Hail and well met
Let it not be said that I am sane in any way. Although if you asked many I am sure it would boil down to me being a rather uninteresting person. Probably my most notable trait is being late for just about everything, unless I leave an hour beforehand. Soft spoken if at all and when I do speak it is at the speed of thought so it is hard to understand, a problem I am going mad trying to fix. Not that much to look at, tried losing weight only to have it laugh and take a seat on the sofa. I am not getting down on myself just stating facts. Oh one more is that I seem to attract women that are already taken...which has its own set of luggage as far as mental baggage goes.
So all of this sums up a rather boring person, not prone to flights of mad fancy (I'M FANCY!).
NOT!!!!!!
SO NOT!!!!!
Why do you ask? Well if anyone with my history ever thought of doing what I am going to do they would surgically remove four of their vertebrae and eat their own ass.
At first when I first was confronted with this idea I laughed inside and I mean really laughed inside. Then I stepped back and just chalked it up to mid life crisis, you know the red (insert appropriate sports car name here) to prove having a working penis or some such tripe. Then I realized that for the most part if I can recognize it as such then it really isn't. Much as a person that can question if they are sane is sane, maybe some problems but not looney. Then again thinking of what I am thinking is proof positive sanity is long gone.
This is as far from rational thought as it can get. Add a unhealthy dose of WTF and you are only a state or two away from where I must be...but I like it here.
I have to face it that I will never be able to go back to what I was when I was a simple cog in someone's machine. Nope I have changed, evolved, been transformed (well given my size there is definitely more then meets the eye Neal cringes) into a new creature and trying to go back is just going to end in failure.
I bet some of you have figured it out already but some probably haven't. For those that have good for you, although until I tell the world you won't know for certain. For everyone else...HA you will just have to wait.
I know something you don't know!!!!
Yeah I am a grown up....Well, mature....Well, old.
Nah I am as young as when the world was new and the sun first shown its light upon creation.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Matt-Man Drops the Ball
Hail and well met
Well this is going to be a short post (at least I hope it will). It was brought to my attention this evening that the game I was running on Monday's...sucks. That is not what was said but there is no denying it is true. When a player states that they get stressed out and bummed out after a session that defines "sucks".
Yes I was upset but not at them, at myself. Yes it hurt but not as much as it would have if they had not said anything at all. Yes after hearing it I can see it plain as day.
I could fill this post pointing out all the ways I created suckage. There is a whole essay on "What not to do as a GM". All that would end up being is me tearing myself down and beating myself up over it. Instead I am just going to be proactive about it.
It's dead and I am going to bury it.
This is an edit of the original post. I am not going to give up. I am going to get back on the damn horse and I am going to ride into the sunset.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Well this is going to be a short post (at least I hope it will). It was brought to my attention this evening that the game I was running on Monday's...sucks. That is not what was said but there is no denying it is true. When a player states that they get stressed out and bummed out after a session that defines "sucks".
Yes I was upset but not at them, at myself. Yes it hurt but not as much as it would have if they had not said anything at all. Yes after hearing it I can see it plain as day.
I could fill this post pointing out all the ways I created suckage. There is a whole essay on "What not to do as a GM". All that would end up being is me tearing myself down and beating myself up over it. Instead I am just going to be proactive about it.
It's dead and I am going to bury it.
This is an edit of the original post. I am not going to give up. I am going to get back on the damn horse and I am going to ride into the sunset.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Matt-Man Laughs....Cause Its True!!!!
Hail and well met
This here is a post from an email I got from the G-mail. It was sent along by a good friend and to say it made me laugh is an understatement. According to the title of the email it comes from Jeff Foxworhty. Here it goes, know you are going to laugh as much as I did.....Cause its true!
Here's to Chicago ! Ya gotta love it!
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Chicago
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Chicago
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Chicago
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Chicago
If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of I-80 for the weekend, you live in Chicago
If you measure distance in hours, you live in Chicago
If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you live in Chicago
If you can drive 75 mph th rough 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Chicago
If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in Chicago
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Chicago
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in Chicago
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Chicago
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Chicago
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in Chicago
If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you live in Chicago
If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your Chicago friends & others, you live or have lived in Chicago.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
This here is a post from an email I got from the G-mail. It was sent along by a good friend and to say it made me laugh is an understatement. According to the title of the email it comes from Jeff Foxworhty. Here it goes, know you are going to laugh as much as I did.....Cause its true!
Here's to Chicago ! Ya gotta love it!
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Chicago
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Chicago
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Chicago
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Chicago
If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of I-80 for the weekend, you live in Chicago
If you measure distance in hours, you live in Chicago
If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you live in Chicago
If you can drive 75 mph th rough 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Chicago
If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in Chicago
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Chicago
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in Chicago
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Chicago
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Chicago
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in Chicago
If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you live in Chicago
If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your Chicago friends & others, you live or have lived in Chicago.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Matt-Man Sees the Living Color
Hail and well met
Not going to spend a great deal of time. I find that in many ways this whole blogging thing is more trouble then its worth. Time spent spewing bits of tripe about my life, where I am, where I was, what I am feeling. All of it goes nowhere and accomplishes nothing.
I have begun to see that I live in a moment. From one to the next. I don't connect them nor to I dwell on them when they have passed. It is the one reason my memory is so terrible. Recent events have shown me this and dredged up some old memories. I could have gotten depressed over them. The loss of something I loved, the way it all happened again later on. The fact that I am sitting here right now unemployed and on the verge of being homeless again.
It would be expected and accepted if I said my life was null and void.
But I won't. I don't. All I can think and say is this...
"Let there be Light."
Excelsior!!!
Not going to spend a great deal of time. I find that in many ways this whole blogging thing is more trouble then its worth. Time spent spewing bits of tripe about my life, where I am, where I was, what I am feeling. All of it goes nowhere and accomplishes nothing.
I have begun to see that I live in a moment. From one to the next. I don't connect them nor to I dwell on them when they have passed. It is the one reason my memory is so terrible. Recent events have shown me this and dredged up some old memories. I could have gotten depressed over them. The loss of something I loved, the way it all happened again later on. The fact that I am sitting here right now unemployed and on the verge of being homeless again.
It would be expected and accepted if I said my life was null and void.
But I won't. I don't. All I can think and say is this...
"Let there be Light."
Excelsior!!!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Matt-Man Mourns The Passing Of a Great Man
KHANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
Hail and well met
It is a little shabbier in the world today. Things are a bit dimmer and lack a sense of elegance. Today Ricardo Montalban passed away at the age of 88. He is known for his portrayal of Khan in both the original Star Trek series and the second feature motion picture "The Wraith of Khan". He also stared on the TV series Fantasy Island alongside Hervé Villechaize in the late 70's. He lent his amazing voice to cartoons such as Freakazoid and Kim Possible. All of this just scratches the surface of his long career.
I remember him with a strong sense of what a man should be like. Strong but gentile. Firm but not forceful. There are no words that can truly convey what he was to me but I can tell you that all of us should strive to be just a little like him and the world would be a better place.
The world he has entered is now a better place then it was. My thoughts and prayers are with his family.
Hail and well met
It is a little shabbier in the world today. Things are a bit dimmer and lack a sense of elegance. Today Ricardo Montalban passed away at the age of 88. He is known for his portrayal of Khan in both the original Star Trek series and the second feature motion picture "The Wraith of Khan". He also stared on the TV series Fantasy Island alongside Hervé Villechaize in the late 70's. He lent his amazing voice to cartoons such as Freakazoid and Kim Possible. All of this just scratches the surface of his long career.
I remember him with a strong sense of what a man should be like. Strong but gentile. Firm but not forceful. There are no words that can truly convey what he was to me but I can tell you that all of us should strive to be just a little like him and the world would be a better place.
The world he has entered is now a better place then it was. My thoughts and prayers are with his family.
November 25, 1920 - January 14, 2009
This post was scored by Amazing Grace from the soundtrack to Star Trek 2 The Wrath of Khan.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
This post was scored by Amazing Grace from the soundtrack to Star Trek 2 The Wrath of Khan.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Matt-Man: It's a Brand New Year, Day, Life!
This post was scored with Bon Jovi's "It's My Life".
Hail and well met.
I want to yell out to the world something. I am not doing the whole resolution thing. I reject the idea as a whole. No I am not saying that there are not things that I need to change, well actually I am. You see I realize that I cannot change these things, it is impossible.
I see that the only way I have of trying to change things in me is to plan a course of action based on my perceptions of those things in my life I want to change. My best analogy is drawing a course (which is basically drawing a line) from my past through my present towards my future. If I use my perceptions of my character which are all based on my mental recall of events and how I felt about them then I am using the exact things that are my problem to try and plot a new course away from them. I make them an integral part which makes it impossible to remove them because then I lose them as a reference point for this new course. I may not be making sense to anyone with words so here is a visual aide.
Okay here is the basic set up. I am in the now or the present I have past through certain events in my life that have that are represented by the circles. These are all a part of my memory and I think of them when events happen that resemble them. I relive those moments and feel the echoes of the feelings I had when they happened. No matter good or bad if I attempt to plot my course of actions based on those events all I will accomplish is reincarnating those same events over and over again. Here is another visual aide...
You see it just repeating, reliving and reincarnating the same things over and over again. Nothing changes and I don't grow. Life doesn't like things that don't change, it is the purist axiom I know.
Change is the only constant in the universe.
So events and influences enter my life every day that want to turn me down a different direction and bring me to new circumstances. But these are not the circumstances I planned for, not the destination I set my course for. So what happens when I come across them? Well here is are a couple of diagrams that will show you..
Everything changes whether I like it or not. Even by trying not to change causes changes. I become resistant to everything that wants to bring change into my life and with that resistance comes conflict. This conflict is always viewed as being against me changing my circumstances, except the truth is that I am not changing my circumstances but recreating them. So the reality is that I am fighting a new set of circumstances, the very thing I really want and forcing myself to relive the circumstance I wanted to change. The real kicker is that I end up blaming the new circumstances trying desperately to reveal themselves to me for the relived circumstances I wanted to change and then start all over again.
But there is hope. First I must recognize the events that are driving my course of actions, I must then understand what I am doing by using them to plan a way to change them and finally I must ACCEPT them as part of my PAST and put them back there where they belong. It looks something like this...
It is freeing to release all those memories are just echoes of the past and put them where they belong. It is unnerving to realize that to really change I must do nothing more then let go of any ideas or plans to accomplish that change. That nothing I could buy, achieve, possess or even fall in love with could ever bring about that change. That is not to say that buying things or achieving things etc. is inherently bad for me, it is in many cases necessary for me to do those things to simply survive. No it is when I believe that I will achieve a change in myself from those outside events, beyond the immediate rush of getting what I believe will change me which quickly fades leaving me with the truth that nothing has really changed, that they are bad. So it is the intent with witch I embark on these events that determines their inherent good or evil.
So now with this new freedom I find that I can chart a completely free course that is not confined to any particular direction or outcome. I can let the events that are before me bring me the challenges of facing them without allowing my past experiences to determine the outcomes and emerge a newer and newer being. Growing in great new world, which I am now a free flowing part in.
Now I cannot take credit for the basis and content of the idea, that comes from a teacher named Guy Finley. Look him up on the web at
www.Guyfinley.com
I just saw a way to express the ideas he was teaching that resonated with me and I hope will with everyone else.
That is why I renounce that tradition of New Years Resolutions because I don't need to try and change anything in my life. I must except that what I have done is done and in the past, I must understand that nothing I could try and do to escape from who I was then will ever accomplish anything other then reincarnating that person in me over and over again while depriving me of the opportunities to become a new person.
I look forward to facing this new year with an open heart and mind. Let the Creator give me those experiences that I must face to change me into a part of the larger world (I don't mean the big picture either, but the spiritual world that goes far beyond this one and yet is all around us every day).
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Hail and well met.
I want to yell out to the world something. I am not doing the whole resolution thing. I reject the idea as a whole. No I am not saying that there are not things that I need to change, well actually I am. You see I realize that I cannot change these things, it is impossible.
I see that the only way I have of trying to change things in me is to plan a course of action based on my perceptions of those things in my life I want to change. My best analogy is drawing a course (which is basically drawing a line) from my past through my present towards my future. If I use my perceptions of my character which are all based on my mental recall of events and how I felt about them then I am using the exact things that are my problem to try and plot a new course away from them. I make them an integral part which makes it impossible to remove them because then I lose them as a reference point for this new course. I may not be making sense to anyone with words so here is a visual aide.
Okay here is the basic set up. I am in the now or the present I have past through certain events in my life that have that are represented by the circles. These are all a part of my memory and I think of them when events happen that resemble them. I relive those moments and feel the echoes of the feelings I had when they happened. No matter good or bad if I attempt to plot my course of actions based on those events all I will accomplish is reincarnating those same events over and over again. Here is another visual aide...
You see it just repeating, reliving and reincarnating the same things over and over again. Nothing changes and I don't grow. Life doesn't like things that don't change, it is the purist axiom I know.
Change is the only constant in the universe.
So events and influences enter my life every day that want to turn me down a different direction and bring me to new circumstances. But these are not the circumstances I planned for, not the destination I set my course for. So what happens when I come across them? Well here is are a couple of diagrams that will show you..
Everything changes whether I like it or not. Even by trying not to change causes changes. I become resistant to everything that wants to bring change into my life and with that resistance comes conflict. This conflict is always viewed as being against me changing my circumstances, except the truth is that I am not changing my circumstances but recreating them. So the reality is that I am fighting a new set of circumstances, the very thing I really want and forcing myself to relive the circumstance I wanted to change. The real kicker is that I end up blaming the new circumstances trying desperately to reveal themselves to me for the relived circumstances I wanted to change and then start all over again.
But there is hope. First I must recognize the events that are driving my course of actions, I must then understand what I am doing by using them to plan a way to change them and finally I must ACCEPT them as part of my PAST and put them back there where they belong. It looks something like this...
It is freeing to release all those memories are just echoes of the past and put them where they belong. It is unnerving to realize that to really change I must do nothing more then let go of any ideas or plans to accomplish that change. That nothing I could buy, achieve, possess or even fall in love with could ever bring about that change. That is not to say that buying things or achieving things etc. is inherently bad for me, it is in many cases necessary for me to do those things to simply survive. No it is when I believe that I will achieve a change in myself from those outside events, beyond the immediate rush of getting what I believe will change me which quickly fades leaving me with the truth that nothing has really changed, that they are bad. So it is the intent with witch I embark on these events that determines their inherent good or evil.
So now with this new freedom I find that I can chart a completely free course that is not confined to any particular direction or outcome. I can let the events that are before me bring me the challenges of facing them without allowing my past experiences to determine the outcomes and emerge a newer and newer being. Growing in great new world, which I am now a free flowing part in.
Now I cannot take credit for the basis and content of the idea, that comes from a teacher named Guy Finley. Look him up on the web at
www.Guyfinley.com
I just saw a way to express the ideas he was teaching that resonated with me and I hope will with everyone else.
That is why I renounce that tradition of New Years Resolutions because I don't need to try and change anything in my life. I must except that what I have done is done and in the past, I must understand that nothing I could try and do to escape from who I was then will ever accomplish anything other then reincarnating that person in me over and over again while depriving me of the opportunities to become a new person.
I look forward to facing this new year with an open heart and mind. Let the Creator give me those experiences that I must face to change me into a part of the larger world (I don't mean the big picture either, but the spiritual world that goes far beyond this one and yet is all around us every day).
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
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