Matt-Man Un-masked!!

Well there is the Matt Symbol. And what a labor of love it was. Took me several hours in Paint to complete it.

Hail and well met one and all

I am here today in the flesh and without any cowl. Yes Matt-man is going all natural. Now I could joke that it was the Arby's new sandwich like the advertisements but that is far from the truth. Besides most of you know me, it was no sandwich that brought this on. Nope it was the usual....A song.

I was on My Space the other day and as always when the login screen comes up there is a band or musician that is showcased. The other day I looked and saw a picture of a beautiful young lady. Her name is KT Tunstall and her little bio mentioned that she had a Scots voice. Well being a Scots myself I decided to see what there was to see. To make a long story short after seeing the little video spot on her My Space and noticing that she had a album out I went and bought it. I love the music.

If you want to hear it and you are going to see me just ask and I will play it. If not then give her My Space a look. I cannot say that I have a single song that is my favorite, I like them all. But there is this one song that hit me rather hard (in a good way). It is called Another Place to Fall.
Here are the lyrics....



Are you blind
Blind to me trying to be kind
Volunteering for your firing line
Waiting for one precious sign
The flicker of a smile
You should try it just once in a while
Maybe it's not quite your style
It's simply too easy to do
And you might not see it through
See it through

Ooh, so
Find yourself another place to fall
Find yourself up against another brick wall
See yourself as a fallen angel
Well I don't see no holes in the road but you
Find another place to fall

Are you proud
To have founded a brand new behavior
With hatred and hurt as your savior
But nobody's choosing to follow
So you choke back the tears and you swallow
Men who have ruined your life
You consume them with minimum strife
But now you have got indigestion
The antacid comes as a question

Ooh, so
Find yourself another place to fall
Find yourself up against another brick wall
See yourself as a fallen angel
Well I don't see no holes in the road but you
Find another place to fall

There isn't much more I can say
For I don't understand the delay
You're asking for friendly advice
And remaining in permanent crisis
Affection is yours if you ask
But first you must take off your mask
When you're back's turned I've decided I'll throw it away just like I did

Ooh, so
Find yourself another place to fall
Find yourself up against another brick wall
See yourself as a fallen angel
Well I don't see no holes in the road but you
Find another place to fall
Well I don't see no holes in the road but you
Find another place to fall
Well I don't see no holes in the road but you
Find another place to fall

Yup this song hit me like a Mac truck. There is one line that kind of just made me think. I know that the title kind of gives it away, but I will not keep you in suspense.

Affection is yours if you ask
But first you must take off your mask
When you're back's turned I've decided I'll throw it away just like I did

Yup there it is. I just sat stunned. I mean this whole Matt-man thing has been a real development for me and has led me to make some strong moves. For a split second I was going on a internal rant, and for me that is an eternity. It was the usual kind of shit and then the whole song just sat on my chest. I realized I was finding another place to fall. So I stopped my internal rant, took a step back (Thanks Mikey!) and looked long at the situation. I am Matt-man, it is a fact. I have never felt so alive (well not since knowing someone exists in this world) as I have lately. But this was even more amazing cause it was in conjunction with another realization and it all fit together.

Recently I acquired a really cheap digital camera. I have taken some pictures of me and I began to see that I did not smile hardly at all in any of them unless I was thinking it. Now I went on about this in the blog on My Space so I won't reiterate it here. It all ties together though as I thought of that line.

My face has been a mask. I may be Matt-man but I have been wearing the mask of simple ole Matt. The fat ugly stupid unmotivated shmuck that used to live here. They guy that has been trying to be the center of the universe and the son of God on a cross. Well he is gone. I cannot promise that I won't slip the mask on now and again in some form or another, but I won't let him overshadow me again. I plan on smiling every damn day, cause there are way to damn many reasons not to.

I will be looking for many things. No more waiting for the universe to dump them on me. Like a kid in left field I plan on getting under the ball and catching it before it hits me on the head. Oh yeah I just made a sports reference, that should tell you something. See I have always said that I hated Sports analogies, well still do in most cases cause they never put them into context.

So if you don't see me smiling, HIT ME UP SIDE THE HEAD. Well ask me first just in case I am that way for a reason, then hit me. Yup you got to love a friend who gives you permission to bash him in the head. HA like any of you had to be given permission....Oh wait I am as big as an ogre so you think you do.

HA I love being a gentle giant. No one ever believes that I have never hit a single person in my life. Nope, been hit several times but never hit back. Never wanted to. It just never something that I wanted to do. Oh I have hit things, cause all that comes of it is that they break or I break. In either case no harm, well ok to me but I will heal and the things can be fixed or replaced. The real reason for the lack of the "Fighting Spirit", well to be honest there is a situation in my past that showed me the true dark side of violence. For the sake of all involved I will not name names or places but suffice it to say that I know the true end result of all violence. It is never good.

Oh I have stood up for friends before. No it never came to blows, but again when a mountain gets up and bellows "Just back the fuck up" people tend to listen. HA just thought of another one

"When Tutwiler talks people listen" (inside joke)

So don't really know where that came from, but I am glad it is out there. Yup I am smiling right now, cause I am alive. I have more friends then I know what to do with. I am on a path (I have no idea where it will lead but that is half the fun). I am not broke, but close. Even if I was I have the wonder of the internet to keep me busy. There is a cool movie coming out this weekend "untraviolet" looks like a great popcorn movie. Oh and speaking of movies this and most Sundays from now on will be movie day at the loft, so bring a couple of films that you think we all need to see and we will go from there.

Yup the list goes on and on. The real great thing is that I am not the only one with this list. People listen to me! Hearken to my words! Take a good long look and realize that for all the troubles in your lives (trust me I know that they are there, I know mine and they are many) you have just as many Joys going on as well, in fact most of the time more. And the real cool thing is that they are usually constant while the troubles are just passing through.

Boy I feel better then I have in a long time. Kind of funny how much weight a stupid mask can have. Even more funny is when the mask is covering up the super hero not the other way around....Hey reminds me of that speech in Kill Bill Vol.2. You know the Superman speech. Oh come on it was amazing! Yeah I know I latch onto some stupid things to remember. It is towards the end of the film when the Bride reaches Bill. He is standing at the bar and shoots her with a dart and enters into this speech about Super heroes. His take is that every other super hero out there is a normal person that has to put on a costume to be the hero, they must rise above their situation to be special. Superman on the other hand has to take on the persona of Clark Kent to be normal, while all the time Superman, his true self is held back. He must lower himself to be among the rest of us. Yes that analogy really hits home. We are all super inside and we have to learn to tear the shirt off and reveal the real inner self.

Oh well enough for tonight. I am tired and as I intend to get up by 9 no matter when I get to bed it would be a good idea. Besides I have typed more then enough for all to read. A load off my mind.

Hey give KT Tunstall a try. Good stuff!

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!