Matt-Man Has One of THOSE Days

Hail and well met

Well the title says it all. Period. Not in a good mood but not depressed, just pissed. Mostly at myself and my inability to get a damn route done in less then 51/2 hours. yes I know I am still learning and don't have all the experiance but that doesn't stop me from feeling that I should be doing better. I just hope that I can destress before tonight or it is going to make for a GREAT day tomorrow, running the other route and all.

Yeah what a belly aching shmuck. I am sure you all deal with worse things every day and I should just shut up. Well for once in my life I don't care about your problems I care about mine. Sorry that was a bit of a bleed over from a family problem. But it is something that I realize I do all to often. I try and fix every one else's problems and keep putting my own on the "Back Burner" because everyone else's problems are way more important then mine. Well I cannot afford to do that any longer. I have to deal with my problems first second and always, cause no one is running to do for me what I do for everyone else. Sorry but the well of human kindness has run dry, and in fact is becoming a black hole that will suck everything into it in an attempt to replace the loss.

Gah I hate being pissed and trying to post a truly positive blog. I should edit what I just typed but then again I think I will let it stand for posterity and all that.

I am not depressed. I am just...tired of all the bullshit. I want people to realize that they are the ones responsible for their happiness, other can help but in the end it is up to everyone individually to be happy. I will reprint here a part of a quotation that gave me great help.


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson

So there it is and I don't plan on elaborating on it. Just wanted to dump some of my baggage here and let all see. Now I am off to shower and then go see a movie BY MY SELF! Which you should know I hate but everyone else is either sick or unavailable so I go alone.

May the Force be with you.

Excelsior!!!