I spoke of the end result of this Governing by Fear. I mentioned those that have become numb to everything. These people are all around us everyday. We talk to them, we walk with them and we never know that deep inside they are hollow. No hope, no love and most dangerous, no real fear.
They don't care if they live or die. They turn to the bases of powers in an attempt to find a form of happiness, violence.
It is one of the primal forces in life. And nature shows that the simplest things are the strongest.
It is only a matter of time before they start to rise in number. They will grow and left to their own devices will eventually turn against society in general. Oh it sounds fantastic now, but give it 10 or 20 years and then tell me it is so fantastic.
You see that is the basis of our problems. We procrastinate with everything. We think "Why trouble ourselves with that now, it is no big deal? We can take care of it in a few years?" Which actually means that someone else can do it then.
It is a variation on a common phrase but I hold it as a axiom of life.
"The responsibility of freedom is eternal vigilance"
Yes the usual version uses "price" in the place of "responsibility". I am being picky again. A price is paid once and then you are done. A "responsibility" is something that must be lived up to every day of your life. The difference is quite striking and it speaks volumes to our mind set.
That is why I am so damn picky. Words are way we express ideas, the wrong word leads to different ideas then you intended. The laser that is off only a micrometer at the start is miles off the mark at the target.
We need to start combating this fear-mongering NOW. We have to start finding ways to tearing down the lies and deceptions that are being draped over our lives. We need to break down this ideal that says that we need to design things to break so we can keep selling them to the same people year after year. We need to realize that in part the ancient Greeks had a grasp of the truth.
True happiness is the exercise of vital powers along lines of excellence in a life affording them scope.
We have tossed any ideas of excellence out the window. Scope? In this life scope is measured by dollars, not accomplishments.
Oh and don't get me started on money.
HELLO PEOPLE ever since we dropped the gold standard that stuff is nothing but PAPER.
It means not one damn thing. It is a concept, an idea, a variable. There is nothing to back it up or determine its value except those that control it. That is why things keep costing more, not because they are worth more, because the dollar is worth less!
But that is a rant for a different day.
We need to get off the damned couch and back into the driver seat of this country and society. We need to reclaim the birthright that our forefathers secured for us with their blood.
Only when we do can we get this country, and more importantly our lives back on track.
A GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE AND BY THE PEOPLE!
It was in a movie, and as such I have already heard people discount it, but it makes it no less true and paramount to my ideas here.
"People should not FEAR their government, government should fear its people"
I am spent. I know that others have probably said the same things I say here and done it better. I don't care! I am speaking what is in my head and heart, the fact that someone else says it more eloquently only proves that TRUTH IS TRUTH.
And as it is written
"The TRUTH shall set you free"
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Matt-Man Vs The Conspiracy of Fear
Hail and well met
It has been a long time in coming but I have decided to post about something that I have seen in the world around me. At first I thought I was being paranoid, seeing conections where there were only coincidences. But after a long time I have come to the conclusion that there are no such things as coincidences in any form and thus what I have seen is what it is.
In ages past governments, both real and shadow, have ruled by the force of arms. The threat was maintained by a tangible armed contingent of men that were sworn to follow the leading body to the death. Of course the structure of this leading body comes in varied forms and leads us to call it by different names. Fascist, democratic, theocratic and so forth but the truth of the matter is that without the threat of reprisal for disobeying said leadership there would be no reason to follow their lead.
Recent events have led me to realize that our leaders have stumbled upon a new and what they think better way to control the populace en mass. No longer do they require a super strong force of arms to keep the people in line, all they need is for those people to be afraid. Afraid of anything what so ever as long as the leadership is viewed as the answer. Just the leadership, nothing else can solve the problem otherwise the people might turn away from them. And God forbid that they realize that in many cases the solution is within themselves.
Everyday we here about a new "crisis" or "catastrophe" that we are endangered by and then we hear about the solution that only they can provide. For sickness and health we turn to the medical community for the solution, no matter the cost or side effects. Trouble in society then we turn to the federal or state government to fix it and bend over when they propose a new tax or invasive constriction of civil liberties.
As far as what the problem is we never really take a look cause they are there to give us the demon that we must burn. Of course the truth is never used cause that would lead to a solution and that might force the leadership to deal with new problems with the populace expecting results, real results. No they keep feeding up the watered down pabulum of studies, polls and statistics that tell us that things are getting better all the while they help the problem along so that it is around for the next election. Better to keep the problem around that you know then the 10 that you don't. But when those 10 do show up they will be johnny on the spot to add them to the list of things that you should be afraid of, along with their patented and sale priced solution.
The media pours out story after story filled with "sensational" rhetoric to keep the community at large on pins and needles. Freely tossing out statements and reports that are unfounded or down right lies to help maintain the state of fear that keeps the leadership in power, and thus keeps them useful to said leadership. Words are used over and over to brainwash the viewer into feeling the victim of these societal woes, with the emphasis on the fact that the common man is helpless against them. No only the almighty leadership and their cronies can provide the solution, for a price of course.
So to find happiness, security, health and love one must keep spending and spending. This helps maintain a viable low level workforce that thinks it is doing well, cause look at what they have. You know that they are happy, just look at all the techno crap they have sitting around their house. The list of medications they are one proves they are healthy. They are smart because they know these phrases and can parrot back what they were told at university, the same crap that is being troweled out by the media in all its forms. And for all this they spend more the 3/4 of their awake time working at some farce of a job with only enough time left to run to the doctor and the tech store and get food.
If anyone steps out of line, no longer do you have to rely on strong arm tactics. No you just drag them into court and sue them. You see to it that they are investigated by the IRS. Oh and of course you make sure to find pornography on their home computer (planted of course). If all else fails then make sure to take something that they have said out of context and make it sound racial or hateful to a small segment of the community. Oh how can one fight words and ideas like that, even a lie is believed if it is shouted loud and long enough.
And why is this become the way of things? How is this allowed to happen? Convenience!
It is to much trouble for us to really work at keeping the government in line, a goverment that is supposed to be "of the people, for the people and by the people". There is no profit in it. No real money to be made keeping the government in line. They make life easier by taking all these annoying decisions and responsibilities off our shoulders. They fed us a line and like stupid fish we took it hook line and sinker. The problem is that the bait of "ease of living" came with the hook of "loss of freedom".
So here we are. Living the high life. Working our asses off so that we can pay taxes for projects that we will never see any benefit from. Providing services so that we can run out and get the next hottest tech gizmo, only to have some study prove that it causes a new kind of disorder that we need to spend billions on to study for a cure that may help the problem but also causes side effects that you will need a dozen other meds to fix, all with their own side effects. Afraid of talking to your next door neighbor cause he could be a terrorist or sex offender or sicko Christian extremist. Running around trying to balance everything that you are being told makes you a normal rational and safe citizen, cause stray from the norm and you are bound to be the cause of some terrible problem.
All of this is around us everyday. We have become the proverbial frog in the slow heating pot. The water is now boiling but we don't see it because they have taken years to bring it to this point. For all this terrible truth there is one further truth that truly scares me. The end effect of this madding pursuit of control through fear. The children of this society are becoming something that we really need to fear. They are becoming numb. I will talk about this next time. After that I may try and put some hope into what I write so that we all don't think it is hopeless, cause it is not. There is a light in the darkness and a path out of this foolish pursuit of control with fear.
So I leave you with my favorite blessing.
"May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk"
Well I see a lot of those these days.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
It has been a long time in coming but I have decided to post about something that I have seen in the world around me. At first I thought I was being paranoid, seeing conections where there were only coincidences. But after a long time I have come to the conclusion that there are no such things as coincidences in any form and thus what I have seen is what it is.
In ages past governments, both real and shadow, have ruled by the force of arms. The threat was maintained by a tangible armed contingent of men that were sworn to follow the leading body to the death. Of course the structure of this leading body comes in varied forms and leads us to call it by different names. Fascist, democratic, theocratic and so forth but the truth of the matter is that without the threat of reprisal for disobeying said leadership there would be no reason to follow their lead.
Recent events have led me to realize that our leaders have stumbled upon a new and what they think better way to control the populace en mass. No longer do they require a super strong force of arms to keep the people in line, all they need is for those people to be afraid. Afraid of anything what so ever as long as the leadership is viewed as the answer. Just the leadership, nothing else can solve the problem otherwise the people might turn away from them. And God forbid that they realize that in many cases the solution is within themselves.
Everyday we here about a new "crisis" or "catastrophe" that we are endangered by and then we hear about the solution that only they can provide. For sickness and health we turn to the medical community for the solution, no matter the cost or side effects. Trouble in society then we turn to the federal or state government to fix it and bend over when they propose a new tax or invasive constriction of civil liberties.
As far as what the problem is we never really take a look cause they are there to give us the demon that we must burn. Of course the truth is never used cause that would lead to a solution and that might force the leadership to deal with new problems with the populace expecting results, real results. No they keep feeding up the watered down pabulum of studies, polls and statistics that tell us that things are getting better all the while they help the problem along so that it is around for the next election. Better to keep the problem around that you know then the 10 that you don't. But when those 10 do show up they will be johnny on the spot to add them to the list of things that you should be afraid of, along with their patented and sale priced solution.
The media pours out story after story filled with "sensational" rhetoric to keep the community at large on pins and needles. Freely tossing out statements and reports that are unfounded or down right lies to help maintain the state of fear that keeps the leadership in power, and thus keeps them useful to said leadership. Words are used over and over to brainwash the viewer into feeling the victim of these societal woes, with the emphasis on the fact that the common man is helpless against them. No only the almighty leadership and their cronies can provide the solution, for a price of course.
So to find happiness, security, health and love one must keep spending and spending. This helps maintain a viable low level workforce that thinks it is doing well, cause look at what they have. You know that they are happy, just look at all the techno crap they have sitting around their house. The list of medications they are one proves they are healthy. They are smart because they know these phrases and can parrot back what they were told at university, the same crap that is being troweled out by the media in all its forms. And for all this they spend more the 3/4 of their awake time working at some farce of a job with only enough time left to run to the doctor and the tech store and get food.
If anyone steps out of line, no longer do you have to rely on strong arm tactics. No you just drag them into court and sue them. You see to it that they are investigated by the IRS. Oh and of course you make sure to find pornography on their home computer (planted of course). If all else fails then make sure to take something that they have said out of context and make it sound racial or hateful to a small segment of the community. Oh how can one fight words and ideas like that, even a lie is believed if it is shouted loud and long enough.
And why is this become the way of things? How is this allowed to happen? Convenience!
It is to much trouble for us to really work at keeping the government in line, a goverment that is supposed to be "of the people, for the people and by the people". There is no profit in it. No real money to be made keeping the government in line. They make life easier by taking all these annoying decisions and responsibilities off our shoulders. They fed us a line and like stupid fish we took it hook line and sinker. The problem is that the bait of "ease of living" came with the hook of "loss of freedom".
So here we are. Living the high life. Working our asses off so that we can pay taxes for projects that we will never see any benefit from. Providing services so that we can run out and get the next hottest tech gizmo, only to have some study prove that it causes a new kind of disorder that we need to spend billions on to study for a cure that may help the problem but also causes side effects that you will need a dozen other meds to fix, all with their own side effects. Afraid of talking to your next door neighbor cause he could be a terrorist or sex offender or sicko Christian extremist. Running around trying to balance everything that you are being told makes you a normal rational and safe citizen, cause stray from the norm and you are bound to be the cause of some terrible problem.
All of this is around us everyday. We have become the proverbial frog in the slow heating pot. The water is now boiling but we don't see it because they have taken years to bring it to this point. For all this terrible truth there is one further truth that truly scares me. The end effect of this madding pursuit of control through fear. The children of this society are becoming something that we really need to fear. They are becoming numb. I will talk about this next time. After that I may try and put some hope into what I write so that we all don't think it is hopeless, cause it is not. There is a light in the darkness and a path out of this foolish pursuit of control with fear.
So I leave you with my favorite blessing.
"May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk"
Well I see a lot of those these days.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Matt-Man shares a secret
Hail and well met
Well as the title says I am about to share a secret that I have kept from people for a long time. I may have eluded to it at times but never came out and told people.
NO I am not gay. Okay get that out of your head.
The secret is that my teeth are rotting out of my head. Many of them are incomplete and as of right now three of them are broken right down to the gum. My front teeth have cracked at the ends where they meet so I have a gap. It is a terrible sight, or at least I think so whenever I look in the mirror and smile.
Now I could try and come up with some bullshit to explain this as not my fault but the truth is that I just didn't take care of them. The real secret is that I did it on purpose. I let them go to hell and wanted the pain that went with it. Oh yes it is as sick and twisted as it sounds and not I don't get off from the pain. It was a way to hurt myself that no one would see or know about. A way to damage me. Well that was what started it at least. Unfortunately by the time I was over that mentality the damage was done.
The real kicker is that now that I don't want to hurt myself I am still gonna have deal with it for the rest of my life. I may as some point have the money to fix it all, but in reality that could be years farther down the road. After looking into it I calculate that I am looking at well over 5000 dollars in dental work needed to fix my mouth and this is just what is blatantly wrong now, not what will probably happen in the future.
In my research I also investigated dentures. Yeah I know I am only 36, but with this much mess I see no reason to waste any time and money on band aids over a sucking chest wound. The damage done is irreversible. The teeth will never reform. The cracks and decay will not fill back in.
In the end one by one they will all fall apart and leave me with a mess. No I figure that when I have the cash I am just going to have them all ripped out and replace them. Again that is when I have the cash. So in the meantime I just sit here, mouth closed trying not to think about it or notice the swelling and throbbing.
I just feel so...No I won't say it.
I just felt like baring part of me that has been kept secret and silent for a long time. I wanted to open the door and force it into the light.
Hell I don't know why I am typing this. Just needed to let it go I guess. Ah what does it matter. So please don't comment. Just let it stand. It is what it is.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Well as the title says I am about to share a secret that I have kept from people for a long time. I may have eluded to it at times but never came out and told people.
NO I am not gay. Okay get that out of your head.
The secret is that my teeth are rotting out of my head. Many of them are incomplete and as of right now three of them are broken right down to the gum. My front teeth have cracked at the ends where they meet so I have a gap. It is a terrible sight, or at least I think so whenever I look in the mirror and smile.
Now I could try and come up with some bullshit to explain this as not my fault but the truth is that I just didn't take care of them. The real secret is that I did it on purpose. I let them go to hell and wanted the pain that went with it. Oh yes it is as sick and twisted as it sounds and not I don't get off from the pain. It was a way to hurt myself that no one would see or know about. A way to damage me. Well that was what started it at least. Unfortunately by the time I was over that mentality the damage was done.
The real kicker is that now that I don't want to hurt myself I am still gonna have deal with it for the rest of my life. I may as some point have the money to fix it all, but in reality that could be years farther down the road. After looking into it I calculate that I am looking at well over 5000 dollars in dental work needed to fix my mouth and this is just what is blatantly wrong now, not what will probably happen in the future.
In my research I also investigated dentures. Yeah I know I am only 36, but with this much mess I see no reason to waste any time and money on band aids over a sucking chest wound. The damage done is irreversible. The teeth will never reform. The cracks and decay will not fill back in.
In the end one by one they will all fall apart and leave me with a mess. No I figure that when I have the cash I am just going to have them all ripped out and replace them. Again that is when I have the cash. So in the meantime I just sit here, mouth closed trying not to think about it or notice the swelling and throbbing.
I just feel so...No I won't say it.
I just felt like baring part of me that has been kept secret and silent for a long time. I wanted to open the door and force it into the light.
Hell I don't know why I am typing this. Just needed to let it go I guess. Ah what does it matter. So please don't comment. Just let it stand. It is what it is.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Wait..What? Matt-man BOUNCES?
Hail and very well met
Things are what they are.
I am alive. I am awake and I am MATT-MAN!
First and foremost.
Mr./Mrs. Anonymous I wish to say THANK YOU!
Jess I have to say that you are amazing for being so young. I promise to go big (well as far as living goes but I am going small in the body department).
Ben if anyone could have spoken to me and had it hit home more then an anonymous person, it was you. Thanks.
Today I did a good thing. A good friend of mine, Kirby, works for the Chicago Bulls Organization. He sells charity raffle tickets during the games. Well on a lark he decided to join something called "The Matadors". They are a all male cheerleading squad of sorts. The major requirement is that each and everyone of them must be "large". Now I am a rather large man (somewhat smaller now then a year or so ago) and it does my heart good to see men of equal stature out there on a basketball court strutting their stuff. He loves it and it has brought a smile to his face as of late. Which is good to see.
But I digress. He receives tickets for all home games for friends or relatives to come and see then perform. The two people that he has wanted to come the most have been unable to for several reasons. First they don't drive, mostly due to age and health. Second needing a ride requires a three tickets and as of late he has only been afforded two. Thirdly he cannot take them because on a day of his performance he must arrive several hours earlier for practice and they would not be allowed in the facility. There are more but you get the idea.
Well for today's game he received three tickets. Over a week ago he asked me to do him a favor and escort them to the game so they could see him on the court being a dancing fool. At that time I was sick as a dog (although I don't know of any dog that sick, and why a dog? Always wondered) and told him that I didn't know if I could do it.
Well the sickness passed and today I took his Mom and Grandfather to see the Bulls game to catch Kirby doing his thing. I had fun, in spite of the fact that basketball does nothing for me. No I am not saying that it is not a sport, it most definitely is. It just does not capture my attention. But it was fun none the less. Kirby thanked me several times, but that was not needed. Seeing his Mom smile and laugh as he bounced around doing a Irish step dance was half the reward, seeing his Grandfathers face was the other. I only hope I have half his gumption at his age. I would go into detail but that is a subject that could fill a whole post on its own.
On the way home I was mulling over the feeling I had been carrying around in my heart and head since the previous day. I was trying to put it away, but it just wouldn't go. I shelved it for the night and after getting them home safely I went and roleplayed at GO with Val, Chris, Jess, Conehead, Irving, Uncle Steve (for clarification his is a teenager), Ben, Dave and Austin.
The session was good. Again to many details to go into. Let me just say that it went as usual. Yeah we witnessed the released of a great and terrible evil into the world. Yup they are going to blame us, hunt us down and then burn us or scourge us or throw us in a pit. Maybe all of the above in a different order. So you know what I mean.
Well then I came home and looked at my blog. Saw the comments and as I went to view them I stopped and reread the post previous to that one. I just sat there and just kept reading it over and over.
How could I have been so blind? DAMN YOU DREAD CAPTAIN OBLIVIOUS!
Yeah right there in front of my face and from my own fingers was the answer, well part of it at least. That damn little voice had just jumped onto what was said and had a field day with it. A coincidence? I am not so sure. It doesn't matter cause that started lifting my spirits, then I read all of your comments, which carried me the rest of the way up and out of the pit. I just had to laugh. At myself, at that little voice and at a stupid movie on newgrounds.com. A fun place to visit.
Well I am smiling now. Thanks to all of you. Those that know me and those that just stopped by. Thanks for giving me the cup of cold water. (Yeah if you don't get it...Don't worry it is good)
Well I am off to sleep,perchance to dream.
Tomorrow is Dun Dun Da Da
Movie day at the loft!!!!!!
Monday is the beginning of the next part of my life that I haven't lived yet!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Things are what they are.
I am alive. I am awake and I am MATT-MAN!
First and foremost.
Mr./Mrs. Anonymous I wish to say THANK YOU!
Jess I have to say that you are amazing for being so young. I promise to go big (well as far as living goes but I am going small in the body department).
Ben if anyone could have spoken to me and had it hit home more then an anonymous person, it was you. Thanks.
Today I did a good thing. A good friend of mine, Kirby, works for the Chicago Bulls Organization. He sells charity raffle tickets during the games. Well on a lark he decided to join something called "The Matadors". They are a all male cheerleading squad of sorts. The major requirement is that each and everyone of them must be "large". Now I am a rather large man (somewhat smaller now then a year or so ago) and it does my heart good to see men of equal stature out there on a basketball court strutting their stuff. He loves it and it has brought a smile to his face as of late. Which is good to see.
But I digress. He receives tickets for all home games for friends or relatives to come and see then perform. The two people that he has wanted to come the most have been unable to for several reasons. First they don't drive, mostly due to age and health. Second needing a ride requires a three tickets and as of late he has only been afforded two. Thirdly he cannot take them because on a day of his performance he must arrive several hours earlier for practice and they would not be allowed in the facility. There are more but you get the idea.
Well for today's game he received three tickets. Over a week ago he asked me to do him a favor and escort them to the game so they could see him on the court being a dancing fool. At that time I was sick as a dog (although I don't know of any dog that sick, and why a dog? Always wondered) and told him that I didn't know if I could do it.
Well the sickness passed and today I took his Mom and Grandfather to see the Bulls game to catch Kirby doing his thing. I had fun, in spite of the fact that basketball does nothing for me. No I am not saying that it is not a sport, it most definitely is. It just does not capture my attention. But it was fun none the less. Kirby thanked me several times, but that was not needed. Seeing his Mom smile and laugh as he bounced around doing a Irish step dance was half the reward, seeing his Grandfathers face was the other. I only hope I have half his gumption at his age. I would go into detail but that is a subject that could fill a whole post on its own.
On the way home I was mulling over the feeling I had been carrying around in my heart and head since the previous day. I was trying to put it away, but it just wouldn't go. I shelved it for the night and after getting them home safely I went and roleplayed at GO with Val, Chris, Jess, Conehead, Irving, Uncle Steve (for clarification his is a teenager), Ben, Dave and Austin.
The session was good. Again to many details to go into. Let me just say that it went as usual. Yeah we witnessed the released of a great and terrible evil into the world. Yup they are going to blame us, hunt us down and then burn us or scourge us or throw us in a pit. Maybe all of the above in a different order. So you know what I mean.
Well then I came home and looked at my blog. Saw the comments and as I went to view them I stopped and reread the post previous to that one. I just sat there and just kept reading it over and over.
How could I have been so blind? DAMN YOU DREAD CAPTAIN OBLIVIOUS!
Yeah right there in front of my face and from my own fingers was the answer, well part of it at least. That damn little voice had just jumped onto what was said and had a field day with it. A coincidence? I am not so sure. It doesn't matter cause that started lifting my spirits, then I read all of your comments, which carried me the rest of the way up and out of the pit. I just had to laugh. At myself, at that little voice and at a stupid movie on newgrounds.com. A fun place to visit.
Well I am smiling now. Thanks to all of you. Those that know me and those that just stopped by. Thanks for giving me the cup of cold water. (Yeah if you don't get it...Don't worry it is good)
Well I am off to sleep,perchance to dream.
Tomorrow is Dun Dun Da Da
Movie day at the loft!!!!!!
Monday is the beginning of the next part of my life that I haven't lived yet!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Matt-Man gets KICKED in the Nads
Hail and well met
Well I was just gonna post about how I went to see "V for Vendetta". How it was a great movie and I had a great time with good friends/extended family. All of which is true but I was going to omit something.
I feel like crap.
No I am not sick. I am just down. Down and out.
You see someone said something to me and it has all but shattered any idea of my worth. I don't mean the insubstantial worth that my friends see in me. I mean the documented worth that stupid pieces of paper give you in the "real" world.
A friend had offered to do up my resume. I have never done one because I was pretty sure that there was nothing of note to put in it. But given the recent turn of events in my emotional life I thought I was wrong. Well after spilling what I had for past work experience and such to her she went to work. After several hours she had to give up. As she put it "There was just nothing there, it looked horrible".
Yup as far as the "real" world is concerned I am a useless git. A tit on a boar hog. A fifth wheel on the car of life.
Not the most uplifting thing to hear. Did wonders for my self esteem. Oh yes I had some before that. Now I am just a bug waiting for the windshield of life to speed by.
SPLAT!
Well there goes Matt. Turn the wipers on.
Oh I know that all of you are going to say things. Thank you in advance but the sad fact is that you are not the ones who could hire me. You are my friends and thank God that you don't require valid certifications for that.
Gonna go to bed now. Hope to catch some sleep. I would wish for more but I have to do Kirby a favor tomorrow so I have to postpone that. Later definitely though.
Had fun at the film. Laughed afterward at Steak and Shake. I decided to enjoy the moment, cause the future just got a little darker. Meh at least I can still go to work at the Post Office, if I can manage to get a good score on the test.
Yeah hope springs eternal. (that was sarcasm)
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
(written more out of habit then meaning)
Well I was just gonna post about how I went to see "V for Vendetta". How it was a great movie and I had a great time with good friends/extended family. All of which is true but I was going to omit something.
I feel like crap.
No I am not sick. I am just down. Down and out.
You see someone said something to me and it has all but shattered any idea of my worth. I don't mean the insubstantial worth that my friends see in me. I mean the documented worth that stupid pieces of paper give you in the "real" world.
A friend had offered to do up my resume. I have never done one because I was pretty sure that there was nothing of note to put in it. But given the recent turn of events in my emotional life I thought I was wrong. Well after spilling what I had for past work experience and such to her she went to work. After several hours she had to give up. As she put it "There was just nothing there, it looked horrible".
Yup as far as the "real" world is concerned I am a useless git. A tit on a boar hog. A fifth wheel on the car of life.
Not the most uplifting thing to hear. Did wonders for my self esteem. Oh yes I had some before that. Now I am just a bug waiting for the windshield of life to speed by.
SPLAT!
Well there goes Matt. Turn the wipers on.
Oh I know that all of you are going to say things. Thank you in advance but the sad fact is that you are not the ones who could hire me. You are my friends and thank God that you don't require valid certifications for that.
Gonna go to bed now. Hope to catch some sleep. I would wish for more but I have to do Kirby a favor tomorrow so I have to postpone that. Later definitely though.
Had fun at the film. Laughed afterward at Steak and Shake. I decided to enjoy the moment, cause the future just got a little darker. Meh at least I can still go to work at the Post Office, if I can manage to get a good score on the test.
Yeah hope springs eternal. (that was sarcasm)
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
(written more out of habit then meaning)
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Matt-Man and the return of the Insoni-maniac
Hail and well met
Well it is yet another day that I have been unable to sleep. I wish I could finger what is going on in my head. I don't think there is anything bothering me. So why do I find that yet again it is 5 in the morning and I have yet to fall asleep?
Meh it doesn't matter. If I think to hard I will just make it worse.
Things have been going well lately. As my last post said I am moving towards a solution to my unemployment. Seeing people and doing things. Back to working out again. That is a good thing. Starting to notice the difference in my look. Well that sounds conceited. It is just that for so long I had never considered myself as anything other then a fat, ugly, unattractive...Well loser. Yeah for a long time I have seen myself as that. Now I begin to realize that image held such a hold over the way I acted. Hmmm I wonder if that is part of the problem? As I start to challenge my inner view of myself am I shaking the foundation of everything I am?
Oh there I go again. Thinking to much.
But yet there is a ring of truth. A clarion note that carries through the basis of how I interact with the rest of the world. Every decision I have made is colored by my inner view. Since I "saw" myself in that light I would make assumptions based on that view. I would anticipate others reactions and responses to what I did and said. I totally ignored certain possibilities because they were "impossible".
How could someone find me interesting or exciting?
How could anyone want to be with me?
Damn if I am not at the base of my problems. There are times that I am my worst enemy. But that is probably the truth for all of us.
The human race has spent so much time creating an outside source of all evil, while the truth is far closer to home. The devil is in all of us. He seeks to strangle the life and energy out of us all. Little jibes and jeers that only we hear, belittling us and tearing us down. As we give in we lose sight of what we might be. No what we should be. Holding others away because we don't deserve them as friends or more. Allowing others to hurt us because we "deserve" it.
Well it makes sense. I have always maintained that the Creator lives in all of us. He created us and as a creator myself I know that a part of myself is in everything I have created, thus he is in us all. That is the basis of my belief in the Force, that common thread that binds everything together.
I just never really considered that this source of evil could exist in the same fashion. Inside just waiting to lie his way into our hearts and corrupting everything we do or become. It would make sense.
Well he has lost one more of his willing followers. I know that I am not the creature that I have envisioned all these years. I am better then that. It is a funny thing but their is a quote that I had almost forgotten about.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson
in Return to Love
That is a profound idea. It is also found in one of my favorite TV shows of all time, Babylon 5.
Delan - We are star stuff. We are the universe made manifest trying to figure itself out.
There is more to that conversation, but I cannot find it right now. My B5 discs are down in Carbondale right now. I hope they are infecting yet more people (he he he).
Well I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone but me. At least I am starting to feel sleepy.
Let's see any important announcements...
We are all going to see "V for Vendetta" this Friday. It will be either the 9:50 or 10:30 showing. Any and all are welcome to join us. I figure that we are picking up tickets either tomorrow or Friday morning. If you want one let me know, or anyone else.
Sunday is "Movie Day" so feel free to stop in and watch for a spell. Heck bring a flick and we can watch it.
That about covers it for now.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Well it is yet another day that I have been unable to sleep. I wish I could finger what is going on in my head. I don't think there is anything bothering me. So why do I find that yet again it is 5 in the morning and I have yet to fall asleep?
Meh it doesn't matter. If I think to hard I will just make it worse.
Things have been going well lately. As my last post said I am moving towards a solution to my unemployment. Seeing people and doing things. Back to working out again. That is a good thing. Starting to notice the difference in my look. Well that sounds conceited. It is just that for so long I had never considered myself as anything other then a fat, ugly, unattractive...Well loser. Yeah for a long time I have seen myself as that. Now I begin to realize that image held such a hold over the way I acted. Hmmm I wonder if that is part of the problem? As I start to challenge my inner view of myself am I shaking the foundation of everything I am?
Oh there I go again. Thinking to much.
But yet there is a ring of truth. A clarion note that carries through the basis of how I interact with the rest of the world. Every decision I have made is colored by my inner view. Since I "saw" myself in that light I would make assumptions based on that view. I would anticipate others reactions and responses to what I did and said. I totally ignored certain possibilities because they were "impossible".
How could someone find me interesting or exciting?
How could anyone want to be with me?
Damn if I am not at the base of my problems. There are times that I am my worst enemy. But that is probably the truth for all of us.
The human race has spent so much time creating an outside source of all evil, while the truth is far closer to home. The devil is in all of us. He seeks to strangle the life and energy out of us all. Little jibes and jeers that only we hear, belittling us and tearing us down. As we give in we lose sight of what we might be. No what we should be. Holding others away because we don't deserve them as friends or more. Allowing others to hurt us because we "deserve" it.
Well it makes sense. I have always maintained that the Creator lives in all of us. He created us and as a creator myself I know that a part of myself is in everything I have created, thus he is in us all. That is the basis of my belief in the Force, that common thread that binds everything together.
I just never really considered that this source of evil could exist in the same fashion. Inside just waiting to lie his way into our hearts and corrupting everything we do or become. It would make sense.
Well he has lost one more of his willing followers. I know that I am not the creature that I have envisioned all these years. I am better then that. It is a funny thing but their is a quote that I had almost forgotten about.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson
in Return to Love
That is a profound idea. It is also found in one of my favorite TV shows of all time, Babylon 5.
Delan - We are star stuff. We are the universe made manifest trying to figure itself out.
There is more to that conversation, but I cannot find it right now. My B5 discs are down in Carbondale right now. I hope they are infecting yet more people (he he he).
Well I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone but me. At least I am starting to feel sleepy.
Let's see any important announcements...
We are all going to see "V for Vendetta" this Friday. It will be either the 9:50 or 10:30 showing. Any and all are welcome to join us. I figure that we are picking up tickets either tomorrow or Friday morning. If you want one let me know, or anyone else.
Sunday is "Movie Day" so feel free to stop in and watch for a spell. Heck bring a flick and we can watch it.
That about covers it for now.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Monday, March 13, 2006
Matt-man get the mail
Hail and well met
First and foremost I must take this moment to send a big hug to a good friend who is feeling under the weather (and I ain' t talking about being sick)
Hey Nicky!
-HUGE HUG-
Hang in there Ace. I can kind of figure what it is all about, but don't know for sure. I will call you tomorrow and we can talk.
Ok now on to the rest of the post.
Well as some of you may know I have been working on getting a job at the post office for the past, oh let me see, SIX months. Now it is not as easy as it sounds, first I have to take a test to prove to the government that I am smart enough to work for them (or dumb enough depending on your point of view). Then the test must be graded and once I have the scores I can apply at any post office that is in need of a part time worker. Whew that was a lot.
So my first attempt to get into the test was back in like late November or early December. Then again I sent something in January. Finally I got fed up and spoke to a associate of my who works as a post master in a local town, he gave me a number and I followed his instructions to the letter (HA get it? Post Office job and following the instructions to the "letter"....Yeah ok so I am lame. READ A BOOK!)
So anyway that was back in early February. Well today I got something in the mail from the post office and opened it expecting it to be for the last entry. Well it was not. It is from the first entry back in Nov/Dec of last year. That is not a real big problem as it is the test and it doesn't matter where I take it as long as I take it.
So on April 5th at 1:00 I am to report to the Genesis Convention Center in Gary Indiana for the test. So anyone that is familiar with the area knows that Gary is not the nicest place to be going to take anything short of anti-terrorist combat test, with live ammo.
Ha ha ha I am kind of joking. It ain't that bad.
So the next thing that hit me was that not only is the test almost a month away, but according to the information once taken it will be close to three weeks for the results to come back. That is like a month before I can start looking in earnest for a job with the Post Office! Damn I am glad that my life doesn't depend on getting work like in the next couple of weeks or something....DAMN it does.
Yeah so I am going to see about getting a job at Pet Land in the meantime. OH that is a funny story.
So I was speaking to Melissa (the one that worked for me at Game-Opolis) about getting work there. She mentioned that I needed a resume, cause it would look better if I did. Well the only resume that I have ever had to make was back in Jr High...Yeah like I remember anything from that long ago that I have not used. So I went online to check on how to make a resume, HA that was a laugh. I have come to realize that the internet, supposedly the information super highway, is actually better called the information super highway robbery. Everywhere I looked was more then willing to help me with making a resume, if I wanted to drop between 30 and 150 dollars for their service! Man I need to find something that everyone might need and put it on the internet for an insane amount, cause for the sake of convenience people will fork out the cash. LAZY BASTARDS! So getting back to the story I spoke to Melissa again and told her about the fun I was having with the resume. She told me to send her the stuff and she would do it. COOL! I was extacic that she would do that for me. Well it is done, and here is the thing that is worth a good laugh.
She goes to send it to me and the file is corrupted! HA HA HA HA HA HA now that is comedy!
So she is going to print it out at her house cause the shop has not ink...HA laugh my ass off! Could this get any more funny!
Man I tell you I don't know what gave me this awesome attitude but I am so grateful for it. I mean a year ago I would have been all "DEATH AND DESPAIR". Now I just laugh and smile.
Thanks to all of you for putting up with me until I could work through that dark times.
So all is going to be okay in time. I have real good friends and for that I am thankful. I have my health and everything else will be dealt with one day at a time.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
First and foremost I must take this moment to send a big hug to a good friend who is feeling under the weather (and I ain' t talking about being sick)
Hey Nicky!
-HUGE HUG-
Hang in there Ace. I can kind of figure what it is all about, but don't know for sure. I will call you tomorrow and we can talk.
Ok now on to the rest of the post.
Well as some of you may know I have been working on getting a job at the post office for the past, oh let me see, SIX months. Now it is not as easy as it sounds, first I have to take a test to prove to the government that I am smart enough to work for them (or dumb enough depending on your point of view). Then the test must be graded and once I have the scores I can apply at any post office that is in need of a part time worker. Whew that was a lot.
So my first attempt to get into the test was back in like late November or early December. Then again I sent something in January. Finally I got fed up and spoke to a associate of my who works as a post master in a local town, he gave me a number and I followed his instructions to the letter (HA get it? Post Office job and following the instructions to the "letter"....Yeah ok so I am lame. READ A BOOK!)
So anyway that was back in early February. Well today I got something in the mail from the post office and opened it expecting it to be for the last entry. Well it was not. It is from the first entry back in Nov/Dec of last year. That is not a real big problem as it is the test and it doesn't matter where I take it as long as I take it.
So on April 5th at 1:00 I am to report to the Genesis Convention Center in Gary Indiana for the test. So anyone that is familiar with the area knows that Gary is not the nicest place to be going to take anything short of anti-terrorist combat test, with live ammo.
Ha ha ha I am kind of joking. It ain't that bad.
So the next thing that hit me was that not only is the test almost a month away, but according to the information once taken it will be close to three weeks for the results to come back. That is like a month before I can start looking in earnest for a job with the Post Office! Damn I am glad that my life doesn't depend on getting work like in the next couple of weeks or something....DAMN it does.
Yeah so I am going to see about getting a job at Pet Land in the meantime. OH that is a funny story.
So I was speaking to Melissa (the one that worked for me at Game-Opolis) about getting work there. She mentioned that I needed a resume, cause it would look better if I did. Well the only resume that I have ever had to make was back in Jr High...Yeah like I remember anything from that long ago that I have not used. So I went online to check on how to make a resume, HA that was a laugh. I have come to realize that the internet, supposedly the information super highway, is actually better called the information super highway robbery. Everywhere I looked was more then willing to help me with making a resume, if I wanted to drop between 30 and 150 dollars for their service! Man I need to find something that everyone might need and put it on the internet for an insane amount, cause for the sake of convenience people will fork out the cash. LAZY BASTARDS! So getting back to the story I spoke to Melissa again and told her about the fun I was having with the resume. She told me to send her the stuff and she would do it. COOL! I was extacic that she would do that for me. Well it is done, and here is the thing that is worth a good laugh.
She goes to send it to me and the file is corrupted! HA HA HA HA HA HA now that is comedy!
So she is going to print it out at her house cause the shop has not ink...HA laugh my ass off! Could this get any more funny!
Man I tell you I don't know what gave me this awesome attitude but I am so grateful for it. I mean a year ago I would have been all "DEATH AND DESPAIR". Now I just laugh and smile.
Thanks to all of you for putting up with me until I could work through that dark times.
So all is going to be okay in time. I have real good friends and for that I am thankful. I have my health and everything else will be dealt with one day at a time.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Matt-Man and a Moment of Perfect Beauty
Hail and well met
I was originally going to post about this but when I got home I received some good news. My good friend Paul's wife (I don't know how to spell her name correctly or I would state it) gave birth last night to their son, Colin. I have only sketchy information other then that both mother and baby are fine with no complications.
CONGRADULATIONS PAUL AND MORINE! (I remembered how)
Well on to what I originally was going to post.
The street lights glimmered off the freshly fallen rain
The light so clear and crisp my eyes squinted in pain
I could hear my breath in the humid air
Could see it too, although I did not care
In a moment all was peaceful and serene
The muffed silence added to the sense that this moment was pristine.
In days past only sorrow would I have found
Fear and despair would drag my heart down
For in this moment the simple truth was shown
There was no doubting, I was alone
Just a moment of perfect beauty for me
When the world was as we all hope it to be
I don't worry that no one else was there
It would have been a crime to miss that moment to despair
We have so few of them in this life
That when they come we must not lose then to inner strife
So I share it here with all of you
If you haven't had one yet then pay attention, cause you are due.
~Fin~
Yup that was what came to me as I drove home this evening/morning from the loft.
Nope not feeling the least bit depressed...Well maybe just a little. But don't we all?
Had a blast tonight. Plan on having a blast tomorrow.
Reminder that tomorrow is Movie day at the loft so come on down and have a good time.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
I was originally going to post about this but when I got home I received some good news. My good friend Paul's wife (I don't know how to spell her name correctly or I would state it) gave birth last night to their son, Colin. I have only sketchy information other then that both mother and baby are fine with no complications.
CONGRADULATIONS PAUL AND MORINE! (I remembered how)
Well on to what I originally was going to post.
The street lights glimmered off the freshly fallen rain
The light so clear and crisp my eyes squinted in pain
I could hear my breath in the humid air
Could see it too, although I did not care
In a moment all was peaceful and serene
The muffed silence added to the sense that this moment was pristine.
In days past only sorrow would I have found
Fear and despair would drag my heart down
For in this moment the simple truth was shown
There was no doubting, I was alone
Just a moment of perfect beauty for me
When the world was as we all hope it to be
I don't worry that no one else was there
It would have been a crime to miss that moment to despair
We have so few of them in this life
That when they come we must not lose then to inner strife
So I share it here with all of you
If you haven't had one yet then pay attention, cause you are due.
~Fin~
Yup that was what came to me as I drove home this evening/morning from the loft.
Nope not feeling the least bit depressed...Well maybe just a little. But don't we all?
Had a blast tonight. Plan on having a blast tomorrow.
Reminder that tomorrow is Movie day at the loft so come on down and have a good time.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Captain Oblivious Strikes!
Hail and well met
Well for those of you who don't know I have a nemesis. His name is Captain Oblivious and he is the master of making things slip right past me unnoticed. Today is a perfect example of one such situation.
I awoke in extreme back pain due to the stress of my illness. Not a big problem, I am growing accustom to the pain. As there was no way that I was going back to sleep given that I had slept almost 7 hours and the pain I was in, I decided to jump on the internet. To my surprise I had received an email from a close associate and friend. He had bumped into my blog while surfing and was writing me to tell me that. He asked me to add his blog to my list of blogs that I look at as he had added mine.
Now this is where I had to scream at the Dread Captain Oblivious. I have been in contact with Ben Rogers for close to a year now and have even visited his house for a weekend. We are working on some things involving the gaming industry and I have high hopes for the outcome of these endeavors. Yet as I read the email I realized that I had never mentioned my blog to him. I know of his blog and have been checking it from time to time, but never once did it dawn on my thick, sloped forehead to tell him of my blog.
For those of you who have been with me for some time do not worry. This is not going to spiral into one of those old self destructive rants against myself. I am not depressed or despairing over this, just pissed that Captain Oblivious had gotten away with this for so long. Well it has been rectified and I am happy to give a shout out to Ben.
I am sorry for not telling you sooner. It just never dawned on me to do so. I am glad that you found it, although I would love to know what path brought you to find it. I always find those stories interesting as they are usually an interesting tale.
Well I am getting better (or at least that is what I keep saying against all facts) and hope to be back on my feet soon.
For all those that are in the area we are doing another Sunday Movie Day at the loft to start whenever a majority shows up and lasting until we all go home. We have a library of films that we have brought, but feel free to bring one or two of your own to add. Just be ready to either leave them or bring them back next time (hopefully this becomes a weekly thing).
To Ben I bid a Laurel and Hardy WELCOME! (points to anyone that can tell me what movie that refers to)
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Well for those of you who don't know I have a nemesis. His name is Captain Oblivious and he is the master of making things slip right past me unnoticed. Today is a perfect example of one such situation.
I awoke in extreme back pain due to the stress of my illness. Not a big problem, I am growing accustom to the pain. As there was no way that I was going back to sleep given that I had slept almost 7 hours and the pain I was in, I decided to jump on the internet. To my surprise I had received an email from a close associate and friend. He had bumped into my blog while surfing and was writing me to tell me that. He asked me to add his blog to my list of blogs that I look at as he had added mine.
Now this is where I had to scream at the Dread Captain Oblivious. I have been in contact with Ben Rogers for close to a year now and have even visited his house for a weekend. We are working on some things involving the gaming industry and I have high hopes for the outcome of these endeavors. Yet as I read the email I realized that I had never mentioned my blog to him. I know of his blog and have been checking it from time to time, but never once did it dawn on my thick, sloped forehead to tell him of my blog.
For those of you who have been with me for some time do not worry. This is not going to spiral into one of those old self destructive rants against myself. I am not depressed or despairing over this, just pissed that Captain Oblivious had gotten away with this for so long. Well it has been rectified and I am happy to give a shout out to Ben.
I am sorry for not telling you sooner. It just never dawned on me to do so. I am glad that you found it, although I would love to know what path brought you to find it. I always find those stories interesting as they are usually an interesting tale.
Well I am getting better (or at least that is what I keep saying against all facts) and hope to be back on my feet soon.
For all those that are in the area we are doing another Sunday Movie Day at the loft to start whenever a majority shows up and lasting until we all go home. We have a library of films that we have brought, but feel free to bring one or two of your own to add. Just be ready to either leave them or bring them back next time (hopefully this becomes a weekly thing).
To Ben I bid a Laurel and Hardy WELCOME! (points to anyone that can tell me what movie that refers to)
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Matt-Man meets the Quiz
Hail and well met
Well sitting here eating mashed potatoes and cottage cheese. Hoping to upgrade to something that comes from a dead animal soon, possibly chicken. If there is one part of the human body that I just hate having trouble with it is the digestive track. No I am not going to sit here and begin to talk about it in detail, just saying.
While tottering around I found this on a friends blog and decided to give it a whirl.
Found the quiz kind of interesting, some of the questions are a little predictable as to what they would lead to as far as shows go. All in all a fun little quiz.
Well I am getting ready to head over and pick up Ben from work. I hope he does not feel that he is imposing on me at all, I have been in his shoes more then once and it sucked. I would be remiss as a friend if I did not help. Not to mention that I would be offending my friends that helped me out during similar situations.
After that I am planning on staying at the store for a little while for Warmachine. I may not play but I will be there.
Well that is all I can think to say right now.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Well sitting here eating mashed potatoes and cottage cheese. Hoping to upgrade to something that comes from a dead animal soon, possibly chicken. If there is one part of the human body that I just hate having trouble with it is the digestive track. No I am not going to sit here and begin to talk about it in detail, just saying.
While tottering around I found this on a friends blog and decided to give it a whirl.
 | You scored as Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica). You are leery of your surroundings, and with good reason. Anyone could be a cylon. But you have close friends and you know they would never hurt you. Now if only the damn XO would stop drinking.
Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics) created with QuizFarm.com |
Found the quiz kind of interesting, some of the questions are a little predictable as to what they would lead to as far as shows go. All in all a fun little quiz.
Well I am getting ready to head over and pick up Ben from work. I hope he does not feel that he is imposing on me at all, I have been in his shoes more then once and it sucked. I would be remiss as a friend if I did not help. Not to mention that I would be offending my friends that helped me out during similar situations.
After that I am planning on staying at the store for a little while for Warmachine. I may not play but I will be there.
Well that is all I can think to say right now.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Matt-man gets Down With the Sickness
Hail and well met
Well not so well met. I am sick, and I don't mean in the funny cool way. Started last night and has continued through the night into today. Not much else to say. Just trying to keep spirits up and food down....Sorry too much information.
Well I will try and post later as I feel better.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Well not so well met. I am sick, and I don't mean in the funny cool way. Started last night and has continued through the night into today. Not much else to say. Just trying to keep spirits up and food down....Sorry too much information.
Well I will try and post later as I feel better.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Friday, March 03, 2006
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Matt-Man Un-masked!!
Well there is the Matt Symbol. And what a labor of love it was. Took me several hours in Paint to complete it.
Hail and well met one and all
I am here today in the flesh and without any cowl. Yes Matt-man is going all natural. Now I could joke that it was the Arby's new sandwich like the advertisements but that is far from the truth. Besides most of you know me, it was no sandwich that brought this on. Nope it was the usual....A song.
I was on My Space the other day and as always when the login screen comes up there is a band or musician that is showcased. The other day I looked and saw a picture of a beautiful young lady. Her name is KT Tunstall and her little bio mentioned that she had a Scots voice. Well being a Scots myself I decided to see what there was to see. To make a long story short after seeing the little video spot on her My Space and noticing that she had a album out I went and bought it. I love the music.
If you want to hear it and you are going to see me just ask and I will play it. If not then give her My Space a look. I cannot say that I have a single song that is my favorite, I like them all. But there is this one song that hit me rather hard (in a good way). It is called Another Place to Fall.
Here are the lyrics....
Are you blind
Blind to me trying to be kind
Volunteering for your firing line
Waiting for one precious sign
The flicker of a smile
You should try it just once in a while
Maybe it's not quite your style
It's simply too easy to do
And you might not see it through
See it through
Ooh, so
Find yourself another place to fall
Find yourself up against another brick wall
See yourself as a fallen angel
Well I don't see no holes in the road but you
Find another place to fall
Are you proud
To have founded a brand new behavior
With hatred and hurt as your savior
But nobody's choosing to follow
So you choke back the tears and you swallow
Men who have ruined your life
You consume them with minimum strife
But now you have got indigestion
The antacid comes as a question
Ooh, so
Find yourself another place to fall
Find yourself up against another brick wall
See yourself as a fallen angel
Well I don't see no holes in the road but you
Find another place to fall
There isn't much more I can say
For I don't understand the delay
You're asking for friendly advice
And remaining in permanent crisis
Affection is yours if you ask
But first you must take off your mask
When you're back's turned I've decided I'll throw it away just like I did
Ooh, so
Find yourself another place to fall
Find yourself up against another brick wall
See yourself as a fallen angel
Well I don't see no holes in the road but you
Find another place to fall
Well I don't see no holes in the road but you
Find another place to fall
Well I don't see no holes in the road but you
Find another place to fall
Yup this song hit me like a Mac truck. There is one line that kind of just made me think. I know that the title kind of gives it away, but I will not keep you in suspense.
Affection is yours if you ask
But first you must take off your mask
When you're back's turned I've decided I'll throw it away just like I did
Yup there it is. I just sat stunned. I mean this whole Matt-man thing has been a real development for me and has led me to make some strong moves. For a split second I was going on a internal rant, and for me that is an eternity. It was the usual kind of shit and then the whole song just sat on my chest. I realized I was finding another place to fall. So I stopped my internal rant, took a step back (Thanks Mikey!) and looked long at the situation. I am Matt-man, it is a fact. I have never felt so alive (well not since knowing someone exists in this world) as I have lately. But this was even more amazing cause it was in conjunction with another realization and it all fit together.
Recently I acquired a really cheap digital camera. I have taken some pictures of me and I began to see that I did not smile hardly at all in any of them unless I was thinking it. Now I went on about this in the blog on My Space so I won't reiterate it here. It all ties together though as I thought of that line.
My face has been a mask. I may be Matt-man but I have been wearing the mask of simple ole Matt. The fat ugly stupid unmotivated shmuck that used to live here. They guy that has been trying to be the center of the universe and the son of God on a cross. Well he is gone. I cannot promise that I won't slip the mask on now and again in some form or another, but I won't let him overshadow me again. I plan on smiling every damn day, cause there are way to damn many reasons not to.
I will be looking for many things. No more waiting for the universe to dump them on me. Like a kid in left field I plan on getting under the ball and catching it before it hits me on the head. Oh yeah I just made a sports reference, that should tell you something. See I have always said that I hated Sports analogies, well still do in most cases cause they never put them into context.
So if you don't see me smiling, HIT ME UP SIDE THE HEAD. Well ask me first just in case I am that way for a reason, then hit me. Yup you got to love a friend who gives you permission to bash him in the head. HA like any of you had to be given permission....Oh wait I am as big as an ogre so you think you do.
HA I love being a gentle giant. No one ever believes that I have never hit a single person in my life. Nope, been hit several times but never hit back. Never wanted to. It just never something that I wanted to do. Oh I have hit things, cause all that comes of it is that they break or I break. In either case no harm, well ok to me but I will heal and the things can be fixed or replaced. The real reason for the lack of the "Fighting Spirit", well to be honest there is a situation in my past that showed me the true dark side of violence. For the sake of all involved I will not name names or places but suffice it to say that I know the true end result of all violence. It is never good.
Oh I have stood up for friends before. No it never came to blows, but again when a mountain gets up and bellows "Just back the fuck up" people tend to listen. HA just thought of another one
"When Tutwiler talks people listen" (inside joke)
So don't really know where that came from, but I am glad it is out there. Yup I am smiling right now, cause I am alive. I have more friends then I know what to do with. I am on a path (I have no idea where it will lead but that is half the fun). I am not broke, but close. Even if I was I have the wonder of the internet to keep me busy. There is a cool movie coming out this weekend "untraviolet" looks like a great popcorn movie. Oh and speaking of movies this and most Sundays from now on will be movie day at the loft, so bring a couple of films that you think we all need to see and we will go from there.
Yup the list goes on and on. The real great thing is that I am not the only one with this list. People listen to me! Hearken to my words! Take a good long look and realize that for all the troubles in your lives (trust me I know that they are there, I know mine and they are many) you have just as many Joys going on as well, in fact most of the time more. And the real cool thing is that they are usually constant while the troubles are just passing through.
Boy I feel better then I have in a long time. Kind of funny how much weight a stupid mask can have. Even more funny is when the mask is covering up the super hero not the other way around....Hey reminds me of that speech in Kill Bill Vol.2. You know the Superman speech. Oh come on it was amazing! Yeah I know I latch onto some stupid things to remember. It is towards the end of the film when the Bride reaches Bill. He is standing at the bar and shoots her with a dart and enters into this speech about Super heroes. His take is that every other super hero out there is a normal person that has to put on a costume to be the hero, they must rise above their situation to be special. Superman on the other hand has to take on the persona of Clark Kent to be normal, while all the time Superman, his true self is held back. He must lower himself to be among the rest of us. Yes that analogy really hits home. We are all super inside and we have to learn to tear the shirt off and reveal the real inner self.
Oh well enough for tonight. I am tired and as I intend to get up by 9 no matter when I get to bed it would be a good idea. Besides I have typed more then enough for all to read. A load off my mind.
Hey give KT Tunstall a try. Good stuff!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Matt-man Vs Memory
Hail and well met
Quick post here. First off a SHOUT OUT to Nicky and her Family. Here is hoping that you Dad is healthy at home.
SHANDA hope things have improved, and if not then take a baseball bat and beat someone until morale improves! :) "Batter up!"
and lastly a HUGE THANK YOU to Impervia for some advice that I had forgotten about. Sleeping quite well now, no dreams that cause me to wake in a cold sweat (a hot sweat with the need for a cig and some kleenex maybe>:) Ah yes I am in a better mood I think.
Also I found this while trying to clean out my documents folder and realized that I never posted it. So here it is.
Four jobs I ha’ve had:
1. Clerk at Toys "“R" Us (actually many jobs rolled into my 4 years there)
2. Delivery man for Auto-Mart free publication
3. Assistant Manager at 3D-House of Games (or 3D HOG)
4. Part Owner Operator of Gamopolis
Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Star Wars
2. Murder by Death
3. Oscar
4. The Adventures of Pluto Nash
Four places I have lived:
1. Park Forest, Illinois (36 years I have lived here)
2. Gen-Con (I have always been here)
3. Champagne/Urbana Illinois (lived there every time I visited my buddy James)
4. Carbondale, Illinois (Yup here too)
OK so I cheated just a little. No I have not "“lived"” there in the sense of having a home or apartment, but I have "“lived" in these places more then in that stupid building at 264 Ash. That place is just where I sleep and keep my shit. God I need to get out.
Four television shows I love to watch: (ok I am going to have to cheat here. Being 36 there are a number of shows that I loved to watch back in the day and they are gone now. Also I don'’t have time to watch TV these days, so bear with me)
1. Babylon 5
2. Criminal Minds
3. Firefly (To soon was your candle extinguished)
4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Joss Whedon'’s writing and-blushes- Sarah Michelle Geller (or her stunt double) killing vampires, demons, werewolves and the like)
Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Denver, Colorado
2. Las Vegas,Nevada (that wrenched hive of scum and villainy, I was cautious)
3. Michigan (to many places so just figure the whole state, there ain't that much to it anyway)
4. Gen-Con
Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Pizza
2. Chinese
3. Mexican
4. Lasagna
Four websites I visit regularly:
1. Ctrl+Alt+Del
2. closetoflostdreams.blogspot.com
3. privateerpress.com
4. illwillpress.com
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Carbondale
2. The Loft
3. Anyplace with swimming water (pool or beach)
4. Anyplace with my friends
Four people I tag to also do this pointless exercise:
1. Chris
2. James
3. Todd S.
4. Impervia (don't know you by any other name)
Yup that was all I jumped on to say. Not much new in the rest of my boring existance. Might post about some stuff tomorrow.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Quick post here. First off a SHOUT OUT to Nicky and her Family. Here is hoping that you Dad is healthy at home.
SHANDA hope things have improved, and if not then take a baseball bat and beat someone until morale improves! :) "Batter up!"
and lastly a HUGE THANK YOU to Impervia for some advice that I had forgotten about. Sleeping quite well now, no dreams that cause me to wake in a cold sweat (a hot sweat with the need for a cig and some kleenex maybe>:) Ah yes I am in a better mood I think.
Also I found this while trying to clean out my documents folder and realized that I never posted it. So here it is.
Four jobs I ha’ve had:
1. Clerk at Toys "“R" Us (actually many jobs rolled into my 4 years there)
2. Delivery man for Auto-Mart free publication
3. Assistant Manager at 3D-House of Games (or 3D HOG)
4. Part Owner Operator of Gamopolis
Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Star Wars
2. Murder by Death
3. Oscar
4. The Adventures of Pluto Nash
Four places I have lived:
1. Park Forest, Illinois (36 years I have lived here)
2. Gen-Con (I have always been here)
3. Champagne/Urbana Illinois (lived there every time I visited my buddy James)
4. Carbondale, Illinois (Yup here too)
OK so I cheated just a little. No I have not "“lived"” there in the sense of having a home or apartment, but I have "“lived" in these places more then in that stupid building at 264 Ash. That place is just where I sleep and keep my shit. God I need to get out.
Four television shows I love to watch: (ok I am going to have to cheat here. Being 36 there are a number of shows that I loved to watch back in the day and they are gone now. Also I don'’t have time to watch TV these days, so bear with me)
1. Babylon 5
2. Criminal Minds
3. Firefly (To soon was your candle extinguished)
4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Joss Whedon'’s writing and-blushes- Sarah Michelle Geller (or her stunt double) killing vampires, demons, werewolves and the like)
Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Denver, Colorado
2. Las Vegas,Nevada (that wrenched hive of scum and villainy, I was cautious)
3. Michigan (to many places so just figure the whole state, there ain't that much to it anyway)
4. Gen-Con
Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Pizza
2. Chinese
3. Mexican
4. Lasagna
Four websites I visit regularly:
1. Ctrl+Alt+Del
2. closetoflostdreams.blogspot.com
3. privateerpress.com
4. illwillpress.com
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Carbondale
2. The Loft
3. Anyplace with swimming water (pool or beach)
4. Anyplace with my friends
Four people I tag to also do this pointless exercise:
1. Chris
2. James
3. Todd S.
4. Impervia (don't know you by any other name)
Yup that was all I jumped on to say. Not much new in the rest of my boring existance. Might post about some stuff tomorrow.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Matt-man in the Dead of Night
Hail and well met
So a man bursts into his psychiatrist's office.
"Ya gotta help me doc. I cannot stop thinking I am a deck of cards!"
Angry at the interruption the doctor yells
"Wait outside. I will deal with you later."
I found this book of 1001 "great" jokes. Well the great part is questionable, but they are my kind of jokes. I intend on memorizing as many as I can and spewing them to any and all I see. A little stupid humor is a good thing.
Oh and the title is in deference to it being 3:15 in the morning, with me sitting here typing. In part I am trying to avoid certain themes in my dreams of late. I would normally go into detail but I think not this time. I mean if it was the normal zombies tearing me apart I would have no problem sharing, but this is just a little too far off the path. No I won't even hint at it so don't ask even in person. Just trust me that going there is not something I want to do, and for some reason it just keeps coming. I have tried so many tricks, reading a book before going to bed, watching a movie, playing a video game and nothing has the slightest affect on the nature or theme of my dreams. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it is so annoying.
Ah well, such is life.
So anyway I am working on my Iron Kingdoms campaign, Chris is joining this Friday and I have to come up with a good hook to bring him in. It should be easier with the bar and all, but finding a way to tie a new player to the rest of the group is never easy.
Then of course there is this crazy idea that I had for a World of Darkness campaign. I mean there I was just watching Van Helsing and it struck me like a bolt of lightning. I saw the entire plot unfold and I had to get it down. Now I have always been thorough with my games (well in my head at least) but this is the first one that I have actually sat down and researched stuff on the internet for. The crazy thing is that so much of it is actually historically in line. People lived at the same time and even had connections that fit with the story. I have to say that in some ways it is almost creepy, kind of like the All Flesh Must Be Eaten game I ran with Shep showing up at the back door at the same time he did in the story. So that is progressing far beyond anything I would have thought of and if I can keep my brain focused it should turn out to be a grand adventure.
The pisser in all of this is Beyond Mere Mortals/Champions. I have been totally unable to get a story to even entertain the idea of forming. I know that I had concepts from last year, I have my notes but nothing is coming. I don't want to force it, that is how I fucked (yes I am using a curse word, nothing else really captures the severity of the situation) up Star Wars last year.
I know that everyone was running off in their own directions, I know that they were all ignoring the blatant plot hooks that I was throwing at them. I know all that, but in the end I was the GM and I should have been able to pull you all together with the story and I did not. So it died a terrible slow death that ended when I pulled out the tried and true story killer. It was all a dream/simulation. Yup that has killed so many plotlines and stories I cannot count, of course they deserved to die and as such I don't remember them. Since then I have been just a little gun shy of doing a really long and self made campaign. Chirs helped out when his Saturday D&D game took off and he needed to split his group of 18 players. I mean I did not lose the ability to GM, just the confidence to make my own story and have it proceed and develop with the players. Yes, yes I know that I have said all this before and yes I know what you all say, but it was just a fact that I had never failed at Gm'ing before that, never. I mean if you have always been able to do math and suddenly you go 2+2=9 and blow a test, it will mess with your head.
So anyway I am feeling better, to use a colloquialism "I am back in the saddle again". That is why the whole BMM/Champions thing is so agonizing. I have it back but it won't go there. Oh well I just have to be patient and see if it sneaks up on me.
Well I am having trouble typing so I will bid all a goodnight.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
So a man bursts into his psychiatrist's office.
"Ya gotta help me doc. I cannot stop thinking I am a deck of cards!"
Angry at the interruption the doctor yells
"Wait outside. I will deal with you later."
I found this book of 1001 "great" jokes. Well the great part is questionable, but they are my kind of jokes. I intend on memorizing as many as I can and spewing them to any and all I see. A little stupid humor is a good thing.
Oh and the title is in deference to it being 3:15 in the morning, with me sitting here typing. In part I am trying to avoid certain themes in my dreams of late. I would normally go into detail but I think not this time. I mean if it was the normal zombies tearing me apart I would have no problem sharing, but this is just a little too far off the path. No I won't even hint at it so don't ask even in person. Just trust me that going there is not something I want to do, and for some reason it just keeps coming. I have tried so many tricks, reading a book before going to bed, watching a movie, playing a video game and nothing has the slightest affect on the nature or theme of my dreams. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it is so annoying.
Ah well, such is life.
So anyway I am working on my Iron Kingdoms campaign, Chris is joining this Friday and I have to come up with a good hook to bring him in. It should be easier with the bar and all, but finding a way to tie a new player to the rest of the group is never easy.
Then of course there is this crazy idea that I had for a World of Darkness campaign. I mean there I was just watching Van Helsing and it struck me like a bolt of lightning. I saw the entire plot unfold and I had to get it down. Now I have always been thorough with my games (well in my head at least) but this is the first one that I have actually sat down and researched stuff on the internet for. The crazy thing is that so much of it is actually historically in line. People lived at the same time and even had connections that fit with the story. I have to say that in some ways it is almost creepy, kind of like the All Flesh Must Be Eaten game I ran with Shep showing up at the back door at the same time he did in the story. So that is progressing far beyond anything I would have thought of and if I can keep my brain focused it should turn out to be a grand adventure.
The pisser in all of this is Beyond Mere Mortals/Champions. I have been totally unable to get a story to even entertain the idea of forming. I know that I had concepts from last year, I have my notes but nothing is coming. I don't want to force it, that is how I fucked (yes I am using a curse word, nothing else really captures the severity of the situation) up Star Wars last year.
I know that everyone was running off in their own directions, I know that they were all ignoring the blatant plot hooks that I was throwing at them. I know all that, but in the end I was the GM and I should have been able to pull you all together with the story and I did not. So it died a terrible slow death that ended when I pulled out the tried and true story killer. It was all a dream/simulation. Yup that has killed so many plotlines and stories I cannot count, of course they deserved to die and as such I don't remember them. Since then I have been just a little gun shy of doing a really long and self made campaign. Chirs helped out when his Saturday D&D game took off and he needed to split his group of 18 players. I mean I did not lose the ability to GM, just the confidence to make my own story and have it proceed and develop with the players. Yes, yes I know that I have said all this before and yes I know what you all say, but it was just a fact that I had never failed at Gm'ing before that, never. I mean if you have always been able to do math and suddenly you go 2+2=9 and blow a test, it will mess with your head.
So anyway I am feeling better, to use a colloquialism "I am back in the saddle again". That is why the whole BMM/Champions thing is so agonizing. I have it back but it won't go there. Oh well I just have to be patient and see if it sneaks up on me.
Well I am having trouble typing so I will bid all a goodnight.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Monday, February 20, 2006
Update from the Mat-cave
Hail and well met
Well I have been posting a lot of stuff as of late and it has little to do with my life in general. So here is a little post to bring current events to light. I am still unemployed, which sucks. I have talked to John Poskin and he gave me a new phone number and announcement code for the test I have to take. The call was made and this time I feel I have a better chance of getting the info packet. I have been keeping busy by sitting in front of this monster and typing as much as my heart and head will allow. My projects for Harsh Realities are coming along and I hope to have them sent off soon. When my mind is not a occupied by creating an two entire cultures it has been pondering the secrets of the universe and how we all exist in it. If I every feel that my work is even close to worth reading I will post it, but for now it will remain hidden.
I have been out and about as well going to work out at least 3 or 4 times a week. People keep telling me that I have lost weight, and I do believe them but part of me still holds that image in my head. I am slowly picking at it and in time it will change, having held it for 36 years it has become somewhat ingrained, like a image held to long on a computer screen. I will prevail, what else do I have to do? I mean giving up is so blase, it is not me! HA! I have also been painting when I am able to defrost my paints and Wednesday is good for a game of Warmachine. Fridays is now cemented as Iron Kingdoms and it is going well. Val, Ben, Todd and now Jess seem to enjoy the story and environment that I have painted for them. Soon things will heat up as events begin to spiral towards their inevitable conclusion. Oh what sights I have to show them! (props to anyone that can name the movie that is from) Saturday is a good day as well. I usually get up to the store and paint or play some warmachine and in the evening is Val's campaign.
It is a good life but it is missing something. No I am not talking about work either, that is a small part of life and should stay that way. I am referring to something else. I am pretty sure what it is and I don't want to start exploring it right now. Besides the fact that I have a tendency to get dark and brooding about emotions I also have far to much stuff to set right before I could even begin that quest.
OH OH I almost forgot. I have been talking to Kirby. He is doing fine and he is thinking of moving out of his house...Well not out per say. He currently has a tenant in the lower half of the house he lives in. He is thinking of ending their stay and taking up residence in the lower half. He and I talked and if I can get employed by the time he moves I may move in with him. I will stay at this place at times but I will be splitting up being here and there. Sort of a slow weaning of my presence from my current situation. I am going for it. I like Kirby and I know that we can get along. Besides it is a great way to prep myself for other ideas that are floating in my head. But as always I am keeping my options open, the future is always in motion and as such unexpected things happen all the time. Must be ready to bend with the winds of change or they will break you.
Well that about covers it....I know that I am forgetting something. Oh well if I remember then I will post again. It is not like I have anything else going on.
Ah yes I wanted to thank everyone for their entries in my johari/nohari windows. I have seen much in what you have put. I am not going to rant or rave about it. I plan on taking some time to review after a few more have dropped their coins in the fountain. I know that I could be very over-dramatic over it, but that is just a waste of time. No I just am glad to see myself in the reflection of my friends eyes. Thanks again.
Okay that seems to be all that I have to type...........for now -Bum bum buum-
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Well I have been posting a lot of stuff as of late and it has little to do with my life in general. So here is a little post to bring current events to light. I am still unemployed, which sucks. I have talked to John Poskin and he gave me a new phone number and announcement code for the test I have to take. The call was made and this time I feel I have a better chance of getting the info packet. I have been keeping busy by sitting in front of this monster and typing as much as my heart and head will allow. My projects for Harsh Realities are coming along and I hope to have them sent off soon. When my mind is not a occupied by creating an two entire cultures it has been pondering the secrets of the universe and how we all exist in it. If I every feel that my work is even close to worth reading I will post it, but for now it will remain hidden.
I have been out and about as well going to work out at least 3 or 4 times a week. People keep telling me that I have lost weight, and I do believe them but part of me still holds that image in my head. I am slowly picking at it and in time it will change, having held it for 36 years it has become somewhat ingrained, like a image held to long on a computer screen. I will prevail, what else do I have to do? I mean giving up is so blase, it is not me! HA! I have also been painting when I am able to defrost my paints and Wednesday is good for a game of Warmachine. Fridays is now cemented as Iron Kingdoms and it is going well. Val, Ben, Todd and now Jess seem to enjoy the story and environment that I have painted for them. Soon things will heat up as events begin to spiral towards their inevitable conclusion. Oh what sights I have to show them! (props to anyone that can name the movie that is from) Saturday is a good day as well. I usually get up to the store and paint or play some warmachine and in the evening is Val's campaign.
It is a good life but it is missing something. No I am not talking about work either, that is a small part of life and should stay that way. I am referring to something else. I am pretty sure what it is and I don't want to start exploring it right now. Besides the fact that I have a tendency to get dark and brooding about emotions I also have far to much stuff to set right before I could even begin that quest.
OH OH I almost forgot. I have been talking to Kirby. He is doing fine and he is thinking of moving out of his house...Well not out per say. He currently has a tenant in the lower half of the house he lives in. He is thinking of ending their stay and taking up residence in the lower half. He and I talked and if I can get employed by the time he moves I may move in with him. I will stay at this place at times but I will be splitting up being here and there. Sort of a slow weaning of my presence from my current situation. I am going for it. I like Kirby and I know that we can get along. Besides it is a great way to prep myself for other ideas that are floating in my head. But as always I am keeping my options open, the future is always in motion and as such unexpected things happen all the time. Must be ready to bend with the winds of change or they will break you.
Well that about covers it....I know that I am forgetting something. Oh well if I remember then I will post again. It is not like I have anything else going on.
Ah yes I wanted to thank everyone for their entries in my johari/nohari windows. I have seen much in what you have put. I am not going to rant or rave about it. I plan on taking some time to review after a few more have dropped their coins in the fountain. I know that I could be very over-dramatic over it, but that is just a waste of time. No I just am glad to see myself in the reflection of my friends eyes. Thanks again.
Okay that seems to be all that I have to type...........for now -Bum bum buum-
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Matt-man and the Missing Piece
Hail and well met
So here I sit and I wander the vast frontier of cyberspace. I have my usual ports of call and occasionally make a jaunt into unknown territory seeing what I can find. I have connections out here to friends and even some family, and I see a different side sometimes and wonder if it is something that they want to talk about or is this their secret face that they keep hidden. Sometimes I feel the need to say things that I really don't feel, but for a moment. The impetious things that come from being a human being filled with emotion and illogical ideas. We all have them, those split second rants in our head that could be disasterous but for which we luckily have a built in buffer and can sensor our own thoughts. Well most of us.
All in all I just sit here and wonder if this whole internet thing is really worth it. I wonder if the time I spend here is worth while or ill spent. Yes it allows communication but so does a telephone or -GASPS- the mail. I think the art of writting a letter has become lost in our world. Oh we shoot off a Email all the time, but it is not the same. There is no instant gratification in standard mail. You must wait for it to travel to its destination. You must then wait for it to travel back. I can say this though, there is nothing like the feeling of getting a letter in the mail. I know I used to write to my friend James while he was at the U of I in Champaign. Those were some letters, let me tell you.
No I know that the ability to acess information is a good thing and as such the internet is a good thing (well mostly). I just think that we always need to look at what we are doing with the question "Just because we can do a thing, must we do a thing?" I feel the answer is no.
I guess that just puts the nail in the coffin though. Cause that is an ideal that only the old seem to have. Oh well I already knew that I was an fool, now I can simply change it to an old fool.
Oh I posted this earlier and only one person has done it, but many of you have decided to jump on the band wagon, I have done yours so damnit do mine!
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Akeranzu
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Akeranzu
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
So here I sit and I wander the vast frontier of cyberspace. I have my usual ports of call and occasionally make a jaunt into unknown territory seeing what I can find. I have connections out here to friends and even some family, and I see a different side sometimes and wonder if it is something that they want to talk about or is this their secret face that they keep hidden. Sometimes I feel the need to say things that I really don't feel, but for a moment. The impetious things that come from being a human being filled with emotion and illogical ideas. We all have them, those split second rants in our head that could be disasterous but for which we luckily have a built in buffer and can sensor our own thoughts. Well most of us.
All in all I just sit here and wonder if this whole internet thing is really worth it. I wonder if the time I spend here is worth while or ill spent. Yes it allows communication but so does a telephone or -GASPS- the mail. I think the art of writting a letter has become lost in our world. Oh we shoot off a Email all the time, but it is not the same. There is no instant gratification in standard mail. You must wait for it to travel to its destination. You must then wait for it to travel back. I can say this though, there is nothing like the feeling of getting a letter in the mail. I know I used to write to my friend James while he was at the U of I in Champaign. Those were some letters, let me tell you.
No I know that the ability to acess information is a good thing and as such the internet is a good thing (well mostly). I just think that we always need to look at what we are doing with the question "Just because we can do a thing, must we do a thing?" I feel the answer is no.
I guess that just puts the nail in the coffin though. Cause that is an ideal that only the old seem to have. Oh well I already knew that I was an fool, now I can simply change it to an old fool.
Oh I posted this earlier and only one person has done it, but many of you have decided to jump on the band wagon, I have done yours so damnit do mine!
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Akeranzu
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Akeranzu
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Friday, February 17, 2006
Matt-man Vs. TIme, Tedium and Tesseracts
Hail and well met
So it has been a few days since I posted last. Pretty much everything since the trip. That is due to a couple of things. Well the title says it all. I find myself sitting here trying to do 5 or 6 things all at once, and thus doing none of them well. Even when I can seem to stay on one project I end up feeling listless in only a few minutes. This is a problem that has persisted for over a couple of months now, and it is driving me mad.
I mention the term "tesseract" in the title. That is a refers to the literary referance not the geometric construct. It comes from the book "A Wrinkle in Time" by Madeleine L'Engle. It is a concept based on Einstein's theory of relativity and Planck's quantum theory. According to the book, space and time are like a piece of cloth and we are on that cloth like an ant. By taking any two points of that cloth in the path of the ant(us) and pushing them together the ant(us) can travel a long distance in the mere seconds it take to step from one fold to the other. When the cloth is returned to its orginal form the ant(us) has now relocated far away with out traveling the distance inbetween. I mention it here because as of late I have been wrestling with the concept that if all matter is energy, even what we call energy in this universe is but a form of that "Proto-energy" then what really holds this universe together?
Is it a set of laws that are rigid?
Who created these laws, the creator?
If he can bend them as he needs and we are his creation gifted with a fraction of his power then shouldn't we also be able to bend the rules?
If not then why give us the small shard of his power that he has?
But not to lose focus, if this power can bend the rules then what prevents that from happening everyday, with disasterous affect?
I am drawn back to a line from Episode one. Qui Gon Jin says "Your focus determines your reality". That is a key to unlocking this power. We are taught from birth the rules of this world. Before we can understand or interact with the world we are made to belive that these rules are infalible and unbreakable, well some are but all are bendable. Time and time again I hear or see things that prove this. As Yoda says in The Empire Strikes Back "You must unlearn what you have learned". This is what preoccupies my mind these days. I want to touch that power. I want to bend the world around me. Yes it is a selfish thing, and I know that is the reason that I will never be able to call upon it but I have to keep trying. Call me crazy, cause I am.
Yup the rantings of a crazy person. Probably need a good stint in the looney bin. Well let them try and take me. Cause I won't go down alone or without a fight. And knowing my friends I won't be alone either.
Well I am not sure what I started posting about, but I think there is a logical progression here. As far as current events are concerned I am sure that I will get around to talking about them. Although there is one thing that I must say here and now.
STATEMENTS LOST FUCKING ROCKS!!! LOVED THE SHOW AND CANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE!!!!
Yeah the show last night at Todd's college was AWESOME. Glad that I went.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
So it has been a few days since I posted last. Pretty much everything since the trip. That is due to a couple of things. Well the title says it all. I find myself sitting here trying to do 5 or 6 things all at once, and thus doing none of them well. Even when I can seem to stay on one project I end up feeling listless in only a few minutes. This is a problem that has persisted for over a couple of months now, and it is driving me mad.
I mention the term "tesseract" in the title. That is a refers to the literary referance not the geometric construct. It comes from the book "A Wrinkle in Time" by Madeleine L'Engle. It is a concept based on Einstein's theory of relativity and Planck's quantum theory. According to the book, space and time are like a piece of cloth and we are on that cloth like an ant. By taking any two points of that cloth in the path of the ant(us) and pushing them together the ant(us) can travel a long distance in the mere seconds it take to step from one fold to the other. When the cloth is returned to its orginal form the ant(us) has now relocated far away with out traveling the distance inbetween. I mention it here because as of late I have been wrestling with the concept that if all matter is energy, even what we call energy in this universe is but a form of that "Proto-energy" then what really holds this universe together?
Is it a set of laws that are rigid?
Who created these laws, the creator?
If he can bend them as he needs and we are his creation gifted with a fraction of his power then shouldn't we also be able to bend the rules?
If not then why give us the small shard of his power that he has?
But not to lose focus, if this power can bend the rules then what prevents that from happening everyday, with disasterous affect?
I am drawn back to a line from Episode one. Qui Gon Jin says "Your focus determines your reality". That is a key to unlocking this power. We are taught from birth the rules of this world. Before we can understand or interact with the world we are made to belive that these rules are infalible and unbreakable, well some are but all are bendable. Time and time again I hear or see things that prove this. As Yoda says in The Empire Strikes Back "You must unlearn what you have learned". This is what preoccupies my mind these days. I want to touch that power. I want to bend the world around me. Yes it is a selfish thing, and I know that is the reason that I will never be able to call upon it but I have to keep trying. Call me crazy, cause I am.
Yup the rantings of a crazy person. Probably need a good stint in the looney bin. Well let them try and take me. Cause I won't go down alone or without a fight. And knowing my friends I won't be alone either.
Well I am not sure what I started posting about, but I think there is a logical progression here. As far as current events are concerned I am sure that I will get around to talking about them. Although there is one thing that I must say here and now.
STATEMENTS LOST FUCKING ROCKS!!! LOVED THE SHOW AND CANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE!!!!
Yeah the show last night at Todd's college was AWESOME. Glad that I went.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Matt-man and the Voyage Home (relative term)
Hail and well met.
Well I have returned that repository of my acquired possessions and where I engage in the act of unconsious rapid eye movement. In simple terms "where I keep my shit and sleep".
My journey was good. I found rest in the presence of my old friends and new ones. I was able to do all the things that I set out to do. I found out what I needed to know about housing, which was not that much to begin with. I feel somewhat recharged from the good company, stirring conversations and excellent times with everyone. I also had a conversation that needed to be conversed.
Well in truth that conversaion almost never happened. It took the universe locking a door and keeping two people asleep as I pounded on a door at 12:30ish in the morning to sort of kick me in the ass and then I had the conversation. I can be such a blockhead some times....OK most times, jeez. Anyway it is done and for the better I think.
The trip down and up were puncuated by the listening to the book on CD of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone" in its entireity and starting "The Chamber of Secrets". I have found the perfect way to spend all those hours in the car. I mean it was so relaxing instead of the usual music that I have heard a thousand times and my mind wandering (never a good thing). I actually did not feel like I had been in a car for almost 5 hours. And I got to listen to a book that everyone has said was very good.
OH oh you want to know what I thought of it?
I thought it was an excellent story. I liked it almost from the begining to the end. I have to say that the movie was not quite as good now that I know the book, but it could have been worse (it could have been made by Uwe Boll)
What are my thoughts for the day....Well let me just say a few words.
"Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!"
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
P.S. I almost forgot. This looks like fun so give it a shot.
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Akeranzu
You do me I'll do you. (Hmmm may sound dirty but I like it ;)
Well I have returned that repository of my acquired possessions and where I engage in the act of unconsious rapid eye movement. In simple terms "where I keep my shit and sleep".
My journey was good. I found rest in the presence of my old friends and new ones. I was able to do all the things that I set out to do. I found out what I needed to know about housing, which was not that much to begin with. I feel somewhat recharged from the good company, stirring conversations and excellent times with everyone. I also had a conversation that needed to be conversed.
Well in truth that conversaion almost never happened. It took the universe locking a door and keeping two people asleep as I pounded on a door at 12:30ish in the morning to sort of kick me in the ass and then I had the conversation. I can be such a blockhead some times....OK most times, jeez. Anyway it is done and for the better I think.
The trip down and up were puncuated by the listening to the book on CD of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone" in its entireity and starting "The Chamber of Secrets". I have found the perfect way to spend all those hours in the car. I mean it was so relaxing instead of the usual music that I have heard a thousand times and my mind wandering (never a good thing). I actually did not feel like I had been in a car for almost 5 hours. And I got to listen to a book that everyone has said was very good.
OH oh you want to know what I thought of it?
I thought it was an excellent story. I liked it almost from the begining to the end. I have to say that the movie was not quite as good now that I know the book, but it could have been worse (it could have been made by Uwe Boll)
What are my thoughts for the day....Well let me just say a few words.
"Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!"
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
P.S. I almost forgot. This looks like fun so give it a shot.
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Akeranzu
You do me I'll do you. (Hmmm may sound dirty but I like it ;)
Friday, February 10, 2006
Matt-man on the move
Hail and well met from down here in Carbondale
I arrived all right and am alive. I will see everyone next week. Not much else to report now. Maybe later I will have some gems to drop, well I guess you could call them "gems" or you could call them crap. Whatever.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
I arrived all right and am alive. I will see everyone next week. Not much else to report now. Maybe later I will have some gems to drop, well I guess you could call them "gems" or you could call them crap. Whatever.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
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