Hail and well met
No I did not actually run out of gas. It is a metaphor for what I am feeling right now. I have been reading up on some blogs and ran into an interesting metaphor as well, one that kind of parallels my feelings.
In some ways I find that I am in my metaphorical car that now has no gas and find that even if I did I don't know where the hell I am going. That really frustrates me to the core. I had so many dreams and I thought I still did but I find that I really don't believe in them much any more. I have this great game (at least that is what everyone says to me after they play it or see it) but yet not one person really seems interested in making it with me. So what the hell is the point? I don't have the cash to fund it so it is floating in limbo.
But here is the thing. I cannot give up on it. I tried just now to write that it was dead and inside of me I screamed. I have to hold on to my dreams and believe that I will one day see them made manifest.
I have my job... Yeah believe me that if I wanted to sell my soul and life to the Post Office I could have a crappy job that will pay me maybe 40 or 50 grand a year. Now if anyone really knows the job market and the cost of living they realize that that is not a good wage. It basically just covers that basics and leaves nothing else. Yes there is sick and vacation leave but the hoops can be a real bitch. For me it just doesn't equal out to being chained six days a week to a job that can fluctuate everyday from reasonable to insane.
Oh and then you have the Union.
Now don't get me wrong it has a place. I personally joined even though I didn't have to but here is the crux of my problem. For all that it does to make sure we are represented it also protects those that don't deserve to stay employed. I see it every day, people not doing their job and making everyone else work harder for no more cash to make up the difference.
God I hate bitching about having a job but all I see is a set of chains and bars that will have me kneeling 20 more years of my life away whilst getting me no further to my dreams. I don't want to end up a bitter heartless self centered bastard. I see the world and I want to live in it as a participant not a passenger.
GAHHHHHH I won't! I have options and I plan on exercising them to the extreme. I have been sitting back and playing it safe. Well fuck that couch. It hasn't done squat for me so far so there is no reason to keep it up anymore.
It is time to become dangerous and do dangerous things.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Matt-Man and the Whirwind
Hail and well met
Well it has been a LONG time since my last post. I have been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Between getting ready for loth and then going to preparing for the bachelor party that took place over the weekend not to mention trying to get my shit organized so I can move out in a couple of weeks. I have been going crazy. No literally I have been really losing it. Part of me thinks that I am not ready for moving out and as of late I have started to agree. I have so much stuff to do and every time I start to do it I get exhausted and tired. In some respects it feels like depression and others are something I am not familiar with at all.
Meh what does it matter.
Well speaking of loth I have to say it was AMAZING!!!! I love that place and look forward to going again soon. Everything about it just allows me to feel better about everything. I know I slept better then I have in a while. I did not make it down to the creek this time but next time for sure. I bought a sarong (not sure of the spelling but the computer is not correcting me so maybe I got it right) which is a common garment from south Asia, most notably from Malay. It is a simple rectangle of cloth that is tied at the waist and can be viewed as a skirt of sorts although it is worn by both men and women. It is quite comfortable and very easy to keep clean. I think I will be wearing them quite a lot in the future.
I haven't had the time to speak with anyone since Friday so I hope the rest of the weekend went well. It was ok here. I got home late Friday night and got right to bed to prepare to work on Saturday. That was ok but I was totally exhausted by the time I got home. I ended up falling in and out of consciousness until I finally crashed into the bed around midnight. Then got up and went over the P's house (still hard not to call it home) to get packed for the trip out to my friend Joe's house for the bachelor party. It was a blast. Got to see almost the whole group from the old days and catch up. I would go into details but what happens at bachelor parties must stay at bachelor parties. It is a law I think and I would not want to be guilty of breaking the law. Nope it is not good for business for a super hero to go around breaking the law. Suffice it to say that everyone had a blast. Oh and in case you were wondering...NO we did not have stripers or porn or any of the usual sex related stuff that goes on at bachelor parties. We gamed and talked and drank which about covers the majority of the events of the evening.
Well the party ended on Monday morning cause we had to vacate the lodge we were staying in. I rolled back into new Matt-cave somewhere around 1pm Monday and pretty much crashed into the couch then the bed and just recuperated from the last 6 days.
For all those that may have been looking for me I apologize for not communicating. I have been so tired I have not had the energy to call anyone back. I know I missed Nick this weekend but it could not be helped.
As far as everything else is concerned it is what it is.
I don't know what to think anymore about anything. I just feel so blah about everything. I start getting worked up about something and then BLAM it just crashes big time and I lose all enthusiasm. I do know that the weather is partially to blame cause I HATE hot weather. Warm is not bad but HOT sucks not to mention the humidity. I just hate sweating and being sticky.
Gahhh enough of the bitching and belly aching. I have better things to do.
I will see everyone wednesday for War Machine. I may not play this week due the fact that I am going to be working on my stuff tomorrow but I do want to show up. I have found a shit ton of stuff for making scenery and want to see it go to good use. So I plan on bringing all of it I can and seeing if Val thinks it can be used and when it can be made cause I don't plan on keeping it unless it is used soon.
Ok well I am done typing for now. I will talk to type to all real soon.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Well it has been a LONG time since my last post. I have been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Between getting ready for loth and then going to preparing for the bachelor party that took place over the weekend not to mention trying to get my shit organized so I can move out in a couple of weeks. I have been going crazy. No literally I have been really losing it. Part of me thinks that I am not ready for moving out and as of late I have started to agree. I have so much stuff to do and every time I start to do it I get exhausted and tired. In some respects it feels like depression and others are something I am not familiar with at all.
Meh what does it matter.
Well speaking of loth I have to say it was AMAZING!!!! I love that place and look forward to going again soon. Everything about it just allows me to feel better about everything. I know I slept better then I have in a while. I did not make it down to the creek this time but next time for sure. I bought a sarong (not sure of the spelling but the computer is not correcting me so maybe I got it right) which is a common garment from south Asia, most notably from Malay. It is a simple rectangle of cloth that is tied at the waist and can be viewed as a skirt of sorts although it is worn by both men and women. It is quite comfortable and very easy to keep clean. I think I will be wearing them quite a lot in the future.
I haven't had the time to speak with anyone since Friday so I hope the rest of the weekend went well. It was ok here. I got home late Friday night and got right to bed to prepare to work on Saturday. That was ok but I was totally exhausted by the time I got home. I ended up falling in and out of consciousness until I finally crashed into the bed around midnight. Then got up and went over the P's house (still hard not to call it home) to get packed for the trip out to my friend Joe's house for the bachelor party. It was a blast. Got to see almost the whole group from the old days and catch up. I would go into details but what happens at bachelor parties must stay at bachelor parties. It is a law I think and I would not want to be guilty of breaking the law. Nope it is not good for business for a super hero to go around breaking the law. Suffice it to say that everyone had a blast. Oh and in case you were wondering...NO we did not have stripers or porn or any of the usual sex related stuff that goes on at bachelor parties. We gamed and talked and drank which about covers the majority of the events of the evening.
Well the party ended on Monday morning cause we had to vacate the lodge we were staying in. I rolled back into new Matt-cave somewhere around 1pm Monday and pretty much crashed into the couch then the bed and just recuperated from the last 6 days.
For all those that may have been looking for me I apologize for not communicating. I have been so tired I have not had the energy to call anyone back. I know I missed Nick this weekend but it could not be helped.
As far as everything else is concerned it is what it is.
I don't know what to think anymore about anything. I just feel so blah about everything. I start getting worked up about something and then BLAM it just crashes big time and I lose all enthusiasm. I do know that the weather is partially to blame cause I HATE hot weather. Warm is not bad but HOT sucks not to mention the humidity. I just hate sweating and being sticky.
Gahhh enough of the bitching and belly aching. I have better things to do.
I will see everyone wednesday for War Machine. I may not play this week due the fact that I am going to be working on my stuff tomorrow but I do want to show up. I have found a shit ton of stuff for making scenery and want to see it go to good use. So I plan on bringing all of it I can and seeing if Val thinks it can be used and when it can be made cause I don't plan on keeping it unless it is used soon.
Ok well I am done typing for now. I will talk to type to all real soon.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Monday, May 21, 2007
Matt-Man and the Grand Trip
Hail and well met
This post is a long time in coming but that could not be helped. I am currently sitting in front of my friends computer in what will soon by my domicile. I am so tired lately but I figured out why. I have been trying to do everything right now, move in, pack to move in, watch the house, prep for Loth, pack for Loth, and a host of other things. I realized today that I cannot do all of these things all at the same time since most of them are exclusive things. So I have decided to stop trying and pick one then another and another until they are done, making sure to do them in an order that is concurrent with the coming events. So the trying to move in will have to wait until I have packed to move in, the watching the house must take precedent over packing (since I am here not at the Parents house) and most importantly I must prepare for Loth since I am leaving on Wednesday...OMG THAT IS ONLY TWO DAYS AWAY!!!!!!!!
What the heck am I doing on this computer I have so much to get done! Sorry to be abrupt but I have to get to work. See all as time permits.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
This post is a long time in coming but that could not be helped. I am currently sitting in front of my friends computer in what will soon by my domicile. I am so tired lately but I figured out why. I have been trying to do everything right now, move in, pack to move in, watch the house, prep for Loth, pack for Loth, and a host of other things. I realized today that I cannot do all of these things all at the same time since most of them are exclusive things. So I have decided to stop trying and pick one then another and another until they are done, making sure to do them in an order that is concurrent with the coming events. So the trying to move in will have to wait until I have packed to move in, the watching the house must take precedent over packing (since I am here not at the Parents house) and most importantly I must prepare for Loth since I am leaving on Wednesday...OMG THAT IS ONLY TWO DAYS AWAY!!!!!!!!
What the heck am I doing on this computer I have so much to get done! Sorry to be abrupt but I have to get to work. See all as time permits.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Matt-Man and the nature of change
Hail and well met
Man when things decide to get strange they don't do it half assed do they. I have had things turned upside down and sideways in the last 3 days. In many ways I am still reeling from the situation. I don't want to go into the details yet cause they are delicate and personal on an extreme level.
I am just saying this cause it is going to really affect me. I may be out of it for a couple of weeks. So if I seem lost or crazy just mention it and I will do what I can do to refocus on what is going on.
Oh and no I don't have some crazy illness nor does anyone in my family.
Later all
Man when things decide to get strange they don't do it half assed do they. I have had things turned upside down and sideways in the last 3 days. In many ways I am still reeling from the situation. I don't want to go into the details yet cause they are delicate and personal on an extreme level.
I am just saying this cause it is going to really affect me. I may be out of it for a couple of weeks. So if I seem lost or crazy just mention it and I will do what I can do to refocus on what is going on.
Oh and no I don't have some crazy illness nor does anyone in my family.
Later all
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Matt-Man on Movies
Hail and well met
Ok so as I take yet another break from packing my life away I find that there is a subject that I have been lacks on. That is the subject of a particular movie that went unoticed by myself and others. It slipped under the radar, hell it has super stealth technology. The movie of which I speak is called "FANBOYS".
I will not even try and explain it to you all I can do is lead you to the water of life but you have to decide to jump in an drink. Here a some links and if you are in the area let me know cause I have a movie with the trailer on it. Hell if you know anyone with "Pulse" the American release it is the first trailer on the film.
Here is the IMDB entry and here is one of the only places I have found the trailer online
So that is all the time I have for now. Have to get back to packing my life away.
See all as time permits.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Ok so as I take yet another break from packing my life away I find that there is a subject that I have been lacks on. That is the subject of a particular movie that went unoticed by myself and others. It slipped under the radar, hell it has super stealth technology. The movie of which I speak is called "FANBOYS".
I will not even try and explain it to you all I can do is lead you to the water of life but you have to decide to jump in an drink. Here a some links and if you are in the area let me know cause I have a movie with the trailer on it. Hell if you know anyone with "Pulse" the American release it is the first trailer on the film.
Here is the IMDB entry and here is one of the only places I have found the trailer online
So that is all the time I have for now. Have to get back to packing my life away.
See all as time permits.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Monday, May 07, 2007
Matt-Man and the Task of Packing
Hail and well met
Today is the first day that I am starting to gather all of my stuff and get it ready for the impending move. Now I know that I have had many years to accumulate stuff but I never really realized how much stuff I have laying around here collecting dust until now.
Wow there is so much stuff that I have to muck through. Stuff that I haven't touched or looked at for years. Part of me wants to keep it and try and finish it but another says "Hey you are never going to get to it, so get rid of it and lighten the load". So now I have to decided the criteria for either keeping or tossing stuff. I suppose I knew deep down it was going to come to this but just didn't want to except it.
Anyway right now I am taking a break cause it is hard going through all of it. There are a lot of memories tied to some of that stuff and at times it is like swatting at flies while I am trying to work. Never the less I have to get it done. I figure I will be selling some of it so it can go to good use somewhere.
Other then that I am doing quite well. Hoping to see Spiderman 3 tomorrow with Mikey. I don't know what it is but I know I have been waiting for this film but it ain't crucial. Some films I want to run out and see right away but not this one. In fact I have to say that there are no films right now that I am really excited about.
I am set for going to Lothlorien and will have my registration in later today. I will also be sending out the reply to the wedding invitation for Joe and Allison's wedding on the 16th of June. Also good to go for the bachelor party. It should be good times all around.
Everyone is getting ready for the summer return of the 37 inch gamers. I have to get cracking on the story for the super hero game I am running. Funny how time flies by when you have stuff to do.
All in all things are good. Some feeling of pause with the move coming though. I guess it is normal with a change of this magnitude. Transition is the word I am looking for. I am in a transitional phase and it requires some patience as it takes form and effect.
Not much more to say right now. Will talk or type to everyone soon.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Today is the first day that I am starting to gather all of my stuff and get it ready for the impending move. Now I know that I have had many years to accumulate stuff but I never really realized how much stuff I have laying around here collecting dust until now.
Wow there is so much stuff that I have to muck through. Stuff that I haven't touched or looked at for years. Part of me wants to keep it and try and finish it but another says "Hey you are never going to get to it, so get rid of it and lighten the load". So now I have to decided the criteria for either keeping or tossing stuff. I suppose I knew deep down it was going to come to this but just didn't want to except it.
Anyway right now I am taking a break cause it is hard going through all of it. There are a lot of memories tied to some of that stuff and at times it is like swatting at flies while I am trying to work. Never the less I have to get it done. I figure I will be selling some of it so it can go to good use somewhere.
Other then that I am doing quite well. Hoping to see Spiderman 3 tomorrow with Mikey. I don't know what it is but I know I have been waiting for this film but it ain't crucial. Some films I want to run out and see right away but not this one. In fact I have to say that there are no films right now that I am really excited about.
I am set for going to Lothlorien and will have my registration in later today. I will also be sending out the reply to the wedding invitation for Joe and Allison's wedding on the 16th of June. Also good to go for the bachelor party. It should be good times all around.
Everyone is getting ready for the summer return of the 37 inch gamers. I have to get cracking on the story for the super hero game I am running. Funny how time flies by when you have stuff to do.
All in all things are good. Some feeling of pause with the move coming though. I guess it is normal with a change of this magnitude. Transition is the word I am looking for. I am in a transitional phase and it requires some patience as it takes form and effect.
Not much more to say right now. Will talk or type to everyone soon.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
A Matt-Man for all seasons
Hail and well met
Once again I sit here in front of the computer typing into it letting anyone and everyone out there what is going on in my life.
And why not? I think my life is interesting on many levels so why shouldn't you want to read what is going on? Well for the laughs for one.
Anyway to the point. I have to thank the Creator for smiling down on me. First of all I have the most amazing woman in my life. We talked this past weekend and have decided to work through my stupidity. I thank you sweetie! I really love her and I know it. I only hope that one day I am worthy of having her in my life.
On the other point of my past post. Well I have spoken to a friend of mine and it appears that I will be moving out of here and in with him. When is up in the air right now but the way things seem to be going it will be sooner then later. But that is just a guess as things are still in motion and the future is hard to read.
I am doing ok and things are moving forward on many levels just not as fast as I would like (like that is new? RIGHT) I have some new prospects and plan on going with the flow and seeing where it takes me.
I have to run now as it is time for me to hit the hay as I work tomorrow. I will post again soon.
Until then true believers!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Once again I sit here in front of the computer typing into it letting anyone and everyone out there what is going on in my life.
And why not? I think my life is interesting on many levels so why shouldn't you want to read what is going on? Well for the laughs for one.
Anyway to the point. I have to thank the Creator for smiling down on me. First of all I have the most amazing woman in my life. We talked this past weekend and have decided to work through my stupidity. I thank you sweetie! I really love her and I know it. I only hope that one day I am worthy of having her in my life.
On the other point of my past post. Well I have spoken to a friend of mine and it appears that I will be moving out of here and in with him. When is up in the air right now but the way things seem to be going it will be sooner then later. But that is just a guess as things are still in motion and the future is hard to read.
I am doing ok and things are moving forward on many levels just not as fast as I would like (like that is new? RIGHT) I have some new prospects and plan on going with the flow and seeing where it takes me.
I have to run now as it is time for me to hit the hay as I work tomorrow. I will post again soon.
Until then true believers!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
