Matt-Man Says Goodbye

Hail and well met

This is not original this was sent to me but it was so relevant I had to re post it here.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has
been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since
his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be
remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to
come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't
always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in
charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing
regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with
sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school
for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an
unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job
that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not
inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an
abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and
criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a
burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the
will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of
coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded
a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by
his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son,
Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.


If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do
nothing.

Matt-Man, The Lone Wolf

Hail and well met.

I just posted a note on Facebook where I made a statement. I don't normally go off on self explaining rants but this time I kinda want to. Not so much to tell everyone out there anything but instead to get my thoughts in a cohesive matrix so I can understand them. In other words get my ducks in row so I don't quack up. Ha I made a funny...Oh yes I did!

Some facts about me. I have had exactly 2 girlfriends in my life. The first was in high school and her name was Nicole Pascal. She was 2 years older then I was at the time, a bit taller (can you imagine) and about half again as big, not fat just big. She had an amazing smile, could laugh the sting off a bee and for a short time we were in love.

What happened you ask? Well life happened as did the 80's. For all the forward thinking that was supposedly going on it was still taboo to date a black woman. Between my parents (worried about the rest of my family, truly) and her family and friends we broke up. I do believe I broke it off, for which I still have to bash my head in when I think about it.

Just goes to prove that if you are thinking of doing something because someone else thinks you should, stop, hit yourself with a big stick and loudly say "NO". Then dig a big pit in the ground gather a bunch of squirrels and put them in there for, say a month so they get good and ravenous. Then invite the people over who were telling you what to do and shove them in and tell them you think they should get mauled by a horde of ravenous squirrels. I think they will get the picture and if not who cares cause they have been mauled by ravenous squirrels. Oh and for shits and giggles set the squirrels on fire cause that makes it cooler.

So that was when I was like 15/16. Now we can jump ahead to 2006 I am 37 and I meet Terri. An amazing woman who liked me. I liked her and we had a good time for about a year and a half. This time it was her that did the breaking and she sighted that we were going in different directions. There is a tome of things my mind has come up with as to why she left me but all in all it dose not matter, she left and that was that.

I still love her and want her to be happy. I mean it now as I meant it when I first said it. I found out she is with someone and it seems she is happy. I am glad for her. '

So when I realized she was in a relationship I sorta realized that I am not. I am no closer to one either. I have no idea how to start one. More importantly I don't believe I am capable of really having one. Part of it is my wiring and part of it is my source code.

I won't go into details but some of my problems come from my parents (in case you didn't get the metaphor) and the rest come from my thought process, how my brain works (the wiring).

I don't have radar of any kind.

Recently I went to a bar just to see what it was like. To be honest I freaked. I sat there for about 25 minutes and realized I had not one thing in common with anyone in that room. More to the point there was not one single woman there I would have wanted to talk to...at all. I left having made some great deductions and that has led to this post.

I am not going to find anyone I want to be with at a bar/club/normal public gathering. I need to be with someone that gets my shit, period. I am not going to have a relationship with someone that is going to resent my time spent gaming, cause it is going to be the source of my income so if you dis my gaming you dis me. Besides I want to share my life with someone not keep it in the closet most of the time only to take it out for an airing once in a while.

The ability to speak like a normal person escapes me. I either speak to softly or to fast. I am not that spontaneous when it comes to speaking in a group. I just don't have the skills. It reminds me of an episode of Brady Bunch (yeah how corny is this, equating my situation to that show) where Peter tries to be bicycle repair person. The owner tells him that he gets it in his brain but something is lost in the translation to his hands. Well that is me with my brain and mouth, they just don't speak the same language.

Now we come to a rather weighty subject. Me. I know that everyone has said that it is not a big deal but it is. I am over weight. Now I have lost some of it but it never seems to truly go away. For a couple of years I have tried to eat right, work out and generally mind my calories and foods. Although it did result in some changes it never went all the way. It stopped cold and nothing I would do changed it. That last hurdle just laughed at me month after month. The harder I worked the less things changed. My waist never dropped past a certain amount (although I know my bones have something to do with it) and my belly never went away. Frustration is all it got me. Now I don't have access to a gym and even though I could some of this stuff at home it just get harder and harder to get motivated here. I feel hopeless in this matter which only leads me to make bad decisions. Enough of this subject.

Wow that was depressing. I could go further into my current situation, being unemployed and all but that will go nowhere. Besides this has gone on long enough and I need to come to the point.

With all of this weighing on my mind I have decided to accept my lot in life of being alone. Enough with all this worrying about it, stressing over it and letting it get me down. It is what it is and there is little I can do to change it. Yes there are some things but I see little hope of getting worth while results out of expenditure of resources.

I am letting all the hoping and dreaming about not being alone go. No more crazy plots or plans to find the right person. No sleepless nights depressed about it.

I will be alone. I will accept being alone. I will move on and live my life, alone.

Well that about sums it up. I am done for now.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!