?????Ok it appears that I cannot enter a title for this post????
So here it goes the old fashion way.


Matt-Man is on the Job!


Hail and well met

Well things have been a bit strained as of late. I have been working which is good. On the other hand it has been insanely hot when I worked and it has been kicking my ass (quite literally but I won't go into details). It has affected my ability to do much of anything. Working on my move has come to a complete halt, well almost I did accomplish some things today but not nearly as much as I need to have done by now.

Yeah I know all things take time but this is just getting to me. I mean I need the money (boy that is an understatement) but I also need the time to get the things done that I have to get done. I guess the big problem is just the physical affect it is having on me.

I also have been dealing with the fact that I have not been able to spend the time with Terri that I need to. Oh yes believe me it has become a need and a want. I like being around her, I like the way I think around her and the way she makes me feel (no sickos I don't mean that way...but that is amazing as well) I know that I love her and I want to do the best I can to make it possible for us to be together, and that is the other half of the problem. I don't think the Post Office is going to allow that to happen. I don't know if I can explain it in words but I just have this sinking sensation that I cannot depend on this job to see me though. Maybe it is just my past experiences creeping in to my mind but it is there.

Meh I am not getting anywhere with this and I know that it doesn't resolve anything. I have to make some decisions and take some chances. Boy that is tough given my past. Ah yes old wounds never really do heal you just forget about them until they come up again and it all comes flooding back. The pain the loss and the crashing of dreams.

Again I am saying meh. I am going to do what I have to do cause the other option is to give up on having a life with Terri...well if she wants one with me.

What is going to happen will happen and there is nothing I can do about it but enjoy the ride. Maybe I can choose the seat I am sitting in? I used to sit in the back but maybe now is the time to sit in the front?

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!