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So I haven't posted in a while. Hmmmm oh yeah that is right I was fighting a new bout of depression. Well that has passed like a sack of white castles and I have flushed it down the toilet.

Besides I know where it comes from anyway. Within me. Inside there is this sick and twisted version of myself that wants me to be depressed. Cause when I get depressed I look inward. Alwasy with the self analysis and thinking and shit. I have a new axiom.

The inward turned eye sees nothing but self.

I have decided to turn my eye outward. Not that easy but it can be done.

I do have a number of people that I need to apoligize to for being a real ass too for the last couple of days....shit like a week now. I will speak to all of you in turn, and if you want to tell me to take a leap feel free.

In reality I must admit that I don't know who I am right now. And Mikey if you comment with my name I am going to poke you so hard. I do not know where I am going. I have no clue what is going on in my life. And for all that, things that should weigh on my shoulders like a mountain I have just one thing to say.


I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!

If I die tomorrow then I die. If I live forever then I live. I don't care anymore. If I feel pain I feel pain. If I am numb then I am numb.

What does it matter? What great scheme of the celestial host pivots on my life?

It doesn't and there isn't one. I am as insignificant as the rest of the world. So to be blunt.


FUCK IT!

All I can do is just live my life.

I know that it will probably be alone, which is the one thing that still bothers me. ALOT! But yet again I must think logically. Does it matter if I am alone? Does it matter if my life is hollow, empty and with out meaning?

NOPE!

So here I am. No different then everyone else. Lost and alone and without hope. Empty and hollow with a vast plain streaching out before me filled with opprotunities that have no meaning. I should be depressed but for some reason I am not. So be it.

I will see everyone this weekend at the party. I will warn everyone now I plan on getting torn up. Sloshed and flat out drunk. If I offend anyone..... sorry it is my first time so be tolerant.

Well that is about all that I care to post about. If it is a downer for everyone then tough, that is life get used to it. Anyone that says differently is selling something.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!