Matt-man for the Future

Hail and well met!

Well it has been a long time since I have been able to post. Mostly it has been because of technical problems but that should be no longer a problem very soon. So what can I say.

Well it has been rough on several levels. I feel very alone and I don't mean like having people around alone but the other kind of alone. Everyone keeps telling me that I am good looking and a great guy, so why is it that no matter what I do no one notices me. Of course I know that I don't really jump out there throw myself into the ring so to speak but that has never been my strong suit. Gah I hate trying to figure out what to do in these situations. I even tried to fill out the stuff for Yahoo personals but I found that it kept asking me to define what I am looking for. Wow was I sitting here with that deer in the headlights look. I have no idea what I am looking for and what they offered as way of options really didn't help. So I left it unfinished like so many other things in my life and moved on.

On another front I spoke to a couple of people whom probably thought they were helping me by tearing me down. I was speaking about my work on both my games and the ones for the guys down in St. Louis when I was stopped. I was informed that I was wasting my time and should wake up, grow up and dump these pipe dreams. All I was doing was proving I was a loser and setting myself for failure since there was no future in any of them. Then I was regaled with how I was seen as a lazy mooch who was living off others like some kind of leech. In their opinion I was slowing some people up and would only succeed in taking them down with myself. In fact when I boiled it all down I really don't know why they would have ever been my friends.

To say I was devastated would have been an understatement. I say would have been because I didn't stay depressed. I got pissed off. I mean really angry. Now I know that no one that reads this are among those that were involved with what was said or how I feel but I have to get this off my chest in a forum that will not allow me to speak out loud because every time I do in the privacy of my own space it devolves into swearing and throwing things.

So here is my diatribe and please don't take this to heart.

When I boiled it all down I came to a conclusion.

I DON'T GIVE A FLYING F@#K WHAT YOU ALL THINK!

As far as I can see you only say those things because you are scared to death of me and what I am accomplishing. You see while I am fighting for my dreams you sit there in your drunken stupor with not one dream at all. In fact your idea of a dream is where you can go on your vacation so you can get drunk and forget your pathetic so called life. I don't need to get drunk because I don't need to forget my life. No it may not be perfect but by God it is filled with more then you have. Oh and as far as not having a house, what has it done for you? As far as I can see all it has done for you is tie you down and suck the money out of you. Not to mention the wasted time and money on those stupid techno crap gadgets you have to run out and buy to try and fill your void of a life. You call me a loser well let me tell you something, when it comes down to it you are the loser.

When I get my games published and I will!, Millions will know my name. I will affect those lives and bring fun into their lives. The only people you will affect are the liquor store owners and the Bust Buy corporate accountants, oh and not to mention the credit card companies. They will mourn your passing only as a real parasite mourns its host.

I would go on but as I said before I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.

IN FACT EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T READ THIS I CAN ONLY HOPE YOU FEEL THIS. GO F@#K YOURSELVES AND HAVE FUN SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE DRINKING YOURSELF INTO OBLIVION WHILE SURROUNDING YOURSELF WITH USELESS TECHNO CRAP. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ME.

IN FACT IF ANYTHING HAS COME FROM THIS IS THAT I HAVE DECIDED THAT I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS OF ME AND I MEAN NO ONE!

Ok I am going to stop there. It feels good to get it off my chest. If my new outlook upsets anyone, well I would normally say I am sorry but in truth I don't care. It is where I am at and that is that.

I will post on a trip down to Carbondale later cause it was an amazing trip and I loved it.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!