Matt-Man Thinks....

And the angels cried.

Hey and well met

I sit here and type in preparation for going to work tomorrow. Now there is the usual conflict with having to be in the office on a Monday and all that comes with it but on top of that are two things.

First is the fact that I am going to have to use my old van again. I say old because last Friday I (with the help of my Father) purchased a newer van, well it is the same year but you know what I mean. Now the reason I have to use my old van is that 24 hours, almost to the minute, the new van stopped working.

So now it is sitting at the used car lot waiting until tomorrow when my Father will go and speak to the owner (someone that he knows which is why I we bought the car from him). Of course I am not able to do it because I am working (ok that makes three things I hate about tomorrow).

The second is that I have to face my boss. That is not usual except that on top of everything else my phone was not working last week so I missed some calls from the office. So I am sure I am going to get a talking to about that. I don't think I am fired cause I would have known that Saturday but I am not really looking forward to facing this. I really don't like conflict in any form, but you all should know that by now.

Part of the problem is that on some levels I am not freaking out. I know isn't it weird. I am usually the first one to jump on the freak out band wagon but not this time. I am just going with the flow. It is strange cause part of me is freaking out and another part is freaking out that it is not freaking out. Can you say "conflicted"?

Part of this is probably is tied to the fact of what has happened recently. Nothing in this world really seems all that bad since that day. I mean it hurts but worse then that is the fear. No not fear it is more dread. The dread that I am destined to be alone. Oh boy is it starting again.

All the thoughts and feelings that I have felt before coming back and having a solid foundation in fact. I don't want to start blathering on cause it sucks.

That is all.