!!! For all that truth not one single director or writer has ever decided to pull a curve ball out and creatively show how one could have perceived the facts the way it is in the earlier movies but in reality (movie reality that is) things are completely different. Or here is an idea and I am just spit balling here, FILM THE PREQUEL FIRST!!!!!! You know the idea of telling a story from beginning to end. What a concept! Of course that would require some guttsy little thing called imagination, why use that when we can just take a story and reverse engineer a story from it. Okay that is not fair to every prequel out there, some were thought of before the first films were made, they just couldn't get the first story filmed. But come on people at some point just say no.


Sorry for that but it has been building for some time, now back to my original post.

So movies coming out that don't really get my blood pumping, yeah that would be most of them. Maybe I am just not getting into the mood for other reasons. All I do know is that things are not shaping up to be box office anytime soon. Oh well more time for the internet (no I don't mean porn...mostly), reading (again not porn...at all), painting (yeah try and fit porn into that one) and working on my games (No I don't mean sex games...well there is sex like material in them but they are not about sex...mostly...I am going to shut up now).


May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!!

Matt-Man Sees Celuloid!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!

Hail and well met

I had to take the time to stop and tell the world about all of this. While working on my game for tonight I stumbled across a fact that will shake the world. Nay it shall destroy the world the recreate then shake it like a evil British nanny on uppers!

Long ago I was foraging for something to watch. While braving the steamy aisles of Hollywood video I stumbled across a film that only a few have appreciated as much as I did. It was a gentle breeze in the desert of mind numbing films based on realism and factual data. It freed me from the chains of substantive plots and things.

That wondrous modern marvel that did so much for film making. What did it do for film making, you ask? It made advancements in film making, that's what it did! That film is known as...



This film was amazing but I thought it a fluke...I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
wrong!

After so many years I have stumbled on a truth like stumbling on a child's tricycle in the rain after a bad day at work cause someone decided to mail order toilets and you had to deliver them in the rain and cold only to find they are not home and because they requested "Signature Confirmation" you cannot just leave them on the stinking porch and have to lug them back into your van to take back to the stupid office, only to arrive and get yelled at cause the customer showed up at the office to pick them up even though you said it was a better idea to leave them there but were told it was your job to take them by your boss who is now yelling at you cause you took them....sorry I had a flash back there...What was I saying? OH truth...yeah right...well the truth is they made a SEQUEL.....



What happy days! Another movie filled with awesome bad acting (and on purpose too!!!) even worse special effects and all the bad jokes one could want in a film.

But even better then that was discovering that the production company of these films has chosen to take up the heavy mantle of making even more bad horror/sic-fi/thriller movies! Just listen to some of these titles!


Dark and Stormy Night!!!

The Trail of the Screaming Forehead!!!

The Restroom!!!

and!!!

Voyage to the Planet of Space!!!

Oh the glee I feel. I am giddy as a school girl...boy I meant boy...although those skirts are quite freeing...Um well if any of you are as psyched as I am just visit this website for more info.

www.bantamstreet.com

I just don't know what to do with my self...oh wait I was supposed to be prepping for tonight's game,

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

May the Farce be with you (yeah its a play on words so what)

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Faces the Great Tentacled Menace

Hail and well met

Well I have been keeping busy looking for work and selling off parts of my past on Ebay (Mmm cash for childhood memories). Whilst doing that I often find time to bounce around and see many strange things on this marvel call the Interblag...no wait that is the Enterblog...Err what is it called? Oh yes the Internet! Anyway here is one thing I found and had to laugh at.

I should mention that if you are not a gamer or have any experience with H.P. Lovecraft's works then you probably won't think it is funny...So read a book!


Well that was fun. Some people are wondering what I have been up to and I really had to think hard about how to answer that. At first I thought I was doing well but that was self delusion. After some self realizations I found I was scared to a dark place that I had thrown away my only chance for success...working for someone else. Which brought up the fact that I am not really made to be a cog in someones machine. The freedom I enjoyed as the owner and manager of Gameopolis is like a drug. Once you have had it you really want it back. That feeling of getting up and doing what you want (yes I had to show up to the store but once there I was able to do things I wanted to) is amazing. Now while working for the Post Office there was little of that but I needed that as a stabilizing factor. The loss of the store hit me hard and I need something stable so I could recover. Unfortunately I fell into a small trap and got comfortable being a drone (please don't get upset at that term but metaphorically that is what I was). Well comfortable is the wrong word because even though I was there I did want something more, I just didn't do anything about it. Ah complacent is the word. Yes I was complacent and it cost me. Well I am not complacent any more which sucks since now I must be patient while things work out.

Where was I? Oh yes I was not fine, had fears to face and things to adjust to but the worst part was the evident withdrawal into my shell.

What shell you ask? Oh come on people you all know me well enough to know I have a real thick shell and I can crawl into it and lose...like years. In fact I am sure I have lost a few recently as well as a few relationships. So what do I have to do? Ha that is obvious, open my mouth, stretch my fingers and communicate with people.

So I know what I have to do and I am going to do it. Of course wanting to get my games produced is vying for a ton of my attention and then there is this stupid thing called online TV shows..like entire seasons of shows I wanted to see but missed. They keep sucking me in.

Like now I am stuck on Bleach, an anime. I liked it to start but now it is just becoming a variation on Dragonball (insert random letter here) with nothing but fights for the sake of fights and every episode the main character gets his ass kicked (and by that I mean nearly killed, sheezh this guy has had more come backs then Brett Favre...Oh Jesus is calling, he wants his gimmick back) only to make some self discovery and PRESTO he turns it around and kicks ass. Then next episode or so it happens again. I liked the story but it is getting harder and harder to follow it between the bloody "I don't want to die. I have to save Rukia." I mean this guy makes Anikin Skywalker look like Chuck Norris. Anyway I am almost done with available episodes, cause I get hooked watching, so I should be able to wean myself away from it. At least until the next season is posted Ha Ha.

Ok well this turned out to be more then I wanted to type but it feels good to be shouting out again. I will talk/type to many soon.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Returns...Again

Hail and well met!

Yeah I know I haven't been updating at all for the past few months, heck I haven't been dating either. I could go into a long explanation of what has been happening in my life, losing the job at the Post Office, being unemployed and selling my old toys on ebay to try and pay the rent (not really working out the way I hoped but getting by).

Yeah I could do those things but then again....SURVEY!!!

What's the last DVD you watched?
Well that would be the not so good Mindhunters, yet again proving that every so many years they take Val Kilmer's carrier off the back lot for an airing.

What are you wearing at the moment?
Well I would love to say nothing...just for the shock value but I am clothed. Pair of PJ pants-blue, red t-shirt, socks and boxer briefs. Oh too much info? HA

Who is your favorite writer?
Favorite of all time or flav of the month? Do you mean as a person or for their works? As a person I have to say Sam Clemins (Mark Twain to those with out a classcial education). Works wise I have to say Michael A. Stackpole for the X-wing Squadron books (I LOVE THEM). Falvor of the month right now is a toss up between Kim Harrison (Dead Witch Walking, The Good, the Bad and the Undead as well as Every Witch Way but Dead) and Caleb Carr (the Alienist and The Angel of Darkness). All time is Shel Silverstein (A Light in the Attic and Where the Sidewalk Ends) a poet with the imagination of a child that gave inspiration and a few good laughs.

What is your favorite scent?
Ok if I truly answer this it will be marked as objectionable material so I will say...campfire (my second favorite)

What's that one movie you can watch over and over again and never get tired of?
Only one! You communists! Just one! Ok if I have to say just one then I go with...Transformers (the new life action one) if you had given me more then one I would have said the REAL Star Wars Trilogy (you know the first Trilogy)

What do you drink the most?
pepsi (or like soda) and sugar free Walmart kool-aid with a smatering of water...ok and alcohol.

Is there a useless thing that you cannot brace yourself to throw out?
HA yeah lots of them. Right now I am looking at a Stuffed animal from my childhood for one.

What did you want to be when you grew up?
Wait I "grew up" AHHHHHHHHHHH! Why didn't anyone tell me?!

What are your favorite song(s) of the moment?
Ah of the moment (should have been this specific with the writer question)
"Hot n Cold" - Katy Perry
"Disturbia" - Rihanna

Which characters are overrated?
Oh this is a good one. Any of the cliched, angst ridden, sullen, stereotypical ones from "Twilight" or any other of the plethora of sappy vampire/love stories that will now inundate the theaters and video stores.

What 3 people would you invite to dinner?
Again with the limiting!! Only 3 people? Are you kidding? Do married or engaged people count as one or two? Are we talking a friendly dinner or something a little more intimate (wait you asked about 3 so intimate would be a little freaky...FUN but freaky for an online survey) Um well if couples beyond the dating stage count as one then Nicky/Chris, Val/Mel, Ruth...gosh that was hard cause there is also Joe/Allison not to mention Miles, Dennis/Corrine, Mike/Rita and a whole load of other people that I cannot remember right now.

What is your current desktop?
Ah Ha! The Matt-Symbol!!! Soon it will be the Matt-Symbol over the sky line of Chicago, as soon as I find where I uploaded it to that is.

What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Um...well...I kinda stol...borro...annexed it but the person in question is awesome, amazing and a cornicopia of other multi-sylable adjectives.

What are you afraid of?
Um well in truth spiders, big ones. Zombies are a close second but they don't jump around and climb ceilings and are big enough to hit with rocks, so not so much.

Where would you love to go in your next holidays?
Holiday? What is this you speak of? I know not of "Holiday".

What are you into right now?
Well I am digging this survey...I also find working out kinda cool. Roleplaying has shot back up in the race. Ebaying is cool as well.

What did you do today?
Up at something o'clock. Watched a auction (more like baby sat it) so I could win a cheap new printer. Went and worked out. Came home and ate food (Mmmm food) watched some Criminal Minds and then did this fine survey.

What do you want?
Well again I push the envelope by answering but I will be honest. Hot, Steamy, Kinky, Freaky...intercourse (HA you though I was going to say sex...well I kinda did but you were thinking of the word) Of course that is expected as I am a guy, I am single and I am breathing. It is also a spur of the moment thing and not a long term goal...well maybe not. Anyway I want to earn enough money to stop worrying about having enough money to do the things I want to do.

What should you be doing right now?
Right now I should be doing...having way more fun then I am!

What's the meaning behind your LJ username/name/nicknames you go by?
Well there are two names I have used for my various online persona's
Xens - which is a stylized way of saying zen and is refering to an idea I had for a book called "Xen's art of miniature painting".
Akeranzu - This is the joining of two different names, Aker - a Egyptian god with two Lion heads that stands at the door of Death and allows Ra through every morning but keeps the Serpent Apep in and Anzu a Mesopitaian Lion headed Eagle that stole the tablets of destiny.

Hey you asked. If you want a better explaination the ask me.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Gives the Skinny...Buzz...Citrep

Ok here is the address where the ceremony and reception are taking place and respective times.

The Sherwood Room (Garden Manor)
4722 W. Armitage Ave., Chicago IL 60639

Ceremony starts at 4:00 (Doors will be closed) ends at 4:30 with everyone leaving the room so it can be set up for the reception that starts at 5:00.

Matt-Man Mellows Out

Hail and well met

I just re-read my last post and WOW, I was just a little pissed. Well things are much mellower now. I am in the process of working a whole week for my regular, babying my van along while trying to locate a new vehicle that fits in my price range (meaning free). Next week is GenCon and I am going (YIPPEEEEEE!!! does a little dance) albeit for only 1 and a half days but I am going. Right now it appears that Neil is going with me which will help defray some of the costs as well as hooking up with Miles and Kristen (sorry if I misspelled the name).

Yup even though people might think I was doing badly and should be stressed, I am not. Well part of me is trying to be but I just won't let it. Things are fine, things are going to be fine and that is that. Maybe delusional but it works for those people that we all see and say "I wish I could live in their world", so I am trying it.

Starting the Supers game and it is going well. SAS (Silver Age Sentinels) is a great system that I wish I had discovered years ago. I am getting into the grove of GM'ing again which feels good. I am also loving making villains, some truly evil while others are crazy and some are just sad...evil but sadly so. Oh and lets not forget the lame ones cause we all know what fun they are. I mean really a guy in a robot chicken suit that can fly is amazing...yeah I know chickens can't fly but just try and tell him that while he is crowing at you.

So looking forward to GenCon and Kirby's wedding, which I am standing in (Woooo). Looking forward to parties and seeing people. I may need to ask for some help with rides to some up coming events just so I can limit the miles on the old van, until I get a new one cause I am! It is out there waiting for me to see it and walk up and ask for it. I know it is going to work out.

Well that appears to be enough of my ramblings for now. Talk or type to everyone soon.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Has Had It!

Hail and well met

Ok here I sit and I just cannot take it anymore! Over the past week and a half I have been doing two things...
1 - waking up every morning at around 6ish then waiting till 11 for the post office to call.

In the past I would normally get at least one call during the week and yeah I would be pissed off but that was because I usually wanted to do something and had to put it off because of the call. Who wouldn't be pissed? But now that I have spent close to 10 days waiting every morning I am really pissed off. No not because I am not working, although it comes in a close second, no I am pissed because I feel like some arrant school boy waiting for the headmaster to call. It is belittling, degrading and down right humiliating to be treated like this. Oh and if those mysterious internet watchers are reading this I am not bad mouthing the Post Office, it is a good job and I do love it, otherwise I would have dropped it like a hot potato...why would you be holding a hot potato anyway? Strange saying in my opinion. I mean was it like some game for the poor or something, throwing around a hot potato seeing who dropped it first?

Sorry I digress. That is just the point, I love my job. I actually enjoy delivering the mail. It is kinda cool driving out in the middle of the country following the route. Now if this was more city or urban I might not feel that way as I have driven those routes and don't much care for them. Give me the long country roads and I am in heaven. Ok I am not bashing the Post Office, just this current lack of work.

So with all this time on my hands I have been doing a couple of different things which leads us to the second thing on my list...
2 - trying to stay calm and sane by working on my campaign while in between bouts of genius watching some TV shows on Hulu and Veohtv.

Why is this pissing me off? Well it is simple. On Hulu you can watch any number of shows and movies with limited commercial interruptions. I understand this and have never and will never complain about it. No what gets to me are the commercials themselves. Most of them are you common fare but then you have those others.

First off all the environmental (and I stress "mental") ads. Save the planet. What a load of crap. I have only some simple questions that exposes that phrase as the glib tripe it is.

1- How old is the planet? Oh only 4.54 billion year roughly. It has seen ice ages, massive earth quakes that reshaped the surface, meteorites crashing into it that have purged all life that was on it and a host of other things but MAN is going to kill it. RIGHT...SURE...if you believe that then I have some land to sell you as well as a bridge or two.

2- How old is mankind? Well here is can of worms just waiting to be opened. Ok I am going to use the "intellectual" sources for this one only because it best serves the argument. This is not about philosophical ideals or personal beliefs but an argument. They say human kind has been around for close to 250,000 years and only in the last 10,000 or so have we been out of the cave so to speak.

If we can just compare the numbers I do believe that we amount to little more then a slight rash on the arse of good ole' earth. If anything we should be sweating our future and not Earths. It has a good history of moving on with little care or worry about the extinct species that have died on it. Come on people be honest and stop all this tree hugging. If we don't stop all the crap that is being done WE ARE GOING TO DIE OUT!

Hello!

Anyone out there?

Does anyone listen?

No they all go running around trying to be all selfless and saintly by not caring about humans and caring about "mother earth". Hey I love the earth, but I care about my own arse just a little more cause I am going to kick it one day and the Earth is going to kick me to the curb like a cheap bar ho when business is done (I am referring to sex, the nasty kind that you have with people you pick up when drunk cause they looked real good with a fifth of vodka in your brain but after you sober up a bit....WOAH!) The Earth could care less and you know why? IT IS A HUNK OF MINERALS FLOATING AROUND A BALL OF GAS! IT DOESN'T THINK OR FEEL OR CARE.

So basically you are trying to save your collective butts but don't have the balls to say it out loud and look like self serving bastards. Well I am calling all of you on it! (no not you cause I know all of you are not like that but those other yous out there) Grow a pair and fess up. It might just shock some people to really hear the truth and make them wake up to their impending dirt nap.

The second set of ads that really gets my goat are these "cyber-bullying" ads. They have kids in social situations saying some nasty things about other kids in the area. Then it says "If you wouldn't say it in person then why type it"...well duh! First of all when was the last time that anyone really stood up in a crowded place and told someone how stupid or ugly or slutty they were? It doesn't happen all that often and when it does it usually includes alcohol in mix. No they wait until they are on their own, in their little clicks and do it.

Where are the ads that proclaim that as being wrong and hurtful? Oh thats right the kids being laughed and degraded aren't in those clicks and don't have a chance to hear what they are saying (except when it is repeated by the kids that stand next to the click but are not apart of it so they don't care if they snitch) so its ok.

But the internet can be read by anyone (by that I mean the parents, since kids are most likely to just get depressed and start wearing black proclaiming their angst in bad poetry) so don't do it cause it might be seen and hurt their feelings (by that I mean embarrass the parents that their little angel is a social outcast which looks bad for them...ok just a little cynical but if you are googling your name you are that shallow in the first place) . Just save it for the hallway at school or the gym or the lunchroom, like they did in the old days. Just not the beloved pure internet. What a load of crap.

I just have to wonder what the hell we are paying our government for when this kind of money can be wasted telling kids to play nice on the internet. They are not going to play nice period. Where was this be nice attitude when I was getting my ass torn apart on the playground? I was a fat kid. I am still fat. I don't care what anyone thinks about it. You know what taught me that? Having those stupid sniveling worms call me those names and basically ostracize me my entire educational career.

It taught me that they have little substantive material to work with and the best that they could to in their pathetic attempt to raise themselves above the crowd was point out something that a blind mole rat would have been able to notice. I was fat. Ooh such powers of deduction. Like I would want to spend time with lame brans like that. Oh and for the most part it wasn't even original, just the long line of parrots repeating what the one said before it. Which explains how they managed to do so well in the basic education system where recitation of knowledge is considered learning. Can we say "Monkey see monkey do". Can we say "Garbage in garbage out"!

And we wonder why our society is falling apart and decaying. Wow how blind are we anyway.

Maybe if we started teaching our kids to stop trying to better themselves by stepping on the backs of others and instead taught them to STAND UP for themselves, things might start turning around. Well that and somehow got ourselves off this insane materialistic addiction we are on.

You know I was reading something where a Russian from the old USSR made a comment about the "Decadent imperialist Americans". Funny how we have always screamed that we weren't those things...yet we seem to have run right out and become them. Just like a teenager who swears at 18 he won't be like his father only to discover 20 years after that oath that he is just like his good old Dad. Someone just buy me the bullet, please.

Sorry for the ranting but I just get sick and disgusted with the namby pamby way we as a society have decided to try and fix our problems. Well that and sitting here with nothing to do every day but wait for a phone call. God I feel like some pathetic needy (I would say girl here but that is just a little sexist even for me...Todd no but me yes) person waiting for their partner to call, where that partner is a carousing philanderer/slut who is never going to call after that night of drunk sex...HA I managed to draw a line from an earlier metaphor, I am so cool....and lonely.


Ok enough from my peanut gallery and time for me to do the third thing I have been doing to pass the time on these crazy days...NO I DON'T MEAN MASTURBATE! Sickos! Thats fourth, Master of Orion is third.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!