Matt-Man is not the Glue that holds the world together!!!

Hail and well met

Ok so here is all that I have to say. I am sorry for not making sure that everyone knew about Ben's surprise birthday party. I have mentioned it several times over the last couple of months though and every time I got the same MEH response. So Todd I am sorry but I was informed that you were out of town and that is why I did not call you. Nigel I figure you were being somewhat joking but even so you were up at collage and that is why I didn't call you. Ok that is done and over.

I have to say that trying to talk to people about this party was difficult cause we usually hang out together and with school it was difficult to keep in touch. Be mad at me if you wish but I don't care. I did the best I could and that is all I can do. I may be a superhero but I ain't perfect.

So as of late I have been having some trouble. At first I thought it was due to the situation with work and how it is somewhat unreliable and random. But that has proven to be a red herring.

It came to a head yesterday whilst I sat right here and tried to do stuff only to discover that I couldn't concentrate. Then I would decide to go out and do something but no matter how hard I struggled I just sat here. All time my insides were in turmoil over it. It came to a head when I had a dream.

Now I have had some real nasty dreams in my past (Yes Joe I know you can beat me but this is not a pissing contest) and they were pretty bad. Zombies eating me alive adn the like were the flavor of the year last couple of years running. Before that was a trend that for some reason really scared me instead of sickening my. They all involved something that I thought was long out of my life.

HIGH SCHOOL

Yup I would dream that I was late to class or unprepared for class or would get to class and no one would be in class. Often I would be all ready and in the halls when I would realize that I didn't know my schedule and have to run around trying to find someone who could give it to me.

Well I had one of those dreams Wednesday night. Only this one was way different. I had all my stuff and all expenses were covered. I had my schedule and was ready to go. The hang up was that I didn't have my locker assignment and locker inspections were going on. Now I wasn't scared or creeped out I didn't wake up sweating beads as I normally would have. In fact although I remember the dream rather vividly I don't get the same sense of foreboding that usually comes with this type of dream.

All in all I knew that something was not quite right in me. No I ain't going down the "I am all screwed up" path but something is defiantly not firing in my iginition system. So I began to do some searching and something jumped out at me.

Since I was young I have been equated to a Bear. I liked Bears and collected a number of bear themed items, not many but a few. I also had a love of Unicorns, Dragons, Lions and Eagles. Funny I have never met a Dog or Cat that didn't like me, really and often they act different around me then the they do around most people. Of course I have also had a facination with Spiders, sort of a love hate relationship.

Well I got the idea to look up what these animals meant in the totem world and see if maybe it was a matter of sliping out of one realm of influence and gravitating towards another.

My research is still proceeding but it appears that I may be stepping away from my close walk with the Bear and next to another animal. I will keep all informed as I discover what is going on.

Yeah ok so now I get the hackles rising as I know someone out there is going to read this and have a hissy fit over me talking about animal totems. Listen up God created EVERYTHING so the animals are here for a reason. Even the Bible says that "All of creation is waiting for the sons of God to be revealed". I see this not as a religion in front or in place but along side. It was a talking donkey that saved Balaam from the sword of the angel. It was not Gods will that Balaam be saved it was the action of the donkey that saved him. So it seems that the precedent for animals being messengers and teachers as well as guides is there in the bible. I know that I could find more if I looked but I don't need to validate what I know by Faith is right.

Anyway I have things to do and information to digest. If anyone knows of a good resource on Animal totem information and meaning let me know cause I find the internet a little questionable at times.

Hope all is well with everyone. I am looking forward to the next couple of weeks as I will be visiting Miles up in Monmoth and...I know there is something else but I cannot think of it.


OH YEAH VALENTINES DAY! It is the first year I have a sweetie I get to dote over.

Speaking of which I have to get off line so I can talk to her. No offense but affairs of state take prescient over affairs of state.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!