Matt-Man Vs Uncertainty

Hail and well met

Well here I sit. I have to say that all in all my life is going well. I am with the most wonderful woman that the creator in his/her wisdom has put on this world. My health is better then usual (although I am fighting something off right now). My car is paid for and nothing is drastically wrong with it. In fact the only real thorn in my side right now is my employment status.

That is just the tip of that ice berg. I know that I have to work so I can get paid, but I don't want to be a drone in someone elses hive. I have my own big ideas and I know that they will produce income. It is just a matter of time and diligence. So in the mean time while those projects are fermenting I have to find work.

I know that I can do what I dream of. I know that it is possible to change reality. I know the three rules of Matt-Man. So why do I find myself hesitating? Why do I falter when I am about to leap from the ledge?

I can only come up with two possible answers. One is that I never really believed in all the crap that I have been spouting all these years. The second is that even with all my belief there is still fear in the doing of it. I have to be honest, I don't like pain, rejection and failing. In fact I have spent most of my life avoiding these things and the risks that can bring them.

Now when I am ready to leap to my heights I find that I am afraid and hesitant. Both are things that will ensure failure, so why do I do them? Bah it does not matter! Thinking about it only makes it worse. I have to act and act in a way that is productive.

Yeah that is it. I can, I will, I am! That's the spirit.

So that trip to the country club was just this side of a bust. Put in an application but there is no guarantee that I will get a call back. Oh well their loss. But it would have been nice to have work.

Got a laugh though. While I was out there my Mom calls and informs me that the Bedford Park Post Office called. The wanted to know if I coudl come out and fill out paper work for them to work there. First of all it was 3:20 and they wanted me there by 3:30. Now even if I was home there is no way to make it from my home to Bedford Park in 10 minutes. Second thing is that I have heard of Bedford Park and the words "shooting", "gang violence" or "violence" seem to accompany it. Now I know I cannot be picky but ain't no way I am putting my health and life on the line for this PART TIME job.

The good news is that it means that my scores are floating around so sooner or later someone will notice me and it won't be a war zone.

Ok well I have exhausted my available words. I am getting ready to go see Terri play soft ball. I really love her and not being able to see her sucks! Nicky find out how far dude is from Lake Villa cause I know what it feels like so I am willing to work something out.

Oh and for anyone that I haven't told. Terri is coming down on the 17th for the day. I want her to meet everyone and see everything, so I have some planning to do. Most of all I just want to spend the day with her hanging around. Should be a good day for all.

OH that really brings up a quandry. Val has reminded me that we were supposed to go camping at Lothlorien over the weekend of the 24th. Of course that is a weekend that Terri and I can get together to do stuff. Now I have to choose. Sorry Val but my Lady wins out. I want to go camping real bad but not at the expense of see her.

Man I can just type like a fool when I let go. Ah well it is all stuff in my head anyway so better out then in I always say.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!