Well it is Wednesday night and I have yet to be able to go to the post office and apply.
To say that I am frustrated is an understatement. I need this work.
Apparently the situation at the Crete office is tricky at best. It appears that the Post Master there is a real psycho and Jim has almost had to file grievances with the union twice on accout of her mismanagement. This has created a tense situation between Jim and her so he has been holding off bringing me in so as not to spoil my chances.
I know I shouldn't ask this question because it is never going to get answered but it still begs to be asked.
Why do ignorant people always end up in management positions?
The same thing happened at Toys "r" Us on a regular basis. Every year we would get new managers in some sections and they were always moronic. In most cases they had never spent even one day working in a store as a regular employee. That still makes no sense. If you want to run a store well you have to understand the basic operations I would think.
Anyway it could be up to two weeks before I can go in. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I was really looking forward to this. On the one hand I would be working again, something that may sound weird but I really miss working. The second is that Christmas is coming and although I know that everyone says not to worry about it as far a presents go, I like getting gifts for people.
It is just really frustrating, and it only exasperate my other problem. No there is no solution on that front either. One day I will let everyone in on what it is, but for now it remains my secret burden. Well at least until Mikey and I get a chance to sit down without playing a video game and talk. Yes Mikey I plan on talking to you about it as soon as possible.
On a better note I worked out today. I spent 30 minutes on the "Dread Mill" and then jumped on a bike for 15. Then we hit 6 machines. My arms are okay but I am sore somewhere else.
Who knew your ass could be sore from working out? Yeah even now my left hip area is in pain, walking is worse. I hope it dose not screw up my sleeping.
Oh yeah we went bowling! I had a good time and it probably helped my ass to walk around as much as I did. Well it didn't feel that way at the time, but it might. Here is hoping because I am not sure that I like posting about my ass hurting. It seems just a little creepy. And if I ever and I mean ever post anything about my bodily functions you are under a friendship order to SHOOT ME!!!!! I will buy you the bullet. I will not become an old person that does that, even if I have to end my life. It is disgusting in a degree that there is not word for........Yet!
Anyway I have typed enough and the hip is tingling so I am out of here. Hope everyone is doing okay. Nicky I am burning a candle for you while you quest for your grades. Say hey to anyone that knows me and everyone else count it as an preemptive hey for when I get a chance to meet them.
Yeah that about covers it all. I am not depressed just frustrated, it will pass. I just want this job!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Harsh words from a harsh mind
Okay my last post was just a little on the abrasive side.
Hell who am I kidding, it was down right obnoxious. (good word use)
I have to learn to talk. I mean I can open my mouth and spit out crap all day long but when it comes to actually saying anything immportant......well I come up short.
I made a post about telling people what is going on and how that no problem is to big or unimmportant to talk about. I meant it, but like so many people I don't do it.
I had a perfect opprotunity tonite to talk to Mikey about what is going on in this void I call a life and what did I do? Well I sat there all day and played games. I said dick. No I don't mean that I said the word "dick", I mean I said nothing. I know that I can talk to him, he is a good friend. I know that he wants to know what is perculating in this head of mine. He truly want to help.
The problem is that I am a coward at heart. I don't want to face the facts of my situation and be responsible for doing what needs to be done. I have always played the safety game. I should have gone into insurance the way that I count the pros and cons of everything and then make a few up.
I just have to bite the bullet and do it. I meant talking, first. Then I will work my way out. Please bear with me. I promise that I will try and open up just a little bit. holds hand up with thumb and pointer finger seperated by an inch or so
Well more then a little bit. holds up both hands with several feet inbetween
Thanks for sticking with a bumbling old fool while he deals with this shit. I feel so stupid.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!!
And no I haven't finished dealing with the unamed problem yet. So...............................
READ A BOOK! ;)
Hell who am I kidding, it was down right obnoxious. (good word use)
I have to learn to talk. I mean I can open my mouth and spit out crap all day long but when it comes to actually saying anything immportant......well I come up short.
I made a post about telling people what is going on and how that no problem is to big or unimmportant to talk about. I meant it, but like so many people I don't do it.
I had a perfect opprotunity tonite to talk to Mikey about what is going on in this void I call a life and what did I do? Well I sat there all day and played games. I said dick. No I don't mean that I said the word "dick", I mean I said nothing. I know that I can talk to him, he is a good friend. I know that he wants to know what is perculating in this head of mine. He truly want to help.
The problem is that I am a coward at heart. I don't want to face the facts of my situation and be responsible for doing what needs to be done. I have always played the safety game. I should have gone into insurance the way that I count the pros and cons of everything and then make a few up.
I just have to bite the bullet and do it. I meant talking, first. Then I will work my way out. Please bear with me. I promise that I will try and open up just a little bit. holds hand up with thumb and pointer finger seperated by an inch or so
Well more then a little bit. holds up both hands with several feet inbetween
Thanks for sticking with a bumbling old fool while he deals with this shit. I feel so stupid.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!!
And no I haven't finished dealing with the unamed problem yet. So...............................
READ A BOOK! ;)
Monday, November 28, 2005
Something I should do
I am posting right now because of a friend. Yes Mikey I am referring to you! He made a comment concerning that fact that I had not posted in a few days. Well it was Thanksgiving and I was just a little busy, but in truth I have had something on my mind.
NO I am not going to talk about it. It is something I have to deal with and it sucks okay. I will post more regularly when I come to terms with this. Until then take what you can get and like it.
Cause if you don't the only person that will be upset about it is you. HA! There I am becoming a bastard, so deal.
It may take a while to come to a conclusion concerning what I am dealing with, so if I offend anyone here or in person, I am sorry. Well maybe not, but the thought is there so it should amount to something. Ah phooey who cares? No one that's who!
I will see you when I see you and I will talk to you when I talk to you. If not well..........................
READ A BOOK!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
NO I am not going to talk about it. It is something I have to deal with and it sucks okay. I will post more regularly when I come to terms with this. Until then take what you can get and like it.
Cause if you don't the only person that will be upset about it is you. HA! There I am becoming a bastard, so deal.
It may take a while to come to a conclusion concerning what I am dealing with, so if I offend anyone here or in person, I am sorry. Well maybe not, but the thought is there so it should amount to something. Ah phooey who cares? No one that's who!
I will see you when I see you and I will talk to you when I talk to you. If not well..........................
READ A BOOK!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Sunday, November 27, 2005
These were funny!
Hail and well met
I was surfing a friends blog and he has these posted. I just had to laugh and share them. Enjoy!
Love is grand; divorce is at least a hundred grand.
Time may be a great healer, but its also a lousy beautician.
Remember: amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just stand there.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours is.
I am having an out of money experience.
It'’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
You'’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
And then there were these.....
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either; just leave me the heck alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It'’s always darkest before dawn. So if you'’re going to steal your neighbor'’s newspaper, that'’s the time to do it.
4. Don'’t be irreplaceable. If you can'’t be replaced, you can'’t be promoted.
5. Always remember that you'’re unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his or her shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don'’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you'’re the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know him or her.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct-tape is like "The Force."’ It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren'’t learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don'’t get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same day.
Well there they are. I hope all enjoyed them. If not then.......Tough! I did so NAH!;P
May the Force (duct tape) be with you.
Excelsior!!!
I was surfing a friends blog and he has these posted. I just had to laugh and share them. Enjoy!
Love is grand; divorce is at least a hundred grand.
Time may be a great healer, but its also a lousy beautician.
Remember: amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just stand there.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours is.
I am having an out of money experience.
It'’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
You'’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
And then there were these.....
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either; just leave me the heck alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It'’s always darkest before dawn. So if you'’re going to steal your neighbor'’s newspaper, that'’s the time to do it.
4. Don'’t be irreplaceable. If you can'’t be replaced, you can'’t be promoted.
5. Always remember that you'’re unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his or her shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don'’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you'’re the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know him or her.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct-tape is like "The Force."’ It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren'’t learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don'’t get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same day.
Well there they are. I hope all enjoyed them. If not then.......Tough! I did so NAH!;P
May the Force (duct tape) be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, November 24, 2005
I should get to sleep, but this is too good
I found out today that due to an emergency situation at the Post Office in Crete I will be filling out an ap next Tuesday.
AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is not guaranteed that I will get the job, but they are desperate.
I am giddy with hope that I may be in. I may have a job that will pave the way for my to go where I want. Woot!!
I am still all jiggly over the news. Or is it that I am freezing? Nope it is the news.
See everyone later today!
Bowling woot!!!!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!!
AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is not guaranteed that I will get the job, but they are desperate.
I am giddy with hope that I may be in. I may have a job that will pave the way for my to go where I want. Woot!!
I am still all jiggly over the news. Or is it that I am freezing? Nope it is the news.
See everyone later today!
Bowling woot!!!!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
I have the answer, and it seals my fate
I don't care if this sounds melodramatic. It is my life and if I choose to over act then that is what I am going to do.
I have boiled down the events of this weekend and have the answer. I know why I did everything that I did. I am going to keep it to myself.
It leaves me with a choice. I can continue down this road seeking something, and giving in to the darkness that unfolded on Saturday or I can abandon my quest and except the two results. One that I will never walk in that darkness that allowed me to hurt my friend (yes it was a small thing but do I have to go into it again). The second is knowing that my life will be empty and hollow for the remaining time that I have to spend on this rock.
Great choices that I get to make. Be happy and destroy everything I have lived for or live in an eternal torment that will rob me of any happiness or joy and keep everything else safe.
I hate God at this moment. I despise him. I would beat the living shit out of him right now if I had the chance.
I could rant on for pages, but I have done that before. I will not waste the time. I already know the choice I must make. That is one of the reasons that I hate him so. Why bother showing me all this when I had already made the right choice? So that I could really feel the cost of said choice? FUCK YOU! YOU COWARD! YOU WHO SENT YOUR SON TO BEAR THE BURDEN OF YOUR FUCKING PLAN! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU IN YOUR ENTIRETY UP THERE ON THAT CROSS FEELING THE PAIN AND SUFFERING!
Okay well that is off my chest. Well for those of you who go to church and are worried that I am blaspheming, don't. I have figured out that hating God is not a sin, as long as you are honest about it. Let's face it he is God and if he cannot handle a little frustrated anger being tossed at him, well then what kind of God is he anyway? No the sin would be in not telling him the truth of how I feel. We don't see eye to eye on a great many things. I expect that when the day comes and I walk through the pearly gates I am going to get led to a nice room with two comfy chairs with a case of Pepsi and some doughnuts on a small table, where the Almighty and I will have a real long conversation. Oh did I mention the boxes of Kleenex? Yeah I expect those will be there as well, cause I know I am going to cry when I understand everything. Wouldn't you?
I am not much better now. It just is a condition that I must accept and work around. I have friends and who am I to want anything else. Happiness is relative, some kind of second cousin twice removed or something. In time I will forget, hopefully, and then the pain will go away. And if it does not then I will have to drown myself in laughter and booze. Not a bad way to live.....alone.
I will see all when the time allows. Have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
I am thankful for all the friends that I have, and for those that I don't.
May the Force be with all of you.
Excelsior!!!
I have boiled down the events of this weekend and have the answer. I know why I did everything that I did. I am going to keep it to myself.
It leaves me with a choice. I can continue down this road seeking something, and giving in to the darkness that unfolded on Saturday or I can abandon my quest and except the two results. One that I will never walk in that darkness that allowed me to hurt my friend (yes it was a small thing but do I have to go into it again). The second is knowing that my life will be empty and hollow for the remaining time that I have to spend on this rock.
Great choices that I get to make. Be happy and destroy everything I have lived for or live in an eternal torment that will rob me of any happiness or joy and keep everything else safe.
I hate God at this moment. I despise him. I would beat the living shit out of him right now if I had the chance.
I could rant on for pages, but I have done that before. I will not waste the time. I already know the choice I must make. That is one of the reasons that I hate him so. Why bother showing me all this when I had already made the right choice? So that I could really feel the cost of said choice? FUCK YOU! YOU COWARD! YOU WHO SENT YOUR SON TO BEAR THE BURDEN OF YOUR FUCKING PLAN! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU IN YOUR ENTIRETY UP THERE ON THAT CROSS FEELING THE PAIN AND SUFFERING!
Okay well that is off my chest. Well for those of you who go to church and are worried that I am blaspheming, don't. I have figured out that hating God is not a sin, as long as you are honest about it. Let's face it he is God and if he cannot handle a little frustrated anger being tossed at him, well then what kind of God is he anyway? No the sin would be in not telling him the truth of how I feel. We don't see eye to eye on a great many things. I expect that when the day comes and I walk through the pearly gates I am going to get led to a nice room with two comfy chairs with a case of Pepsi and some doughnuts on a small table, where the Almighty and I will have a real long conversation. Oh did I mention the boxes of Kleenex? Yeah I expect those will be there as well, cause I know I am going to cry when I understand everything. Wouldn't you?
I am not much better now. It just is a condition that I must accept and work around. I have friends and who am I to want anything else. Happiness is relative, some kind of second cousin twice removed or something. In time I will forget, hopefully, and then the pain will go away. And if it does not then I will have to drown myself in laughter and booze. Not a bad way to live.....alone.
I will see all when the time allows. Have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
I am thankful for all the friends that I have, and for those that I don't.
May the Force be with all of you.
Excelsior!!!
Monday, November 21, 2005
I don't know anymore
I feel happy. Or at least I should. I act happy. I smile and laugh, but that has never been a problem for me. I find things funny, a lot of things actually. But down deep I feel something else.
This started Saturday when I did something that I am ashamed of. Well I am ashamed of it now, I wasn't then. I was scheduled to help Chris run the D&D campaign at GO. I went there and informed Mr about my absence but I never called Chris or got in touch with him at all. I know that I thought about him, I just remember not feeling anything one way or the other. I mean that, I felt nothing about abandoning him with no idea what was going on. In some ways I could say that I was hollow, empty, nothing inside at all.
Anyway Sunday I awoke and then I felt it. I knew that I had pretty well fucked him. I felt the knot in my gut that I should have felt when I was doing this. I spent the day sitting at my computer waiting for him to get on and for him to tie into me. He had every right to and with the way I felt I wanted him to. Well he got on late and he kind of let me have it. I mean it was what I deserved, I had been an asshole to him for Christs sake. Well he kind of did, but it did not go far. He forgave me, but he doesn't understand that although I do accept his forgiveness I can never forgive myself.
Yes I know it was just a little thing. God why can no one understand that if I don't stop myself from doing this in the small things then the next time it may be a BIG ONE. Then you will all be up in arms and pissed off, only because it is big. Well if I don't care now what makes you think I would care then. I have to stop this before it gets worse. I have to understand why I was able to do something so selfish and with out remorse or concern to the consequences of others. Only if I understand it can I stop it from happening again, you know when it might be BIG.
So now I am going over the events and thoughts of Friday and Saturday looking for the answer. I am finding nothing of any help. I will not give up on finding the flaw in my character that allowed this to happen. Until I know I will not stop. Chris said it was a mistake, maybe but that dose not elevate my responsibility to stop it from happening again.
This is one of the more heinous things that I have ever done. There is one other and I will never speak of it in detail, so don't ask. I am just saying it to put it into perspective for me, not you. I have to despise myself now more then ever for doing something so wrong. I may never forgive myself for this. I may never stop hating myself for knowing what I was doing and doing it anyway.
It has been a very long time since I did anything like this. A very very long time. That is one of the biggest reasons that I am so bothered by it. That and whom I did it to. Chris is like a little brother to me. I care for him more then many of my other friends. Yet for all of my feelings for him I did this to him. How could I justify in my mind doing this?! It just doesn't make any sense.
As the title says... I just don't know anymore.
I am going to let this go for now, I am supposed to see Chris and Nicky in a few hours. I don't want this to cloud the day. They don't need my shit. So I am going now. I hope to find the answer soon. If not I will have to find another way to stop it.
This started Saturday when I did something that I am ashamed of. Well I am ashamed of it now, I wasn't then. I was scheduled to help Chris run the D&D campaign at GO. I went there and informed Mr about my absence but I never called Chris or got in touch with him at all. I know that I thought about him, I just remember not feeling anything one way or the other. I mean that, I felt nothing about abandoning him with no idea what was going on. In some ways I could say that I was hollow, empty, nothing inside at all.
Anyway Sunday I awoke and then I felt it. I knew that I had pretty well fucked him. I felt the knot in my gut that I should have felt when I was doing this. I spent the day sitting at my computer waiting for him to get on and for him to tie into me. He had every right to and with the way I felt I wanted him to. Well he got on late and he kind of let me have it. I mean it was what I deserved, I had been an asshole to him for Christs sake. Well he kind of did, but it did not go far. He forgave me, but he doesn't understand that although I do accept his forgiveness I can never forgive myself.
Yes I know it was just a little thing. God why can no one understand that if I don't stop myself from doing this in the small things then the next time it may be a BIG ONE. Then you will all be up in arms and pissed off, only because it is big. Well if I don't care now what makes you think I would care then. I have to stop this before it gets worse. I have to understand why I was able to do something so selfish and with out remorse or concern to the consequences of others. Only if I understand it can I stop it from happening again, you know when it might be BIG.
So now I am going over the events and thoughts of Friday and Saturday looking for the answer. I am finding nothing of any help. I will not give up on finding the flaw in my character that allowed this to happen. Until I know I will not stop. Chris said it was a mistake, maybe but that dose not elevate my responsibility to stop it from happening again.
This is one of the more heinous things that I have ever done. There is one other and I will never speak of it in detail, so don't ask. I am just saying it to put it into perspective for me, not you. I have to despise myself now more then ever for doing something so wrong. I may never forgive myself for this. I may never stop hating myself for knowing what I was doing and doing it anyway.
It has been a very long time since I did anything like this. A very very long time. That is one of the biggest reasons that I am so bothered by it. That and whom I did it to. Chris is like a little brother to me. I care for him more then many of my other friends. Yet for all of my feelings for him I did this to him. How could I justify in my mind doing this?! It just doesn't make any sense.
As the title says... I just don't know anymore.
I am going to let this go for now, I am supposed to see Chris and Nicky in a few hours. I don't want this to cloud the day. They don't need my shit. So I am going now. I hope to find the answer soon. If not I will have to find another way to stop it.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
This is fun
| Your IQ Is 125 |
 Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Exceptional |
A Quick and Dirty IQ Test
So I am not a logical being. What else is new. Of course I took this test just after waking up so there is something to be said for that. In all it is just a fun little test to take. I did use paper and pencil and a dictionary, maybe cheating but I was using the resources available to me. No I did not use a calculator.
Give it a try for fun. Try it several times, just try and forget the answers you already gave, or even try and get them all wrong. Whatever you heart desires.
I am having a meh kind of day. I am looking forward to next week, only because it is next week and not last week. Besides people are home from school so time to hang out and chill.
May the force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Give it a try for fun. Try it several times, just try and forget the answers you already gave, or even try and get them all wrong. Whatever you heart desires.
I am having a meh kind of day. I am looking forward to next week, only because it is next week and not last week. Besides people are home from school so time to hang out and chill.
May the force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, November 17, 2005
A song that echoes in my heart
Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood - Santa Esmeralda
Baby, do you understand me now?
Sometimes I feel a little mad
But don't you know that no one alive can always be an angel
When things go wrong I seem to be bad
Cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
If I seem edgy,I want you to know,
That I never meant to take it out on you
Life has its problems, and I've had my share,
That's one thing I never meant to do
Cause I love you!
Baby, don't you know I'm just human
and I've got thoughts like any other man
And sometimes I feel, oh lord, regretting
Some foolish thing, some foolish thing I've done
cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Oh lord, don't you let me be misunderstood
Don't let me be
Don't let me be misunderstood, no no no no no no
Ohhh...
Come to me baby
Esmeralda...
Ah, come on baby
You're so sweet
Mighty sweet
Come around me babe
Come around me, I love ya
Oh don't play with me baby
Come on, talk to me
Esmeralda
Oh baby
Oh please!
Oh lord pleeeeeaase babe
My sweet Esmeralda!
Baby, do you understand me now?
Sometimes I feel a little mad
But don't you know that no one alive can always be an angel
When things go wrong I seem to be bad
Cause I'm a soul whose intentions are good
Oh lord, don't let me be misunderstood
Baby, sometimes I'm so carefree
With a joy that's hard to hide
And sometimes it seems that all I have to do is worry
And then you're bound to see my other side
Cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
If I seem edgy, I want you to know
That I never meant to take it out on you
Life has it's problems, and I've got my share,
That's one thing I never meant to do
Cause I love you!
Oh baby, don't you know I'm human
I have thoughts like any other man
And sometimes I feel myself, oh lord, regretting
Some foolish thing, some foolish thing I've done
cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
-------------------------------------------------
Yeah it is from the Kill Vol.1 soundtrack. It has always touched me. Today it was a crosstown bus in the express lane.
I am fine, but this song still echoes in my head.
Oh lord, don't let me be misunderstood.
Cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Baby, do you understand me now?
Sometimes I feel a little mad
But don't you know that no one alive can always be an angel
When things go wrong I seem to be bad
Cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
If I seem edgy,I want you to know,
That I never meant to take it out on you
Life has its problems, and I've had my share,
That's one thing I never meant to do
Cause I love you!
Baby, don't you know I'm just human
and I've got thoughts like any other man
And sometimes I feel, oh lord, regretting
Some foolish thing, some foolish thing I've done
cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Oh lord, don't you let me be misunderstood
Don't let me be
Don't let me be misunderstood, no no no no no no
Ohhh...
Come to me baby
Esmeralda...
Ah, come on baby
You're so sweet
Mighty sweet
Come around me babe
Come around me, I love ya
Oh don't play with me baby
Come on, talk to me
Esmeralda
Oh baby
Oh please!
Oh lord pleeeeeaase babe
My sweet Esmeralda!
Baby, do you understand me now?
Sometimes I feel a little mad
But don't you know that no one alive can always be an angel
When things go wrong I seem to be bad
Cause I'm a soul whose intentions are good
Oh lord, don't let me be misunderstood
Baby, sometimes I'm so carefree
With a joy that's hard to hide
And sometimes it seems that all I have to do is worry
And then you're bound to see my other side
Cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
If I seem edgy, I want you to know
That I never meant to take it out on you
Life has it's problems, and I've got my share,
That's one thing I never meant to do
Cause I love you!
Oh baby, don't you know I'm human
I have thoughts like any other man
And sometimes I feel myself, oh lord, regretting
Some foolish thing, some foolish thing I've done
cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
-------------------------------------------------
Yeah it is from the Kill Vol.1 soundtrack. It has always touched me. Today it was a crosstown bus in the express lane.
I am fine, but this song still echoes in my head.
Oh lord, don't let me be misunderstood.
Cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Control! Control! You must learn control!
Here is a moment that I never thought in a million years I would be living through. I sit here and I realize that for all my efforts in life I am and always have been the one thing that I have....Well to be nice I would say disliked, but in truth I hate it.
Hi! My name is Matt and I am a control freak.
I think I should be sitting in a circle of chairs with people sitting in them looking at me.
Or at least I did until I had a moment to look my self in the mirror and smack myself out of the trap of beating the shit out of myself for real reason, good or otherwise.
Instead I have turned to my Jedi training and looked for a solution. Wow I never really thought that it could help out in situations like this. But it did.
I had to stop and realize where my hatred for control came from. Well it comes from my grandmother on my dad's side. She has always done everything with her mind on controlling every one . Saying this or that to get them to feel sorry for her and do what she wants them too.
I have watched her turn one family member against another to drive them to her. It makes me sick to think what twisted mind could come up with the stuff that she dose. No spider could weave a web as vile as the ones she has spun. To make matters worse she freely hurts people as she dose it. I swore that I would never do anything like this ever.
I could say that I have failed, but that is not true.
Control is something we all have in our lives. We control ourselves on a daily basis. In many way we control others as well. Choosing what to say or not to say when someone says something or dose something. It is all around us as we walk through our daily lives. What we do with it dictates whether it is good or evil. And like it or not pain is a part of life as well. Upon considering it I have come up with a way to look at pain.
There is no pain; there is growth.
Even the most hurtful statement or action that causes pain also causes us to grow. We can either accept this and take the growth to heart or we can fight it. In the end though we are changed by it.
So there is no escaping control or pain in life. We are all control freaks on some level. The sooner we realize it the sooner we can learn to control our control. Wow that is the dumbest thing I have ever typed, but it is also very true. Only when we can guide our controlling nature can we hope to do good and not evil. Learning to know when to control and when not to is a difficult road. I mean letting someone experience pain when you could stop it is a terrible burden, but it is necessary for them to grow. You could jump in an stop it, but in the end you cause more damage then the original event would.
I have had to learn to let people fall down, letting them make mistakes. What I can do is be there to try and help them grow from them. Sometimes by giving them space and sometimes by being there to lend a hand. I will continue to do this and in doing so help myself.
I am not a control freak.
I am a Jedi.
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge
There is no fear; there is understating
There is no anger; there is self-control
There is no confusion; there is focus
There is no indecision; there is direction
There is no pain; there is growth
There is no ego; there is fellowship
There is no death; there is the Force.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Hi! My name is Matt and I am a control freak.
I think I should be sitting in a circle of chairs with people sitting in them looking at me.
Or at least I did until I had a moment to look my self in the mirror and smack myself out of the trap of beating the shit out of myself for real reason, good or otherwise.
Instead I have turned to my Jedi training and looked for a solution. Wow I never really thought that it could help out in situations like this. But it did.
I had to stop and realize where my hatred for control came from. Well it comes from my grandmother on my dad's side. She has always done everything with her mind on controlling every one . Saying this or that to get them to feel sorry for her and do what she wants them too.
I have watched her turn one family member against another to drive them to her. It makes me sick to think what twisted mind could come up with the stuff that she dose. No spider could weave a web as vile as the ones she has spun. To make matters worse she freely hurts people as she dose it. I swore that I would never do anything like this ever.
I could say that I have failed, but that is not true.
Control is something we all have in our lives. We control ourselves on a daily basis. In many way we control others as well. Choosing what to say or not to say when someone says something or dose something. It is all around us as we walk through our daily lives. What we do with it dictates whether it is good or evil. And like it or not pain is a part of life as well. Upon considering it I have come up with a way to look at pain.
There is no pain; there is growth.
Even the most hurtful statement or action that causes pain also causes us to grow. We can either accept this and take the growth to heart or we can fight it. In the end though we are changed by it.
So there is no escaping control or pain in life. We are all control freaks on some level. The sooner we realize it the sooner we can learn to control our control. Wow that is the dumbest thing I have ever typed, but it is also very true. Only when we can guide our controlling nature can we hope to do good and not evil. Learning to know when to control and when not to is a difficult road. I mean letting someone experience pain when you could stop it is a terrible burden, but it is necessary for them to grow. You could jump in an stop it, but in the end you cause more damage then the original event would.
I have had to learn to let people fall down, letting them make mistakes. What I can do is be there to try and help them grow from them. Sometimes by giving them space and sometimes by being there to lend a hand. I will continue to do this and in doing so help myself.
I am not a control freak.
I am a Jedi.
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge
There is no fear; there is understating
There is no anger; there is self-control
There is no confusion; there is focus
There is no indecision; there is direction
There is no pain; there is growth
There is no ego; there is fellowship
There is no death; there is the Force.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Monday, November 14, 2005
Late night or early morning
I have just read and commented on a friends journal.
She had a quote up that talked about trust. It said that it can take years to gain trust but only suspicion, not proof to destroy it.
Trust is an interesting thing to think about. especially when you consider that trust is another word for faith. What do you believe in? In what a person says and they call it trust. In what a person dose and they would call it faith. Which interestingly segue right into my real point about this.
Perception and point of view.
whether we trust in someone has to do with several variables. But in the end the real clincher is what we believe. Do we believe in the person more then the suspicion? Where dose our faith lie? In the days, months, years that we have known someone or the hearsay that constitutes most suspicions.
All of these are predicated on our point of view. How we see the world around us everyday. It is the only real choice we have, and with it the only real power. If our point of view is centered in fear then we would probably jump on the band wagon and toss our trust out the window. We might even fall into angry words and actions towards this person.
If our point of view is centered on love and understanding, well then it changes everything. The same suspicion will lead us to talk to the person involved and find out what is going on. From thee we can decided what to do.
These are but two possibilities of where a point of view can come from. There are as many of them as there are grains of sand on Earth.
Choose wisely and it will carry you far, and if you don't like yours then try a new one. There are plenty to go around.
Food for thought.
Now maybe I can go to sleep.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
She had a quote up that talked about trust. It said that it can take years to gain trust but only suspicion, not proof to destroy it.
Trust is an interesting thing to think about. especially when you consider that trust is another word for faith. What do you believe in? In what a person says and they call it trust. In what a person dose and they would call it faith. Which interestingly segue right into my real point about this.
Perception and point of view.
whether we trust in someone has to do with several variables. But in the end the real clincher is what we believe. Do we believe in the person more then the suspicion? Where dose our faith lie? In the days, months, years that we have known someone or the hearsay that constitutes most suspicions.
All of these are predicated on our point of view. How we see the world around us everyday. It is the only real choice we have, and with it the only real power. If our point of view is centered in fear then we would probably jump on the band wagon and toss our trust out the window. We might even fall into angry words and actions towards this person.
If our point of view is centered on love and understanding, well then it changes everything. The same suspicion will lead us to talk to the person involved and find out what is going on. From thee we can decided what to do.
These are but two possibilities of where a point of view can come from. There are as many of them as there are grains of sand on Earth.
Choose wisely and it will carry you far, and if you don't like yours then try a new one. There are plenty to go around.
Food for thought.
Now maybe I can go to sleep.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Friday, November 11, 2005
Patience is not a virtue but a curse.
All of my life I have been told as many of you probably have that patience is a virtue. That waiting is a good thing. "Don't rush into anything."
What a load of bullshit!
From experience I say that holding off is a bad thing. All it leads to taking no action at all. You wait for some sign or trigger to send you into action, which never comes. Then you realize all the opportunities that you have let slip by. Chances that were not taken. Things that you will never experience, cause when they pass you by they are gone forever. You can never get them back.
Dreams are all that you are left with. Dreams of what might have happened if you did this or that. Empty and lifeless dreams that soon consume you. In the end you try and live a dream, which gets you nowhere.
I have wasted my life and I know it. I have done things to be sure, I have been alive. But I have not LIVED. Now as I look at where I am all I see is a hollow shell. Nothing inside at all but shadows of what might have been.
I have every reason to resent life, to hate all that do live. Yet even now as the pain of that aching hollow place that I call my heart reverberates through me I find that I cannot. Trust me I can feel anger, and I can express it. I have made many people scared of me, a fact that bothers me more then not having lived. I just don't find it useful to feel these things.
I am reminded of a spoken line of a friend while we were playing Star Wars the role playing game.
"Don't have time for hate."
That covers it in a nutshell. I may not have lived but it makes no sense to waste any time on something as useless as hate. All it can do is destroy, like relationships, people and my life.
I just don't know what to feel. If hate is not a path that I can take then what is left?
Despair comes to mind, but I have walked down that path and it just leads inward and away from life. Frustration is just a precursor to hate so it is not valid. I want to feel something, but what is left to me.
Nothing at all. Maybe being asleep was a good way to be, oblivious to the world around me and what it had to offer. You cannot not miss something if you don't know it is there, right? But I do know, I have touched it and know it exists. I cannot go back to sleep, I will still be aware of what I am missing.
I must do something soon or life will become a burden that I am not willing to bear. I don't want to become what I will if I choose the other paths before me, I cannot go back and I cannot go forward.
-heavy sigh- I am stuck being patient until something comes along. Waiting again for opportunity to show up. I just hope to the Creator that I have not passed them all by, or alienated my self from them all together.
I guess I will go to bed now. I just know I won't sleep. But this is not helping at all.
May the force be with you.
What a load of bullshit!
From experience I say that holding off is a bad thing. All it leads to taking no action at all. You wait for some sign or trigger to send you into action, which never comes. Then you realize all the opportunities that you have let slip by. Chances that were not taken. Things that you will never experience, cause when they pass you by they are gone forever. You can never get them back.
Dreams are all that you are left with. Dreams of what might have happened if you did this or that. Empty and lifeless dreams that soon consume you. In the end you try and live a dream, which gets you nowhere.
I have wasted my life and I know it. I have done things to be sure, I have been alive. But I have not LIVED. Now as I look at where I am all I see is a hollow shell. Nothing inside at all but shadows of what might have been.
I have every reason to resent life, to hate all that do live. Yet even now as the pain of that aching hollow place that I call my heart reverberates through me I find that I cannot. Trust me I can feel anger, and I can express it. I have made many people scared of me, a fact that bothers me more then not having lived. I just don't find it useful to feel these things.
I am reminded of a spoken line of a friend while we were playing Star Wars the role playing game.
"Don't have time for hate."
That covers it in a nutshell. I may not have lived but it makes no sense to waste any time on something as useless as hate. All it can do is destroy, like relationships, people and my life.
I just don't know what to feel. If hate is not a path that I can take then what is left?
Despair comes to mind, but I have walked down that path and it just leads inward and away from life. Frustration is just a precursor to hate so it is not valid. I want to feel something, but what is left to me.
Nothing at all. Maybe being asleep was a good way to be, oblivious to the world around me and what it had to offer. You cannot not miss something if you don't know it is there, right? But I do know, I have touched it and know it exists. I cannot go back to sleep, I will still be aware of what I am missing.
I must do something soon or life will become a burden that I am not willing to bear. I don't want to become what I will if I choose the other paths before me, I cannot go back and I cannot go forward.
-heavy sigh- I am stuck being patient until something comes along. Waiting again for opportunity to show up. I just hope to the Creator that I have not passed them all by, or alienated my self from them all together.
I guess I will go to bed now. I just know I won't sleep. But this is not helping at all.
May the force be with you.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
It is time, it is now
The plan is set.
I will apply at Behr tomorrow. Earlier then later.
I will continue to pursue the post office job.
Some of the money from whatever job that I get will be used to fix up my van and prepare to get a newer one.
Some of the money will be saved to secure either a down payment or security deposit for what ever I end up getting down there to live in.
My efforts on the projects for Harsh Realities will be doubled.
In less then one year I will no longer be living in Park Forest or I will be dead.
This is my plan and very soon my parents will learn of it. I know that will lead to a huge confrontation. Oh well it is a long time overdue.As far as everyone else is conerned, some will applaud me and some will scorn me. To those that applaud, thanks but I don't need your validation. That kind of thing has held me back for years. For those that choose to scorn me, let me have it. Oh wait your going to wait and in dark places take my decisions and tear me apart for them. Well I know the game that you are playing and to you all I say.
GO FUCK YOURSELVES WITH A RUSTY FORK, GET A DIESEASE AND DIE SCREAMING!!!
I could print my favorite song at this moment but that will take to long. So if you have any access to a music site or maybe you are enlightened to own the song look up...
High School Dance - Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Yeah that is where I am right now.
Just don't get in my way. Cause when you grab for all the cookies some of them get broken.
And you ain't nothing to me but a bunch of crumbs!
If you don't like it then take it turn it sideways and stick it up your ass!I care for all of you, but I have to take care of myself cause not one damn person is willing to do for me what I try and do for others. So why keep it up? Cause it is the right thing to do, just not now.
I am not angry just indignent, if you don't know what it means....
READ A BOOK!
May the Force be with you all...cause you are going to need it.
EXCELSIOR!!!!
I will apply at Behr tomorrow. Earlier then later.
I will continue to pursue the post office job.
Some of the money from whatever job that I get will be used to fix up my van and prepare to get a newer one.
Some of the money will be saved to secure either a down payment or security deposit for what ever I end up getting down there to live in.
My efforts on the projects for Harsh Realities will be doubled.
In less then one year I will no longer be living in Park Forest or I will be dead.
This is my plan and very soon my parents will learn of it. I know that will lead to a huge confrontation. Oh well it is a long time overdue.As far as everyone else is conerned, some will applaud me and some will scorn me. To those that applaud, thanks but I don't need your validation. That kind of thing has held me back for years. For those that choose to scorn me, let me have it. Oh wait your going to wait and in dark places take my decisions and tear me apart for them. Well I know the game that you are playing and to you all I say.
GO FUCK YOURSELVES WITH A RUSTY FORK, GET A DIESEASE AND DIE SCREAMING!!!
I could print my favorite song at this moment but that will take to long. So if you have any access to a music site or maybe you are enlightened to own the song look up...
High School Dance - Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Yeah that is where I am right now.
Just don't get in my way. Cause when you grab for all the cookies some of them get broken.
And you ain't nothing to me but a bunch of crumbs!
If you don't like it then take it turn it sideways and stick it up your ass!I care for all of you, but I have to take care of myself cause not one damn person is willing to do for me what I try and do for others. So why keep it up? Cause it is the right thing to do, just not now.
I am not angry just indignent, if you don't know what it means....
READ A BOOK!
May the Force be with you all...cause you are going to need it.
EXCELSIOR!!!!
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
The voice of the Force speaks.
I spoke to someone last night and as I should have known they gave me what I needed.
Fear is the path to the Dark Side.
I had to look at the fact that I was acting out of fear. I am afraid of being stuck here forever, so out of that fear I was going to run down there. I must not act out of fear, so the choice of leaving is out, but staying here is not an option.
Of course this dose not leave with a path to choose, at least that is what I thought last night. This morning I found that I had a solution.
If each path is an extreme then the only solution is to find the path in between those extremes. This is the path that I have created.
I must act with focus and direction. I must act from knowledge and not from ignorance or fear. I must act with the Force.
I have a plan. I must show the discipline to stick to it and not get distracted.
I will get this job. I will fix my car. I will save for the transition. I will begin to gather the information for the move. I will make the preparations for getting a job down there. I will make the preparations for finding a place to live.
These are the things I must do and will do.
Thanks Ace.
The Force is strong with this one.
Anyone surprised? Not I!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Fear is the path to the Dark Side.
I had to look at the fact that I was acting out of fear. I am afraid of being stuck here forever, so out of that fear I was going to run down there. I must not act out of fear, so the choice of leaving is out, but staying here is not an option.
Of course this dose not leave with a path to choose, at least that is what I thought last night. This morning I found that I had a solution.
If each path is an extreme then the only solution is to find the path in between those extremes. This is the path that I have created.
I must act with focus and direction. I must act from knowledge and not from ignorance or fear. I must act with the Force.
I have a plan. I must show the discipline to stick to it and not get distracted.
I will get this job. I will fix my car. I will save for the transition. I will begin to gather the information for the move. I will make the preparations for getting a job down there. I will make the preparations for finding a place to live.
These are the things I must do and will do.
Thanks Ace.
The Force is strong with this one.
Anyone surprised? Not I!
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Monday, November 07, 2005
A point of no return
As I have said on my other online journal I have reached a decision point in my life.
I must choose between two paths.
One is the safe path that will lead to my eventual passing into mediocrity, but I will live.
The second path is wrought with danger and peril, and I may not survive.
It sounds far more melodramatic then it is. But the second path could destroy me.
I am searching for guidance and trying to feel the flow of everything around me.
There is no time; there is only the moment, the now.
There is no pain; there is only growth.
There is no failure; there is only experience.
There is no death; there is only the Force.
Time to choose. To piss or get off the pot.
I want all the cookies, even if some of them get broken in the process.
Nothing is impossible for me I just haven't done it yet.
Matt is going to choose. And God help everyone.
May the Force be with all of you.
Excelsior!!!
I must choose between two paths.
One is the safe path that will lead to my eventual passing into mediocrity, but I will live.
The second path is wrought with danger and peril, and I may not survive.
It sounds far more melodramatic then it is. But the second path could destroy me.
I am searching for guidance and trying to feel the flow of everything around me.
There is no time; there is only the moment, the now.
There is no pain; there is only growth.
There is no failure; there is only experience.
There is no death; there is only the Force.
Time to choose. To piss or get off the pot.
I want all the cookies, even if some of them get broken in the process.
Nothing is impossible for me I just haven't done it yet.
Matt is going to choose. And God help everyone.
May the Force be with all of you.
Excelsior!!!
Friday, November 04, 2005
Matt is back on the air!!!
I have my computer back, and I am in heaven.
Well there is some pain as well, cause I worked out today for almost 2 hours.
I am finding that pushing myself is actually dangerous. When I am on the "Dread-mill" I can set the speed and incline at almost any setting and when I get into the "groove" I just keep walking. I was just lost in thought today cause I forgot my CD player and when I looked down at the read out it said my heart rate was like 155. Not bad for my size and what I am trying to do, lose weight. So I just jumped back into the thought stream that I had been in and closed my eyes. I heard Jim say something so I responded and when I looked down the reading was 188. I was somewhat gasping for breath and I could then feel my heart pounding against my chest.
What would you expect for it running at that speed for however long it had been there. I immediately dropped the speed and incline. In no time it dropped below 150 and I felt better. I have decided that I need to keep track of time better if I don't have my CD player. It would suck to have my heart explode while working out.
Would that be ironic or what?
Anyway I am posting from home and it feels so good. I am going to start uploading my music tomorrow as well as some software.
Then working on my Jedi studies will be exponential to what I have been able to do so far. Not to mention the stuff that I am writing for the guys in Missouri.
Well I am getting tired and I don't want to burn myself out the first time at home.
Oh that did not sound right. But who cares?! I am a dirty old Jedi and I like it.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Well there is some pain as well, cause I worked out today for almost 2 hours.
I am finding that pushing myself is actually dangerous. When I am on the "Dread-mill" I can set the speed and incline at almost any setting and when I get into the "groove" I just keep walking. I was just lost in thought today cause I forgot my CD player and when I looked down at the read out it said my heart rate was like 155. Not bad for my size and what I am trying to do, lose weight. So I just jumped back into the thought stream that I had been in and closed my eyes. I heard Jim say something so I responded and when I looked down the reading was 188. I was somewhat gasping for breath and I could then feel my heart pounding against my chest.
What would you expect for it running at that speed for however long it had been there. I immediately dropped the speed and incline. In no time it dropped below 150 and I felt better. I have decided that I need to keep track of time better if I don't have my CD player. It would suck to have my heart explode while working out.
Would that be ironic or what?
Anyway I am posting from home and it feels so good. I am going to start uploading my music tomorrow as well as some software.
Then working on my Jedi studies will be exponential to what I have been able to do so far. Not to mention the stuff that I am writing for the guys in Missouri.
Well I am getting tired and I don't want to burn myself out the first time at home.
Oh that did not sound right. But who cares?! I am a dirty old Jedi and I like it.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
I don't believe it!!!
Well yet again I have spent over an hour typing my arse off to post only to have this damn site dislike the pop-up blocker and erase everything that I have typed!!!!!!!
I will try and recapture what I wrote, but I am so damn whimsical that I know that I will miss all the cool stuff that I had come up with.
I am nervous about going to apply for this job today. In truth I am down right scared. But we know that for a Jedi that is not allowed. This is where a new rule comes into play...
There is no fear; There is understanding
You see I figure that I am afraid of the unknown. If I don't know what is going to happen then I get scared. I understand why I am afraid and thus can let it go and pass over me into oblivion. The same is true of all fear, understand the reason and deal with it. Thus it holds no sway over you any more.
So I am dedicated to getting out there and putting in a application.
I am also working fervently on the precepts of my Jedi Order. The above rule is just one of many that I have boiled down from ideas that I have had. I will try and refine them just a little more before I post them here for all to see (Yeah Mikey I think you are the only one and thank you for it).
I believe that I have some good and strong ideas. It should be interesting to see what you think.
Well that is all that I want to type so let me say good bye with my usual signature, with twist.
There is no ego; there is fellowship
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
I will try and recapture what I wrote, but I am so damn whimsical that I know that I will miss all the cool stuff that I had come up with.
I am nervous about going to apply for this job today. In truth I am down right scared. But we know that for a Jedi that is not allowed. This is where a new rule comes into play...
There is no fear; There is understanding
You see I figure that I am afraid of the unknown. If I don't know what is going to happen then I get scared. I understand why I am afraid and thus can let it go and pass over me into oblivion. The same is true of all fear, understand the reason and deal with it. Thus it holds no sway over you any more.
So I am dedicated to getting out there and putting in a application.
I am also working fervently on the precepts of my Jedi Order. The above rule is just one of many that I have boiled down from ideas that I have had. I will try and refine them just a little more before I post them here for all to see (Yeah Mikey I think you are the only one and thank you for it).
I believe that I have some good and strong ideas. It should be interesting to see what you think.
Well that is all that I want to type so let me say good bye with my usual signature, with twist.
There is no ego; there is fellowship
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
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