Matt-Man "There's trouble to the North"

Hail and well met

Well here I sit in the Casa De Terri and I don't know what I am going to post about.

I love her.
She loves me.
We get eachother on so many levels.
I know that things are good and am not going to screw that up.......


But this being unemployeed situation is wearing on my nerves. I don't want to lose her because I in the end I don't live up to the things I know I can do. If that even makes any sense.

I am also just worried that I lack the real foundation to make a relationship work. I mean look at my paterning (My family life for those that don't know what I was saying). My parents barely tolerate each other. Fights over the most ignorant of things are a daily affair. Neither one of them really lives anymore, they just muddle through waiting on the end of their life. I don't want to be that...but I already am.

Yeah that is what I realized before I started posting. I am just like them. I don't do anything or involve myself with anything larger then myself. I keep everything at arms length and never commit myself to any goals. I have to change...and that is going to hurt.

Oh yes change is going to hurt, I don't fool myself on that fact. It is just a matter of choosing when I do it. Now or later. Sooner or farther away. Next week or next month, or next year.

There is no guide books on this subject. Not many have experiance to give advice. In the end all the advice and comments will come to naught cause it is my choice and I am the only one that can live it.

Jeez I hate it when it comes back to me.

Oh well all I have time to type right now.

I will be home tuesday durring the day depending on the arrival time for the train.

Later all.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!