Control! Control! You must learn control!

Here is a moment that I never thought in a million years I would be living through. I sit here and I realize that for all my efforts in life I am and always have been the one thing that I have....Well to be nice I would say disliked, but in truth I hate it.

Hi! My name is Matt and I am a control freak.

I think I should be sitting in a circle of chairs with people sitting in them looking at me.

Or at least I did until I had a moment to look my self in the mirror and smack myself out of the trap of beating the shit out of myself for real reason, good or otherwise.

Instead I have turned to my Jedi training and looked for a solution. Wow I never really thought that it could help out in situations like this. But it did.

I had to stop and realize where my hatred for control came from. Well it comes from my grandmother on my dad's side. She has always done everything with her mind on controlling every one . Saying this or that to get them to feel sorry for her and do what she wants them too.
I have watched her turn one family member against another to drive them to her. It makes me sick to think what twisted mind could come up with the stuff that she dose. No spider could weave a web as vile as the ones she has spun. To make matters worse she freely hurts people as she dose it. I swore that I would never do anything like this ever.

I could say that I have failed, but that is not true.

Control is something we all have in our lives. We control ourselves on a daily basis. In many way we control others as well. Choosing what to say or not to say when someone says something or dose something. It is all around us as we walk through our daily lives. What we do with it dictates whether it is good or evil. And like it or not pain is a part of life as well. Upon considering it I have come up with a way to look at pain.

There is no pain; there is growth.

Even the most hurtful statement or action that causes pain also causes us to grow. We can either accept this and take the growth to heart or we can fight it. In the end though we are changed by it.

So there is no escaping control or pain in life. We are all control freaks on some level. The sooner we realize it the sooner we can learn to control our control. Wow that is the dumbest thing I have ever typed, but it is also very true. Only when we can guide our controlling nature can we hope to do good and not evil. Learning to know when to control and when not to is a difficult road. I mean letting someone experience pain when you could stop it is a terrible burden, but it is necessary for them to grow. You could jump in an stop it, but in the end you cause more damage then the original event would.

I have had to learn to let people fall down, letting them make mistakes. What I can do is be there to try and help them grow from them. Sometimes by giving them space and sometimes by being there to lend a hand. I will continue to do this and in doing so help myself.

I am not a control freak.

I am a Jedi.

There is no ignorance; there is knowledge

There is no fear; there is understating

There is no anger; there is self-control

There is no confusion; there is focus

There is no indecision; there is direction

There is no pain; there is growth

There is no ego; there is fellowship

There is no death; there is the Force.

May the Force be with you.

Excelsior!!!