Matt-Man Runs Out of Gas

Hail and well met

No I did not actually run out of gas. It is a metaphor for what I am feeling right now. I have been reading up on some blogs and ran into an interesting metaphor as well, one that kind of parallels my feelings.

In some ways I find that I am in my metaphorical car that now has no gas and find that even if I did I don't know where the hell I am going. That really frustrates me to the core. I had so many dreams and I thought I still did but I find that I really don't believe in them much any more. I have this great game (at least that is what everyone says to me after they play it or see it) but yet not one person really seems interested in making it with me. So what the hell is the point? I don't have the cash to fund it so it is floating in limbo.

But here is the thing. I cannot give up on it. I tried just now to write that it was dead and inside of me I screamed. I have to hold on to my dreams and believe that I will one day see them made manifest.

I have my job... Yeah believe me that if I wanted to sell my soul and life to the Post Office I could have a crappy job that will pay me maybe 40 or 50 grand a year. Now if anyone really knows the job market and the cost of living they realize that that is not a good wage. It basically just covers that basics and leaves nothing else. Yes there is sick and vacation leave but the hoops can be a real bitch. For me it just doesn't equal out to being chained six days a week to a job that can fluctuate everyday from reasonable to insane.

Oh and then you have the Union.

Now don't get me wrong it has a place. I personally joined even though I didn't have to but here is the crux of my problem. For all that it does to make sure we are represented it also protects those that don't deserve to stay employed. I see it every day, people not doing their job and making everyone else work harder for no more cash to make up the difference.

God I hate bitching about having a job but all I see is a set of chains and bars that will have me kneeling 20 more years of my life away whilst getting me no further to my dreams. I don't want to end up a bitter heartless self centered bastard. I see the world and I want to live in it as a participant not a passenger.

GAHHHHHH I won't! I have options and I plan on exercising them to the extreme. I have been sitting back and playing it safe. Well fuck that couch. It hasn't done squat for me so far so there is no reason to keep it up anymore.

It is time to become dangerous and do dangerous things.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!