Okay I am almost ready to head out to the loft for the geatest party that I have ever been to.
Not saying much as I have not been to that many, but I have high hopes.
The real reason for this post is to alert everyone that I am not planning on posting until monday at the earliest. Anything that is posted between now and then after this post could be the insane rambelings of a drunk EMO person that needs a good boot to the head.
Just a warning, read at your own risk. I have never really been drunk so I have no idea how I am going to react to it. Just know that if I post between now and monday aside from this one it could be dangerous. Like making your eyes bleed and foam spurtting from you mouth kind of stuff.
Anyway I am off to the loft and I will see everyone soon
NEW YEARS EVE IS GONNA ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ALL HAIL THE ARRIVAL OF
WINTER-EEN-MAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Saturday, December 31, 2005
The Passion of the Title
I have posted many things on this blog and other journals. One thing that I have never touched on was my personal beliefs.
Do I believe in a God? Yes I do. There is no way the universe just happened by accident. No everything is to perfect to be by happenstance. Someone has to be behind it all. The simplicity is to symetrical to be anything but divine intellect. I won't go into details it would take a thousand pages of this and many other blogs. Besides this is what I believe, and that requires little proof just faith.
Do I believe in a Devil? A strange question too ask. There are some people that run around saying yes and some saying no. Personaly I say yes. But to be truthfull there is something about that that is different then the rest. I believe in a devil, but he is not the opposite of God. He is not even close to being equal to God. He is a stupid spoiled brat. He had power once and it was taken away from him. Now all he can do is try and twist us into using the power that God gave us to his needs. To steal, kill and destroy, that is all the power that the bible says that he has. He seeks to steal out power, kill us and destroy everything God created. But what power is it that we all have that he wants?
The power of creation. It exists in all of us. The divine power to see what is not there and make it real. Immagination is one aspect of that power. In the long history of the bible the devil has never created anything at all. No where is he shown to have made anything, no he just lies and decieves others to do his dirty work. He is a coward and a wretch. Fear is one of his greatest tools, as is anger. He gets us so wrapped up in our fear of everything that we will do anything to be free of it and he is jhonny on the spot to tell us what we have to do. Things that might sound good, but all they end up being are veiled deceptions that cause us more grief and thus we need more of his help. No in the end he has only the power to lie to us to accomplish his goals.
This is why I have taken such an interest in the gaming world. I see it as one of the only avenues that hopes to expand the immagination and cultivate creativity. I will stand by this belief until the day that I am expunged from existance.
Now I bet some of you are wondering how all this fits into my "Jedi" walk. Well it ain't that hard to explain.
God created us all. Having created somethings in my day I can tell you that part of me is in everything that I create, thus a part of God is within all that he created. In me and you and this computer and the trees outside as well as the air and the rain that is falling. The Force is described as existing in all things, binding us together and growing from us. Well as God exists in us and we use our power to create new things we are adding to his existance in a way, thus he is growing like the Force. When I say "May the Force be with you" I am also saying "May God be with you". But I find that the "Force" is often taken with more acceptance then saying "God". I don't blame anyone for this, except those stupid fanatics that feel the need to destroy and kill everyone and everything that does not fit their view of what holy or God is. When God sent his only begotten son here he sent us a pattern to look at and emulate. Jesus walked this earth and he did so as one of us. So as I looked at his life I saw that he gathered a throng of close FRIENDS to his side for companions. No he did not go to the "Bible" scholars, in fact he tore down the two biggest doctrines thruout his life. So I figure that if he wanted a one on one relationship will us that indicates that God was saying that it all comes down to a one on one with him. Jesus was not noted for praying in church, no he seemed to be in constant contact with his Father at all times. He did not need a man to tell him what his Father was saying or doing, he had a direct line. If had it so can we. This is also part of why I follow the path of the "Jedi" for the Force guides them. Thus I am open to the "Force/God" guiding me everyday. Somedays are easier then others, more difficult lately but that is my fault.
I am not perfect nor do I expect anyone to understand this at all. I just want to put here what is in my heart. Take it or leave it. If part of it makes sense the take it, whatever doesn't you leave. The bible has a verse that speaks "We see through a glass but darkly". So we all see something of what God intended, but we all don't see the same spot. If we share our spots with others then we begin to put pieces together and the spot gets bigger. Like a puzzle though, not all the pieces fit together right away and it can be confusing.
But faith is not about being easy, it is about believing is something that is not easy and sticking to it.
Well that is all for now. I will post more later. I have to get to bed now and prepare for the party of the year....
Woot NEW YEARS EVE AT BENS!!!!!!
and
LET WINTER-EEN-MAS BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Do I believe in a God? Yes I do. There is no way the universe just happened by accident. No everything is to perfect to be by happenstance. Someone has to be behind it all. The simplicity is to symetrical to be anything but divine intellect. I won't go into details it would take a thousand pages of this and many other blogs. Besides this is what I believe, and that requires little proof just faith.
Do I believe in a Devil? A strange question too ask. There are some people that run around saying yes and some saying no. Personaly I say yes. But to be truthfull there is something about that that is different then the rest. I believe in a devil, but he is not the opposite of God. He is not even close to being equal to God. He is a stupid spoiled brat. He had power once and it was taken away from him. Now all he can do is try and twist us into using the power that God gave us to his needs. To steal, kill and destroy, that is all the power that the bible says that he has. He seeks to steal out power, kill us and destroy everything God created. But what power is it that we all have that he wants?
The power of creation. It exists in all of us. The divine power to see what is not there and make it real. Immagination is one aspect of that power. In the long history of the bible the devil has never created anything at all. No where is he shown to have made anything, no he just lies and decieves others to do his dirty work. He is a coward and a wretch. Fear is one of his greatest tools, as is anger. He gets us so wrapped up in our fear of everything that we will do anything to be free of it and he is jhonny on the spot to tell us what we have to do. Things that might sound good, but all they end up being are veiled deceptions that cause us more grief and thus we need more of his help. No in the end he has only the power to lie to us to accomplish his goals.
This is why I have taken such an interest in the gaming world. I see it as one of the only avenues that hopes to expand the immagination and cultivate creativity. I will stand by this belief until the day that I am expunged from existance.
Now I bet some of you are wondering how all this fits into my "Jedi" walk. Well it ain't that hard to explain.
God created us all. Having created somethings in my day I can tell you that part of me is in everything that I create, thus a part of God is within all that he created. In me and you and this computer and the trees outside as well as the air and the rain that is falling. The Force is described as existing in all things, binding us together and growing from us. Well as God exists in us and we use our power to create new things we are adding to his existance in a way, thus he is growing like the Force. When I say "May the Force be with you" I am also saying "May God be with you". But I find that the "Force" is often taken with more acceptance then saying "God". I don't blame anyone for this, except those stupid fanatics that feel the need to destroy and kill everyone and everything that does not fit their view of what holy or God is. When God sent his only begotten son here he sent us a pattern to look at and emulate. Jesus walked this earth and he did so as one of us. So as I looked at his life I saw that he gathered a throng of close FRIENDS to his side for companions. No he did not go to the "Bible" scholars, in fact he tore down the two biggest doctrines thruout his life. So I figure that if he wanted a one on one relationship will us that indicates that God was saying that it all comes down to a one on one with him. Jesus was not noted for praying in church, no he seemed to be in constant contact with his Father at all times. He did not need a man to tell him what his Father was saying or doing, he had a direct line. If had it so can we. This is also part of why I follow the path of the "Jedi" for the Force guides them. Thus I am open to the "Force/God" guiding me everyday. Somedays are easier then others, more difficult lately but that is my fault.
I am not perfect nor do I expect anyone to understand this at all. I just want to put here what is in my heart. Take it or leave it. If part of it makes sense the take it, whatever doesn't you leave. The bible has a verse that speaks "We see through a glass but darkly". So we all see something of what God intended, but we all don't see the same spot. If we share our spots with others then we begin to put pieces together and the spot gets bigger. Like a puzzle though, not all the pieces fit together right away and it can be confusing.
But faith is not about being easy, it is about believing is something that is not easy and sticking to it.
Well that is all for now. I will post more later. I have to get to bed now and prepare for the party of the year....
Woot NEW YEARS EVE AT BENS!!!!!!
and
LET WINTER-EEN-MAS BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, December 29, 2005
El Title
Well here I sit.
I am fighting off a would be bout of flu. I will win cause I always do.
Went out and saw Joe today (sorry Nicky). Not much happened with me feeling shitty and all. We talked a bit with Scott and Kirbus (his brothers) and one of their friends Lyle.
Oh Joe showed me a game he got for Christmas. Stubbs the Zombie: Rebel without a pulse. It was a blast. It takes place in the "City of the Future" Punchbowl Pennsylvania. You are a traveling salesman turned zombie out to conquer the city. The creator of Puchbowl Andrew Monday doesn't like this one bit and throws his army of police and security at you along with some help from local militia and robots. Not overly graphic but still a zombie feel. Yes you eat brains. You can use powers like the "Fart Bomb" which incapacitates you foes for a short while allowing you to munch some membranes. The "Stomach grenade" is best used against large groups of the living. The "Hand Toss" allows you to detach you hand and send it off to find a human and then you crawl up to their head and take control of them. Lastly you can roll your head like a bowling ball and have it explode.
It was a blast. The music was period with some inserts of newer songs. The dance off against the chief of Police was hilarious. Yes I said dance off.
It reminded me of a game that I was playing at my friend Jim's called "Destroy All Humans" where you play a alien trying to take over the earth. Same 50's atomic horror feel.
After that we sat around again and chatted. Then Joe and Kirbus jumped into my van and I drove them to their cousin Randy's for some Castles and Crusades. It was good to see a true hardcore gamer like Randy again. He had games stashed all over and was showing off his wife's new 40K army. Most of which was put together with bits and pieces of toys that he had acquired.
I was starting to feel the affects of only 4 hours of bad sleep and this damn bug, so I made my farewells and took off.
So now that the recap of the day section is over I guess it is time for the more thoughtful section of this post.
I am not depressed. Down maybe but not depressed.
I know that I have a plan, it is just being forced to wait and wait to start making it happen. Now I could try and push this forward, but from past experience that will end in failure. All things in their appointed time and season.
I will just have to keep the shoulder to the grind stone and cope. Besides I have loads of friends to spend time with not to mention the projects that I have to work on for Ben and the guys at Harsh Realities.
Yes things that I want are not within reach but I need to focus on what I have and not what I lack. I keep saying this but until now I don't know that I understood it. I have to deal with the now, the future will attend to itself.
So all in all I am feeling better, aside from the throbbing in my head and stuff leaking from my nose. I hope that all are finding some peace in their stormy seas.
I will see everyone Saturday for the ..................
PARTY OF THE YEAR!!!!!!
and
THE BEGINNING OF WINTER-EEN-MAS!!!!!!!!!
AMAZING!!!!!!
May the Force be with you all
Excelsior!!!
I am fighting off a would be bout of flu. I will win cause I always do.
Went out and saw Joe today (sorry Nicky). Not much happened with me feeling shitty and all. We talked a bit with Scott and Kirbus (his brothers) and one of their friends Lyle.
Oh Joe showed me a game he got for Christmas. Stubbs the Zombie: Rebel without a pulse. It was a blast. It takes place in the "City of the Future" Punchbowl Pennsylvania. You are a traveling salesman turned zombie out to conquer the city. The creator of Puchbowl Andrew Monday doesn't like this one bit and throws his army of police and security at you along with some help from local militia and robots. Not overly graphic but still a zombie feel. Yes you eat brains. You can use powers like the "Fart Bomb" which incapacitates you foes for a short while allowing you to munch some membranes. The "Stomach grenade" is best used against large groups of the living. The "Hand Toss" allows you to detach you hand and send it off to find a human and then you crawl up to their head and take control of them. Lastly you can roll your head like a bowling ball and have it explode.
It was a blast. The music was period with some inserts of newer songs. The dance off against the chief of Police was hilarious. Yes I said dance off.
It reminded me of a game that I was playing at my friend Jim's called "Destroy All Humans" where you play a alien trying to take over the earth. Same 50's atomic horror feel.
After that we sat around again and chatted. Then Joe and Kirbus jumped into my van and I drove them to their cousin Randy's for some Castles and Crusades. It was good to see a true hardcore gamer like Randy again. He had games stashed all over and was showing off his wife's new 40K army. Most of which was put together with bits and pieces of toys that he had acquired.
I was starting to feel the affects of only 4 hours of bad sleep and this damn bug, so I made my farewells and took off.
So now that the recap of the day section is over I guess it is time for the more thoughtful section of this post.
I am not depressed. Down maybe but not depressed.
I know that I have a plan, it is just being forced to wait and wait to start making it happen. Now I could try and push this forward, but from past experience that will end in failure. All things in their appointed time and season.
I will just have to keep the shoulder to the grind stone and cope. Besides I have loads of friends to spend time with not to mention the projects that I have to work on for Ben and the guys at Harsh Realities.
Yes things that I want are not within reach but I need to focus on what I have and not what I lack. I keep saying this but until now I don't know that I understood it. I have to deal with the now, the future will attend to itself.
So all in all I am feeling better, aside from the throbbing in my head and stuff leaking from my nose. I hope that all are finding some peace in their stormy seas.
I will see everyone Saturday for the ..................
PARTY OF THE YEAR!!!!!!
and
THE BEGINNING OF WINTER-EEN-MAS!!!!!!!!!
AMAZING!!!!!!
May the Force be with you all
Excelsior!!!
No Title
Darkness comes and oblivion calls
You wander down its cold dead halls
Look to your left and then to your right
Demons and wraiths lurk just out of sight
With daggers and dirks poison tipped for the kill
And to add flavor when from your blood they drink their fill
Run all you like, seek every escape
But in the end your soul they will rape
Claws sink deep and blades brutally slice
Never you thought this would be the price
You only sought happiness and a special love
But a raven you find instead of a dove
Call to the light for help and salvation
Your throat is dried up and your limbs are weak from starvation
Once there were many who spoke friendly words to you
Now you are alone in the world you never knew
So as they finish defiling your body and soul
They leave with a laugh and you learn their true role
For it is masks they all ware and now they come off
And those you call friends jeer and they scoff
Why do you lie there all wracked with pain?
Aren't you bettter then this or are you insane?
As the words strike harder than any blow could
The damage is deeper then any will know but they should
And somewhere inside a small part of you died
And how you wished that right then you could've cried
For how could they do this? What could they have thought?
How could they justify the horror they rought?
No answers to questions will ever be found
They have all left without hearing making a sound
Confused and broken you lay on the floor
And in darkness you pass as your friends close the door
~FIN~
It is 7:30 in the morning and I have not been to sleep. Feeling crappy, but I refuse to be sick. This just started pouring from my finger tips so here it is.
Whatever
You wander down its cold dead halls
Look to your left and then to your right
Demons and wraiths lurk just out of sight
With daggers and dirks poison tipped for the kill
And to add flavor when from your blood they drink their fill
Run all you like, seek every escape
But in the end your soul they will rape
Claws sink deep and blades brutally slice
Never you thought this would be the price
You only sought happiness and a special love
But a raven you find instead of a dove
Call to the light for help and salvation
Your throat is dried up and your limbs are weak from starvation
Once there were many who spoke friendly words to you
Now you are alone in the world you never knew
So as they finish defiling your body and soul
They leave with a laugh and you learn their true role
For it is masks they all ware and now they come off
And those you call friends jeer and they scoff
Why do you lie there all wracked with pain?
Aren't you bettter then this or are you insane?
As the words strike harder than any blow could
The damage is deeper then any will know but they should
And somewhere inside a small part of you died
And how you wished that right then you could've cried
For how could they do this? What could they have thought?
How could they justify the horror they rought?
No answers to questions will ever be found
They have all left without hearing making a sound
Confused and broken you lay on the floor
And in darkness you pass as your friends close the door
~FIN~
It is 7:30 in the morning and I have not been to sleep. Feeling crappy, but I refuse to be sick. This just started pouring from my finger tips so here it is.
Whatever
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Altered Titles
So I haven't posted in a while. Hmmmm oh yeah that is right I was fighting a new bout of depression. Well that has passed like a sack of white castles and I have flushed it down the toilet.
Besides I know where it comes from anyway. Within me. Inside there is this sick and twisted version of myself that wants me to be depressed. Cause when I get depressed I look inward. Alwasy with the self analysis and thinking and shit. I have a new axiom.
The inward turned eye sees nothing but self.
I have decided to turn my eye outward. Not that easy but it can be done.
I do have a number of people that I need to apoligize to for being a real ass too for the last couple of days....shit like a week now. I will speak to all of you in turn, and if you want to tell me to take a leap feel free.
In reality I must admit that I don't know who I am right now. And Mikey if you comment with my name I am going to poke you so hard. I do not know where I am going. I have no clue what is going on in my life. And for all that, things that should weigh on my shoulders like a mountain I have just one thing to say.
I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!
If I die tomorrow then I die. If I live forever then I live. I don't care anymore. If I feel pain I feel pain. If I am numb then I am numb.
What does it matter? What great scheme of the celestial host pivots on my life?
It doesn't and there isn't one. I am as insignificant as the rest of the world. So to be blunt.
FUCK IT!
All I can do is just live my life.
I know that it will probably be alone, which is the one thing that still bothers me. ALOT! But yet again I must think logically. Does it matter if I am alone? Does it matter if my life is hollow, empty and with out meaning?
NOPE!
So here I am. No different then everyone else. Lost and alone and without hope. Empty and hollow with a vast plain streaching out before me filled with opprotunities that have no meaning. I should be depressed but for some reason I am not. So be it.
I will see everyone this weekend at the party. I will warn everyone now I plan on getting torn up. Sloshed and flat out drunk. If I offend anyone..... sorry it is my first time so be tolerant.
Well that is about all that I care to post about. If it is a downer for everyone then tough, that is life get used to it. Anyone that says differently is selling something.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Besides I know where it comes from anyway. Within me. Inside there is this sick and twisted version of myself that wants me to be depressed. Cause when I get depressed I look inward. Alwasy with the self analysis and thinking and shit. I have a new axiom.
The inward turned eye sees nothing but self.
I have decided to turn my eye outward. Not that easy but it can be done.
I do have a number of people that I need to apoligize to for being a real ass too for the last couple of days....shit like a week now. I will speak to all of you in turn, and if you want to tell me to take a leap feel free.
In reality I must admit that I don't know who I am right now. And Mikey if you comment with my name I am going to poke you so hard. I do not know where I am going. I have no clue what is going on in my life. And for all that, things that should weigh on my shoulders like a mountain I have just one thing to say.
I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!
If I die tomorrow then I die. If I live forever then I live. I don't care anymore. If I feel pain I feel pain. If I am numb then I am numb.
What does it matter? What great scheme of the celestial host pivots on my life?
It doesn't and there isn't one. I am as insignificant as the rest of the world. So to be blunt.
FUCK IT!
All I can do is just live my life.
I know that it will probably be alone, which is the one thing that still bothers me. ALOT! But yet again I must think logically. Does it matter if I am alone? Does it matter if my life is hollow, empty and with out meaning?
NOPE!
So here I am. No different then everyone else. Lost and alone and without hope. Empty and hollow with a vast plain streaching out before me filled with opprotunities that have no meaning. I should be depressed but for some reason I am not. So be it.
I will see everyone this weekend at the party. I will warn everyone now I plan on getting torn up. Sloshed and flat out drunk. If I offend anyone..... sorry it is my first time so be tolerant.
Well that is about all that I care to post about. If it is a downer for everyone then tough, that is life get used to it. Anyone that says differently is selling something.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Sunday, December 25, 2005
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
OMG!!!!!!!!!
I GOT FIREFLY THE COMPLETE SERIES!!!!!!!!!
I am touching it right now!!!!!! The feeling is moving up my arms.
A feeling of enbeleviable jo..................
*POP* head flies off Matt's shoulders
I GOT FIREFLY THE COMPLETE SERIES!!!!!!!!!
I am touching it right now!!!!!! The feeling is moving up my arms.
A feeling of enbeleviable jo..................
*POP* head flies off Matt's shoulders
A Christmas Title
Hail and well met
OH NO It is a YULE Tide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!
I have not posted in a few days, but given the season that should not be a big deal.
It just means that I have a lot to post about. Like I need an excuse to blather on about stuff? :)
The Christmas Party at Ben's was AMAZING!!!!!
Everyone was almost there. Even Tadduclese showed up with his main squeeze. Hay that ryhmed! Everyone had a good time, well almost everyone. But that is not important and I am not going to focus on that part. I got cookies and there was fudge!
GO QUEEN MARGARITA!!!!! evil little sniker
It was a great time and I was happy to see everyone.
OH YEAH Nick was there!!!!! It was beyond cool to see him again.
The sexual inuendoes were flying fast and free. I loved them all (Alright! Giggidy Giggidy)
It was an amazing evening and I am glad that I was there.
Hmmmm Oh yeah I got the Foamy DVD from Ben, haven't watched it yet cause it is stilll at the loft, but I will soon! Thanks Ben!
Okay I am being summoned to present opening so I must away with myself.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!!
And no matter what I get I already have the greatest present that I could recieve. Your friendships. Sappy but so damn true.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
OH NO It is a YULE Tide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!
I have not posted in a few days, but given the season that should not be a big deal.
It just means that I have a lot to post about. Like I need an excuse to blather on about stuff? :)
The Christmas Party at Ben's was AMAZING!!!!!
Everyone was almost there. Even Tadduclese showed up with his main squeeze. Hay that ryhmed! Everyone had a good time, well almost everyone. But that is not important and I am not going to focus on that part. I got cookies and there was fudge!
GO QUEEN MARGARITA!!!!! evil little sniker
It was a great time and I was happy to see everyone.
OH YEAH Nick was there!!!!! It was beyond cool to see him again.
The sexual inuendoes were flying fast and free. I loved them all (Alright! Giggidy Giggidy)
It was an amazing evening and I am glad that I was there.
Hmmmm Oh yeah I got the Foamy DVD from Ben, haven't watched it yet cause it is stilll at the loft, but I will soon! Thanks Ben!
Okay I am being summoned to present opening so I must away with myself.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!!
And no matter what I get I already have the greatest present that I could recieve. Your friendships. Sappy but so damn true.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Title Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Title
Well I know what I said eariler. But this is good.
Saw Love Actually. Really good movie. Real good firends.
Real good time.
But all good things come to an end.
So there it is.
Watch the movie.
Later
Saw Love Actually. Really good movie. Real good firends.
Real good time.
But all good things come to an end.
So there it is.
Watch the movie.
Later
The Title always rings twice
The Doorman
Standing at the theater in the city of life
With this playbill from the show
I know that I am in it
But what is going on I just don’t know
The streets are all empty
Did I miss the start?
Oh my God is it all over?
Will I never play my part?
Now where did I go wrong?
How did I miss the signs?
I have studied for this part
And rehearsed a thousand times
I wanted to be in it
It was all I ever wanted to
And now it has passed
I don’t know what to do
A new age now has dawned
The plays are rearranged
The stories stay the same
But the parts have all changed
Yet still I stand here at the door
And to all I say hello
The actors all know me
But back stage I can never go
I tell them of the old days
The plays that used to show
They grin and laugh and listen
Why they call me friend I will never know
They slap my back and tell me
That I can do it all again
I can play a new part
But it cannot be with them
I don’t want a one-man show
With others is how I work
And when I try and tell them
They all leave and call me a jerk
So this is all I am left with
To want but never do
So enjoy your show sir
Can I get the door for you?
I have always been the doorman
My dreams are all untrue
I never had a part to play
That is the lie I live through
Not a good time. I am not in a good place. This just about wraps up everything I am feeling.
Sorry for the downer. Probably just seasonal depression or something else stupid. Could go see ashrink and get some meds, but alcohol is just fine. And it is cheaper.
I am leaving it at that.
Standing at the theater in the city of life
With this playbill from the show
I know that I am in it
But what is going on I just don’t know
The streets are all empty
Did I miss the start?
Oh my God is it all over?
Will I never play my part?
Now where did I go wrong?
How did I miss the signs?
I have studied for this part
And rehearsed a thousand times
I wanted to be in it
It was all I ever wanted to
And now it has passed
I don’t know what to do
A new age now has dawned
The plays are rearranged
The stories stay the same
But the parts have all changed
Yet still I stand here at the door
And to all I say hello
The actors all know me
But back stage I can never go
I tell them of the old days
The plays that used to show
They grin and laugh and listen
Why they call me friend I will never know
They slap my back and tell me
That I can do it all again
I can play a new part
But it cannot be with them
I don’t want a one-man show
With others is how I work
And when I try and tell them
They all leave and call me a jerk
So this is all I am left with
To want but never do
So enjoy your show sir
Can I get the door for you?
I have always been the doorman
My dreams are all untrue
I never had a part to play
That is the lie I live through
Not a good time. I am not in a good place. This just about wraps up everything I am feeling.
Sorry for the downer. Probably just seasonal depression or something else stupid. Could go see ashrink and get some meds, but alcohol is just fine. And it is cheaper.
I am leaving it at that.
The End of Titles
Yeah
I am not my right mind. It could be the season or something else but all that I do know is that I am not a good person to be around. Due to this and that I refuse to turn this blog into a garbage pail for the crap in my head. I don't want to dump this on anyone else cause I know thta more then half of it is mindless crap. The other half may mean something, but it sure is not something you all want to deal with. So with that I have decided to declare a hiatus to posting until I get over this case of self endulgent bullshiting.
It shouldn't last long. I may try and just post little snippets when I have a moment of clairity.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Oh and have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I am not my right mind. It could be the season or something else but all that I do know is that I am not a good person to be around. Due to this and that I refuse to turn this blog into a garbage pail for the crap in my head. I don't want to dump this on anyone else cause I know thta more then half of it is mindless crap. The other half may mean something, but it sure is not something you all want to deal with. So with that I have decided to declare a hiatus to posting until I get over this case of self endulgent bullshiting.
It shouldn't last long. I may try and just post little snippets when I have a moment of clairity.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Oh and have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Title of the Gods
Hail and well met
I sit here this cold December morn wondering what to type about. I do have some things to share but I am not sure that I am ready to drop these bomb shells just yet. It is a big one and thus there will be fallout. Not ready to deal with it just yet. Maybe after the new year rolls in I will do it.
So I am still left without a subject for this post. Not much has happened to me lately. Well nothing worth typing about. And some of it would be inappropriate, -low tone- stupid dreams.
Well I guess that leaves me with a crappy post that really says nothing. GREAT! No wait I have an idea. There was something that I saw on someone's journal that I can put here. -rummages around- Hold on while I find it.
-rummaging continues-
-CRASH-
Ow! How put that there?!
-more rummaging and moving of objects-
Eureka I have it!!!
So here is a little ditty that Miles had on his journal and so I do my duty here (NO I DON'T MEAN POOP)
In 2005 Have You…
Gone to a party?: Yeah the loft at New Years
Tried something new?: Yes I have, believing in my self (soundsconceitedd but I never did before)
Had someone change your life? : Yes and it just keeps on coming
Kissed someone?: NO, a mistake I intend to rectify!
Told your family & friends you love them?: Yes many times, but never enough
Bought something extravagant?: Ummmm no not really. Need money to do that
Done something nice for yourself?: That seems kind of like a personal question...Oh wait it says "for" not "to"! My mistake. Yeah I went to GenCon
Done something terribly wrong?: Don't I always? Its me!
Moved?: NO! Another mistake I intend to rectify
Gone to a concert?: DAMN IT! NO! I have a lot of shit to rectify don't I.
The Best of 2005…
Party: Aw come on, New Years eve. Although there are some to come that might jusout shinene it
TV Show: My name is Earl!
Cd: Crimson - Alkaline Trio
Movie: NO WAY I am not picking one movie to rule them all. Sorry. Here is my list of my top three in order of how I saw them.
1) Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
2) Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
3) King Kong
Song:Okay I waffled on the Movie so I will buck up and pick a single song. Wake me when September Ends - Green Day
Experience: Um didn't have one. At least not yet;)
Concert: See above!>:(
Book: I, Jedi - Michael A. Stackpole (Thanks Nicky!)
Month: Ha a month. November
Day: Saturday November 19th
During 2005…
Where were you when it began?: The Loft walking around in the cold
Did you stay up?: Duh!
What was your new year wish?: To be rid of this armor of flesh that I have worn for too long.
Have any crushes?: Yeah
Care to mention names?: No!
New friends?: Yes Ben Rodgers, Scott Harshberger, Mike Renneker, some people from carbondale I think I can call friends (acquaintances at least) and some people from Monmouth as well.
Had to say goodbye?: Um Yes. For the first time. It hurt but there is no pain, only growth
Missed anyone?: Yes
Win anything?: Not yet
Best place you went to?: Uh well GenCon was cool but the best place has to be E-con. It was there that I met Ben Rodgers and also got to see one of my favorite people in the universe as well as several runners up.
Worst place you went to?: Inside myself
Happiest moment?: Talking to someone that I thought I had lost
How was your birthday?: What is a birthday?
Best present?: LAPTOP! Thanks all of you.
Hopes for 2006…
Predict something that you believe will happen: I will move on and up in my life, and I won't be alone!
What do you hope for yourself?: Tha t I fulfilll my desire to be a part of the Gaming Industry
What do you hope for your family?: That they can move on with their lives instead of sitting in neutral
What do you hope for your friends?: That they can find that which they seek, and that what they need is what they find.
Well there you have it. If you have any questions you know how to get a hold of me.
If I don't post before the party Friday the I will see you all there.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
I sit here this cold December morn wondering what to type about. I do have some things to share but I am not sure that I am ready to drop these bomb shells just yet. It is a big one and thus there will be fallout. Not ready to deal with it just yet. Maybe after the new year rolls in I will do it.
So I am still left without a subject for this post. Not much has happened to me lately. Well nothing worth typing about. And some of it would be inappropriate, -low tone- stupid dreams.
Well I guess that leaves me with a crappy post that really says nothing. GREAT! No wait I have an idea. There was something that I saw on someone's journal that I can put here. -rummages around- Hold on while I find it.
-rummaging continues-
-CRASH-
Ow! How put that there?!
-more rummaging and moving of objects-
Eureka I have it!!!
So here is a little ditty that Miles had on his journal and so I do my duty here (NO I DON'T MEAN POOP)
In 2005 Have You…
Gone to a party?: Yeah the loft at New Years
Tried something new?: Yes I have, believing in my self (soundsconceitedd but I never did before)
Had someone change your life? : Yes and it just keeps on coming
Kissed someone?: NO, a mistake I intend to rectify!
Told your family & friends you love them?: Yes many times, but never enough
Bought something extravagant?: Ummmm no not really. Need money to do that
Done something nice for yourself?: That seems kind of like a personal question...Oh wait it says "for" not "to"! My mistake. Yeah I went to GenCon
Done something terribly wrong?: Don't I always? Its me!
Moved?: NO! Another mistake I intend to rectify
Gone to a concert?: DAMN IT! NO! I have a lot of shit to rectify don't I.
The Best of 2005…
Party: Aw come on, New Years eve. Although there are some to come that might jusout shinene it
TV Show: My name is Earl!
Cd: Crimson - Alkaline Trio
Movie: NO WAY I am not picking one movie to rule them all. Sorry. Here is my list of my top three in order of how I saw them.
1) Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
2) Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
3) King Kong
Song:Okay I waffled on the Movie so I will buck up and pick a single song. Wake me when September Ends - Green Day
Experience: Um didn't have one. At least not yet;)
Concert: See above!>:(
Book: I, Jedi - Michael A. Stackpole (Thanks Nicky!)
Month: Ha a month. November
Day: Saturday November 19th
During 2005…
Where were you when it began?: The Loft walking around in the cold
Did you stay up?: Duh!
What was your new year wish?: To be rid of this armor of flesh that I have worn for too long.
Have any crushes?: Yeah
Care to mention names?: No!
New friends?: Yes Ben Rodgers, Scott Harshberger, Mike Renneker, some people from carbondale I think I can call friends (acquaintances at least) and some people from Monmouth as well.
Had to say goodbye?: Um Yes. For the first time. It hurt but there is no pain, only growth
Missed anyone?: Yes
Win anything?: Not yet
Best place you went to?: Uh well GenCon was cool but the best place has to be E-con. It was there that I met Ben Rodgers and also got to see one of my favorite people in the universe as well as several runners up.
Worst place you went to?: Inside myself
Happiest moment?: Talking to someone that I thought I had lost
How was your birthday?: What is a birthday?
Best present?: LAPTOP! Thanks all of you.
Hopes for 2006…
Predict something that you believe will happen: I will move on and up in my life, and I won't be alone!
What do you hope for yourself?: Tha t I fulfilll my desire to be a part of the Gaming Industry
What do you hope for your family?: That they can move on with their lives instead of sitting in neutral
What do you hope for your friends?: That they can find that which they seek, and that what they need is what they find.
Well there you have it. If you have any questions you know how to get a hold of me.
If I don't post before the party Friday the I will see you all there.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Monday, December 19, 2005
King Title
Yeah I really had to work to think that one up.
I just got back from seeing the new King Kong.
I am amazed. Not like I was after Narina but still amazed. It was a really good movie. Harryhausen would be pleased. It was a better story, and it made me cry. Not easy for the man with a heart of stone. Seeing the big guy so well defined and detailed was awesome. Andy Sirkus should get an Oscar for this as well. He really got the movements of a gorilla down. At times I really thought it was a real gorilla.
Two things that got to me though. One was the length. I am a fan of long films, the LoTR trilogy were fine at the lengths they were. I own the extended additions and they are fine as well. But Kong could have been tightened by a good 20 minutes and it might just have been a little stronger of a film. Just some scenes that they played out too much. Still worth seeing in my opinion and I still did not notice the time.
The second were the BUGS. I understand for dramatic purposes they needed bad thingies for the good guys to kill, but they did not need to make huge bugs. Least of all that huge. I am not really bothered by bugs that much, but big ones do bother me. In great number they get under my skin. These were to perfect, they looked real and thus I did not need to see them. Only in two scenes really but that was more then I needed. I know that I am whining like a mule, but this is my blog so deal with it.
I am tired now and so I must bid all good night. Tomorrow I plan on posting again.
Until then.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
I just got back from seeing the new King Kong.
I am amazed. Not like I was after Narina but still amazed. It was a really good movie. Harryhausen would be pleased. It was a better story, and it made me cry. Not easy for the man with a heart of stone. Seeing the big guy so well defined and detailed was awesome. Andy Sirkus should get an Oscar for this as well. He really got the movements of a gorilla down. At times I really thought it was a real gorilla.
Two things that got to me though. One was the length. I am a fan of long films, the LoTR trilogy were fine at the lengths they were. I own the extended additions and they are fine as well. But Kong could have been tightened by a good 20 minutes and it might just have been a little stronger of a film. Just some scenes that they played out too much. Still worth seeing in my opinion and I still did not notice the time.
The second were the BUGS. I understand for dramatic purposes they needed bad thingies for the good guys to kill, but they did not need to make huge bugs. Least of all that huge. I am not really bothered by bugs that much, but big ones do bother me. In great number they get under my skin. These were to perfect, they looked real and thus I did not need to see them. Only in two scenes really but that was more then I needed. I know that I am whining like a mule, but this is my blog so deal with it.
I am tired now and so I must bid all good night. Tomorrow I plan on posting again.
Until then.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Title in Translation
Hail and well met
Hope that all is well during this holiday season. Just got back from shopping with some friends down in Bourbonois. It was crazy. I am still amazed at the feeding frenzy that has become of this holiday. Of course I picked up stuff for people, not much but I did find some things.
Well I just finished jumping around a few other friends blogs and found this. It was fun and interesting, but nothing more. So here it is have fun.
Well there it is. I should mention that this is the second result since the site had a problem and even when I tried to match my colors I know that some were different. Anyway it was kind of fun and entertaining.
Not much else to speak of right now. Maybe later. Who knows.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Hope that all is well during this holiday season. Just got back from shopping with some friends down in Bourbonois. It was crazy. I am still amazed at the feeding frenzy that has become of this holiday. Of course I picked up stuff for people, not much but I did find some things.
Well I just finished jumping around a few other friends blogs and found this. It was fun and interesting, but nothing more. So here it is have fun.
 | Matt took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Has an imperative need for some bond or fusion wit..."
|
Well there it is. I should mention that this is the second result since the site had a problem and even when I tried to match my colors I know that some were different. Anyway it was kind of fun and entertaining.
Not much else to speak of right now. Maybe later. Who knows.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Friday, December 16, 2005
The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Title
I did not want to wander from my new standard of a movie title with the word "Title" in it so I picked a movie that best fit the mood of my post. If I was to title this one in the old fashion it would have been this.
Cold silence of being utterly alone
It sounds like some of my old posts, but it is not. Last night I was at the loft and left around 12:30. As I was walking to my car I was thinking of many things, some good and some bad. As I entered the street I stopped and realized that it was quiet. No not just quiet but still. The silence wrapped around me like a thick blanket, but it was still cold. In fact as I stood there the cold seemed to deepen and penetrate me to my core. I looked down the street and the light from the street lamps and passing cars seemed hollow and gave no comfort. As I stood there I knew that I was utterly alone.
From there I find myself sitting here typing. I don't know what to make of it. I don't plan on thinking much about it. It just struck me. That moment when everything seemed to focus on that one point. In some ways I look at it as a moment of perfect beauty. The surrounding all coming together and complimenting each other. The purity of the feeling. It was a perfect moment and for some strange reason I am glad to have felt it.
Just one moment. Nothing more or less. No life changing events or trends. Nothing beyond that moment.
A perfect moment.
I don't know what else to say. So I will shut up and be done with it.
Oh hey if you want some good reading on RPG theroy and design hit this sight.
http://www.indie-rpgs.com/articles/
Read the articles entitled "System does matter" and "GNS and Other Matters of Role-Playing Theroy" by Ron Edwards. They are good reading, a little heavy at times but the information is sound and thought provoking.
I am out of here for now. Plan on working out later and hoping that something is going on later.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Cold silence of being utterly alone
It sounds like some of my old posts, but it is not. Last night I was at the loft and left around 12:30. As I was walking to my car I was thinking of many things, some good and some bad. As I entered the street I stopped and realized that it was quiet. No not just quiet but still. The silence wrapped around me like a thick blanket, but it was still cold. In fact as I stood there the cold seemed to deepen and penetrate me to my core. I looked down the street and the light from the street lamps and passing cars seemed hollow and gave no comfort. As I stood there I knew that I was utterly alone.
From there I find myself sitting here typing. I don't know what to make of it. I don't plan on thinking much about it. It just struck me. That moment when everything seemed to focus on that one point. In some ways I look at it as a moment of perfect beauty. The surrounding all coming together and complimenting each other. The purity of the feeling. It was a perfect moment and for some strange reason I am glad to have felt it.
Just one moment. Nothing more or less. No life changing events or trends. Nothing beyond that moment.
A perfect moment.
I don't know what else to say. So I will shut up and be done with it.
Oh hey if you want some good reading on RPG theroy and design hit this sight.
http://www.indie-rpgs.com/articles/
Read the articles entitled "System does matter" and "GNS and Other Matters of Role-Playing Theroy" by Ron Edwards. They are good reading, a little heavy at times but the information is sound and thought provoking.
I am out of here for now. Plan on working out later and hoping that something is going on later.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Garbage Title Kids
Wow it has been just a little while since I really posted.
Well here is an overview of what is going on. I went and worked out with Chris and Val on Tuesday. It was amazing! Thanks guys for going in it with me. I really know that I would not push as far if I was on my own. We have to talk just a little more though. Either that or I am bringing my CD player and listen to music. But I would prefer to shoot the shit with you guys. Oh Chris we need to talk about all that stuff that you mentioned, you know making a schedule and workout plan and all. Dude if you know about all this stuff then please enlighten us novices.
After working out I went down to Bourbonois to see my other friends down there. We watched the remake of Bad News Bears with Billy Bob Thornton. It rocked! I was leary that it might be as raunchy as Bad Santa, but it was alright.
Today I ran around with my Dad getting him a card for Bally's and then did some light Christmas shopping. Mostly DVD's for mom and family. Tomorrow I need to hit Borders for some books and one other store for one more present then I am done. I have blown my budget and had to sneak some of my Christmas money to pull it off but damnit I like giving people stuff. I am selfish when it comes to being generous. Sue me.
Well then I met up with Jim and we worked out again. I am crazy but it feels good so I keep doing it. I went 25 minutes on a ski machine. OH MY GOD! If I though that walking or riding was a workout I was mistaken. This thing was insane. You stand on two floating pads and then start a walking motion, but there is not ground. You just keep going around and around. Then you grab the handles and that is even more crazy. They are attached to the pads so as you walk they go back and forth. You have to use your arms to stabilize the motion or you just keep going faster and faster. So you are in a running like motion with your arms working back and forth to keep everything under control. I was sweating worse then I ever did on the Dread mill or a bike. The great thing is that my knee, which had been bothering me just a little and was getting worse, started hurting and then quit. It felt better after about 10 minutes. I walked better after the workout too. All in all I will be using those things all the time. Woot! Not to mention that I went over 2 miles (although I have no idea how it calculates the distance, since it was monitoring RPMs and not MPH). Did some weights after that and then went to Jim's house.
Well that brings us up to date on things that have happened. Now on to what should be happening soon. Jim had some good news for me on the job front. The bitch is out, most likely by Friday of this week, but possibly a few days later. Apparently she got into it with the shop steward and pissed him off enough with her shit that he made a couple of calls. Well that is the end of that. So as soon as she is gone and the original supervisor is back I am in like Flynn (can some one explain that one two me. Who is this Flynn character and why is he in things? I wonder about these things)
So with that and the impending arrival of several people back from school and up coming parties I have a very full schedule. I am looking forward to seeing everyone. This is going to rock.
Well that is all my arms can stand as far as typing is concerned. I have to jump on WOW now. Love to all and see you soon.
OH YEAH don't forget the work going on at the loft this weekend. All hands would be appreciated.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Well here is an overview of what is going on. I went and worked out with Chris and Val on Tuesday. It was amazing! Thanks guys for going in it with me. I really know that I would not push as far if I was on my own. We have to talk just a little more though. Either that or I am bringing my CD player and listen to music. But I would prefer to shoot the shit with you guys. Oh Chris we need to talk about all that stuff that you mentioned, you know making a schedule and workout plan and all. Dude if you know about all this stuff then please enlighten us novices.
After working out I went down to Bourbonois to see my other friends down there. We watched the remake of Bad News Bears with Billy Bob Thornton. It rocked! I was leary that it might be as raunchy as Bad Santa, but it was alright.
Today I ran around with my Dad getting him a card for Bally's and then did some light Christmas shopping. Mostly DVD's for mom and family. Tomorrow I need to hit Borders for some books and one other store for one more present then I am done. I have blown my budget and had to sneak some of my Christmas money to pull it off but damnit I like giving people stuff. I am selfish when it comes to being generous. Sue me.
Well then I met up with Jim and we worked out again. I am crazy but it feels good so I keep doing it. I went 25 minutes on a ski machine. OH MY GOD! If I though that walking or riding was a workout I was mistaken. This thing was insane. You stand on two floating pads and then start a walking motion, but there is not ground. You just keep going around and around. Then you grab the handles and that is even more crazy. They are attached to the pads so as you walk they go back and forth. You have to use your arms to stabilize the motion or you just keep going faster and faster. So you are in a running like motion with your arms working back and forth to keep everything under control. I was sweating worse then I ever did on the Dread mill or a bike. The great thing is that my knee, which had been bothering me just a little and was getting worse, started hurting and then quit. It felt better after about 10 minutes. I walked better after the workout too. All in all I will be using those things all the time. Woot! Not to mention that I went over 2 miles (although I have no idea how it calculates the distance, since it was monitoring RPMs and not MPH). Did some weights after that and then went to Jim's house.
Well that brings us up to date on things that have happened. Now on to what should be happening soon. Jim had some good news for me on the job front. The bitch is out, most likely by Friday of this week, but possibly a few days later. Apparently she got into it with the shop steward and pissed him off enough with her shit that he made a couple of calls. Well that is the end of that. So as soon as she is gone and the original supervisor is back I am in like Flynn (can some one explain that one two me. Who is this Flynn character and why is he in things? I wonder about these things)
So with that and the impending arrival of several people back from school and up coming parties I have a very full schedule. I am looking forward to seeing everyone. This is going to rock.
Well that is all my arms can stand as far as typing is concerned. I have to jump on WOW now. Love to all and see you soon.
OH YEAH don't forget the work going on at the loft this weekend. All hands would be appreciated.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Monday, December 12, 2005
40 Titles and 40 Questions
1) Was 2005 a good year for you? Some was good, some was bad, All in all it was good though.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year? Oh God I have to pick one?! Well it would be the day that I heard from someone that had walked away.
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? Losing hope in something special
4) Where were you when 2005 began? At the Loft. Freezing my ass off (and that is saying something)
5) Who were you with? Nicky, Sara, Todd, Chris, Miles, Ben, Amy, Nick and his wife. I think there were more but I forgot them.
6) Where will you be when 2005 ends? Not entirely sure, I plan to be at Ben's but always in motion is the future.
7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends? This is easy- Good Friends
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005? I don't remember wh....No wait yes I do and it is a work in progress, so yes
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006? Not yet I prefer the spur of the moment
10) Did you fall in love in 2005? Already was and kept falling
11) If so who? Not going to say here. I don't fall and tell
12) If yes, do they know? Yes, but I don't think she understands it.
14) You regret it? No I am glad she knows.
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005? You mean in a romantic way so no
16) Did you make any new friends in 2005? Yes it is my only talent
17) Who are your favorite friends? This is a stupid question. All of them!
18) What was your favorite month of 2005? Hmmm since all time is now I don't know that I can discern one from another. November Yes November
19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005? Nope
20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005? Four Indiana, Michigan, Missouri and no wait only three, I live in Illinois. I forget sometimes.
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005? I assume that you mean did they die. No and I am lucky for it. Besides this mortal coil is only a form that we wear. We just transcend the body and become one with the Force so we are always with each other, just not in a physical sense.
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year? Hell yes!
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? Well before today I would have said Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith, but now it has to be The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe! Aslan rules!
24) What was your favorite song from 2005? Hmmm that is a tough one. Not a big music buff and I got a lot of new stuff this year, let me think. I will have to give you a small list of my top 4
1) Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
2) Photograph - Nickelback
3) Mercy Me - Alkaline Trio
4) Wake up when September Ends - Green Day
25) What was your favorite record from 2005? Crimson - Alkaline Trio (Thanks Nicky!!!!!)
26) How many concerts did you see in 2005? Not a one. No money
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005? Uh well I didn't go to any so no
28) did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005? No but I wanted too really bad
29) did you do a lot of drugs in 2005? No.
30) How many people did you kiss in 2005? ZERO and it sucked.
31) How many people did you sleep with in 2005? ZERO and again it sucked (And I am not referring to having sex either, just once I would like to awaken to see someone next to me)
32) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Yes
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? I don't know if I told any this year?
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? I try not to but yes I did. I didn't listen and then opened my big fat mouth.
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? Other then myself no (I hate myself so I can be a real bastard to me sometimes)
36) How much money did you spend in 2005? HA! Like I keep track. I don't need another reason to be depressed. Besides what difference does it make? It is just paper.
37) What was your proudest moment of 2005? Not giving in to hate and fear and being here for a good friend
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005? Uh don't know that I had one.
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something what would it be? Nothing, not even the bad stuff that I might want to. We are all the culmination of all the events of our lives, by changing any of them we are changed. We must be what we are now. Even in jest I would not go back and change one thing. The repercussions could be far worse then the way things are. Pain is a part of life, anyone that says different is selling something. (a hard fact to swallow)
40) What are your plans for 2006? To move out, move on and fulfill my destiny. Hopfully not alone (as in single, without a girlfriend)
Whew that was a lot harder then I thought. I tried not to hold back at all. It is hard to answer some of them and think what they mean. But I am done thinking about life. It is what it is.
Life is a journey, not a destination. MOVE ALONG!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
2) What was your favorite moment of the year? Oh God I have to pick one?! Well it would be the day that I heard from someone that had walked away.
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? Losing hope in something special
4) Where were you when 2005 began? At the Loft. Freezing my ass off (and that is saying something)
5) Who were you with? Nicky, Sara, Todd, Chris, Miles, Ben, Amy, Nick and his wife. I think there were more but I forgot them.
6) Where will you be when 2005 ends? Not entirely sure, I plan to be at Ben's but always in motion is the future.
7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends? This is easy- Good Friends
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005? I don't remember wh....No wait yes I do and it is a work in progress, so yes
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006? Not yet I prefer the spur of the moment
10) Did you fall in love in 2005? Already was and kept falling
11) If so who? Not going to say here. I don't fall and tell
12) If yes, do they know? Yes, but I don't think she understands it.
14) You regret it? No I am glad she knows.
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005? You mean in a romantic way so no
16) Did you make any new friends in 2005? Yes it is my only talent
17) Who are your favorite friends? This is a stupid question. All of them!
18) What was your favorite month of 2005? Hmmm since all time is now I don't know that I can discern one from another. November Yes November
19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005? Nope
20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005? Four Indiana, Michigan, Missouri and no wait only three, I live in Illinois. I forget sometimes.
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005? I assume that you mean did they die. No and I am lucky for it. Besides this mortal coil is only a form that we wear. We just transcend the body and become one with the Force so we are always with each other, just not in a physical sense.
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year? Hell yes!
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? Well before today I would have said Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith, but now it has to be The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe! Aslan rules!
24) What was your favorite song from 2005? Hmmm that is a tough one. Not a big music buff and I got a lot of new stuff this year, let me think. I will have to give you a small list of my top 4
1) Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
2) Photograph - Nickelback
3) Mercy Me - Alkaline Trio
4) Wake up when September Ends - Green Day
25) What was your favorite record from 2005? Crimson - Alkaline Trio (Thanks Nicky!!!!!)
26) How many concerts did you see in 2005? Not a one. No money
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005? Uh well I didn't go to any so no
28) did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005? No but I wanted too really bad
29) did you do a lot of drugs in 2005? No.
30) How many people did you kiss in 2005? ZERO and it sucked.
31) How many people did you sleep with in 2005? ZERO and again it sucked (And I am not referring to having sex either, just once I would like to awaken to see someone next to me)
32) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Yes
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? I don't know if I told any this year?
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? I try not to but yes I did. I didn't listen and then opened my big fat mouth.
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? Other then myself no (I hate myself so I can be a real bastard to me sometimes)
36) How much money did you spend in 2005? HA! Like I keep track. I don't need another reason to be depressed. Besides what difference does it make? It is just paper.
37) What was your proudest moment of 2005? Not giving in to hate and fear and being here for a good friend
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005? Uh don't know that I had one.
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something what would it be? Nothing, not even the bad stuff that I might want to. We are all the culmination of all the events of our lives, by changing any of them we are changed. We must be what we are now. Even in jest I would not go back and change one thing. The repercussions could be far worse then the way things are. Pain is a part of life, anyone that says different is selling something. (a hard fact to swallow)
40) What are your plans for 2006? To move out, move on and fulfill my destiny. Hopfully not alone (as in single, without a girlfriend)
Whew that was a lot harder then I thought. I tried not to hold back at all. It is hard to answer some of them and think what they mean. But I am done thinking about life. It is what it is.
Life is a journey, not a destination. MOVE ALONG!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Title with Love
I just got back from seeing The Chronicles of Narnina: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.
IT WAS AMAZING!
IT WAS AWESOME!
IT WAS SPECTACULAR!
Everything was perfect. The fauns perfect! The centaurs, perfect! Aslan, perfect!
It was almost as good as what I imagined the first time I read the book. I am still tingling from the roar. If you haven't seen then see it. If you are going tell me cause I will give blood to see it again. I really loved the movie and I hope you do to.
And if you haven't read the books then....well....not to be harsh but
READ THE BOOKS!
As great as the movie was and as stoked as I feel after seeing it, there is a lingering sadness. A question that echoes in my heart.
Is there no magic in the world?
But the sadness gives way to the knowledge that the answer is YES. It is an old magic that surrounds all of us. No it is not flashy or spectacular. It dose not call down lightning or create fireballs. No it is a subtle magic. It is a smile at the right time. A gentle touch in a moment of pain. The encouraging word given to a weary heart. We all carry this magic within us and it can move mountains. It can heal old wounds that still ache. Drive off fears that paralyize us. Calm a raging heart.
It is love.
Just knowing it exists in the world is a comfort. But knowing that people have abbandoned it hurts. Don't turn away from the magic. Don't believe that you can do nothing. Stand up and act. Only when we use it can its power truly be felt and it grows. It is this time of year that we all start to feel its power. Take up its banner and charge into the fray. It is yours to use as you see fit. Wield it wisely, but freely.
I love you all and it is that love that has been the wind beneath my wings.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
IT WAS AMAZING!
IT WAS AWESOME!
IT WAS SPECTACULAR!
Everything was perfect. The fauns perfect! The centaurs, perfect! Aslan, perfect!
It was almost as good as what I imagined the first time I read the book. I am still tingling from the roar. If you haven't seen then see it. If you are going tell me cause I will give blood to see it again. I really loved the movie and I hope you do to.
And if you haven't read the books then....well....not to be harsh but
READ THE BOOKS!
As great as the movie was and as stoked as I feel after seeing it, there is a lingering sadness. A question that echoes in my heart.
Is there no magic in the world?
But the sadness gives way to the knowledge that the answer is YES. It is an old magic that surrounds all of us. No it is not flashy or spectacular. It dose not call down lightning or create fireballs. No it is a subtle magic. It is a smile at the right time. A gentle touch in a moment of pain. The encouraging word given to a weary heart. We all carry this magic within us and it can move mountains. It can heal old wounds that still ache. Drive off fears that paralyize us. Calm a raging heart.
It is love.
Just knowing it exists in the world is a comfort. But knowing that people have abbandoned it hurts. Don't turn away from the magic. Don't believe that you can do nothing. Stand up and act. Only when we use it can its power truly be felt and it grows. It is this time of year that we all start to feel its power. Take up its banner and charge into the fray. It is yours to use as you see fit. Wield it wisely, but freely.
I love you all and it is that love that has been the wind beneath my wings.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Schindler's Title
Yes it is that time of year again and the lists have shown up. I have to answer 40 questions later. I had fun with this and hope you all enjoy reading it.
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don’t bold is false
01. I miss somebody right now. (You know who you are)
02. I don’t watch much TV these days (No time too much gaming...no such thing)
03. I love olives (Yucky)
04. I love sleeping even though i barely sleep
05. I own lots of books (Even excluding all my RPG books)
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games (Just not enough time in the day)
08. I’ve tried marijuana
09. I’ve watched porn movies (Hey I am a 36 year old virgin, got to realese some how!)
10. I have been in a threesome (Ummmmm no I am a VIRGIN dammit!)
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton (Who?)
15. I curse frequently (F@#k Yeah I do)
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a hobby (I have many)
18 I’ve been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I’m really, really smart
21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I’m paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free (Well duh I would suck this fat right off my body)
26. I need money right now! (Who doesn't?)
27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast (Yup I do)
29. I have fresh breath in the morning (HA)
30. I have semi-long hair (If you mean as long as a semi then definately)
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister (I have Chris, does that count?)
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past
37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look sometimes (RIGHT!)
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to cornrow (Technically I know the mechanics but have never done it)
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings (Hey its me!)
43. I think prostitution should be legalized (Yeah then I could make money...Uh well....I mean.....Well someone has to want fat guys. right?)
44. I think Britney Spears is hot (With the right computer enhancements I could look as good at times)
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
46. I have a hidden talent (Nope I pretty much have to use the one I have to survive)
47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I’m popular (Who wrote these anyway?)
49. I am currently single (I hope to God not forever)
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex (thought about it but never done it)
51. I enjoy talking on the phone mainly only to my friends that live far away though (Nope I am the worst person to keep in touch with. Telephone, letter, email I just don't use them)
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants only 'cause I can't be naked when the roommates are home (Are you crazy?! Have you seen me? Even with clothes on I am a bit of a shock! I have to cover the mirror in the bathroom when I take a shower! No not never!)
53. I love to shop (I hate to admit it but I can spend hours in a Walmart or Kmart looking at clothes, and I usually walk out with something. And don't talk to me about Borders!)
54. I would rather shop than eat (Um look at me and you know that answer)
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I’m obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal
58. I don’t hate anyone. I dislike them.
59. I’m a pretty good dancer
60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God (Does the Force count?)
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama (Like I have a choice? I either love it or I cry....a lot)
67. I have never been in a real relationship before (I am in the market though)
68. I’ve rejected someone before
69. I currently have a crush on someone (yeah no comment...Well other then this one)
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I’m not allergic to anything (pepperoni)
77. I have a lot to learn (Don't we all?)
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger (Um no comment...Again)
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest "Friday" movie
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes. (Sometimes? Only sometimes?)
81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before
84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past
85. I own the "South Park" movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga or Livejournal (
But I was the boss so dose that count?)
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum
88. I enjoy some country music
89. I would die for my best friend (Each and everyone of them)
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist (Dammit!)
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children’s Story"
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend’s ex
99. I have cut my self before (not purposely, but very badly!)
100. I am happy at this moment (I am adding some because i can!)
101.I don't have a best friend.
102. I feel very alone even when I am around people.-(Only sometimes.)
103.I am so pissed. (almost but not quite to the point of suicide)
Only 44. Not to shabby. See you all later
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don’t bold is false
01. I miss somebody right now. (You know who you are)
02. I don’t watch much TV these days (No time too much gaming...no such thing)
03. I love olives (Yucky)
04. I love sleeping even though i barely sleep
05. I own lots of books (Even excluding all my RPG books)
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games (Just not enough time in the day)
08. I’ve tried marijuana
09. I’ve watched porn movies (Hey I am a 36 year old virgin, got to realese some how!)
10. I have been in a threesome (Ummmmm no I am a VIRGIN dammit!)
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton (Who?)
15. I curse frequently (F@#k Yeah I do)
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a hobby (I have many)
18 I’ve been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I’m really, really smart
21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I’m paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free (Well duh I would suck this fat right off my body)
26. I need money right now! (Who doesn't?)
27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast (Yup I do)
29. I have fresh breath in the morning (HA)
30. I have semi-long hair (If you mean as long as a semi then definately)
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister (I have Chris, does that count?)
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past
37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look sometimes (RIGHT!)
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to cornrow (Technically I know the mechanics but have never done it)
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings (Hey its me!)
43. I think prostitution should be legalized (Yeah then I could make money...Uh well....I mean.....Well someone has to want fat guys. right?)
44. I think Britney Spears is hot (With the right computer enhancements I could look as good at times)
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
46. I have a hidden talent (Nope I pretty much have to use the one I have to survive)
47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I’m popular (Who wrote these anyway?)
49. I am currently single (I hope to God not forever)
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex (thought about it but never done it)
51. I enjoy talking on the phone mainly only to my friends that live far away though (Nope I am the worst person to keep in touch with. Telephone, letter, email I just don't use them)
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants only 'cause I can't be naked when the roommates are home (Are you crazy?! Have you seen me? Even with clothes on I am a bit of a shock! I have to cover the mirror in the bathroom when I take a shower! No not never!)
53. I love to shop (I hate to admit it but I can spend hours in a Walmart or Kmart looking at clothes, and I usually walk out with something. And don't talk to me about Borders!)
54. I would rather shop than eat (Um look at me and you know that answer)
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I’m obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal
58. I don’t hate anyone. I dislike them.
59. I’m a pretty good dancer
60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God (Does the Force count?)
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama (Like I have a choice? I either love it or I cry....a lot)
67. I have never been in a real relationship before (I am in the market though)
68. I’ve rejected someone before
69. I currently have a crush on someone (yeah no comment...Well other then this one)
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I’m not allergic to anything (pepperoni)
77. I have a lot to learn (Don't we all?)
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger (Um no comment...Again)
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest "Friday" movie
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes. (Sometimes? Only sometimes?)
81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before
84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past
85. I own the "South Park" movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga or Livejournal (
But I was the boss so dose that count?)
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum
88. I enjoy some country music
89. I would die for my best friend (Each and everyone of them)
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist (Dammit!)
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children’s Story"
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend’s ex
99. I have cut my self before (not purposely, but very badly!)
100. I am happy at this moment (I am adding some because i can!)
101.I don't have a best friend.
102. I feel very alone even when I am around people.-(Only sometimes.)
103.I am so pissed. (almost but not quite to the point of suicide)
Only 44. Not to shabby. See you all later
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Sunday, December 11, 2005
The Lord of the Titles: The Fellowship of the Title extended edition
I have been dying to use that one for a little while. LOL
So last night I typed at the loft and this morning my hands are telling me about it. OUCH!
Anyway I said that I had something else to post about and I do. Yesterday was a blast. Val, Chris and myself went to sign them up at Bally's and then we were heading to Orland mall to visit the GW Store (Sorry Ben I did not know that you weren't working).
It all started around 12ish when I got up to the store. Val was there and we talked and chatted for a few, had a smoke and chatted some more. Chris had called the Store before I got there and said that he was going to take a shower after work and then he would be ready to go. Well 1 came and went but that was not a big deal. Then 2 came and I started to get antsy cause I wanted to go. By now the jokes about Chris needing help"taking a shower" were flying, but it was meant in jest and no malice could be found in it.
Finally Chris called and we went to pick him up. As we drove up I was unsure whether to honk or go to the door when Chris appeared. He as desperately trying to walk away but his mom was right there and they were talking about something. Then he walked down and stopped at a light post in their yard. He changed the light bulb! Val and I could not contain our mirth and broke out laughing. I was laughing more because I could just imagine his mom "Are you leaving Chris? Oh well...Um...Here change the light bulb in the lamppost. Oh well I guess you can go" She can be just a little dependent, clingy, wanty....Yeah she is a pain. Sorry Chris but it is true.
Anyway Val had this idea to joke with Chris when he got in the van. After we had said our "hello"s and "how ya doing"s Val with a straight face said.
"Hey Chris do you think you could change this light?" and tapped the dome light on the van roof. We all started laughing.
I drove them to Bally's so they could fill out the paperwork. As I did I gave them the nickel tour of my home town.
"Yeah I live over there" I point to a group of houses "You cannot see it, its is behind them."
Yeah over there is where I went to Rich Beast(East) High School," pointing down a street "and there is Forest Jail (Trail) Jr High I went there as well" a quick point to a group of buildings just past more houses.
No I don't really show many people where I grew up. What is the point? I mostly hated my childhood, the only things worth remembering are my friends and of those only a few remain. James is my "Brother from another mother" (slang for a real good friend, kind of like you Mikey) Jim is much the same and Mike...Well I have to work on that. We live only a few blocks away and yet I barely see him. But I digress from the tale.
So we get to Bally's and go inside. Dave the guy that I have been talking too and signed up with was not there but the girl behind the counter was able to help us. Into a office she whisks us and Val and Chris gave their info. Then I had to sign a slew of papers. They just got to stand there and watch, lucky devils. We all got our pictures taken and cards were received making us official. Then it was off to Orland.
The drive there was boring, up 57 and then over on 80. We got off at Lagrange and headed into town. The traffic was OK until we hit the city proper and then it slowed down. The only thing keeping us going were the police officers at every intersection, and I mean every intersection. That has got to suck, standing in the cold directing traffic with slick conditions all around and people driving like they do. With some patience we finally made it to the mall. Then the fun began.
The lot was packed. Of course being Christmas season what did we expect, easy parking? I finally found a spot half filled with a pile of snow and plowed my way in. I love driving a mini van. It was a walk to the door, but we were on our way. Inside it was crowded. Again nothing out of the ordinary for the season. The GW store was right there and we were in.
As always when entering we were greeted and immediately confronted with the standard question. "What game to you play?" in anticipation of shoving the newest releases down our throats and sucking every last dollar out of wallets. In succession we all responded "Warmachine" and that just shut the clerk down. He just stood there twitching. I almost busted out laughing. Then he tried to recover and Val finished him off with "I have been playing since Rouge Trader so don't even try it" Or something to that effect and he left us alone. I had a chance to talk to an acquaintance, Cliff who had been the store manager a year ago. He looked good and sounded good. It was nice to see him again. I may dislike GW for their practices but they are still good people. Anyway he is now in charge of regional training for their stores and was in that day to oversee some changes. My lucky day then to see him. We chatted about Eldar (Warhammer 40k's version of elves in space) and he shared some things that he had seen in the works. I really like the Eldar and even though I hate to admit it I still like 40k as a game, as do Val and Chris. So as we left we spoke and decided that we should still play, just between ourselves though and forget the stupid GW zealots.
Wow this is long, but it was an eventful day. After getting out of the GW store we thought about getting something to eat. So we headed down to the food court. BIG MISTAKE! It was a mad house with not a table to be found. I had had enough of the whole crowded mall thing and suggested that we leave and find somewhere else to eat. They agreed and we exited.
After taking a back way out to avoid the traffic madness we headed to a place to grab some grub. While on the way I mentioned "BG Fries" and Chris swooned. He loves them and I must admit that I do to. So I suggested that we hit Dean's Gyros since it was just a little off the path to return to GO. It was agreed and I navigated us there with ease. We arrived as snow started really falling and went inside.
Chris and I ordered "double burgers" and BG Fries, Val had a beef sandwich with peppers. Now I am not complaining in the least when I ask this question, I just want to know. When something says "double" that usually means two right? Well this burger had four patties on it. Again I am not complaining because it was awesome, it just threw me. The BG Fries were amazing as usual, and I ended up giving half to Chris since I was full. Yes the fat man was full, besides Chris is a growing boy and needs his fat and starch to get all big and strong. No wait the other one....Fat. Sorry Chris I just couldn't resist. Hey have you changed that light yet? LOL I am evil.
When we left Chris called GO to tell them we were on our way, which was fine. Mr. S had told everyone we were going to be late so no one was worried. We got back and started D&D. It was fun and entertaining. I keep forgetting about the character that I am running in the campaign, Xander. So at times it seems that he is sitting there not helping out, but I just forget. I always find some way to explain his lack of involvement in a positive way but that won't last. The big reason that he is there is as a plot device and healer, since the group lacks one. And in D&D having a healer is a good thing.
The game went well my players fought off 4 mega-raptors and a purple worm while on their way to parlay with the hobgoblin tribes in the south. I know that most of you have no idea what the heck I am talking about, but just ignore it if you don't. Everyone had a good time and that is what mattered most. During the game Kirby showed up at the store and that was an awesome moment. I had not seen him in weeks and so a break was taken so that I could say hey.
He is doing good. He is working for the Bulls organization, I think as a raffle ticket seller and now as a Matador. I had no real idea what that was until he explained. I will give a simple version here in case any of you see him so he can give you the full story. They are a group of large men who come out during the time outs and perform a dance set to music. Think loveabulls only large men bouncing around. They practice the dance just like the loveabulls and in fact they practice with them. Yeah that must suck (sarcasm drips like Chinese water torture). He likes it and he is having fun with it. That is a good thing.
Well after D&D we went out and bowled three games. I did ok, my last game was the best at a 156! Chris made a suggestion that made a huge difference. See I have been working out, so my arms are stronger. I was throwing the ball with all my strength, and my game was in the gutter. Chris said that I should ease up and not try and go all out with each throw. He was so right. I felt better, my elbow did not burn like it had been and my game was better. Thanks Chris!
Well that was yesterday. A extremely good day. I look forward to spending time with Chris and Val at our workout sessions. This week should be fun with several people coming home from school. I hope that finals have gone and will go well. I may not believe in luck but I will say this anyway.
Good luck to all of you!
Thanks for stopping by and reading. I will see everyone soon. Love ya!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
So last night I typed at the loft and this morning my hands are telling me about it. OUCH!
Anyway I said that I had something else to post about and I do. Yesterday was a blast. Val, Chris and myself went to sign them up at Bally's and then we were heading to Orland mall to visit the GW Store (Sorry Ben I did not know that you weren't working).
It all started around 12ish when I got up to the store. Val was there and we talked and chatted for a few, had a smoke and chatted some more. Chris had called the Store before I got there and said that he was going to take a shower after work and then he would be ready to go. Well 1 came and went but that was not a big deal. Then 2 came and I started to get antsy cause I wanted to go. By now the jokes about Chris needing help"taking a shower" were flying, but it was meant in jest and no malice could be found in it.
Finally Chris called and we went to pick him up. As we drove up I was unsure whether to honk or go to the door when Chris appeared. He as desperately trying to walk away but his mom was right there and they were talking about something. Then he walked down and stopped at a light post in their yard. He changed the light bulb! Val and I could not contain our mirth and broke out laughing. I was laughing more because I could just imagine his mom "Are you leaving Chris? Oh well...Um...Here change the light bulb in the lamppost. Oh well I guess you can go" She can be just a little dependent, clingy, wanty....Yeah she is a pain. Sorry Chris but it is true.
Anyway Val had this idea to joke with Chris when he got in the van. After we had said our "hello"s and "how ya doing"s Val with a straight face said.
"Hey Chris do you think you could change this light?" and tapped the dome light on the van roof. We all started laughing.
I drove them to Bally's so they could fill out the paperwork. As I did I gave them the nickel tour of my home town.
"Yeah I live over there" I point to a group of houses "You cannot see it, its is behind them."
Yeah over there is where I went to Rich Beast(East) High School," pointing down a street "and there is Forest Jail (Trail) Jr High I went there as well" a quick point to a group of buildings just past more houses.
No I don't really show many people where I grew up. What is the point? I mostly hated my childhood, the only things worth remembering are my friends and of those only a few remain. James is my "Brother from another mother" (slang for a real good friend, kind of like you Mikey) Jim is much the same and Mike...Well I have to work on that. We live only a few blocks away and yet I barely see him. But I digress from the tale.
So we get to Bally's and go inside. Dave the guy that I have been talking too and signed up with was not there but the girl behind the counter was able to help us. Into a office she whisks us and Val and Chris gave their info. Then I had to sign a slew of papers. They just got to stand there and watch, lucky devils. We all got our pictures taken and cards were received making us official. Then it was off to Orland.
The drive there was boring, up 57 and then over on 80. We got off at Lagrange and headed into town. The traffic was OK until we hit the city proper and then it slowed down. The only thing keeping us going were the police officers at every intersection, and I mean every intersection. That has got to suck, standing in the cold directing traffic with slick conditions all around and people driving like they do. With some patience we finally made it to the mall. Then the fun began.
The lot was packed. Of course being Christmas season what did we expect, easy parking? I finally found a spot half filled with a pile of snow and plowed my way in. I love driving a mini van. It was a walk to the door, but we were on our way. Inside it was crowded. Again nothing out of the ordinary for the season. The GW store was right there and we were in.
As always when entering we were greeted and immediately confronted with the standard question. "What game to you play?" in anticipation of shoving the newest releases down our throats and sucking every last dollar out of wallets. In succession we all responded "Warmachine" and that just shut the clerk down. He just stood there twitching. I almost busted out laughing. Then he tried to recover and Val finished him off with "I have been playing since Rouge Trader so don't even try it" Or something to that effect and he left us alone. I had a chance to talk to an acquaintance, Cliff who had been the store manager a year ago. He looked good and sounded good. It was nice to see him again. I may dislike GW for their practices but they are still good people. Anyway he is now in charge of regional training for their stores and was in that day to oversee some changes. My lucky day then to see him. We chatted about Eldar (Warhammer 40k's version of elves in space) and he shared some things that he had seen in the works. I really like the Eldar and even though I hate to admit it I still like 40k as a game, as do Val and Chris. So as we left we spoke and decided that we should still play, just between ourselves though and forget the stupid GW zealots.
Wow this is long, but it was an eventful day. After getting out of the GW store we thought about getting something to eat. So we headed down to the food court. BIG MISTAKE! It was a mad house with not a table to be found. I had had enough of the whole crowded mall thing and suggested that we leave and find somewhere else to eat. They agreed and we exited.
After taking a back way out to avoid the traffic madness we headed to a place to grab some grub. While on the way I mentioned "BG Fries" and Chris swooned. He loves them and I must admit that I do to. So I suggested that we hit Dean's Gyros since it was just a little off the path to return to GO. It was agreed and I navigated us there with ease. We arrived as snow started really falling and went inside.
Chris and I ordered "double burgers" and BG Fries, Val had a beef sandwich with peppers. Now I am not complaining in the least when I ask this question, I just want to know. When something says "double" that usually means two right? Well this burger had four patties on it. Again I am not complaining because it was awesome, it just threw me. The BG Fries were amazing as usual, and I ended up giving half to Chris since I was full. Yes the fat man was full, besides Chris is a growing boy and needs his fat and starch to get all big and strong. No wait the other one....Fat. Sorry Chris I just couldn't resist. Hey have you changed that light yet? LOL I am evil.
When we left Chris called GO to tell them we were on our way, which was fine. Mr. S had told everyone we were going to be late so no one was worried. We got back and started D&D. It was fun and entertaining. I keep forgetting about the character that I am running in the campaign, Xander. So at times it seems that he is sitting there not helping out, but I just forget. I always find some way to explain his lack of involvement in a positive way but that won't last. The big reason that he is there is as a plot device and healer, since the group lacks one. And in D&D having a healer is a good thing.
The game went well my players fought off 4 mega-raptors and a purple worm while on their way to parlay with the hobgoblin tribes in the south. I know that most of you have no idea what the heck I am talking about, but just ignore it if you don't. Everyone had a good time and that is what mattered most. During the game Kirby showed up at the store and that was an awesome moment. I had not seen him in weeks and so a break was taken so that I could say hey.
He is doing good. He is working for the Bulls organization, I think as a raffle ticket seller and now as a Matador. I had no real idea what that was until he explained. I will give a simple version here in case any of you see him so he can give you the full story. They are a group of large men who come out during the time outs and perform a dance set to music. Think loveabulls only large men bouncing around. They practice the dance just like the loveabulls and in fact they practice with them. Yeah that must suck (sarcasm drips like Chinese water torture). He likes it and he is having fun with it. That is a good thing.
Well after D&D we went out and bowled three games. I did ok, my last game was the best at a 156! Chris made a suggestion that made a huge difference. See I have been working out, so my arms are stronger. I was throwing the ball with all my strength, and my game was in the gutter. Chris said that I should ease up and not try and go all out with each throw. He was so right. I felt better, my elbow did not burn like it had been and my game was better. Thanks Chris!
Well that was yesterday. A extremely good day. I look forward to spending time with Chris and Val at our workout sessions. This week should be fun with several people coming home from school. I hope that finals have gone and will go well. I may not believe in luck but I will say this anyway.
Good luck to all of you!
Thanks for stopping by and reading. I will see everyone soon. Love ya!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Shaun of the Title
I am sitting in the loft tonight and it ain't half bad. I am not saying that I would like to sit here in shorts or anything but it beats the way it felt last year. Next weekend we are putting up more insulation and maybe a wall, at least I hope we do the wall. It could almost be passable I think. But then again I am bless (cursed) with an over abundance of body insulation (fatty fat fat) so it feels less cold then it should.
The reason for this post has not escaped me. I am sitting here and thinking. Yes I know that this is a dangerous pastime, it has burned me in the past. This time it is different. This time I am thinking of all the good times (and I don't mean the old TV show-Dynomite!!!) that have pass in the last two years or so. I have to say that they are memories that I will cherish for as long as I live. I have had more fun and happy moments in the last two years then I can truly remember in as long a time before. I am not saying that my life sucked before knowing all of you, it has been a good life. It is just that the last two years have been just a little brighter then the ones past.
I know that if not for all of you I would have lost my mind over what came down with Game-opolis. That alone is one of the reasons that I hold these last two years so dear. It has been said before and it will be said again.
Thanks to all you guys for being my friends and being there for me during those dark days.
Thank you for that first day at the beach and all those that followed.
Thank you for all the late nights at GO in the back room.
Thank you for being you.
I won't say don't ever change because that is what life is all about, we all change. I just know that no matter what changes take place you will all remain in my heart. I love all you guys and I always will.
It is probably sappy but this is the season for sappy so there it is.
I have something else to post but that will wait till tomorrow in my home when I can type in comfort, and without all these memories flying around my head like flies.
"It is like a little bird!..................KILL IT!!!"
"Go ahead Neal kill them, they will make more."
May the Force be with all of you
Excelsior!!!
The reason for this post has not escaped me. I am sitting here and thinking. Yes I know that this is a dangerous pastime, it has burned me in the past. This time it is different. This time I am thinking of all the good times (and I don't mean the old TV show-Dynomite!!!) that have pass in the last two years or so. I have to say that they are memories that I will cherish for as long as I live. I have had more fun and happy moments in the last two years then I can truly remember in as long a time before. I am not saying that my life sucked before knowing all of you, it has been a good life. It is just that the last two years have been just a little brighter then the ones past.
I know that if not for all of you I would have lost my mind over what came down with Game-opolis. That alone is one of the reasons that I hold these last two years so dear. It has been said before and it will be said again.
Thanks to all you guys for being my friends and being there for me during those dark days.
Thank you for that first day at the beach and all those that followed.
Thank you for all the late nights at GO in the back room.
Thank you for being you.
I won't say don't ever change because that is what life is all about, we all change. I just know that no matter what changes take place you will all remain in my heart. I love all you guys and I always will.
It is probably sappy but this is the season for sappy so there it is.
I have something else to post but that will wait till tomorrow in my home when I can type in comfort, and without all these memories flying around my head like flies.
"It is like a little bird!..................KILL IT!!!"
"Go ahead Neal kill them, they will make more."
May the Force be with all of you
Excelsior!!!
A Christmas Title
Hail all and well met!
I am just going to post a small one today. I have to get ready and pick up Val and Chris to run them to Bally's so they can sign up. Sorry Ben, but I wasn't working out three months ago. You could jump ship and join us.
One of us. One of us. One of us. chanting
I am feeling better and my back has stopped screaming. I also know what I did. I shoveled! Oh yes I did and what a shoveling it was. See I have been working out so some of my muscles are much stronger (not boasting just stating fact) but some are not. In some respects it felt worse then before because I was able to do more then I normally would have. So that just means that I need to focus on my lower back and take it easy with the snow removal. No biggie.
I am also feeling just a bit better about my unemployed situation. The biggest pain is the time of the year. I know that no one expects me to give presents, but I will be honest. I am a selfish bastard and I take great joy in giving presents, so I want to. I need to give presents. If I don't I'll explode, that happens sometimes. I know this much I am going to cook for the Christmas Party, an idea that Nicky had as well. Thanks Nicky.
Well that is all I have time to type or I will make myself late. Not going to happen. I have waited to long to take this accursed armor of flesh off and I won't wait any longer.
Merry Chrismahaunakwansadon (The PC version of Happy Christmas) and for those Atheists out the Have a Empty Nothing Day!
But seriously HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
I am just going to post a small one today. I have to get ready and pick up Val and Chris to run them to Bally's so they can sign up. Sorry Ben, but I wasn't working out three months ago. You could jump ship and join us.
One of us. One of us. One of us. chanting
I am feeling better and my back has stopped screaming. I also know what I did. I shoveled! Oh yes I did and what a shoveling it was. See I have been working out so some of my muscles are much stronger (not boasting just stating fact) but some are not. In some respects it felt worse then before because I was able to do more then I normally would have. So that just means that I need to focus on my lower back and take it easy with the snow removal. No biggie.
I am also feeling just a bit better about my unemployed situation. The biggest pain is the time of the year. I know that no one expects me to give presents, but I will be honest. I am a selfish bastard and I take great joy in giving presents, so I want to. I need to give presents. If I don't I'll explode, that happens sometimes. I know this much I am going to cook for the Christmas Party, an idea that Nicky had as well. Thanks Nicky.
Well that is all I have time to type or I will make myself late. Not going to happen. I have waited to long to take this accursed armor of flesh off and I won't wait any longer.
Merry Chrismahaunakwansadon (The PC version of Happy Christmas) and for those Atheists out the Have a Empty Nothing Day!
But seriously HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Friday, December 09, 2005
The Title for Red October
Hail and well met!
It is great to be typing here and now. Why one might ask? Well because I am in a shit load of pain. Oh yes it is wonderful. My back is screaming like a banshee, or is that me. Anyway I have decided to enjoy the pain and let it get pissed that I am not upset over it so it goes away. Not working really, but at least I am in a good mood.
Mikey reminded me of some things that I might have been going to post about last night. Sorry but those are not the subjects I was searching for. They are good ones though and so I am going to post about them right now.
At the begining of the week I signed up for Bally's total fitness. I have an account on which others can join for a modest fee and if we divide the total cost between us it is an amazing savings. My Dad is the first one I put on and tomorrow I am putting on two close friends of mine. Mikey and Val are going up with me to sign on. It is going to be so cool to work out with them and spend time in a non gamestore related setting. Well I already spend time with Mikey, but it usually revolves around gaming in one way or another. But Val is someone that I want to get to know better. I don't know how to explain it, but there is something that draws me to him and I need to know what it is. I respect him very much and would like to know more about him. Anyway it is going to rock. All three of us pumping iron and getting into shape. AWESOMENESS!!!!
Then there is roleplaying. I love roleplaying. I used to love GMing, but that kinda hit the wall last year. I just fell apart. No excuses I just failed. Flat out dropped the ball and left the stadium. I can still do it, but I had lost a lot of confidence in my ability. I know you are all going to say things to make me feel better, and I thank you for it, but unless I feel that I am better it doesn't help. Well someone found a way. Mikey has been running his D&D campaign at GO and he got me involved. The first season was fine and dandy, but all in all I still felt that I was just going through the motions. This season though I have found some of that spark that I had. I know that I have told the story of the "Magic Staff that Shoots Stuff", it happened last weekend. Well that is one of the moments that really made me feel that I had in some small way recaptured my ability as a GM to make a story more then a series of battles and puzzles. It was a moment about the characters and how they interacted with the world around them. It was not going to solve the big problem or make it worse, it was just a moment of perfect beauty. I am a little more confident that I can take back the mantle of GM and forge ahead. So I have decided to start a new campaign. IRON KINGDOMS.
Trust me when I say that it is a MAJOR undertaking. The two main books are together close to 700 pages long. Filled with history and culture that paints a rather deep and complex picture of the world. I have a ton of homework to do and have done much of it. It is going to be an adventure in roleplaying and I am looking forward to it.
Then we come to "Champions" and the continuing of the game from last summer. OY VEY! Well things have happened in the real world that have complicated things. I don't know what to do. I want to keep the peace, it is in my nature after all, but at the same time I really want things a certain way. All in all I am going crazy. IT SUCKS. I don't want to go into details, because it won't solve anything. I just have to find a way to deal with it all. If worse come to worse then I walk away from it. The real world is far more important at times then roleplaying. If running is going to cause trouble then I don't run and that is final. Sorry if that bothers anyone, but that is that.
Well there were a couple of other things that Mikey said I wanted to post about, but those will have to wait for a different post. I have things to do and people to see (Mikey). And sitting here is getting me no closer to doing or seeing them. EWwww that did not sound right. DAMN YOU TADD!!!! Oh he has been on a rampage lately. I mean really bad timing and worse comments. You don't wanna know, trust me.
Anyway I hope to see all as soon as possible. D&D tomorrow should be amazing, if they don't all die. No way, its me! I don't kill PC's I just make them wish they were dead.
Buwahahahahahahaahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will remind everyone that I am a GM and it is in the job description that I be evil. I am a trained professional don't try this at home.
Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
It is great to be typing here and now. Why one might ask? Well because I am in a shit load of pain. Oh yes it is wonderful. My back is screaming like a banshee, or is that me. Anyway I have decided to enjoy the pain and let it get pissed that I am not upset over it so it goes away. Not working really, but at least I am in a good mood.
Mikey reminded me of some things that I might have been going to post about last night. Sorry but those are not the subjects I was searching for. They are good ones though and so I am going to post about them right now.
At the begining of the week I signed up for Bally's total fitness. I have an account on which others can join for a modest fee and if we divide the total cost between us it is an amazing savings. My Dad is the first one I put on and tomorrow I am putting on two close friends of mine. Mikey and Val are going up with me to sign on. It is going to be so cool to work out with them and spend time in a non gamestore related setting. Well I already spend time with Mikey, but it usually revolves around gaming in one way or another. But Val is someone that I want to get to know better. I don't know how to explain it, but there is something that draws me to him and I need to know what it is. I respect him very much and would like to know more about him. Anyway it is going to rock. All three of us pumping iron and getting into shape. AWESOMENESS!!!!
Then there is roleplaying. I love roleplaying. I used to love GMing, but that kinda hit the wall last year. I just fell apart. No excuses I just failed. Flat out dropped the ball and left the stadium. I can still do it, but I had lost a lot of confidence in my ability. I know you are all going to say things to make me feel better, and I thank you for it, but unless I feel that I am better it doesn't help. Well someone found a way. Mikey has been running his D&D campaign at GO and he got me involved. The first season was fine and dandy, but all in all I still felt that I was just going through the motions. This season though I have found some of that spark that I had. I know that I have told the story of the "Magic Staff that Shoots Stuff", it happened last weekend. Well that is one of the moments that really made me feel that I had in some small way recaptured my ability as a GM to make a story more then a series of battles and puzzles. It was a moment about the characters and how they interacted with the world around them. It was not going to solve the big problem or make it worse, it was just a moment of perfect beauty. I am a little more confident that I can take back the mantle of GM and forge ahead. So I have decided to start a new campaign. IRON KINGDOMS.
Trust me when I say that it is a MAJOR undertaking. The two main books are together close to 700 pages long. Filled with history and culture that paints a rather deep and complex picture of the world. I have a ton of homework to do and have done much of it. It is going to be an adventure in roleplaying and I am looking forward to it.
Then we come to "Champions" and the continuing of the game from last summer. OY VEY! Well things have happened in the real world that have complicated things. I don't know what to do. I want to keep the peace, it is in my nature after all, but at the same time I really want things a certain way. All in all I am going crazy. IT SUCKS. I don't want to go into details, because it won't solve anything. I just have to find a way to deal with it all. If worse come to worse then I walk away from it. The real world is far more important at times then roleplaying. If running is going to cause trouble then I don't run and that is final. Sorry if that bothers anyone, but that is that.
Well there were a couple of other things that Mikey said I wanted to post about, but those will have to wait for a different post. I have things to do and people to see (Mikey). And sitting here is getting me no closer to doing or seeing them. EWwww that did not sound right. DAMN YOU TADD!!!! Oh he has been on a rampage lately. I mean really bad timing and worse comments. You don't wanna know, trust me.
Anyway I hope to see all as soon as possible. D&D tomorrow should be amazing, if they don't all die. No way, its me! I don't kill PC's I just make them wish they were dead.
Buwahahahahahahaahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will remind everyone that I am a GM and it is in the job description that I be evil. I am a trained professional don't try this at home.
Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, December 08, 2005
A Title for All Seasons
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
I was going to post something. I know I was.
I could talk about the snow. There is a lot of it. My soapbox is right here, but I have come to terms with that whole rant. I have shoveled it and will shovel again and again and again. All in all it does look nice outside. Being winter and all there is not much bitching will do but waste energy and bore all of you. It is the season and so I say "meh" to the whole snow thingy.
But that is not what I was going to post. I know there was something else but it escapes me.
I am surviving this whole unemployed thing. It sucks but that is the price of holding out for a pretty good job. It is just hard. I hate not working. Not only because of the lack of funds but I just really hate sitting on my ass doing little to nothing. Luckily I have things to work on, just not the kind that get me paid. Well not yet. The future is always in motion and so we cannot know what may lie ahead.
ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH! I cannot remember what I was going to post about!
Oh well maybe I will remember later.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
I was going to post something. I know I was.
I could talk about the snow. There is a lot of it. My soapbox is right here, but I have come to terms with that whole rant. I have shoveled it and will shovel again and again and again. All in all it does look nice outside. Being winter and all there is not much bitching will do but waste energy and bore all of you. It is the season and so I say "meh" to the whole snow thingy.
But that is not what I was going to post. I know there was something else but it escapes me.
I am surviving this whole unemployed thing. It sucks but that is the price of holding out for a pretty good job. It is just hard. I hate not working. Not only because of the lack of funds but I just really hate sitting on my ass doing little to nothing. Luckily I have things to work on, just not the kind that get me paid. Well not yet. The future is always in motion and so we cannot know what may lie ahead.
ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH! I cannot remember what I was going to post about!
Oh well maybe I will remember later.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Last Action Title
So there is my first title along my new guide lines. It has nothing to do with what is being posted, but it fills that space, which for some reason I just cannot leave blank. With that said here is the rest of the post.
I found this survey in a newsletter from my ISP and decided to take it again. I remember taking it once before and I am trying to find the original result to compare, but no luck as of yet.
Boldly striving to overcome the darkness both in this world and within yourself, you are righteously devoted to forging your own destiny.
It's your choice, but I warn you not to underestimate my powers.
Luke is a character in the Star Wars universe. For more information, see his character entry at the Star Wars Databank.
I took the test more then once cause there were some questions that I really could go either way on and this is the result of that second run.
Struggling for self-assurance over hidden angst, you are highly adept and full of surprises.
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Anakin Skywalker is a character in the Star Wars universe. The Star Wars Databank profiles his life story.
I found it cool that just the few changes in my answers both came back as Star Wars characters. Not to mention that they are the two most powerful ones in the Star Wars movies. I am feeling just a little overwhelmed, and just a little geeked. I mean I have chosen to become a Jedi so this fits.
Anyway I just wanted to post this and say "Hi" to everyone. Don't worry it won't go to my head.
There is no ego; there is fellowship
So that being said I have to get off this computer and do the grocery shopping. Yeah for me!!!!!
I will probably start looking to see what I can make for the Christmas party at Ben's. Since I am still unemployed and broke. Frustrating but I can handle it.
May the Force be with you.
OH wait I wanted to post the survey so that you all could take it and then show off who you are.
Oh wait I guess that the pictures are the link. Okay well here is the site anyway just in case the pics don't work.
http://www.tk421.net/character/
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
I found this survey in a newsletter from my ISP and decided to take it again. I remember taking it once before and I am trying to find the original result to compare, but no luck as of yet.
Luke Skywalker
Boldly striving to overcome the darkness both in this world and within yourself, you are righteously devoted to forging your own destiny.
It's your choice, but I warn you not to underestimate my powers.
Luke is a character in the Star Wars universe. For more information, see his character entry at the Star Wars Databank.
I took the test more then once cause there were some questions that I really could go either way on and this is the result of that second run.
Anakin Skywalker
Struggling for self-assurance over hidden angst, you are highly adept and full of surprises.
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Anakin Skywalker is a character in the Star Wars universe. The Star Wars Databank profiles his life story.
I found it cool that just the few changes in my answers both came back as Star Wars characters. Not to mention that they are the two most powerful ones in the Star Wars movies. I am feeling just a little overwhelmed, and just a little geeked. I mean I have chosen to become a Jedi so this fits.
Anyway I just wanted to post this and say "Hi" to everyone. Don't worry it won't go to my head.
There is no ego; there is fellowship
So that being said I have to get off this computer and do the grocery shopping. Yeah for me!!!!!
I will probably start looking to see what I can make for the Christmas party at Ben's. Since I am still unemployed and broke. Frustrating but I can handle it.
May the Force be with you.
OH wait I wanted to post the survey so that you all could take it and then show off who you are.
Oh wait I guess that the pictures are the link. Okay well here is the site anyway just in case the pics don't work.
http://www.tk421.net/character/
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
A title too end all titles!
I have grown tired of making up titles for these things. So from now on I may be using altered movie or song titles for the fun of it.
Anyway the reason I am here is that I have something to say
It is better to burn out
then fade away!!!!!!!
Yeah that is from Highlander the movie, the first one, the only one. Because the so called sequels all sucked ass. Now the one based on the TV show was ok.....But yet again it was a simple remake of the first one all over again. I mean how many times can two all powerful immortals face off? Really it gets boring after awhile. Like immediately. Oh wait of course there is the "Alien" angle of the second movie. OMG what where they thinking? But yet again they had a big duel between the two powerful immortals. I like, nay love the first movie. The sequels I have seen but do not even try and compare or place them with the first one at all.
Again I am off topic, it seems to be happening to me quite a lot. Comes from being so giddy. Why you may ask. Well I have taken some advice and taken a step back and reexamined my situation from a more objective position. Man when you get to close to your problems you really lose sight of all the good going on.
I have joined the health club. I am going to get several others to join with me so that we can share the pain. I plan on being rid of this armor of fat sooner then later. A long up hill battle, but I don't see one damn highlander with sword and targ (round shield worn on the arm) charging down at me. I am listening to some really cool music, Queen. Yes I said Queen. So what? Remember that although I hang with a younger crowd I am from the 80's. Hair rocks dude!
And although people may not believe it I was sporting a mullet before anyone had given it a name! Oh yeah I was a silent and invisible trend setter.
I am going to reevaluate a certain situation in my life and take a different course of action concerning it. So please keep your fingers crossed, cause I am getting dangerous.
DM'ing has gotten fun again. I am almost getting giddy to run more and more. But instead of trying to run everything I am cutting it down to no more then two campaigns. One is going to be my most favorite one "Iron Kingdoms" and the other is my second "Beyond Mere Mortals" based on last years "Champions" game. I am working on several details concerning these and trying to avoid certain hang ups, but that is life and it spices it up. I hope that I don't piss off anyone, but for the first time I am ready to say "Sorry but that is the way it is."
Okay I am rambling here and in the process I have lost the really cool line that I wanted to put in here! DAMN! I hate when I talk so much that I forget to pee. Hold on.
Ahhh I feel so much better now. Oh and for all that are interested I had "FUN". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
Now that was evil. I am sorry for that one. I am still running with a little evil in me, keeps me sane. As I said before I am a DM and it is in the job description.
Oh wait I think I remember it.
I look out and see the new dawn
I listen and from the world I hear a new song
I don't believe that things cannot go wrong
But for now I am no ones pawn
I am just a garden Gnome on life's front lawn
So a smile crosses my porcelain face from the conclusion drawn
I finally know that I am on the path to where I truly belong.
I omitted a line for very specific reasons. If you are interested I will tell you outside this blog.
Okay there it is. I hope all like it. If not then let me know, so I can ignore you. No I am kidding, I will listen to anything anyone has to say. I will even respond in a civil and funny way.
So farewell to all and I will see all soon, some sooner then others. But the heart longs for so many and for one. Hope all are well and on their way, cause life is journey not a destination. SO MOVE ALONG!!!!!!!
And if you don't get it..........................................................
READ A BOOK!!!!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!!!!
Anyway the reason I am here is that I have something to say
It is better to burn out
then fade away!!!!!!!
Yeah that is from Highlander the movie, the first one, the only one. Because the so called sequels all sucked ass. Now the one based on the TV show was ok.....But yet again it was a simple remake of the first one all over again. I mean how many times can two all powerful immortals face off? Really it gets boring after awhile. Like immediately. Oh wait of course there is the "Alien" angle of the second movie. OMG what where they thinking? But yet again they had a big duel between the two powerful immortals. I like, nay love the first movie. The sequels I have seen but do not even try and compare or place them with the first one at all.
Again I am off topic, it seems to be happening to me quite a lot. Comes from being so giddy. Why you may ask. Well I have taken some advice and taken a step back and reexamined my situation from a more objective position. Man when you get to close to your problems you really lose sight of all the good going on.
I have joined the health club. I am going to get several others to join with me so that we can share the pain. I plan on being rid of this armor of fat sooner then later. A long up hill battle, but I don't see one damn highlander with sword and targ (round shield worn on the arm) charging down at me. I am listening to some really cool music, Queen. Yes I said Queen. So what? Remember that although I hang with a younger crowd I am from the 80's. Hair rocks dude!
And although people may not believe it I was sporting a mullet before anyone had given it a name! Oh yeah I was a silent and invisible trend setter.
I am going to reevaluate a certain situation in my life and take a different course of action concerning it. So please keep your fingers crossed, cause I am getting dangerous.
DM'ing has gotten fun again. I am almost getting giddy to run more and more. But instead of trying to run everything I am cutting it down to no more then two campaigns. One is going to be my most favorite one "Iron Kingdoms" and the other is my second "Beyond Mere Mortals" based on last years "Champions" game. I am working on several details concerning these and trying to avoid certain hang ups, but that is life and it spices it up. I hope that I don't piss off anyone, but for the first time I am ready to say "Sorry but that is the way it is."
Okay I am rambling here and in the process I have lost the really cool line that I wanted to put in here! DAMN! I hate when I talk so much that I forget to pee. Hold on.
Ahhh I feel so much better now. Oh and for all that are interested I had "FUN". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
Now that was evil. I am sorry for that one. I am still running with a little evil in me, keeps me sane. As I said before I am a DM and it is in the job description.
Oh wait I think I remember it.
I look out and see the new dawn
I listen and from the world I hear a new song
I don't believe that things cannot go wrong
But for now I am no ones pawn
I am just a garden Gnome on life's front lawn
So a smile crosses my porcelain face from the conclusion drawn
I finally know that I am on the path to where I truly belong.
I omitted a line for very specific reasons. If you are interested I will tell you outside this blog.
Okay there it is. I hope all like it. If not then let me know, so I can ignore you. No I am kidding, I will listen to anything anyone has to say. I will even respond in a civil and funny way.
So farewell to all and I will see all soon, some sooner then others. But the heart longs for so many and for one. Hope all are well and on their way, cause life is journey not a destination. SO MOVE ALONG!!!!!!!
And if you don't get it..........................................................
READ A BOOK!!!!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!!!!
Monday, December 05, 2005
And ve vill have time to get down and boogie!
Hail and well met
The title comes from a movie that I adore. "Mystery Men" is a movie about super heroes. No not the classic cape wearing crusaders (No! No capes.) Lets face it they are the super heroes that we would be in a world of super powers. The second stringers that have hearts of gold but definitely feet of clay. Anyway the villain in this movie is the infamous "Casanova Frankenstein" played by Geoffrey Rush, an amazing actor. He has just unveiled his plot to "Frakulate" the city and follows it up with that line. It just goes to show that not all villains are obsessed with violence and crime, some of them can party too.
Anyway this post is not about that at all, it just popped into my head when I was thinking of a title. The purpose of this post is to.......Um.........Well I had a reason for posting. I know I did. Didn't I?
Hmmmm
Well that is a bit of broccoli stuck in my teeth. Metaphor for the annoyance of not remembering why I was posting, for those that might think that I honestly had broccoli in my teeth. Cause I have been known to spout random things like that from time to time.
Arrrrgggghhh!!!!! Oh well I guess I either forgot what it was supposed to be about or maybe this was just a random post from my insane membrane.
No wait there is something. Not really that important but still here it goes.
I had a dream last night. Well actually I had two. The salient fact of the matter is that I was able to control it. It was one of those damn Zombie dreams again and twice I changed the events of the dream. The first happened as I was running up to a door with a window in it. I say a horde of zombies behind it and I forced them to change into a police swat team. Then I was cornered by the Mayor and his wife who had been turned and when I couldn't hit them with a shot I forced the gun to shoot them in the head. BANG BANG! They were dead. I actually did a little dance in my dream.
The second one was a whole lot scarier then the first. I was in a huge hotel, I mean really big. Like city blocks big. I was running around for some reason and I was getting lost. There were no zombies, instead the hotel was filled with characters from SOAP OPERAS. Now I must confess that on occasion I have indulged in these overacted melodramatic farces, but to have a never ending parade of scenes in my dream. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I just kept running and trying to find my way back to the room. Oh it was terrible. I mean I can shoot zombies, but how do you shoot Patrick Duffy? Well it is not that hard, but what about all the actors that you don't know names of. I was frantic. Then I found the lounge and of course more soap characters. Except the band. I don't know their name but they were playing a little ditty that a Nicky used for a reference piece about Abbie. I cannot find the sheet that had the names and titles of the songs on it but it started like this.
"I'll tell me mom when I go home
the boys won't leave the girls alone."
That was the thin thread of hope that allowed me to jump out of the dream and wake up. Thank God for that. There was another dream now that I think about it. It had to do with several cars being in accidents. That one sucked on a totally different level. Anyway I am awake now....or at least I think I am? Well if I get any comments on this then I know I am awake, or that I have a very consistent and detailed imagination.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
The title comes from a movie that I adore. "Mystery Men" is a movie about super heroes. No not the classic cape wearing crusaders (No! No capes.) Lets face it they are the super heroes that we would be in a world of super powers. The second stringers that have hearts of gold but definitely feet of clay. Anyway the villain in this movie is the infamous "Casanova Frankenstein" played by Geoffrey Rush, an amazing actor. He has just unveiled his plot to "Frakulate" the city and follows it up with that line. It just goes to show that not all villains are obsessed with violence and crime, some of them can party too.
Anyway this post is not about that at all, it just popped into my head when I was thinking of a title. The purpose of this post is to.......Um.........Well I had a reason for posting. I know I did. Didn't I?
Hmmmm
Well that is a bit of broccoli stuck in my teeth. Metaphor for the annoyance of not remembering why I was posting, for those that might think that I honestly had broccoli in my teeth. Cause I have been known to spout random things like that from time to time.
Arrrrgggghhh!!!!! Oh well I guess I either forgot what it was supposed to be about or maybe this was just a random post from my insane membrane.
No wait there is something. Not really that important but still here it goes.
I had a dream last night. Well actually I had two. The salient fact of the matter is that I was able to control it. It was one of those damn Zombie dreams again and twice I changed the events of the dream. The first happened as I was running up to a door with a window in it. I say a horde of zombies behind it and I forced them to change into a police swat team. Then I was cornered by the Mayor and his wife who had been turned and when I couldn't hit them with a shot I forced the gun to shoot them in the head. BANG BANG! They were dead. I actually did a little dance in my dream.
The second one was a whole lot scarier then the first. I was in a huge hotel, I mean really big. Like city blocks big. I was running around for some reason and I was getting lost. There were no zombies, instead the hotel was filled with characters from SOAP OPERAS. Now I must confess that on occasion I have indulged in these overacted melodramatic farces, but to have a never ending parade of scenes in my dream. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I just kept running and trying to find my way back to the room. Oh it was terrible. I mean I can shoot zombies, but how do you shoot Patrick Duffy? Well it is not that hard, but what about all the actors that you don't know names of. I was frantic. Then I found the lounge and of course more soap characters. Except the band. I don't know their name but they were playing a little ditty that a Nicky used for a reference piece about Abbie. I cannot find the sheet that had the names and titles of the songs on it but it started like this.
"I'll tell me mom when I go home
the boys won't leave the girls alone."
That was the thin thread of hope that allowed me to jump out of the dream and wake up. Thank God for that. There was another dream now that I think about it. It had to do with several cars being in accidents. That one sucked on a totally different level. Anyway I am awake now....or at least I think I am? Well if I get any comments on this then I know I am awake, or that I have a very consistent and detailed imagination.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Sunday, December 04, 2005
A voice of reason in a storm of trouble
Hail and well met
It snowed again last night. No idea how much came down, haven't watched the news to see the total amount in inches. It was a good one though, luckily not a really good one. Even though I really do not like snow, I must admit it looks really pretty outside.
Anyway that is not the real topic of this post. I was at D&D last night and it was fun. I am enjoying running the other half of the group. A player went off on his own in an unfamiliar city, which is never good. He ran into a strange girl who whisked him away, also never good. Then he discovers that she is the daughter of one of the heads of the city and doesn't run for his life, definitely a bad decision. He is taken to her room which doubles as her workshop for working on magical items. While poking around (get you mind out of the gutter) he finds this little box and opens it. Not the brightest candle in the candelabra.
When he wakes up he is down to his underoos in her bed and she is hovering over him. Long story short they end up wrastling and she gets the upper hand forcing him to fall on top of her. Then her father walks in. I had to laugh. In the end he finds himself married to her and the party now has a new companion. Oh the fun I am going to have!!! I am so evil, but don't worry I am a DM and it is in the job description. ;)
After the session Mikey and I decided to head back to his house and he dragged my tongue out of my head and made me talk. We talked for I don't know how long but I do know that it is what I have needed for a long time. THANKS MIKEY!!!! You are a true friend (not that I didn't know that already) and a little brother to me, for which I thank the creator for every day.
His advice has helped me get a handle on some real doosies that I have been fighting with. I am still stepping back and getting my bearings but I am already feeling better and things are clearing up.
The biggest thing that I have to learn to do now is be patient. I used to be patient to a fault and in some ways I still am. Lately I have been anxious over a couple of things and have wanted them to come to a head far quicker then they have. Thanks to his advice I am just going to step back and look at the bigger picture for the moment and find those things that really need dealing with and work on those. While the other problems either become clearer or go away. If they clear up then I will deal with them and if they go away all the better. All in all I cannot force things to happen unless I want them to probably end up broken or damaged, and that is definitely not what I want. So I take a deeeeep breath and let go of this anxiety.
I feel much better today then I have for several weeks. We all need someone to talk to outside of ourselves. One can never know just who might have that strange insight that will unlock the bonds that hold us tight. I have always tried to be there for my friends and I now know that I should allow them to be there for me. I am sorry for holding myself back and keeping so much stupid shit inside.
Oh I almost forgot! I helped Ben and his Dad insulate more of the loft yesterday. We now have a door at the top of the stairs and a dividing wall by the stairs. In the coming weeks the insulating should be completed and maybe some paneling or some such thing on the walls. I will be helping when and how ever I can. So hopefully by winter break everyone will be able to survive a stint in the loft without freezing to death. YEAH!!!
Ok well that is all I really have to say right now. I hope that everyone is doing okay. Nicky if those pesky highlanders show up with their swords and shields yelling and charging down the hill let me know. Mikey thanks again for the talk, I will try and make it less difficult to open me up next time and there will be a next time. Hey it's me! :)
So Happy Holidays to all.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
It snowed again last night. No idea how much came down, haven't watched the news to see the total amount in inches. It was a good one though, luckily not a really good one. Even though I really do not like snow, I must admit it looks really pretty outside.
Anyway that is not the real topic of this post. I was at D&D last night and it was fun. I am enjoying running the other half of the group. A player went off on his own in an unfamiliar city, which is never good. He ran into a strange girl who whisked him away, also never good. Then he discovers that she is the daughter of one of the heads of the city and doesn't run for his life, definitely a bad decision. He is taken to her room which doubles as her workshop for working on magical items. While poking around (get you mind out of the gutter) he finds this little box and opens it. Not the brightest candle in the candelabra.
When he wakes up he is down to his underoos in her bed and she is hovering over him. Long story short they end up wrastling and she gets the upper hand forcing him to fall on top of her. Then her father walks in. I had to laugh. In the end he finds himself married to her and the party now has a new companion. Oh the fun I am going to have!!! I am so evil, but don't worry I am a DM and it is in the job description. ;)
After the session Mikey and I decided to head back to his house and he dragged my tongue out of my head and made me talk. We talked for I don't know how long but I do know that it is what I have needed for a long time. THANKS MIKEY!!!! You are a true friend (not that I didn't know that already) and a little brother to me, for which I thank the creator for every day.
His advice has helped me get a handle on some real doosies that I have been fighting with. I am still stepping back and getting my bearings but I am already feeling better and things are clearing up.
The biggest thing that I have to learn to do now is be patient. I used to be patient to a fault and in some ways I still am. Lately I have been anxious over a couple of things and have wanted them to come to a head far quicker then they have. Thanks to his advice I am just going to step back and look at the bigger picture for the moment and find those things that really need dealing with and work on those. While the other problems either become clearer or go away. If they clear up then I will deal with them and if they go away all the better. All in all I cannot force things to happen unless I want them to probably end up broken or damaged, and that is definitely not what I want. So I take a deeeeep breath and let go of this anxiety.
I feel much better today then I have for several weeks. We all need someone to talk to outside of ourselves. One can never know just who might have that strange insight that will unlock the bonds that hold us tight. I have always tried to be there for my friends and I now know that I should allow them to be there for me. I am sorry for holding myself back and keeping so much stupid shit inside.
Oh I almost forgot! I helped Ben and his Dad insulate more of the loft yesterday. We now have a door at the top of the stairs and a dividing wall by the stairs. In the coming weeks the insulating should be completed and maybe some paneling or some such thing on the walls. I will be helping when and how ever I can. So hopefully by winter break everyone will be able to survive a stint in the loft without freezing to death. YEAH!!!
Ok well that is all I really have to say right now. I hope that everyone is doing okay. Nicky if those pesky highlanders show up with their swords and shields yelling and charging down the hill let me know. Mikey thanks again for the talk, I will try and make it less difficult to open me up next time and there will be a next time. Hey it's me! :)
So Happy Holidays to all.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Oh great............it snowed
Okay well I get up this morning after my usual routine and then I realize it is way to bright to be just the sun. I look outside and what do I see............................Fucking Snow!!!!!
You have to understand I hate snow. Yes I know it looks pretty, but so dose a Bengal Tiger but I don't want one in my back yard. Snow is the most annoying precipitation (Oh a big word, I must be getting smarter) that the world has to offer, well next to hail. It sticks to everything and it does not go away. It sticks around and needs to be shoveled out of the way to get around. It turns into ice at the drop of a hat so we all can enjoy the experience of walking along one minute and then falling on our ass. Oh yeah it melts against our shoes and they get wet, concordantly so do our feet. That is a sucky feeling if ever there was one. No wait there is one more. It collects dirt so in just a few days it turns grey and nasty but doesn't go away.
I HATE SNOW!!!!!
No there is something else. It adds a good 15 minutes to my morning routine. Because no matter what I have to clean off the car before I can go anywhere.
Yes all in all the worst precipitation the world has to offer. Give me rain, that I can handle. Yes it can make you wet, but it goes away quickly and does not linger.
Oh well I have to go and clean off my car to run some errands.
Oh and Mikey, do not even think of mentioning that you don't have to be a Mexican as a good thing. That is just a selfish thing to think, what about all the Mexicans that wake up on a day like today and are still Mexican even though it snowed? Not very nice to them for you to revel in not being one when they don't get any relief. Think of you fellow man and show him some compassion for Gods sake.
Okay I am done and out of here. I said it all last night so just read the previous post and paste the end here.
You have to understand I hate snow. Yes I know it looks pretty, but so dose a Bengal Tiger but I don't want one in my back yard. Snow is the most annoying precipitation (Oh a big word, I must be getting smarter) that the world has to offer, well next to hail. It sticks to everything and it does not go away. It sticks around and needs to be shoveled out of the way to get around. It turns into ice at the drop of a hat so we all can enjoy the experience of walking along one minute and then falling on our ass. Oh yeah it melts against our shoes and they get wet, concordantly so do our feet. That is a sucky feeling if ever there was one. No wait there is one more. It collects dirt so in just a few days it turns grey and nasty but doesn't go away.
I HATE SNOW!!!!!
No there is something else. It adds a good 15 minutes to my morning routine. Because no matter what I have to clean off the car before I can go anywhere.
Yes all in all the worst precipitation the world has to offer. Give me rain, that I can handle. Yes it can make you wet, but it goes away quickly and does not linger.
Oh well I have to go and clean off my car to run some errands.
Oh and Mikey, do not even think of mentioning that you don't have to be a Mexican as a good thing. That is just a selfish thing to think, what about all the Mexicans that wake up on a day like today and are still Mexican even though it snowed? Not very nice to them for you to revel in not being one when they don't get any relief. Think of you fellow man and show him some compassion for Gods sake.
Okay I am done and out of here. I said it all last night so just read the previous post and paste the end here.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Frustrated!!!!!
Well it is Wednesday night and I have yet to be able to go to the post office and apply.
To say that I am frustrated is an understatement. I need this work.
Apparently the situation at the Crete office is tricky at best. It appears that the Post Master there is a real psycho and Jim has almost had to file grievances with the union twice on accout of her mismanagement. This has created a tense situation between Jim and her so he has been holding off bringing me in so as not to spoil my chances.
I know I shouldn't ask this question because it is never going to get answered but it still begs to be asked.
Why do ignorant people always end up in management positions?
The same thing happened at Toys "r" Us on a regular basis. Every year we would get new managers in some sections and they were always moronic. In most cases they had never spent even one day working in a store as a regular employee. That still makes no sense. If you want to run a store well you have to understand the basic operations I would think.
Anyway it could be up to two weeks before I can go in. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I was really looking forward to this. On the one hand I would be working again, something that may sound weird but I really miss working. The second is that Christmas is coming and although I know that everyone says not to worry about it as far a presents go, I like getting gifts for people.
It is just really frustrating, and it only exasperate my other problem. No there is no solution on that front either. One day I will let everyone in on what it is, but for now it remains my secret burden. Well at least until Mikey and I get a chance to sit down without playing a video game and talk. Yes Mikey I plan on talking to you about it as soon as possible.
On a better note I worked out today. I spent 30 minutes on the "Dread Mill" and then jumped on a bike for 15. Then we hit 6 machines. My arms are okay but I am sore somewhere else.
Who knew your ass could be sore from working out? Yeah even now my left hip area is in pain, walking is worse. I hope it dose not screw up my sleeping.
Oh yeah we went bowling! I had a good time and it probably helped my ass to walk around as much as I did. Well it didn't feel that way at the time, but it might. Here is hoping because I am not sure that I like posting about my ass hurting. It seems just a little creepy. And if I ever and I mean ever post anything about my bodily functions you are under a friendship order to SHOOT ME!!!!! I will buy you the bullet. I will not become an old person that does that, even if I have to end my life. It is disgusting in a degree that there is not word for........Yet!
Anyway I have typed enough and the hip is tingling so I am out of here. Hope everyone is doing okay. Nicky I am burning a candle for you while you quest for your grades. Say hey to anyone that knows me and everyone else count it as an preemptive hey for when I get a chance to meet them.
Yeah that about covers it all. I am not depressed just frustrated, it will pass. I just want this job!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
To say that I am frustrated is an understatement. I need this work.
Apparently the situation at the Crete office is tricky at best. It appears that the Post Master there is a real psycho and Jim has almost had to file grievances with the union twice on accout of her mismanagement. This has created a tense situation between Jim and her so he has been holding off bringing me in so as not to spoil my chances.
I know I shouldn't ask this question because it is never going to get answered but it still begs to be asked.
Why do ignorant people always end up in management positions?
The same thing happened at Toys "r" Us on a regular basis. Every year we would get new managers in some sections and they were always moronic. In most cases they had never spent even one day working in a store as a regular employee. That still makes no sense. If you want to run a store well you have to understand the basic operations I would think.
Anyway it could be up to two weeks before I can go in. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I was really looking forward to this. On the one hand I would be working again, something that may sound weird but I really miss working. The second is that Christmas is coming and although I know that everyone says not to worry about it as far a presents go, I like getting gifts for people.
It is just really frustrating, and it only exasperate my other problem. No there is no solution on that front either. One day I will let everyone in on what it is, but for now it remains my secret burden. Well at least until Mikey and I get a chance to sit down without playing a video game and talk. Yes Mikey I plan on talking to you about it as soon as possible.
On a better note I worked out today. I spent 30 minutes on the "Dread Mill" and then jumped on a bike for 15. Then we hit 6 machines. My arms are okay but I am sore somewhere else.
Who knew your ass could be sore from working out? Yeah even now my left hip area is in pain, walking is worse. I hope it dose not screw up my sleeping.
Oh yeah we went bowling! I had a good time and it probably helped my ass to walk around as much as I did. Well it didn't feel that way at the time, but it might. Here is hoping because I am not sure that I like posting about my ass hurting. It seems just a little creepy. And if I ever and I mean ever post anything about my bodily functions you are under a friendship order to SHOOT ME!!!!! I will buy you the bullet. I will not become an old person that does that, even if I have to end my life. It is disgusting in a degree that there is not word for........Yet!
Anyway I have typed enough and the hip is tingling so I am out of here. Hope everyone is doing okay. Nicky I am burning a candle for you while you quest for your grades. Say hey to anyone that knows me and everyone else count it as an preemptive hey for when I get a chance to meet them.
Yeah that about covers it all. I am not depressed just frustrated, it will pass. I just want this job!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Harsh words from a harsh mind
Okay my last post was just a little on the abrasive side.
Hell who am I kidding, it was down right obnoxious. (good word use)
I have to learn to talk. I mean I can open my mouth and spit out crap all day long but when it comes to actually saying anything immportant......well I come up short.
I made a post about telling people what is going on and how that no problem is to big or unimmportant to talk about. I meant it, but like so many people I don't do it.
I had a perfect opprotunity tonite to talk to Mikey about what is going on in this void I call a life and what did I do? Well I sat there all day and played games. I said dick. No I don't mean that I said the word "dick", I mean I said nothing. I know that I can talk to him, he is a good friend. I know that he wants to know what is perculating in this head of mine. He truly want to help.
The problem is that I am a coward at heart. I don't want to face the facts of my situation and be responsible for doing what needs to be done. I have always played the safety game. I should have gone into insurance the way that I count the pros and cons of everything and then make a few up.
I just have to bite the bullet and do it. I meant talking, first. Then I will work my way out. Please bear with me. I promise that I will try and open up just a little bit. holds hand up with thumb and pointer finger seperated by an inch or so
Well more then a little bit. holds up both hands with several feet inbetween
Thanks for sticking with a bumbling old fool while he deals with this shit. I feel so stupid.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!!
And no I haven't finished dealing with the unamed problem yet. So...............................
READ A BOOK! ;)
Hell who am I kidding, it was down right obnoxious. (good word use)
I have to learn to talk. I mean I can open my mouth and spit out crap all day long but when it comes to actually saying anything immportant......well I come up short.
I made a post about telling people what is going on and how that no problem is to big or unimmportant to talk about. I meant it, but like so many people I don't do it.
I had a perfect opprotunity tonite to talk to Mikey about what is going on in this void I call a life and what did I do? Well I sat there all day and played games. I said dick. No I don't mean that I said the word "dick", I mean I said nothing. I know that I can talk to him, he is a good friend. I know that he wants to know what is perculating in this head of mine. He truly want to help.
The problem is that I am a coward at heart. I don't want to face the facts of my situation and be responsible for doing what needs to be done. I have always played the safety game. I should have gone into insurance the way that I count the pros and cons of everything and then make a few up.
I just have to bite the bullet and do it. I meant talking, first. Then I will work my way out. Please bear with me. I promise that I will try and open up just a little bit. holds hand up with thumb and pointer finger seperated by an inch or so
Well more then a little bit. holds up both hands with several feet inbetween
Thanks for sticking with a bumbling old fool while he deals with this shit. I feel so stupid.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!!
And no I haven't finished dealing with the unamed problem yet. So...............................
READ A BOOK! ;)
Monday, November 28, 2005
Something I should do
I am posting right now because of a friend. Yes Mikey I am referring to you! He made a comment concerning that fact that I had not posted in a few days. Well it was Thanksgiving and I was just a little busy, but in truth I have had something on my mind.
NO I am not going to talk about it. It is something I have to deal with and it sucks okay. I will post more regularly when I come to terms with this. Until then take what you can get and like it.
Cause if you don't the only person that will be upset about it is you. HA! There I am becoming a bastard, so deal.
It may take a while to come to a conclusion concerning what I am dealing with, so if I offend anyone here or in person, I am sorry. Well maybe not, but the thought is there so it should amount to something. Ah phooey who cares? No one that's who!
I will see you when I see you and I will talk to you when I talk to you. If not well..........................
READ A BOOK!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
NO I am not going to talk about it. It is something I have to deal with and it sucks okay. I will post more regularly when I come to terms with this. Until then take what you can get and like it.
Cause if you don't the only person that will be upset about it is you. HA! There I am becoming a bastard, so deal.
It may take a while to come to a conclusion concerning what I am dealing with, so if I offend anyone here or in person, I am sorry. Well maybe not, but the thought is there so it should amount to something. Ah phooey who cares? No one that's who!
I will see you when I see you and I will talk to you when I talk to you. If not well..........................
READ A BOOK!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Sunday, November 27, 2005
These were funny!
Hail and well met
I was surfing a friends blog and he has these posted. I just had to laugh and share them. Enjoy!
Love is grand; divorce is at least a hundred grand.
Time may be a great healer, but its also a lousy beautician.
Remember: amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just stand there.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours is.
I am having an out of money experience.
It'’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
You'’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
And then there were these.....
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either; just leave me the heck alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It'’s always darkest before dawn. So if you'’re going to steal your neighbor'’s newspaper, that'’s the time to do it.
4. Don'’t be irreplaceable. If you can'’t be replaced, you can'’t be promoted.
5. Always remember that you'’re unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his or her shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don'’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you'’re the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know him or her.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct-tape is like "The Force."’ It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren'’t learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don'’t get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same day.
Well there they are. I hope all enjoyed them. If not then.......Tough! I did so NAH!;P
May the Force (duct tape) be with you.
Excelsior!!!
I was surfing a friends blog and he has these posted. I just had to laugh and share them. Enjoy!
Love is grand; divorce is at least a hundred grand.
Time may be a great healer, but its also a lousy beautician.
Remember: amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just stand there.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours is.
I am having an out of money experience.
It'’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
You'’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
And then there were these.....
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either; just leave me the heck alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It'’s always darkest before dawn. So if you'’re going to steal your neighbor'’s newspaper, that'’s the time to do it.
4. Don'’t be irreplaceable. If you can'’t be replaced, you can'’t be promoted.
5. Always remember that you'’re unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his or her shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don'’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you'’re the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know him or her.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct-tape is like "The Force."’ It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren'’t learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don'’t get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same day.
Well there they are. I hope all enjoyed them. If not then.......Tough! I did so NAH!;P
May the Force (duct tape) be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, November 24, 2005
I should get to sleep, but this is too good
I found out today that due to an emergency situation at the Post Office in Crete I will be filling out an ap next Tuesday.
AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is not guaranteed that I will get the job, but they are desperate.
I am giddy with hope that I may be in. I may have a job that will pave the way for my to go where I want. Woot!!
I am still all jiggly over the news. Or is it that I am freezing? Nope it is the news.
See everyone later today!
Bowling woot!!!!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!!
AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is not guaranteed that I will get the job, but they are desperate.
I am giddy with hope that I may be in. I may have a job that will pave the way for my to go where I want. Woot!!
I am still all jiggly over the news. Or is it that I am freezing? Nope it is the news.
See everyone later today!
Bowling woot!!!!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
I have the answer, and it seals my fate
I don't care if this sounds melodramatic. It is my life and if I choose to over act then that is what I am going to do.
I have boiled down the events of this weekend and have the answer. I know why I did everything that I did. I am going to keep it to myself.
It leaves me with a choice. I can continue down this road seeking something, and giving in to the darkness that unfolded on Saturday or I can abandon my quest and except the two results. One that I will never walk in that darkness that allowed me to hurt my friend (yes it was a small thing but do I have to go into it again). The second is knowing that my life will be empty and hollow for the remaining time that I have to spend on this rock.
Great choices that I get to make. Be happy and destroy everything I have lived for or live in an eternal torment that will rob me of any happiness or joy and keep everything else safe.
I hate God at this moment. I despise him. I would beat the living shit out of him right now if I had the chance.
I could rant on for pages, but I have done that before. I will not waste the time. I already know the choice I must make. That is one of the reasons that I hate him so. Why bother showing me all this when I had already made the right choice? So that I could really feel the cost of said choice? FUCK YOU! YOU COWARD! YOU WHO SENT YOUR SON TO BEAR THE BURDEN OF YOUR FUCKING PLAN! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU IN YOUR ENTIRETY UP THERE ON THAT CROSS FEELING THE PAIN AND SUFFERING!
Okay well that is off my chest. Well for those of you who go to church and are worried that I am blaspheming, don't. I have figured out that hating God is not a sin, as long as you are honest about it. Let's face it he is God and if he cannot handle a little frustrated anger being tossed at him, well then what kind of God is he anyway? No the sin would be in not telling him the truth of how I feel. We don't see eye to eye on a great many things. I expect that when the day comes and I walk through the pearly gates I am going to get led to a nice room with two comfy chairs with a case of Pepsi and some doughnuts on a small table, where the Almighty and I will have a real long conversation. Oh did I mention the boxes of Kleenex? Yeah I expect those will be there as well, cause I know I am going to cry when I understand everything. Wouldn't you?
I am not much better now. It just is a condition that I must accept and work around. I have friends and who am I to want anything else. Happiness is relative, some kind of second cousin twice removed or something. In time I will forget, hopefully, and then the pain will go away. And if it does not then I will have to drown myself in laughter and booze. Not a bad way to live.....alone.
I will see all when the time allows. Have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
I am thankful for all the friends that I have, and for those that I don't.
May the Force be with all of you.
Excelsior!!!
I have boiled down the events of this weekend and have the answer. I know why I did everything that I did. I am going to keep it to myself.
It leaves me with a choice. I can continue down this road seeking something, and giving in to the darkness that unfolded on Saturday or I can abandon my quest and except the two results. One that I will never walk in that darkness that allowed me to hurt my friend (yes it was a small thing but do I have to go into it again). The second is knowing that my life will be empty and hollow for the remaining time that I have to spend on this rock.
Great choices that I get to make. Be happy and destroy everything I have lived for or live in an eternal torment that will rob me of any happiness or joy and keep everything else safe.
I hate God at this moment. I despise him. I would beat the living shit out of him right now if I had the chance.
I could rant on for pages, but I have done that before. I will not waste the time. I already know the choice I must make. That is one of the reasons that I hate him so. Why bother showing me all this when I had already made the right choice? So that I could really feel the cost of said choice? FUCK YOU! YOU COWARD! YOU WHO SENT YOUR SON TO BEAR THE BURDEN OF YOUR FUCKING PLAN! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU IN YOUR ENTIRETY UP THERE ON THAT CROSS FEELING THE PAIN AND SUFFERING!
Okay well that is off my chest. Well for those of you who go to church and are worried that I am blaspheming, don't. I have figured out that hating God is not a sin, as long as you are honest about it. Let's face it he is God and if he cannot handle a little frustrated anger being tossed at him, well then what kind of God is he anyway? No the sin would be in not telling him the truth of how I feel. We don't see eye to eye on a great many things. I expect that when the day comes and I walk through the pearly gates I am going to get led to a nice room with two comfy chairs with a case of Pepsi and some doughnuts on a small table, where the Almighty and I will have a real long conversation. Oh did I mention the boxes of Kleenex? Yeah I expect those will be there as well, cause I know I am going to cry when I understand everything. Wouldn't you?
I am not much better now. It just is a condition that I must accept and work around. I have friends and who am I to want anything else. Happiness is relative, some kind of second cousin twice removed or something. In time I will forget, hopefully, and then the pain will go away. And if it does not then I will have to drown myself in laughter and booze. Not a bad way to live.....alone.
I will see all when the time allows. Have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
I am thankful for all the friends that I have, and for those that I don't.
May the Force be with all of you.
Excelsior!!!
Monday, November 21, 2005
I don't know anymore
I feel happy. Or at least I should. I act happy. I smile and laugh, but that has never been a problem for me. I find things funny, a lot of things actually. But down deep I feel something else.
This started Saturday when I did something that I am ashamed of. Well I am ashamed of it now, I wasn't then. I was scheduled to help Chris run the D&D campaign at GO. I went there and informed Mr about my absence but I never called Chris or got in touch with him at all. I know that I thought about him, I just remember not feeling anything one way or the other. I mean that, I felt nothing about abandoning him with no idea what was going on. In some ways I could say that I was hollow, empty, nothing inside at all.
Anyway Sunday I awoke and then I felt it. I knew that I had pretty well fucked him. I felt the knot in my gut that I should have felt when I was doing this. I spent the day sitting at my computer waiting for him to get on and for him to tie into me. He had every right to and with the way I felt I wanted him to. Well he got on late and he kind of let me have it. I mean it was what I deserved, I had been an asshole to him for Christs sake. Well he kind of did, but it did not go far. He forgave me, but he doesn't understand that although I do accept his forgiveness I can never forgive myself.
Yes I know it was just a little thing. God why can no one understand that if I don't stop myself from doing this in the small things then the next time it may be a BIG ONE. Then you will all be up in arms and pissed off, only because it is big. Well if I don't care now what makes you think I would care then. I have to stop this before it gets worse. I have to understand why I was able to do something so selfish and with out remorse or concern to the consequences of others. Only if I understand it can I stop it from happening again, you know when it might be BIG.
So now I am going over the events and thoughts of Friday and Saturday looking for the answer. I am finding nothing of any help. I will not give up on finding the flaw in my character that allowed this to happen. Until I know I will not stop. Chris said it was a mistake, maybe but that dose not elevate my responsibility to stop it from happening again.
This is one of the more heinous things that I have ever done. There is one other and I will never speak of it in detail, so don't ask. I am just saying it to put it into perspective for me, not you. I have to despise myself now more then ever for doing something so wrong. I may never forgive myself for this. I may never stop hating myself for knowing what I was doing and doing it anyway.
It has been a very long time since I did anything like this. A very very long time. That is one of the biggest reasons that I am so bothered by it. That and whom I did it to. Chris is like a little brother to me. I care for him more then many of my other friends. Yet for all of my feelings for him I did this to him. How could I justify in my mind doing this?! It just doesn't make any sense.
As the title says... I just don't know anymore.
I am going to let this go for now, I am supposed to see Chris and Nicky in a few hours. I don't want this to cloud the day. They don't need my shit. So I am going now. I hope to find the answer soon. If not I will have to find another way to stop it.
This started Saturday when I did something that I am ashamed of. Well I am ashamed of it now, I wasn't then. I was scheduled to help Chris run the D&D campaign at GO. I went there and informed Mr about my absence but I never called Chris or got in touch with him at all. I know that I thought about him, I just remember not feeling anything one way or the other. I mean that, I felt nothing about abandoning him with no idea what was going on. In some ways I could say that I was hollow, empty, nothing inside at all.
Anyway Sunday I awoke and then I felt it. I knew that I had pretty well fucked him. I felt the knot in my gut that I should have felt when I was doing this. I spent the day sitting at my computer waiting for him to get on and for him to tie into me. He had every right to and with the way I felt I wanted him to. Well he got on late and he kind of let me have it. I mean it was what I deserved, I had been an asshole to him for Christs sake. Well he kind of did, but it did not go far. He forgave me, but he doesn't understand that although I do accept his forgiveness I can never forgive myself.
Yes I know it was just a little thing. God why can no one understand that if I don't stop myself from doing this in the small things then the next time it may be a BIG ONE. Then you will all be up in arms and pissed off, only because it is big. Well if I don't care now what makes you think I would care then. I have to stop this before it gets worse. I have to understand why I was able to do something so selfish and with out remorse or concern to the consequences of others. Only if I understand it can I stop it from happening again, you know when it might be BIG.
So now I am going over the events and thoughts of Friday and Saturday looking for the answer. I am finding nothing of any help. I will not give up on finding the flaw in my character that allowed this to happen. Until I know I will not stop. Chris said it was a mistake, maybe but that dose not elevate my responsibility to stop it from happening again.
This is one of the more heinous things that I have ever done. There is one other and I will never speak of it in detail, so don't ask. I am just saying it to put it into perspective for me, not you. I have to despise myself now more then ever for doing something so wrong. I may never forgive myself for this. I may never stop hating myself for knowing what I was doing and doing it anyway.
It has been a very long time since I did anything like this. A very very long time. That is one of the biggest reasons that I am so bothered by it. That and whom I did it to. Chris is like a little brother to me. I care for him more then many of my other friends. Yet for all of my feelings for him I did this to him. How could I justify in my mind doing this?! It just doesn't make any sense.
As the title says... I just don't know anymore.
I am going to let this go for now, I am supposed to see Chris and Nicky in a few hours. I don't want this to cloud the day. They don't need my shit. So I am going now. I hope to find the answer soon. If not I will have to find another way to stop it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
