It seems to be a consensus among all of you that this was a joke or gag. It was not. What I did really had nothing to do with you as far as why I did it.

I don't know if any of you can understand what it is like to have this voice in your head. It is loud and never shuts up. It is always there belittling and berating you. Tearing down every thing you try and do. Telling you why you should just go away, shut up and give up on everything. It is there from the moment you wake till you sleep and sometimes it is there as well.

I was tired and it was there saying all those things in the comments, so I just decided to shut it up by getting it out of my head. I never really though about what would come later and the real problem is that it went away for awhile. I thought I had found a way to be rid of it, and then it came back and I did it again. Then the realization hit me that you were all privy to what I had said in its name. I had drawn all of you into this and had given it something it wanted. A way to damage our relationships. No I am not pushing off responsibility I chose to do it, I choose to not look at the long term ramifications, I choose to completely ignore how it would affect all of you. I choose to betray the trust that you had in me. I did this.

It was a stupid thing to do.

As I have said before I don't expect anyone to forgive me ever. I expect to lose friends over this especially one very close one. If it wanted that it has won. And no I don't expect anyone to not hate me because I am crazy with voices in my head. I did this, no matter where it came from I did it.

I am sorry for what it is worth.

Not a whole lot. What is the worth of words from a liar.

I am done