Matt-Man - Revelations

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of "Spiritus Mundi"
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

-- William Butler Yeats, "The Second Coming"

I should read more poetry.

One Matt-Man To Rule Them Alll

Hey just a quick post to let everyone see the great news...


The Hobbit

Matt-Man, Now Live And In Color

Hail and well met

Ok so here is the current situation and it is a can of worms.

Earlier this week I had some trouble with the Matt-mobile when the heater stopped working. I was concerned and as soon as possible called my mechanic to see about getting it in. Well he suggested that I check my antifreeze, which I did and it was low. Well I went out and bought some and put it in.

Then later that day I noticed a puddle under my car, not a big one but a puddle none the less. I checked and sure enough I was low again on antifreeze. Now with my concern peaked again I made a second call and then dropped off my car yesterday.

Whelp I called today and was informed that I was looking at replacing my water pump, but that was not enough to drop on me. The water pump is located under the timing thinger-majig so as standard practice when replacing the water pump you also replace the timing belt. That runs all total around 7 to 8 hundred dollars.

Yeah about then I was ready to toss my breakfast. Then he said something else.

It appears that something to do with the font supports or struts or shocks or something is getting bad and really the car is not worth putting the money in.


Great could he have told me this earlier this year so I could have saved the 1200 dollars I have dumped into it in that time and could use now to buy a new car?

Yeah so if I was bummed before about xmas sucking it just got bumped up a couple of notches.

This means that until I find a way to generate enough money to buy a new car I have to baby this one to get through and pray that it hold out until I have the cash. It also means absolutely no extraneous driving. That means that I cannot go out to see either Terri or the guys in Lansing!

I really want to just to start screaming.

Ok not all news is bad. My roommate Bill is coming through with some help from his family about fixing my car...well enough to get me through a couple months while I pry the cash from the worlds cold covetous screwed up hands.

It still means I need to hold out on extra driving so as to max the time I get out of my car.

Grrrrrrr it just pisses me off so much cause I was doing well for awhile but with the cut back in hours it is going to be tight.

I know something will come through cause it always does but it is just going to be the matter of waiting for it to make its appearance.

So if anyone is open to the idea of coming out and getting me tomorrow please let me know cause I really want to play in Val's game and after I really want to get stupid with some alcohol (well as much as I can afford with needing money for the repairs and new car)

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man is Rolling Free, All The Rest Are Stoned!!!!!!!

Hail and well met

It is 11 here at the new Matt-Cave. I am getting ready to put a slew of things on Ebay shortly..or at least get everything rolling (hence part of the title).

I also have discovered something really cool. It is called Pandora and it is a free online radio server. You create your own station with the artists you want and like so many others it plays artists not on your list based on the ones that are giving you a chance to vote it up or down. There are unlimited fast forwards and no ads. It is amazing.

If you would like to find out more follow the link on in the side bar. You can also give Radio Free Matt-Man a listen if you like or not. I have collected a cornucopia of artists that I have listened to over the years and dumped them all in one station. It is crazy.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

The Future is Matt-Man

Hail and well met

Ok I am typing a shorty today.

I am doing OK, not great or even good just OK. That is fine with me cause I know that there are a load of people out there who don't even have that going for them.

Work is pissing me off. I cannot beg borrow or steal hours at the moment. Which means that I am looking at a crappy Christmas. Yeah I know you are all going to say that I don't need to get you anything. From your point of view maybe. I love giving gifts to people and seeing their face.

The other side of that coin is that is also screwing with my ability to go up and see Terri. This time last year I was spending weekends up there with her on monthly basis but now I haven't been up there except for Thanksgiving for probably a couple of months. It is driving me fucking insane. What is the point of a so called "good" job if I find I am doing less then I did when I didn't have one!

Ah screw it. I have to deal and that is that.

I am looking with fervor for an opportunity that will allow for greater returns on my time and effort. With some luck I will find one.

People are coming home soon and I will be seeing each and every one of you. With things the way they are I am really looking to tie one on sometime. Oh and I mean seriously not the half ass binges found at the last couple of loft parties. No I mean shit faced passed out in the yard kinda drinking.

You know the "I hate you train!" kinda things.

Hope everyone is doing ok.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

I Want More, I Want Matt-Man!

Hail and well met.

I made the decision that no matter what is going on I am going to keep putting posts up. So here it goes.

Things haven't changed much since my last post. I am looking at my schedule for the next week and seeing that I am looking at only one day. Of that was the case this week but I worked yesterday out of the blue. I don't want to get on a soap box again but it just frustrates me that no matter what I have no idea what is gong on from day to day.

Ok the other half of this is that I am going into the holiday season with a crappy monetary forecast. I know everyone is going to say that I don't need to get them something for Christmas but dammit I like getting people stuff for the season. Oh well I will just have to be creative and really seek something special for everyone.

I am considering an opportunity that comes at some risk but I cannot sit back and ignore the facts that others, so many others have made a good amount of cash using this opportunity. It won't be easy or without work but by the Creator I know that I have the ability to do the work and make the effort. I am not looking to become independently wealthy but I won't refuse it if it becomes possible. Really all I want is the ability to make some more money doing something that will not be hampered by my insane schedule.

I want to take this moment to apologize to everyone that was up for Thanksgiving for not seeing any of you. I know that I was busy but that shouldn't have stopped me from trying. I am Matt-Man for goodness sake.

So what else can I talk about. Hmmm...

Well gaming is going ok. We stared up the D&D game on the Saturday before Thanksgiving and will resume this coming Saturday (if all works out that is). Val has offered me the opportunity to run a second character of a more combat orientated nature since we have lost almost all of our heavy hitters.

I never really have run a combat heavy character before, well not and really meant it. I mean there was Tiny Schwartz the barbarian but that was back in high school and was just for fun.

So I began to think of a character that I could deal with and damn if I didn't come up with one. I have to clear a few things with Val before I get to psyched but I know him well enough that I am sure he will get goose bumps when I tell him my idea.

No I am not going to put it here until I have clearance from Val to run with the character idea. But once I do I will let everyone in on my little creation.

Well that about covers things right now... mostly. You see with my current financial blight I am finding it hard to keep myself in cigarettes and that has forced me to deal with the monkey. Let me tell you it is jumping real hard right now. So I will finish typing for now before I let it taint my words and go punch a wall or something.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Runs With The Wind

Hail and well met

I am hoping all is well with everyone.

I am doing ok. Thanksgiving was amazing. I went up to Terri's the Wednesday before to catch a Wolves game with her. Then I stayed over and after cleaning up some leaves with her we went to her parents for dinner. It was quite enjoyable to spend time with her and her family. The only thing that sucked was having to leave early so I could get back to go to work.

You see I had to work the whole week of Thanksgiving. My regular makes a trip to visit with family in Tennessee. So I worked the whole week, including the day after. You see I am going to rant about this again.

What the hell is the point of having a quote "holiday" if you pay for it with double or even triple the work load when you get back? I don't see the point. Yes I am glad to have the time to spend with family and friends. I would prefer to have a little more control of when I take it and when I get screwed. The mail never stops flowing and it just piles up, just like garbage. So when ever we take a day it just waits to for us to come back and thanks to the single mindedness of the Post Office we are pushed to get it all out in one day. There are some concessions made but not many.

I would prefer to choose the time and place that I get it up the ass. Oh and that would mean never and I mean NEVER take a Monday off. That is the dumbest idea ever. Mondays are already heavy due to the fact the again even though we are off on Sunday the mail still flows, so on Monday there is roughly two days of mail. God forbid that we have a Monday off due to a holiday cause that means we have the equivalent of three days of mail and since most stupid holidays that we have off are late in the year we are in the holiday rush of catalogs and ad letters and parcels. That means a shit-ton of mail on the Tuesday after a Monday holiday.

Just let us deliver the mail and choose when we take the days off. Of course people will take the holidays off like Thanksgiving and Christmas but Memorial day? Veterans Day? Labor Day? These I don't mind working and taking a day off later when I can use it. Like during the slow time after Christmas so I can go on a weekend trip or something.

Ok the rant is done.

Well now I am sitting here typing out a post after a day of sorting and organizing all the crap in my room. I took all the measurements for better shelves to maximize the storage and display space. Oh I also got my drawing/painting table cleaned off and acquired a second chair so I now have a chair for my computer/writing desk and one for the other. I feel so opulent (wow never thought I would ever get to use that word in a sentence and in the proper context!). I guess it is kind of the same feeling people had when they first had two TV's.

Tomorrow if I don't work (knock on wood) I will do both my laundry and visit my parents. I was supposed to do that today but just had to get the room worked on.

Oh I need to apologize to everyone that came home for the holiday for my absence but between work and going up to see Terri I was worn out. I am just not adjusted or accustom to the work load and the wear and tear on my body.

I feel all of my 37 years. I am not getting old! I am just not in shape.

Need to get back to working out.

Wow I have ranted and raved on and really said not one damn thing.

I feel just like a elected official!

Matt-Man for senator!

Matt-Man for congressman!

I mean Ben took Pope so I cannot take that.

I could be President but so far that seems like a suck job. Well definitely not a job that anyone takes seriously anymore.

Thanks Bush!!!!!!!!!

Ok well I will try and figure out a better post for later.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man, Made From The Best Stuff On Earth!

Hail and well met!

I have not posted in awhile. For the most part I have been very busy working on finishing up the move. I had to make some shelving for the Matt-Cave so I could use the drawers that I got from Ben. So now I have more storage space. This is a good thing as I have discovered that I have WAY more stuff then I ever realized.

Things are still very tense right now. I have had to except that I cannot fix the situation with my parents and worrying about it only makes me worse off. I still care about them and their wellbeing, I just know that there is nothing I can do about it right now. I will help where I can and accept it when I can't.

Here is a strange side bar. I know that I am getting older. How do I know? Here is a shocker.


I like oatmeal.


I have never liked oatmeal before. On the bright side I don't like plain oatmeal, only the flavored kind. So there is still some kid in me still.

The job is the job. I hate parts of it but on a whole I like it. It is most certainly not what I want to do for the rest of my life but it will do for now. I just have to keep that in mind so I don't lose myself in it like I did at GO. You know keep my options open.

Terri is doing ok. I am going to go up and spend Thanksgiving with her family. I am working all that week for my regular as she goes to Tennessee to visit family. This is cool with me as she does it every year, the part that pisses me off are the other carriers. Two of them in particular. They habitually take the day after a holiday off due to the volume of mail that piles up. Come on people this is the job you chose for good or bad. Don't wuss out just cause it might be a little heavier after a holiday. That just means someone else has to take up your slack, which usually means me.

Anyway I am looking forward to the holiday week as it means that some people will be in from collage and I will have a chance to see them.

Oh hey if any of you are reading this I have a question to ask. Can any of you do any or all of the following things?

1) Attach a fan to a mother board?
2) Install said mother board into a tower?
3) Install a hard drive?
4) Install a power supply?

I ask this only because I thought I might try and fix my computer but I realize that I am just not that mechanically intuitive and don't want to screw it up. So if any of you do then shoot me a line either here or my email or even the forum so we can (if you don't mind) hook up and work on it. If not no big deal I will figure something out, I always do.

Heck just drop me a line so I can know when and where you are going to be if or when you are coming home so we can just hang out.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man.....I Don't Know

Hail and well met

Ok so I am going to put it all here.

My parents are on the verge of being evited. Dad has been unable to get work in a steady enough flow to provide for the costs of living. I don't know what they are doing. I don't know what to do.

That is the major reason for my moving out. About four and a half months ago my Dad sat me down and informed me that at that point we (I was still living there) were three months behind on rent (technicly called carring charges). I was somewhat pissed off that he had waited to inform me of this situation and made the decision to move out.

The fact of the matter is that if not for the generocity and patience of my good friend Bill I would have been up shit creek to move out. I don't make enough at the Post Office to support myself. It makes me feel so useless and such a loser.

Now they are even closer to being kicked out and still I don't have any way to help. Not even an idea or avenue for them to get help. The only thing that keeps me sane is my Aunt Rebecca. She has made it clear that if worse comes to worse she will help them out. That means they will be going to Texas. At least they have that.

My hopes of getting my games produced are starting to look like pipe dreams. My job is starting to look like a dead end. If anything happens I am screwed. I know Bill would be nice but I cannot expect him to tolerate having no money coming from me. If things fall apart any more then they are right now I have nowhere to go and nothing to fall back on.

I am my Fathers son.

I don't want to be depressed but I don't know how to avoid it. That damned roaring abyss of darkness has creeped back in my gut.

Oh and there is Terri. No nothing is wrong. Well nothing except that I cannot be there for her. I don't have a stable job to allow me to be with her. There is little I can do to support her. All I have is the love I feel for her. Whoever said that love is enough needs to live in the real world for a couple of years. Cause as far as I can see love don't pay the bills or keep them from kicking you out.

I just don't know what to think or do anymore.

Matt-Man, Raise the Roof

Hail and well met

Ok quick post here. I am alive and well. Things are going well. I am finishing up my move out of the old house. It is kinda sad but things have to move forward.

I am still yearning to play....anything!

Well preferably a good RPG but I am willing to play almost anything.

I also desperately need to get back to painting.

Ok well I am off to do something. Hope to see everyone this weekend, oh I won't be making it to the concert cause I totally missed the fact that a ticket was required so I didn't get one. So I will be hanging around outside being all creepy and stuff till the party starts after. Oh yes I will be lurking.

Later all

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man and The Life

Hail and well met

I sit here realizing that I haven't posted for a number of days (more like a couple of weeks). In truth I have been a mix of busy and lazy. I have been working almost every day of the week. Again a lot of this has been short notice and has been driving me crazy.

I have been up to see Terri for the Wolves home opener and will be seeing her this coming weekend for the Haunted Trails. It is a trail in a forested park and several groups are allowed to create scenes that people then walk through. Our scene is about the "Wizard of Oz" but with a twist. I am playing the Tin-Man and have not been fully briefed on what the twisted part is. But my muse has been peaked and I have been furiously coming up with some ideas for a role play. I don't know the system but the story is getting really good. If anyone has any idea for what system to use let me know. I was thinking WOD since it kind of fits the mood of the story but I am open to suggestions.

Anyway I am also looking to get up to see Phantom of the Opera while it is in town. It is my hope to get to go with Terri. When I mentioned it she expressed an interest in seeing "Wicked" so I am looking into that.

I also really want to play something. I have been out of the gaming loop for way to damn long. Although I wouldn't mind some table top action I would also like to get some RPGing in as well.

I know many are away for school but I also know some home trips are coming up. Since the collapse of the super hero game this last summer I REALLY need to get a game going and finish it, or just give up on it altogether.

Well maybe not altogether but definitely pull back.

Nah who am I kidding? I love it way to much.

Anyway things are going well otherwise. The move has been halted while I am working so much. The next couple of days will see me off so I am hoping to make some strides in the direction of getting everything moved out.

I am still not fully adjusted to being out on my own...well sort of at least.

On other fronts I have heard from Ben in St.Louis and we are going to be starting up again. I am still considering my options as far as my games go but I still want to work with them. What sucks is that a trip down there would be the best way to get up to speed but with my out of control schedule that is not really possible.

But there is always the internet and phone calls. I am not giving up nor losing hope. I am alive and as long as there is life there is hope.

Yeah so looking forward to seeing Mel and Val tomorrow and the up coming Halloween party/concert. DAMN I need a costume! Wait maybe I can borrow the Tin-Man costume? I will have to look into that. Or I could get something together to be the infamous Matt-Man? Who knows.

So that wraps up things for now. I will hopefully see everyone soon or at least talk to them.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

There and Back Again A Matt-Man Tale

Hail and well met

It has come to my attention that the Hollywood is yet again playing games with our hearts. I was working today and while placing mail in the case I came across Entertainment magazine. The cover announced that the Hobbit movie was going to be made and intimated veteran LoTR Director Peter Jackson would be doing it. Now I am not allowed to read other peoples magazines so I could not pop it open and get the real poop. I have done some online reading and it seems to contradict the assertions of the magazine.

The first problem was the fight over the rights to make the movie. I don't know the particulars but someone had the rights to make the film and would not give them up for New Line or any other studio to make a Hobbit movie.

Apparently that has been rectified. Thank the maker for that, cause I was getting ready to pop a industrial can of Matterocity on the subject.

Now I have come to understand that a conflict between Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema is keeping the man who was born to bring Tolkin's works to the silver screen. For those that don't know here it is in a nutshell (please read up on this for complete details and all the nuisances)

New Line Cinema is alleged to have doctored the books on the bottom line take on The Fellowship of the Ring DVD sales and in doing so stiffed Jackson money.

Again it is somewhat more complicated then that but that covers the basics.

DOES MATT-MAN HAVE TO FLY TO WHEREVER NEW LINE CINEMA'S OFFICES ARE AND LAY THE MATTEROCITY DOWN!!!

Just make the damn movie and let Peter Jackson do what he was born to do.

Does New Line owe him money? I don't know and can't say.

All I do know is that I want a Hobbit movie!

I WANT IT NOW!!!

Ok I am out of here for now.

Go and look up the Hobbit on IMDB.com for further information.

The Hobbit

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Meets the Challenge

Hail and well met

I went blog hopping and found these on a friends blog. So here are my results.

66% Geek

Free Online Dating from JustSayHi

381 WATTS Body Battery Calculator - Find Out How Much Electricity Your Body is Producing - Dating

100% Free Personals from JustSayHi

Free Online Dating from JustSayHi

$3140.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth.

JustSayHi - Free Personals

Your Birthdate: September 16

You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head. You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking. People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right. You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself. Your strength: Your original approach to thinking Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others Your power color: Pale blue Your power symbol: Wavy line Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

It was fun and somewhat humbling. But who cares. I am Matt-Man!

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man, You've Got It!

Hail and well met

It has been a little while since I posted. Mostly I have been working or recovering from work. There are a few things have happened, seeing Terri being the most notable.

I am in good spirits and health. The next two weeks will be telling as I am working for the majority of both of them. It is good news on the cash flow note but as far as free time goes it sucks. Ah well I am not one to complain...much. It is the same ole' soapbox. No set scheduling, being on call 24/6 (we all have Sunday off) and all the stress that comes from coming in to someone else's mess and cleaning it up. Now it has been rougher then usual as I have run afoul of my Post Master. It started with a simple mistake while recording my time on the card and then followed up later that week by a misunderstanding that was taken to far. I won't go into details as I am not sure where that dreaded boundary line is on what is privileged information and what is open to the public.

Today things seemed better but I know that the ugliness is just waiting under the surface to pop out and strike me. Unfortunately what they don't understand is the one fact that keeps me going with a smile on my face (albeit pained and strained at times) and that fact is ....

I am Matt-Man
and
I am INVINCIBLE!!!!

No weapon formed against me shall prosper and any voice that rises up against me I shall condemn. If the attempt to come in like a flood, a standard shall be raised against them.

These are paraphrased verses from the bible (yes I still believe in and read it). So just let them try and destroy me and they will discover just how painful it feels to run into a solid brick wall (spiritually speaking that is).

Things are going well and I am looking forward to the next few months and the challenges that come along with them.

I hope this finds all well and if not then let me know about it. Give me a call, drop me a email or something. Come on people I am your friend and I care. I may not have the time or mental capacity to call I apologize but the communication road goes both ways.

Anyway enough for this post I am off to change my clothes, relax for a while and then maybe go see Resident Evil Extinction.

May the Force be with you all

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man and the Roller Coaster of Life

Hail and well met

Wow it has been a roller coaster since my last post. To start off I had an amazing time at Lothlorien. The weather not withstanding (it was hot and humid in the day but the nights were cool, literally cold). It was great seeing everyone again. Walking through those woods was relaxing and revitalizing.

Then I got back. Today was a royal pain in the ass. Tons of mail and to top it all off getting dumped half of route 10. On a Monday they decide to give me half of another route, albeit the aux route (which means it is not big enough to be considered a real full time route) it is still a pain to deal with more stops when Penny Savers are involved.

So after working an 11 hour day half of which was in a car with the sun beating down I am in a world of pain and discomfort.

Now comes some good news. It is going to be an awesome rest of the week. Thursday I am running up to Terri's for a lobster dinner at Bob Chins with a tour of the facility. It should be amazing. Then after work Saturday I am again running to see Terri but this time it is at a campground in Peoria and then back to her place. The great thing is that I don't work on that Monday so I can stay and be with her. It is going to be AMAZING!

So yeah it has been a upper and downer couple of days. But life is that way sometimes. It is not the things that happen to us but how we deal with them that counts.

Ok that is all for this post I will see everyone later.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Counts Down to Loth!

Hail and well met

There are only 3 and a half days till Loth!!!!!!

I am so psyched about going I cannot express how I am looking forward to this. I have Saturday off and although I am working that Monday I can get home in plenty of time to get sleep.

YEAH LOTH!!!!!!!!!!

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man, More then Meets the Eye

Ok I know my last post was heavy but I just found this and had to try it out. Well guess what? I found out which Transformer I am.....


Find out which Transformer you are at LiquidGeneration!

HA! I got the coolest and baddest Autobot of them all The Amazing Bumblebee!

That just made my day!

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man is...

Hail and well met

It has been a deep and painful morning. Today is the 16th of September and it is my birthday. I was born in 1969 in St. James hospital. Today I am 38 years old.

At first I tried to forget about it being my birthday. I had all but succeeded when my awesome girlfriend Terri reminded me last night. Thank you sweetie it was important that I not forget it or let it pass by. You are the most amazing thing in my life and the reason for me staying in the world. With out you I would have slipped back into my ghost mode and allowed everything to pass me by. In you I have found the strength to fight off the darkness that dwells within and tries again and again to drag me down and turn my eyes inward. You see the inward turned eye sees nothing but self and in that I would have lost any vision of that which lies outside. I was there once before and it was the worst time of my life. All I concerned myself with was how I was in pain and alone, but I was creating that by looking only inward. I was keeping everyone and everything away, it has taken me a long time to be willing to say all of this.

We are taught that evil, the devil or whatever you call it exists outside as some entity. This incarnation of evil attempts to hurt us or turn us away from goodness with these powers that seem to be greater then the powers of good. That is a lie and to use the colloquialism "straight out of the pit of hell". This thing is not outside in some fire filled pit, it is within all of us. It is that voice that tries to turn us against ourselves. As for its great powers, it has none save the ability to lie and lie well. It has to trick us into using our own God given powers for its purpose. That is how it works. We are the creation of the Creator and in such we are given a measure of his power, the power to create. No matter how big or small we all create in some way, fashion or form and that is the Creator's power expressing itself through us. This pathetic little evil has no powers of its own so it lies to us and tricks us into using our powers for its needs and in turn we hurt others and make things that hurt others and ourselves.

This morning it almost won. I almost turned away from everything I know is right and gave up. It was trying to make me feel that I am a waste of space and time. With sickening sweet words it tried to convince me that I was not worthy of all the good things in my life or capable of being anything more then I am right now. Worst of all it tried to take away Terri by making me think I was not worthy of her and that she could do better with someone else, so I should push her away to find that person.

But all of that is a HUGE LIE. A lie that I don't buy into nor do I give any credence to. To go back to a moment when I found light in darkness the first time I recall two things. One is a quote from a movie that is a abridged version of a quote from an inspirational speaker named Marianne Willamson and I place it here for all to read again.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

The second is a strange little audio clip that I cannot find again, maybe it never really existed except for that moment when I needed it. I will do my best to paraphrase.

We are the creation of the Creator, no matter what you call him. He did not create us to be weak and powerless but gave us great power. He gave it to us! All we have to do is except it we become invincible. We have to envision him giving us this power, this light as all of our friends, loved ones do as well. We are invincible! Just except that nothing can destroy you, the real you not this crude body of flesh and blood, the being of light that is the real you and me.

Ever since I heard and read these two things I have found that I can face that inner voice of doubt and fear with renewed strength and resistance.

Even this morning when it struck with vengeance.

I was watching "Lady in the Water" ,an awesome movie and it struck. I do not choose to give its words the any power by repeating them. It is safe to say that it attacked me on many levels. Maybe it was the fact of it being my birthday and all that it brings with it, I was weak to its attack and almost fell to it. It is also the fact that I am coming to realize that yet again I am losing my family.

No not my parents, although there is some trouble there as well. No I am referring to my extended family. You see I lost the family I made in high school when everyone went away, I quickly found others but it still hurt. Then I had a family at 3D House of Games, but they were taken away. Then I had the family at Gameopolis and for all my might they are going away as well. Please don't misunderstand I know it is the natural progression of things and I am glad and proud that everyone is developing their own lives and taking the first steps on their own paths, but that does not stop it from hurting. Things have passed and will never be again. I must accept this and in doing so move on.

All of these things have built up in me and that damnable voice tried to trick me into falling the abyss because of them. Only one thing kept me from falling in.

Terri.

I love you so much! It was thinking about you and what we have together that gave me the ability to turn away and allow the voice to fall silent. It was knowing how you feel about me that filled my limbs with strength to type this and in doing so fully free myself from its grip. Thank you for loving me and know that I shall always love you.

I AM MATT-MAN!

I AM INVINCIBLE!

WE ARE ALL INVINCIBLE!

To close I quote from Babylon 5 a Egyptian blessing...

May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places where you must walk.

May the Force be with you all

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man on Zombies...

Hail and well met

Yup I am feeling in an undead mood and trust Youtube to help me express it. I hope you all enjoy these offerings, if you have already seen them

Tough!

I like them and that is that.

HA I love being a little brat.

Well not so little but definitely a brat

Later all

May the Flesh be with you

Excelsior!!!

Things Go Better With Matt-Man

Hail and well met

It has been a few days since I posted. Mostly because I have been running around. Last weekend I went up to see Terri for Labor day. It was amazing.

Since then I have been running around like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. I have never seen such a rush of mail. We still have not caught up. I have been getting up an hour earlier and getting home later. It looks to be around 10 to 12 hour days. I am hoping to get Friday off and make a trip up to see everyone Thursday night and maybe Friday during the day and early evening. I am also going to make it up to Ferric's concert and B-Day Bash this Saturday.

It should be awesome.

Oh I know I have not posted the rest of the Gen Con report...in truth I will do so but consider it the abridged cliffnote version. Sort of the bullet points.

Other then that I am good, tired but good. I cannot wait to see everyone.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

I'd Sleep with Matt-Man...

Hail and well met

Yeah I would have to say that if given a chance I would sleep with Matt-Man, of course I have to since I am Matt-Man but it is a good feeling to know that if I ever found myself at a bar I wouldn't mind going home with me.

I do have to say that things are not really great. I don't know what is wrong but I know I am not right. No I don't intend to spiral into a boring post about me (and lets face it I am quite boring). No I am just trying to get a handle on why all of a sudden I am unable to get away...

Wait I may have just put my finger on it and I don't really like it one bit.

I was getting away from my P's when I went out to lansing before and now I don't have to do that to be me I can be me right here. I am not being repressed by the set of conditions that I was living in. Wait that really makes me an asshole. Cause I used people as an escape from my situation and now that that situation has changed I seem to be unable to head out and see them?

Oh CRAP! What the fuck is wrong with me? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

I don't want to think that I can do something like that but it is apparent that I have and am doing that. That only means one thing, I have to change what I a doing.

I will cut myself a little slack as it is the first time in my life I am free to be the me that has always been locked up while I was living at my P's house. It is kind of like not having something for a real long time and then being able to have it and going ape shit. There is a word for that, what is it?

Oh yeah binging.

Alright then I have to stop binging and take control of my life and change.

Crap what was I originally going to post on? I lost sight of it in the light of self realization. Damn bright light...

No

Damn sunrise, hurts my eyes!

Ben for Pope!

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

(when I remember what I was going to post about I will, until then this is it....sorry)

Matt-Man on The Movies

Hail and well met

I know that I have to finish talking about Gen Con and I will but first I have to talk about a movie I just found out about. Knowing how things go I am sure I am the last to know about it but here it goes anyway. It is called Dragon War and it is a special effects extravaganza. I gather from the story that dragons once were used as weapons in ancient wars and some how come back in present day. I don't care about the story much cause I intend on watching dragons of all types battle it out on the big screen. Take a look at the trailer and some of the other stuff on the site Dragon-war.

Ok now to finish talking about Gen Con. Were did I leave off, oh yeah I went back to the hotel and went to sleep. Well not right away I had to figure out what I was going to do all the next day. So I looked and searched through the event catalog for things I wanted to do. I found several seminars I wanted to attend (yes I said wanted to but I will explain soon). So with that in mind I shut off the TV set my phone alarm and went to bed.

I awoke the next morning all ready to go. I had gotten up at around 6 so I had plenty of time to make it to my first seminar at 8. I showered and dressed then headed out. After spending 40 plus minutes finding a way down town and then a parking space I was ready to get down to buisness. I waked in and found my friend Dennis first so I could try and coordinate that evenings activities. As I was talking to him I overheard someone talking and mentioning the time. The said it was 8:30, which by my phone was an hour off. I mentioned it to Dennis and he said something about it being an hour difference down here to up by us. Being a dense block I didn't even realize what that meant.

So I took off to make it to my seminar. As I approached the door I could hear people talking inside and then the doors opened as people left the seminar. It had just ended. I stood there and realized what a idiot I had been. I forgot to set my phone ahead an hour, but then again I thought it did that on its own.

Well that set the tone for my seminar viewing for the rest of the day. I went to the dealer hall and waked around. I stopped by the Privateer booth and saw something new. They are coming out with wreck tokens for jacks. They come in two sizes and sit on a base so they can be removed if lets say they are used for something. I like them and will be picking them up as soon as they are available through Mr.S. I have to say it was a really packed booth and I found it hard to maneuver so I didn't get a good look to see if any new mini's were being displayed. I was happy to see the interest and activity at their booth.

The other big things I saw, well the one big thing I say was Magnificent Ego's booth. They were teamed up with Dead Gentlemen Productions. The grand news is that Gamers 2 is done but now it is waiting for someone to pick it up for distribution. I saw a miniature that I wanted to check out but then decided not to cause I couldn't afford to spend that kind of money cause although I love magnificent ego's miniatures but the ones I love are REAL EXPENSIVE. It looked like an amber hulk queen cause it had wings! It was cool. The big problem now is that I cannot find it on the web to figure out it's name. Anyway while I was there I had an opportunity to talk to the guys and found out that Margret Wies productions is making a RPG for the Demon Hunters license. I have the starter rules and from what I have read it sounds like a blast.

I have a training DVD for the game and it should be funny (no I haven't looked at it as I am holding off till we all can have a look). I wanted to catch the debut showing of Gamers 2 but again I missed it cause if I tried to go I would have missed going to the VIG dinner with Dennis. Which was pretty cool. I got to see some people in the industry like Gary Gygax, Zev from Z-Man games and a few others that I don't know. It was an awesome meal with some other gamers. The meal was awesome, I mean real food not standard buffet fare.

Anyway I had a blast and it was a good time. I have a plan for next year and I will let everyone in soon.

I have to apologize to everyone for being so distant but things are just nuts around here. I keep trying to find time but every time I turn around something goes wrong or takes way longer then I planned. Tomorrow I am going to come out. I don't care what is going on I am going to come out and see everyone. I will car before just in case it is a bad idea but I am calling and coming out. I really miss seeing everyone. It really sucks. I have so much I want to do and time seems to escape me.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Love It or Leave It...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Matt-Man comes home...Finally!

Hail and well met

Well I am home and done with the running around I have been doing. I have a ton to talk about but I have no time right now. I just want to stop by and tell everyone that all is good and I am very well.

I will post again in the next few day telling all about Gen Con and everything else.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Returns...Oh Wait He Is Off Again!!!

Hail and well met

I don't have a lot of time to type but I just wanted to say that I am back and heading up to see Terri at the CD release party. Tomorrow looks in jeopardy due to the rain. In fact I am going to have to say it is most likely a wash out (ha ha but I am not kidding). I do know that Terri wants to do something for Labor Day weekend and it may work out that we end up going on that Monday after a party on Sunday, which everyone is invited to.

As far as Gen Con is concerned it was a good trip, not perfect but good. Perfect is going to be next year...but that a story for later.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Countdown to GenCon

Hail and well met

Well it is getting closer every minute. As I see it there is about 12 an a half hours till I take off. It is going to be an amazing weekend, crazy busy but amazing. I will roll into Indianapolis around 12 or 1 o'clock. I plan on heading back early Saturday morning and should be in town around 10 or 11 o'clock. I will be stopping around the area before I head off to met up with Terri and make our way to Chicago City Limits for the CD release party for Khaos Theory. I just found out about it earlier this week. If anyone wishes to come along that is cool. I know it is rather sudden but again I only just figured out it was this weekend.

After that wonderful evening of drunken debauchery, and as long as the weather doesn't screw things by raining we will be heading to the ren fair on Sunday.

Well I am heading off to bed so I can get up and get ready. I hope to see everyone soon and those that are off at school I hope all is well and I will hopefully see you soon.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man...Yeah that is it

Hail and well met

So things are what they are. People are starting to head off back to school. Yet again I feel the sensation of a house with all the children leaving. At times I am really glad I don't have children because I don't think I could handle watching them go away.

Well yet again I am working extra hours. Now please don't think that I am really complaining but as I have said before it is just the random nature of it all. Well no matter what I am going to Gen Con this Thursday and Friday. Then I am back in town for a few hours the off to Terri's for a trip to the Ren Fair this Sunday. Hey again anyone that wants to go with feel free to shoot me a line and we can work something. I am coming back on Sunday evening cause I work on Monday.

That is all the time I have right now. I will talk to all when I have a moment.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Rides Again!

Hail and well met

Well the car is fixed. It was the fan and the adjoining relay that had broken not allowing the radiator to be cooled when the car is standing still or in extreme stop and go driving (like delivering mail). Well they are both replaced and everything is working up to specs.

Unfortunately that leaves me quite out of cash. That of course sucks cause it keeps me stuck here in the house and more importantly prevents me from doing the ren fair this weekend.

But that is not really uber important. I will try and be around see everyone cause I know that we are fast approaching the return to school. Which brings me to a rather painful sticking point. My game has really fallen by the way side. I apologize to all for not being able to get out there and keep it going. I only hope we can pull off at least a couple of more sessions to try and wrap things up. I am not giving up on the game but it may have to go into the freezer.

Ok I don't have much more to say right now. I miss seeing everyone. I miss swimming. I miss hanging out. In truth it really sucks ass and I am getting really pissed off about it. But there is not one damn thing I can do right now about it which is the most painful thing about it.

I hope to see everyone soon.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Gets Hot

Hail and well met

Things have gotten annoying. My car is giving me a royal pain in the ass. Yesterday it decided to overheat while I was working. Luckily one of the other subs could come out and drive while I delivered the mail. When I got back and started my car it was fine, on the drive home it was fine. No sign of over heating at all. This morning when I went to work it was fine. Then I started delivering the mail and it overheated again. So I had to deliver the mail with the heater blasting, what fun. So it appears that something is wrong possibly the fan or something else. Anyway it has totally screwed me. I was supposed to go up and be with Terri for her Relay for Life in Antioch. That is out. I was also hoping to get out to Lansing, that is also out. So here I get to sit on my ass with nothing to do.

Well that is about the size of it. My car is going in on my first day off which is Tuesday. I hope it is cheap cause right now I am getting really close to broke. I was trying to save some cash for GenCon but at this rate I will not even bother going. Dammit this really sucks.

The biggest thing is that I cannot go see anyone. Time is running out for hanging out, let alone maybe trying to play a game.

Well I hope everything is going well with everyone.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man...What were you expecing.......Nixon??

Hail and well met one and all

Welcome to my blog.

Yes Yes I know that it has been here for awhile and I have posted a number of things here but every once and awhile it is important to stop and realize that maybe some people have stumbled on this blog and do not know me in person like most of the readers do. Of course they should go running and screaming in terror at what they read here cause I am a crazy lunatic but hey if they happen to share my insanity then welcome aboard, feel free to say hi or anything what so ever.

Also it is important to make a distinction between what came before and what will come after. Yes I have done this before but it usually accompanied me totally tossing away my blog and starting a new one. Well not this time. I have no reason to change the blog just because I have changed. But what you might ask has changed?

I have discovered my passion. Oh I have spoken on numerous occasions about how I am the defender of creativity and the champion of imagination. Well true as that may be it is also a fact that I have done little or nothing to aid that cause. That is about to change. I discovered a whole pile of stuff that I had acquired to make games with. Games that I made or were making. I have realized that my most happy moments (aside from the time I spend with Terri and my friends) are when I am plugging away at a game. From designing the story or premise to actually formulating the rules I love it all. I feel complete when I am doing it and I get a sense of satisfaction from it as well.

Now don't get me wrong I intend to keep my day job, although it may not be needed if things really take off. Oh and don't think I don't hear the naysayers "there is no market for that" "It is just a pipe dream". Yeah maybe it is but it was also the pipe dream of a little man that wanted to write stories and publish them. Stan Lee is one of my greatest inspirations and a hero of mine. He never set out to do what he did, he didn't go to school to do it and he had no training in it either. If he can do all that he has done then I can do what I dream as well. Again it won't be easy but I will make it happen!

So please realize that I am serious and I will not brook any down playing or nay saying. I don't have time to defend my choice nor am I inclined to. If you don't like it then either keep it to yourself or expect to be ignored. No I don't believe that anyone really wants to do either of those but just in case there is the warning. No one can sue me for not taking the proper precautions with hazardous matt-erial.


HA HA yes I said it and I meant it.

So I am just back from having 300 dollars I don't have ripped from my ass for my brakes. What really sucks is that I just had them done not more then a month an a half ago. Well it appears the motherless sons of mutant lame goats didn't do a good job or a proper job. Anyway my mechanic fixed it but it is going to hurt. I may have to curtail my outside activities which sucks. The one things I cannot forgo is the Relay for Life this weekend with Terri, I promised to be there and I will.

Yeah I know again a Sunday that supers may not happen, but from the way people were acting I don't think anyone really cares about it anyway.

So I am going to be blitzing this all over. August the 5th I would like to invite anyone and everyone to join myself and my good woman at the Bristol Renaissance Fair. Now I know it is short notice but it is a chance for a large group to go (since people are going back to collage). I was thinking of heading up Saturday night and people could camp out or sleep inside (remember Terri has 2 cats and 1 dog) Then an early morning jaunt up to the fair and a good day had by all.

Let me know cause if it won't work we can move it back to the 19th.

Ok that is all the time I have to type right now. See everyone soon.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man is ALIVE....HE'S ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

Hail and well met

Ok Matt-man is not dead, maybe a zombie but not dead.

The Force is not a dream nor is it stupid

Oh yeah and there is a God and he hates when you say there isn't one.

No I wasn't visited by an angelic being that made me see that I was being a dumbass. I was just sitting watching "That 70's Show" and I realized that things are what they are and I need to get off my butt. Yeah there are things that are not cool in my life but they aren't going to fix themselves nor will sitting around feeling sorry for myself and whining about how things suck going to get them done. Yeah it is hard when your energy is sucked out of by life but that is the way it is.

I am not giving up. It ain't going to be easy and I have a shit-ton to learning to do but if I want my dreams to become reality I have to make it happen......

DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

I hate that phrase! I really do. It was the crappy catch phrase at Toy's R Us back in the day. It was so annoying to hear those lazy managers stand there and spout off all this crap that we had to do and then top it off with "So lets make it happen.". Such hypocrites cause they would then go and hide in the managers office or the SKU booth to avoid actually working. I hated them so much, almost as much as that phrase and here I am using it.

And meaning it, and understanding what it means! CRAP!


Ok that really depresses me. Takes all the wind out of my sails.

Well I can tell you one thing. I may "make it happen" but dammit I am doing it my way. NO TIES! NO UGLY SMOCKS! AND NO FUCKING GIRAFFES!!!!!

Yeah take that, no giraffes.

Well this post has gone way off target but I feel better.

I will talk to everyone soon, and I will post a more lucid...um post....damn that sounds stupid but what else can I call it...Oh I know a word thingy!


Yeah like I can be lucid, ha who am I kidding.

May the Force be with all of you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man...What we talking about?

Hail and well met

Well I know I have been out of the loop. It has been real hard to run the routes I have been running, getting up at 6 to be to work by 7 and then work until 3 or 4 (on a good day that is). I get home and find I lack any energy to do much of anything but doing a few thing around here and then get to bed for the next day. I was hoping that I would be getting better at it by now but it does not seem to be working out that way.

I would normally apologize here for being gone but that is not going to happen. I am not sorry just...I guess the word is disappointed. It appears that I have been under some delusion about how life could (or as I believed, should) work. Now I can see that any idea of being my own anything was stupid. I am just a cog in someone else's machine and that is all I can ever hope to be. I don't have the skills or talents to break out and leave the slave pits behind. When I should have been learning such skills and garnering such talents I was "having fun". Stupid! I am so dumb.

I could list off a number of things that I am pissed at right now. The biggest problem is that the only one that really sticks is ME.

Yeah I thought I had come so far. Had reached such pinnacles and left these thoughts behind. Well it appears that all I was doing was lying to and disillusioning myself. I am a loser of the first magnitude and a failure to rival my Father.

Way to go Dad! You succeeded in making a better dumbass then you. GREAT!

Whatever.

There is no God.

The Force is a stupid dream

and super heroes are for children or lunatics.

Matt-Man is dead.....

?????Ok it appears that I cannot enter a title for this post????
So here it goes the old fashion way.


Matt-Man is on the Job!


Hail and well met

Well things have been a bit strained as of late. I have been working which is good. On the other hand it has been insanely hot when I worked and it has been kicking my ass (quite literally but I won't go into details). It has affected my ability to do much of anything. Working on my move has come to a complete halt, well almost I did accomplish some things today but not nearly as much as I need to have done by now.

Yeah I know all things take time but this is just getting to me. I mean I need the money (boy that is an understatement) but I also need the time to get the things done that I have to get done. I guess the big problem is just the physical affect it is having on me.

I also have been dealing with the fact that I have not been able to spend the time with Terri that I need to. Oh yes believe me it has become a need and a want. I like being around her, I like the way I think around her and the way she makes me feel (no sickos I don't mean that way...but that is amazing as well) I know that I love her and I want to do the best I can to make it possible for us to be together, and that is the other half of the problem. I don't think the Post Office is going to allow that to happen. I don't know if I can explain it in words but I just have this sinking sensation that I cannot depend on this job to see me though. Maybe it is just my past experiences creeping in to my mind but it is there.

Meh I am not getting anywhere with this and I know that it doesn't resolve anything. I have to make some decisions and take some chances. Boy that is tough given my past. Ah yes old wounds never really do heal you just forget about them until they come up again and it all comes flooding back. The pain the loss and the crashing of dreams.

Again I am saying meh. I am going to do what I have to do cause the other option is to give up on having a life with Terri...well if she wants one with me.

What is going to happen will happen and there is nothing I can do about it but enjoy the ride. Maybe I can choose the seat I am sitting in? I used to sit in the back but maybe now is the time to sit in the front?

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man on a Mission

Hail and well met

Well I have been digging into the background of that mysterious trailer at the beginning of Transformers. What I have found is little to nothing.

The production company for the film is Bad Robot. This is the same company that did the TV series Alias and Lost. They are also the company behind the new Star Trek movie.

From what I gather it is a giant monster movie as I figured, but not Godzilla. The film is going to be shot from a first person perspective using home video cameras. The way it sounds there will be little or no shots of the monster in question only the carnage and madness that ensues. Sounds interesting and I would go see it. I will keep my ears and eyes open on the subject.

Oh and by the way it is being called CLOVERFIELD as a working title for security and secrecy reasons. Apparently there was a Youtube video of the trailer but it was pulled by Paramount for copyright issues. Yeah like that will last more then a couple of days before it shows up again.

Anyway it sounds intersing and I have to say the trailer caught my attention and peeked my interest. In fact I would have to agree that it is one of the best trailers I have seen in a while.

Ok that is all for now. I have to get ready and head out to the loft for the PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man is Bust

Hail and well met

Well as the title says I am bust, broke, nearly penniless. I just got paid and after making sure I have gas money for the next two weeks to get to and from work I have not much left. I have had to push off paying some bills and just got an email from Stand Up about my account being past due.

Yeah it sucks and I am feeling a little down on myself at the moment. I mean what good is it to be employed if you still are broke and unable to cover your bills.

Meh I really don't want to get into that here. I did it years ago and basically bored myself and everyone else to tears. Life sucks and that is that.

I could go on for hours and pages on my view of the world right now. Again it is pointless and futile.

Well the real suck news is that I will have to curtail most of my trips to Lansing. So you won't be seeing me for the next couple of weeks. I do plan on making it out to Supers on Sunday and I am going to squeak out getting to Transformers on Monday, after that I will be going to work and then sitting home.

Yup that is my life in a nutshell. Just like my father before me. Work, eat, sleep. Yes just live to work for someone else. As far as dreaming is concerned I am going to take a hint from my sleep and quit it. What is the point. In my experience they are good for is wasting a lot of time and effort to try and make them real only to have them ripped away and torn to shreds in front of you by bastards that don't deserve to breath let alone live.

Damn it I wasn't going to rant. Sorry but I am going to let it stand. Forgive me for wasting you time.

Whatever

Matt-Man flies high

Hail and well met

Wow things have been running past at break neck speed and I seem to be in like neutral or something. I know this move thing is driving me crazy on some levels cause no matter how hard I try I just don't seem to be getting ahead. Also I have some other brands in the fire but now the wood is running out. Stupid jobs and not giving hours. The more I try and get done the less gets accomplished. I don't even have 4 different campaigns this summer and I still seem to be lost, in a haze.

On the plus side I have more energy then usual and don't find my self getting tired as much other then the lack of sleep. That can be addressed though. I am feeling healthy and not having as bad a allergy season as I used to.

I do miss swimming though. I need to get over to the pool at least once this season.

OH just to let people know that are going to be around this weekend Terri is coming down either Saturday after work or Sunday in the morning. She is bringing Grizzly down so we will be limited in what we do but she did mention doing the pool ;) Yes I do have a sick mind. Anyway if anyone is around I don't know what is going on for sure but keep me in the loop so I can make adjustments to whatever we are doing.

So I went and saw Rise of the Silver Surfer. I liked it as a sequel and thought it was decent. No it was not a perfect depiction of the comic book...but how would that even be possible? I mean really if they were doing a literal depiction then it would have been the Mole Man and not Galactius in this film. Oh yeah that would have been worth seeing, like the most lame villain in the marvel universe even with his recent return in ...I don't know what the story line is but he is still lame. I for one am glad they did decide to tackle the Surfer and I believe they did a good job. And with the pop up at the end of the movie we can rest assured that he will make his return and possibly even of Galactius. I had a good time and like it so that is what matters.

I am looking forward to Transformers and the Golden Compass. I still want to track down Black Sheep and see it.

I also want to get the Supers Game off the Ground better and move the story forward. I do have to talk to you Ben and get you the information on the Freehold. Also I have to find out which ones of you may be considering joining or not. I know Archer is in but what about the rest? I know all of you don't have access to this blog but spread the word amongst those that don't and let me know. I will also post something on the boards.

Ok well I am done blogging right now. I will see everyone tomorrow if Fading Suns is going on otherwise I plan on getting wet...IN THE POOL YOU SICKOS!


May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man Double Dips...

NO I DON'T MEAN IN THAT WAY! YOU SICKOS!!

No I was on line and happened to find this and it looks hilarious! Take a look. I have to find a theater to see it in.

http://www.blacksheep-themovie.com/

So Who is this Matt-Man anyway?

Hail and well met.

Have you ever had a moment when all the fragments of reality that you thought you understood jumped up and came together for a split second to give you a tremendous "STUPID IN THE HEAD!" (a blow across the back of the head by a loved one for doing something really detrimental or plain dumb) . Well that happened today. I have to say that for maybe the third or forth time I got pulled up by the short hairs.

Now I really don't feel ready to completely explain the circumstances around this event but I can express the meaning of this event. Yeah it sounds vague and cryptic but that is what makes it fun :)

A series of events today forced me to reevaluate my outlook on life and the way I am living it. Well there was a GIANT discrepancy between the two. I did something that made no sense. I take things in my life seriously and devote the time I need to them. But time and time again I find I come up short when deadlines come. I had one of those things happen today and I really didn't want this situation to pass me by because I failed to live up to my obligation. As I thought about it I came face to face with the truth that although I take these things seriously, I don't take my life seriously at all. I don't have much respect for my life or the time I have been given. I didn't put it together that I had to manage my time so I could do the things that needed to be done, do them right and not just focus all the time to get something trivial done right now. In the end no matter my intentions I fail to accomplish the things I have to set forth to get done. It also follows that at the end of the day I am unreliable even though I really did intend to get things done.

Well I have decided to respect my life a little more and as such do more to manage my time to accomplish those things that I have promised to do by the time I said I would do them. I will spend the time to prepare for those things that I am going to do.

I know that it is not going to be an easy road and it will up to me to do what is needed to be done.

I have to give thanks to the universe and the creator for giving me that little bit of clarity. Now I have to do all that I can to make the most of it.

I cannot wait for certain events to come to fruition so that I can share what is going on. Some may think I am crazy but trust me I am wide awake and my eyes are wide open. But anymore would give it away.

I thank all of you for being my family, friends and more. I love you Terri!

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man is Matt-Man- Except No Imitations

Hail and well met

Yup I have decided to re-commit myself to being the superhero that I am. No this doesn't mean that I am not feeling the feelings that I spoke of in my earlier post. What it means is how I am choosing to deal with those feelings.

I am thinking like a superhero! I am going to overcome them in a spectacular way that proves my wits and skills are a match for anything I face. That is what being a superhero is all about.

Lets face it, Super Heroes are not just a cape and powers. There are any number of heroes out there that don't even have super powers to speak of. What really separates Super Heroes from mundanes is how they think. When Spider-man realized he had powers he did what any normal thinking person would, how do I make money with these. Well we know that in the story he didn't stick with that game plan. Instead he decided to do something crazy and insane. He put on a costume and fought bad guys. Now someone out there is going to say that it is all a comic book and has not standing in everyday life...

BULLSHIT!

If you think that is true then ask yourself this. With no powers at all and only the limits of mundane science would you fight crime? Well everyday men and women get up and don their "costumes" and do just that. They are called Police officers. Hey what about running into a burning building to save someone? Yeah firemen.

What about going against the universal belief that something cannot be done. So ingrained in the world is this idea that every top person in that field denounces it as impossible and seeking to do it is grounds for commitment into a facility for the criminally insane.

Well that one has several different answers. The Wright brothers, Thomas Eddison, Alexander Graham Bell just to name a few. These people all did exactly the opposite of what the common consensus was. More importantly they succeeded!

You see this is why I believe in championing imagination and creativity. I don't know how but I am going to make it and make it BIG.

Get ready out there cause I am putting on the Matt-Man costume and kicking some villainous evil stinky ass.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!!

Matt-Man Runs Out of Gas

Hail and well met

No I did not actually run out of gas. It is a metaphor for what I am feeling right now. I have been reading up on some blogs and ran into an interesting metaphor as well, one that kind of parallels my feelings.

In some ways I find that I am in my metaphorical car that now has no gas and find that even if I did I don't know where the hell I am going. That really frustrates me to the core. I had so many dreams and I thought I still did but I find that I really don't believe in them much any more. I have this great game (at least that is what everyone says to me after they play it or see it) but yet not one person really seems interested in making it with me. So what the hell is the point? I don't have the cash to fund it so it is floating in limbo.

But here is the thing. I cannot give up on it. I tried just now to write that it was dead and inside of me I screamed. I have to hold on to my dreams and believe that I will one day see them made manifest.

I have my job... Yeah believe me that if I wanted to sell my soul and life to the Post Office I could have a crappy job that will pay me maybe 40 or 50 grand a year. Now if anyone really knows the job market and the cost of living they realize that that is not a good wage. It basically just covers that basics and leaves nothing else. Yes there is sick and vacation leave but the hoops can be a real bitch. For me it just doesn't equal out to being chained six days a week to a job that can fluctuate everyday from reasonable to insane.

Oh and then you have the Union.

Now don't get me wrong it has a place. I personally joined even though I didn't have to but here is the crux of my problem. For all that it does to make sure we are represented it also protects those that don't deserve to stay employed. I see it every day, people not doing their job and making everyone else work harder for no more cash to make up the difference.

God I hate bitching about having a job but all I see is a set of chains and bars that will have me kneeling 20 more years of my life away whilst getting me no further to my dreams. I don't want to end up a bitter heartless self centered bastard. I see the world and I want to live in it as a participant not a passenger.

GAHHHHHH I won't! I have options and I plan on exercising them to the extreme. I have been sitting back and playing it safe. Well fuck that couch. It hasn't done squat for me so far so there is no reason to keep it up anymore.

It is time to become dangerous and do dangerous things.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man and the Whirwind

Hail and well met

Well it has been a LONG time since my last post. I have been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Between getting ready for loth and then going to preparing for the bachelor party that took place over the weekend not to mention trying to get my shit organized so I can move out in a couple of weeks. I have been going crazy. No literally I have been really losing it. Part of me thinks that I am not ready for moving out and as of late I have started to agree. I have so much stuff to do and every time I start to do it I get exhausted and tired. In some respects it feels like depression and others are something I am not familiar with at all.

Meh what does it matter.

Well speaking of loth I have to say it was AMAZING!!!! I love that place and look forward to going again soon. Everything about it just allows me to feel better about everything. I know I slept better then I have in a while. I did not make it down to the creek this time but next time for sure. I bought a sarong (not sure of the spelling but the computer is not correcting me so maybe I got it right) which is a common garment from south Asia, most notably from Malay. It is a simple rectangle of cloth that is tied at the waist and can be viewed as a skirt of sorts although it is worn by both men and women. It is quite comfortable and very easy to keep clean. I think I will be wearing them quite a lot in the future.

I haven't had the time to speak with anyone since Friday so I hope the rest of the weekend went well. It was ok here. I got home late Friday night and got right to bed to prepare to work on Saturday. That was ok but I was totally exhausted by the time I got home. I ended up falling in and out of consciousness until I finally crashed into the bed around midnight. Then got up and went over the P's house (still hard not to call it home) to get packed for the trip out to my friend Joe's house for the bachelor party. It was a blast. Got to see almost the whole group from the old days and catch up. I would go into details but what happens at bachelor parties must stay at bachelor parties. It is a law I think and I would not want to be guilty of breaking the law. Nope it is not good for business for a super hero to go around breaking the law. Suffice it to say that everyone had a blast. Oh and in case you were wondering...NO we did not have stripers or porn or any of the usual sex related stuff that goes on at bachelor parties. We gamed and talked and drank which about covers the majority of the events of the evening.

Well the party ended on Monday morning cause we had to vacate the lodge we were staying in. I rolled back into new Matt-cave somewhere around 1pm Monday and pretty much crashed into the couch then the bed and just recuperated from the last 6 days.

For all those that may have been looking for me I apologize for not communicating. I have been so tired I have not had the energy to call anyone back. I know I missed Nick this weekend but it could not be helped.

As far as everything else is concerned it is what it is.

I don't know what to think anymore about anything. I just feel so blah about everything. I start getting worked up about something and then BLAM it just crashes big time and I lose all enthusiasm. I do know that the weather is partially to blame cause I HATE hot weather. Warm is not bad but HOT sucks not to mention the humidity. I just hate sweating and being sticky.

Gahhh enough of the bitching and belly aching. I have better things to do.

I will see everyone wednesday for War Machine. I may not play this week due the fact that I am going to be working on my stuff tomorrow but I do want to show up. I have found a shit ton of stuff for making scenery and want to see it go to good use. So I plan on bringing all of it I can and seeing if Val thinks it can be used and when it can be made cause I don't plan on keeping it unless it is used soon.

Ok well I am done typing for now. I will talk to type to all real soon.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man and the Grand Trip

Hail and well met

This post is a long time in coming but that could not be helped. I am currently sitting in front of my friends computer in what will soon by my domicile. I am so tired lately but I figured out why. I have been trying to do everything right now, move in, pack to move in, watch the house, prep for Loth, pack for Loth, and a host of other things. I realized today that I cannot do all of these things all at the same time since most of them are exclusive things. So I have decided to stop trying and pick one then another and another until they are done, making sure to do them in an order that is concurrent with the coming events. So the trying to move in will have to wait until I have packed to move in, the watching the house must take precedent over packing (since I am here not at the Parents house) and most importantly I must prepare for Loth since I am leaving on Wednesday...OMG THAT IS ONLY TWO DAYS AWAY!!!!!!!!


What the heck am I doing on this computer I have so much to get done! Sorry to be abrupt but I have to get to work. See all as time permits.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man and the nature of change

Hail and well met

Man when things decide to get strange they don't do it half assed do they. I have had things turned upside down and sideways in the last 3 days. In many ways I am still reeling from the situation. I don't want to go into the details yet cause they are delicate and personal on an extreme level.

I am just saying this cause it is going to really affect me. I may be out of it for a couple of weeks. So if I seem lost or crazy just mention it and I will do what I can do to refocus on what is going on.

Oh and no I don't have some crazy illness nor does anyone in my family.

Later all

Matt-Man on Movies

Hail and well met

Ok so as I take yet another break from packing my life away I find that there is a subject that I have been lacks on. That is the subject of a particular movie that went unoticed by myself and others. It slipped under the radar, hell it has super stealth technology. The movie of which I speak is called "FANBOYS".

I will not even try and explain it to you all I can do is lead you to the water of life but you have to decide to jump in an drink. Here a some links and if you are in the area let me know cause I have a movie with the trailer on it. Hell if you know anyone with "Pulse" the American release it is the first trailer on the film.

Here is the IMDB entry and here is one of the only places I have found the trailer online

So that is all the time I have for now. Have to get back to packing my life away.

See all as time permits.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man and the Task of Packing

Hail and well met

Today is the first day that I am starting to gather all of my stuff and get it ready for the impending move. Now I know that I have had many years to accumulate stuff but I never really realized how much stuff I have laying around here collecting dust until now.

Wow there is so much stuff that I have to muck through. Stuff that I haven't touched or looked at for years. Part of me wants to keep it and try and finish it but another says "Hey you are never going to get to it, so get rid of it and lighten the load". So now I have to decided the criteria for either keeping or tossing stuff. I suppose I knew deep down it was going to come to this but just didn't want to except it.

Anyway right now I am taking a break cause it is hard going through all of it. There are a lot of memories tied to some of that stuff and at times it is like swatting at flies while I am trying to work. Never the less I have to get it done. I figure I will be selling some of it so it can go to good use somewhere.

Other then that I am doing quite well. Hoping to see Spiderman 3 tomorrow with Mikey. I don't know what it is but I know I have been waiting for this film but it ain't crucial. Some films I want to run out and see right away but not this one. In fact I have to say that there are no films right now that I am really excited about.

I am set for going to Lothlorien and will have my registration in later today. I will also be sending out the reply to the wedding invitation for Joe and Allison's wedding on the 16th of June. Also good to go for the bachelor party. It should be good times all around.

Everyone is getting ready for the summer return of the 37 inch gamers. I have to get cracking on the story for the super hero game I am running. Funny how time flies by when you have stuff to do.

All in all things are good. Some feeling of pause with the move coming though. I guess it is normal with a change of this magnitude. Transition is the word I am looking for. I am in a transitional phase and it requires some patience as it takes form and effect.

Not much more to say right now. Will talk or type to everyone soon.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

A Matt-Man for all seasons

Hail and well met

Once again I sit here in front of the computer typing into it letting anyone and everyone out there what is going on in my life.

And why not? I think my life is interesting on many levels so why shouldn't you want to read what is going on? Well for the laughs for one.

Anyway to the point. I have to thank the Creator for smiling down on me. First of all I have the most amazing woman in my life. We talked this past weekend and have decided to work through my stupidity. I thank you sweetie! I really love her and I know it. I only hope that one day I am worthy of having her in my life.

On the other point of my past post. Well I have spoken to a friend of mine and it appears that I will be moving out of here and in with him. When is up in the air right now but the way things seem to be going it will be sooner then later. But that is just a guess as things are still in motion and the future is hard to read.

I am doing ok and things are moving forward on many levels just not as fast as I would like (like that is new? RIGHT) I have some new prospects and plan on going with the flow and seeing where it takes me.

I have to run now as it is time for me to hit the hay as I work tomorrow. I will post again soon.

Until then true believers!

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man trips on his cape

Hail and well met

Things have gone down hill as of late. I won't go into details just yet as some things have yet to be resolved and as such I don't feel comfortable revealing anything just yet.

First of all I screwed up with Terri. It is all my doing. Things are strained between us right now but I am praying we can come out of this stronger then we ever were before. Of course there is the other possibility which I don't wish to talk about but think about every night, which makes sleeping rather hard. I just feel so stupid. I have broken something that was perfect and complete. There is no turning back or fixing it, all that I can pray for is that what was sundered by my act can be
reforged.

Secondly my father decided to let me know that the family is in rather tight financial trouble. That means that I will have to do some quick thinking before things really the fan. That also has been weighing heavy on my mind.

Again I won't go into details more then I have said here, at least not until things get a little more resolved. But as you can guess not the best formula for a good nights sleep nor a good field to cultivate a positive mind set.

I ain't getting down or depressed. Fuck that noise! That will only make the things I fear come to pass. So take that fears and go bug someone else.

We all should never forget that we are the creation of the Creator, Maker, All-Father , Universe or whatever you call it. He don't make things that are flawed or weak and powerless. So all the power we need is within us. That means that there is nothing that any of us can't face and overcome. In other words we are invincible!

So to the world I say bring it on! Cause I am just in the mood to kick some fucking ass! (sorry for all the swearing but it seems appropriate to the situation and mood)

That being said it has taken its toll on my mood and mind so if I seem a little withdrawn or more quiet the usual (if that is even possible) you now know why. Feel free to ask me about it if you like but don't expect a moping, whining, rant. Nope none of that crap from me. I may wane melancholy and a bit morbid but not beaten or defeated cause I am INVINCIBLE! I still feel pain and I suffer for my stupidity but it can only make me stronger.

So I endure. I continue. I plod forward along my blind path to God knows where.
Won't you join me for a stumble?

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

I AM INVINCIBLE!

Matt-Man behind the counter again

Hail and well met

Have to make this quick. Mr.S the current owner of GO Games had surgery on his knee. He was in a lot of pain so he called for help and Matt-Man answered. So here I am behind the counter again, it feels so weird. Not the same as if I ran the place but it does bring back memories.

So the short of it is that I here during the Magic tournament and no Iron Kingdoms...not sure that this was a good idea, but it was the right thing to do.

May the Force be with you...wait what do you need it for I am the one facing down dozens of crazy magic players. May the Force be with me

Excelsior!!!

Matt-Man and the Something

Hail and well met

Yeah it has been kinda strange as of late. Not really sure what is up in the mind and heart of Matt-Man but it is out of whack. At first I thought I was getting depressed but I know what that feels like and it ain't like that. It could be apathy but I want to figure it out and either accept it or deal with it so I don't buy into that one either.

Here is what is going on. I have the thoughts about making my games and other stuff but find that when I try and work on them I lose all energy. I mean it really drains me to even try and work on them for even a little bit. It has gotten to the point that I can almost put myself to sleep working on them for too long.

What is up with that? It is starting to affect my mind set as I almost want to avoid working on them because of the way I feel when I do. But believe me when I say that my thoughts and desires are strong and I won't let go of this so easily.

Is most confusing.

Well other then that little problem everything is going well. I trained on a new route this week so I can be of more use to the office. Which would mean more hours except that I learned that they just hired new RCA substitutes which will give us a full compliment and leave no route uncovered. That could drastically reduce my hours which is a REAL bad thing. All that said I know the life expectancy of more RCA's in that office and it should prove interesting to see how long it takes for the first one to walk.

Yeah have to say that things have been strange for me as of late. Not sure that I am dealing with it well but I am dealing with it. Sometimes you just have to say "Fuck the bullshit, where's the Hostess?" (the snack cake brand not a female host). Yeah there is a quote from my heady days of youth. Remembering those as of late. Not missing them or pining for them just remembering them. Was I ever that young?

Hey James, don't know if you make it around this blog anymore but if you do, what was I talking about and why? I cannot for the life of me remember. Maybe I will drop you a line and ask.

Oh on a side note saw two movies as of late.

The first is Grindhouse. That movie was FUCKING AWESOME!!! I loved every minute of it and am looking forward to seeing it again at least two or three more times. Yeah I cannot even begin to explain how it was awesome just take my word for it and go see it if you haven't already. If you have then see it again and call me when you do. Now that said I should state that it is no drama or serious piece of cinimatic art. But it does capture the feel of the 70's bad double feature but delivers it with the panache of Tarintino and Rodriguez action and dialog. The trailers in the begining and the middle were amazing, funny and totally over the top. I cannot say enough about the film.

The second is TMNT the new movie. I had heard from some friends that saw it that it sucked. Well I have to put my two cents in. No it did not suck. Did it follow the preconceived notion of where the turtles and April would be in the future? No. Did it try and cover two much ground whilst reliving the same inner struggle that exists in between the 4 ninja? Maybe. Did it leave information out that would have answered all the questions I have raised? Yes.

But the most important question that needs to be asked is: Did the movie feel like a comic book? Yes it did. I have many of the turtles original comic compilations as well as issue #2 in great condition. I have recently read some of them and to tell you the truth it felt like watching a issue of the comic book.

Ok I will say that Casey seemed a little pussy whipped, but lets face it most hard core guys end up that way when they find a woman. Oh and April being a bad ass? Come on after dealing with Shredder, the mousers (not in the movies but in the comic books, alien invasions and the advent of supernatural creatures every other week one is bound to feel the need to 1) get out of a job that has you running into those situations when you should run out and 2) develop those survival skills needed in such situations. As far as being like Tomb Raider I have to admit that they did little to properly explain that. Although it could be noted that with her investigation skills it would be a good lead into a job of finding what people want, not just 3000 year old statues.

All in all I enjoyed the movie and hope they do make more. Maybe they could go back and fix the ASS LOAD of problems with the first two movies (No do not mention that there was more then two films, cause to any TMNT fan there was not, the second one was bad enough). I personally would like to see the Triceritons and the T.G.R.I aliens story lines.

Well enough of my rambling. I must get ready for the rest of the day.

May the Force be with you.

Excelsior!!!