Hail and well met
Yes I took on Buffy and after over 144 hours of struggle I have to say I am the victor. No it was not mortal combat or combat of any form (well fighting to fit one more episode in before sleep has been a point of internal contention) it was a daunting task that I have been putting off for far to many years.
I don't have the stamina to type much as I really need to go to sleep but I can say this. As I was alive for the entire run of the show and knowing that I only really caught a dozen or so episodes then I am glad that I got the chance to watch it all. I love the show and what it did.
Soon I will probably have to do some diatribes on my favorite episodes and why, as well as a long rant on villains; both awesome and LAME.
I really loved the show and part of me misses it already....you know I could just start watching it again...the DVD's are just sitting right there.
So either I am off to bed or about to put the first disk of season one in again, either way awesome will ensue.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
A long Pause....You Know for Dramatic Effect.
Hail and well met
It has been a long time since I posted anything. I could try and put down a myriad of excuses but they would be just that, excuses. The fact is that I have not wanted to spend the time typing what is going on. That would require me to face what I am feeling and doing(or not doing). More importantly I would be putting it out there for everyone to read about and worry or know and that seems to be the problem. Intimacy.
It took seeing a good friend and having him talk about something that seemed to strike home. He spoke of Erikson's stages of psychosocial development and how he had seen himself walking through them. It struck me that many years ago while at Gameopolis I realized I was emotionally and socially stunted. I may have been 30 something but socially I was far younger, emotionally I was non-existent.
Now I am not saying I am broken or unworthy or whatever else that little voice tries to get me to believe so I turn upon myself and sink into seclusion. Oh I still hear it all the time but I refuse to give it credence, in fact I tend to use it in the opposite way. If it is telling me I am worthless or a failure I take it that I am more worthy and a success. That keeps me out of the mindset it wants.
But that doesn't change that I lack some of the basic development to relate to others. That I sometimes (more often then I like) don't know who I am, what I am doing or why I am here. Oh yes questions that many other can answer but unless I can answer them I fail to achieve the needed goal. I have played the "living up to everyone else's view of me" game and what I got was a vast array of costumes and persona's that had to be sand blasted away to allow me to become whatever I am to become. I do believe it is that fact that allows me to see some of these things more clearly.
It also is the reason for my seclusion. I don't want to fall into old patterns. Left to my devices I will gladly put back on the persona's others present so I can fit in, appease everyone and fulfill that caregiver part of my Virgo/First born nature. I don't want that, not anymore.
I know what I want. I know I need to learn how to get it. I don't know where or what to learn to get it. I need someone who knows and can put me on the right path.
I have a plan for what I want and (vaguely) how to get it.
What I lack is positive feed back from a source that can truly judge what I have planned. A source that I can trust (something hard to come by these days).
Oh and I know I want someone in my life that I can share my life with, all of it. With recent decisions that have changed the paradigm of my life I find the pool of candidates has shrunk exponentially.
Another fun thing is finding out facts that TOTALLY take some of the core truths I held and turning them on their ear. That has been a real laugh riot.
So here I am. All I can do is get up every day and see if I can get a little closer to my goal of getting what I want. Baby steps. Patience sucks!!!!
So to all my friends I say to you don't give up on me. If I disappear once in a while just give me a call, or message me on FB or whatever. Or just wait cause I will get out of the seclusion cave and get some air sooner or later.
Excelsior!!!
It has been a long time since I posted anything. I could try and put down a myriad of excuses but they would be just that, excuses. The fact is that I have not wanted to spend the time typing what is going on. That would require me to face what I am feeling and doing(or not doing). More importantly I would be putting it out there for everyone to read about and worry or know and that seems to be the problem. Intimacy.
It took seeing a good friend and having him talk about something that seemed to strike home. He spoke of Erikson's stages of psychosocial development and how he had seen himself walking through them. It struck me that many years ago while at Gameopolis I realized I was emotionally and socially stunted. I may have been 30 something but socially I was far younger, emotionally I was non-existent.
Now I am not saying I am broken or unworthy or whatever else that little voice tries to get me to believe so I turn upon myself and sink into seclusion. Oh I still hear it all the time but I refuse to give it credence, in fact I tend to use it in the opposite way. If it is telling me I am worthless or a failure I take it that I am more worthy and a success. That keeps me out of the mindset it wants.
But that doesn't change that I lack some of the basic development to relate to others. That I sometimes (more often then I like) don't know who I am, what I am doing or why I am here. Oh yes questions that many other can answer but unless I can answer them I fail to achieve the needed goal. I have played the "living up to everyone else's view of me" game and what I got was a vast array of costumes and persona's that had to be sand blasted away to allow me to become whatever I am to become. I do believe it is that fact that allows me to see some of these things more clearly.
It also is the reason for my seclusion. I don't want to fall into old patterns. Left to my devices I will gladly put back on the persona's others present so I can fit in, appease everyone and fulfill that caregiver part of my Virgo/First born nature. I don't want that, not anymore.
I know what I want. I know I need to learn how to get it. I don't know where or what to learn to get it. I need someone who knows and can put me on the right path.
I have a plan for what I want and (vaguely) how to get it.
What I lack is positive feed back from a source that can truly judge what I have planned. A source that I can trust (something hard to come by these days).
Oh and I know I want someone in my life that I can share my life with, all of it. With recent decisions that have changed the paradigm of my life I find the pool of candidates has shrunk exponentially.
Another fun thing is finding out facts that TOTALLY take some of the core truths I held and turning them on their ear. That has been a real laugh riot.
So here I am. All I can do is get up every day and see if I can get a little closer to my goal of getting what I want. Baby steps. Patience sucks!!!!
So to all my friends I say to you don't give up on me. If I disappear once in a while just give me a call, or message me on FB or whatever. Or just wait cause I will get out of the seclusion cave and get some air sooner or later.
Excelsior!!!
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