Matt-man Vs Memory

Hail and well met

Quick post here. First off a SHOUT OUT to Nicky and her Family. Here is hoping that you Dad is healthy at home.

SHANDA hope things have improved, and if not then take a baseball bat and beat someone until morale improves! :) "Batter up!"

and lastly a HUGE THANK YOU to Impervia for some advice that I had forgotten about. Sleeping quite well now, no dreams that cause me to wake in a cold sweat (a hot sweat with the need for a cig and some kleenex maybe>:) Ah yes I am in a better mood I think.

Also I found this while trying to clean out my documents folder and realized that I never posted it. So here it is.


Four jobs I ha’ve had:
1. Clerk at Toys "“R" Us (actually many jobs rolled into my 4 years there)
2. Delivery man for Auto-Mart free publication
3. Assistant Manager at 3D-House of Games (or 3D HOG)
4. Part Owner Operator of Gamopolis

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Star Wars
2. Murder by Death
3. Oscar
4. The Adventures of Pluto Nash

Four places I have lived:
1. Park Forest, Illinois (36 years I have lived here)
2. Gen-Con (I have always been here)
3. Champagne/Urbana Illinois (lived there every time I visited my buddy James)
4. Carbondale, Illinois (Yup here too)

OK so I cheated just a little. No I have not "“lived"” there in the sense of having a home or apartment, but I have "“lived" in these places more then in that stupid building at 264 Ash. That place is just where I sleep and keep my shit. God I need to get out.

Four television shows I love to watch: (ok I am going to have to cheat here. Being 36 there are a number of shows that I loved to watch back in the day and they are gone now. Also I don'’t have time to watch TV these days, so bear with me)
1. Babylon 5
2. Criminal Minds
3. Firefly (To soon was your candle extinguished)
4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Joss Whedon'’s writing and-blushes- Sarah Michelle Geller (or her stunt double) killing vampires, demons, werewolves and the like)

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Denver, Colorado
2. Las Vegas,Nevada (that wrenched hive of scum and villainy, I was cautious)
3. Michigan (to many places so just figure the whole state, there ain't that much to it anyway)
4. Gen-Con

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Pizza
2. Chinese
3. Mexican
4. Lasagna

Four websites I visit regularly:
1. Ctrl+Alt+Del
2. closetoflostdreams.blogspot.com
3. privateerpress.com
4. illwillpress.com

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Carbondale
2. The Loft
3. Anyplace with swimming water (pool or beach)
4. Anyplace with my friends

Four people I tag to also do this pointless exercise:
1. Chris
2. James
3. Todd S.
4. Impervia (don't know you by any other name)

Yup that was all I jumped on to say. Not much new in the rest of my boring existance. Might post about some stuff tomorrow.


May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-man in the Dead of Night

Hail and well met

So a man bursts into his psychiatrist's office.
"Ya gotta help me doc. I cannot stop thinking I am a deck of cards!"
Angry at the interruption the doctor yells
"Wait outside. I will deal with you later."

I found this book of 1001 "great" jokes. Well the great part is questionable, but they are my kind of jokes. I intend on memorizing as many as I can and spewing them to any and all I see. A little stupid humor is a good thing.

Oh and the title is in deference to it being 3:15 in the morning, with me sitting here typing. In part I am trying to avoid certain themes in my dreams of late. I would normally go into detail but I think not this time. I mean if it was the normal zombies tearing me apart I would have no problem sharing, but this is just a little too far off the path. No I won't even hint at it so don't ask even in person. Just trust me that going there is not something I want to do, and for some reason it just keeps coming. I have tried so many tricks, reading a book before going to bed, watching a movie, playing a video game and nothing has the slightest affect on the nature or theme of my dreams. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it is so annoying.

Ah well, such is life.

So anyway I am working on my Iron Kingdoms campaign, Chris is joining this Friday and I have to come up with a good hook to bring him in. It should be easier with the bar and all, but finding a way to tie a new player to the rest of the group is never easy.

Then of course there is this crazy idea that I had for a World of Darkness campaign. I mean there I was just watching Van Helsing and it struck me like a bolt of lightning. I saw the entire plot unfold and I had to get it down. Now I have always been thorough with my games (well in my head at least) but this is the first one that I have actually sat down and researched stuff on the internet for. The crazy thing is that so much of it is actually historically in line. People lived at the same time and even had connections that fit with the story. I have to say that in some ways it is almost creepy, kind of like the All Flesh Must Be Eaten game I ran with Shep showing up at the back door at the same time he did in the story. So that is progressing far beyond anything I would have thought of and if I can keep my brain focused it should turn out to be a grand adventure.

The pisser in all of this is Beyond Mere Mortals/Champions. I have been totally unable to get a story to even entertain the idea of forming. I know that I had concepts from last year, I have my notes but nothing is coming. I don't want to force it, that is how I fucked (yes I am using a curse word, nothing else really captures the severity of the situation) up Star Wars last year.

I know that everyone was running off in their own directions, I know that they were all ignoring the blatant plot hooks that I was throwing at them. I know all that, but in the end I was the GM and I should have been able to pull you all together with the story and I did not. So it died a terrible slow death that ended when I pulled out the tried and true story killer. It was all a dream/simulation. Yup that has killed so many plotlines and stories I cannot count, of course they deserved to die and as such I don't remember them. Since then I have been just a little gun shy of doing a really long and self made campaign. Chirs helped out when his Saturday D&D game took off and he needed to split his group of 18 players. I mean I did not lose the ability to GM, just the confidence to make my own story and have it proceed and develop with the players. Yes, yes I know that I have said all this before and yes I know what you all say, but it was just a fact that I had never failed at Gm'ing before that, never. I mean if you have always been able to do math and suddenly you go 2+2=9 and blow a test, it will mess with your head.

So anyway I am feeling better, to use a colloquialism "I am back in the saddle again". That is why the whole BMM/Champions thing is so agonizing. I have it back but it won't go there. Oh well I just have to be patient and see if it sneaks up on me.

Well I am having trouble typing so I will bid all a goodnight.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Update from the Mat-cave

Hail and well met

Well I have been posting a lot of stuff as of late and it has little to do with my life in general. So here is a little post to bring current events to light. I am still unemployed, which sucks. I have talked to John Poskin and he gave me a new phone number and announcement code for the test I have to take. The call was made and this time I feel I have a better chance of getting the info packet. I have been keeping busy by sitting in front of this monster and typing as much as my heart and head will allow. My projects for Harsh Realities are coming along and I hope to have them sent off soon. When my mind is not a occupied by creating an two entire cultures it has been pondering the secrets of the universe and how we all exist in it. If I every feel that my work is even close to worth reading I will post it, but for now it will remain hidden.

I have been out and about as well going to work out at least 3 or 4 times a week. People keep telling me that I have lost weight, and I do believe them but part of me still holds that image in my head. I am slowly picking at it and in time it will change, having held it for 36 years it has become somewhat ingrained, like a image held to long on a computer screen. I will prevail, what else do I have to do? I mean giving up is so blase, it is not me! HA! I have also been painting when I am able to defrost my paints and Wednesday is good for a game of Warmachine. Fridays is now cemented as Iron Kingdoms and it is going well. Val, Ben, Todd and now Jess seem to enjoy the story and environment that I have painted for them. Soon things will heat up as events begin to spiral towards their inevitable conclusion. Oh what sights I have to show them! (props to anyone that can name the movie that is from) Saturday is a good day as well. I usually get up to the store and paint or play some warmachine and in the evening is Val's campaign.

It is a good life but it is missing something. No I am not talking about work either, that is a small part of life and should stay that way. I am referring to something else. I am pretty sure what it is and I don't want to start exploring it right now. Besides the fact that I have a tendency to get dark and brooding about emotions I also have far to much stuff to set right before I could even begin that quest.

OH OH I almost forgot. I have been talking to Kirby. He is doing fine and he is thinking of moving out of his house...Well not out per say. He currently has a tenant in the lower half of the house he lives in. He is thinking of ending their stay and taking up residence in the lower half. He and I talked and if I can get employed by the time he moves I may move in with him. I will stay at this place at times but I will be splitting up being here and there. Sort of a slow weaning of my presence from my current situation. I am going for it. I like Kirby and I know that we can get along. Besides it is a great way to prep myself for other ideas that are floating in my head. But as always I am keeping my options open, the future is always in motion and as such unexpected things happen all the time. Must be ready to bend with the winds of change or they will break you.

Well that about covers it....I know that I am forgetting something. Oh well if I remember then I will post again. It is not like I have anything else going on.

Ah yes I wanted to thank everyone for their entries in my johari/nohari windows. I have seen much in what you have put. I am not going to rant or rave about it. I plan on taking some time to review after a few more have dropped their coins in the fountain. I know that I could be very over-dramatic over it, but that is just a waste of time. No I just am glad to see myself in the reflection of my friends eyes. Thanks again.

Okay that seems to be all that I have to type...........for now -Bum bum buum-

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-man and the Missing Piece

Hail and well met

So here I sit and I wander the vast frontier of cyberspace. I have my usual ports of call and occasionally make a jaunt into unknown territory seeing what I can find. I have connections out here to friends and even some family, and I see a different side sometimes and wonder if it is something that they want to talk about or is this their secret face that they keep hidden. Sometimes I feel the need to say things that I really don't feel, but for a moment. The impetious things that come from being a human being filled with emotion and illogical ideas. We all have them, those split second rants in our head that could be disasterous but for which we luckily have a built in buffer and can sensor our own thoughts. Well most of us.

All in all I just sit here and wonder if this whole internet thing is really worth it. I wonder if the time I spend here is worth while or ill spent. Yes it allows communication but so does a telephone or -GASPS- the mail. I think the art of writting a letter has become lost in our world. Oh we shoot off a Email all the time, but it is not the same. There is no instant gratification in standard mail. You must wait for it to travel to its destination. You must then wait for it to travel back. I can say this though, there is nothing like the feeling of getting a letter in the mail. I know I used to write to my friend James while he was at the U of I in Champaign. Those were some letters, let me tell you.

No I know that the ability to acess information is a good thing and as such the internet is a good thing (well mostly). I just think that we always need to look at what we are doing with the question "Just because we can do a thing, must we do a thing?" I feel the answer is no.

I guess that just puts the nail in the coffin though. Cause that is an ideal that only the old seem to have. Oh well I already knew that I was an fool, now I can simply change it to an old fool.

Oh I posted this earlier and only one person has done it, but many of you have decided to jump on the band wagon, I have done yours so damnit do mine!


http://kevan.org/johari?name=Akeranzu

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Akeranzu

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-man Vs. TIme, Tedium and Tesseracts

Hail and well met

So it has been a few days since I posted last. Pretty much everything since the trip. That is due to a couple of things. Well the title says it all. I find myself sitting here trying to do 5 or 6 things all at once, and thus doing none of them well. Even when I can seem to stay on one project I end up feeling listless in only a few minutes. This is a problem that has persisted for over a couple of months now, and it is driving me mad.

I mention the term "tesseract" in the title. That is a refers to the literary referance not the geometric construct. It comes from the book "A Wrinkle in Time" by Madeleine L'Engle. It is a concept based on Einstein's theory of relativity and Planck's quantum theory. According to the book, space and time are like a piece of cloth and we are on that cloth like an ant. By taking any two points of that cloth in the path of the ant(us) and pushing them together the ant(us) can travel a long distance in the mere seconds it take to step from one fold to the other. When the cloth is returned to its orginal form the ant(us) has now relocated far away with out traveling the distance inbetween. I mention it here because as of late I have been wrestling with the concept that if all matter is energy, even what we call energy in this universe is but a form of that "Proto-energy" then what really holds this universe together?
Is it a set of laws that are rigid?
Who created these laws, the creator?
If he can bend them as he needs and we are his creation gifted with a fraction of his power then shouldn't we also be able to bend the rules?
If not then why give us the small shard of his power that he has?
But not to lose focus, if this power can bend the rules then what prevents that from happening everyday, with disasterous affect?
I am drawn back to a line from Episode one. Qui Gon Jin says "Your focus determines your reality". That is a key to unlocking this power. We are taught from birth the rules of this world. Before we can understand or interact with the world we are made to belive that these rules are infalible and unbreakable, well some are but all are bendable. Time and time again I hear or see things that prove this. As Yoda says in The Empire Strikes Back "You must unlearn what you have learned". This is what preoccupies my mind these days. I want to touch that power. I want to bend the world around me. Yes it is a selfish thing, and I know that is the reason that I will never be able to call upon it but I have to keep trying. Call me crazy, cause I am.

Yup the rantings of a crazy person. Probably need a good stint in the looney bin. Well let them try and take me. Cause I won't go down alone or without a fight. And knowing my friends I won't be alone either.

Well I am not sure what I started posting about, but I think there is a logical progression here. As far as current events are concerned I am sure that I will get around to talking about them. Although there is one thing that I must say here and now.

STATEMENTS LOST FUCKING ROCKS!!! LOVED THE SHOW AND CANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE!!!!

Yeah the show last night at Todd's college was AWESOME. Glad that I went.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-man and the Voyage Home (relative term)

Hail and well met.

Well I have returned that repository of my acquired possessions and where I engage in the act of unconsious rapid eye movement. In simple terms "where I keep my shit and sleep".

My journey was good. I found rest in the presence of my old friends and new ones. I was able to do all the things that I set out to do. I found out what I needed to know about housing, which was not that much to begin with. I feel somewhat recharged from the good company, stirring conversations and excellent times with everyone. I also had a conversation that needed to be conversed.

Well in truth that conversaion almost never happened. It took the universe locking a door and keeping two people asleep as I pounded on a door at 12:30ish in the morning to sort of kick me in the ass and then I had the conversation. I can be such a blockhead some times....OK most times, jeez. Anyway it is done and for the better I think.

The trip down and up were puncuated by the listening to the book on CD of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone" in its entireity and starting "The Chamber of Secrets". I have found the perfect way to spend all those hours in the car. I mean it was so relaxing instead of the usual music that I have heard a thousand times and my mind wandering (never a good thing). I actually did not feel like I had been in a car for almost 5 hours. And I got to listen to a book that everyone has said was very good.

OH oh you want to know what I thought of it?

I thought it was an excellent story. I liked it almost from the begining to the end. I have to say that the movie was not quite as good now that I know the book, but it could have been worse (it could have been made by Uwe Boll)

What are my thoughts for the day....Well let me just say a few words.

"Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!"

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

P.S. I almost forgot. This looks like fun so give it a shot.


http://kevan.org/johari?name=Akeranzu

You do me I'll do you. (Hmmm may sound dirty but I like it ;)

Matt-man on the move

Hail and well met from down here in Carbondale

I arrived all right and am alive. I will see everyone next week. Not much else to report now. Maybe later I will have some gems to drop, well I guess you could call them "gems" or you could call them crap. Whatever.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-man Ponders the Meaning of the Cowl

Hail and well met

Well here I sit wondering. Oh this and that runs through my head. But the real big thing is a matter of realizing that sometimes you just have to leave things alone. No matter how badly you want them to become something else or change you just have to butt out. Change takes time. That is a truth from which there is not escape, especially with people.

But we never seem to learn. We always expect someone to change overnight, at the right word or phrase. We think we know what is good for them...Which is never true. The only person that can really know what is good for you is you! Now that being said there are options that you may not be aware of, and that is what all that concern is for. But don't tell anyone that you know what is good for them. Just give them the option to look at your idea and then let them decide.

Oh and before anyone (Mikey) gets the idea that this is about them in particular or a situation in particular, it is not. This has been a thread in my mind for several months. I personally had to realize that I myself had decided what would be good for several people and was happily running around forcing it down their throats, either by direct action or in how I treated them. Instead of just saying hey here is an option that you may not have thought of. That is the real reason behind this post, albeit that certain situation brought it to the forefront of my mind.

The hardest thing about being a friend is dealing with the fact that people have to be allowed to fall off the log. No matter how much we learn and want to share that info, stopping someone from gaining experience in living is a bad thing. Only through experience can knowledge become wisdom. The best thing for friends to do is say "Hey this is familiar territory, I will be there when it all falls apart and help get things back on track". Yeah it sucks letting someone that you care about get hurt, but they have to.

"Life is pain. Anyone that says differently is selling something"

There is no pain; there is growth

Pain is a fact of life. I mean where did the phrase "growing pains" come from if it isn't. And don't you say it was a television series back in the 80's or I will unleash a unhealthy blast of Matterocity on you. It puts the two halves of the truth together, growing and pain. One causes the other, and they are not mutually exclusive. One can happen without the other, but not that often.

It may be tough but sometimes love is like that. And if you really love someone you have to be willing to let them take their chances and get their scrapes. But you also have to be there to help them put it all back together, cause that is what friends are for. Well that and mooching free food and pop from time to time. Not to mention the ass kicking that comes with 3 player Halo2.

Well that about covers it. Yet again I am not sure that I covered it well but meh. It is my blog and if I want to ramble incoherently then I will and if you don't like it well.......

HARD CHEESE!

What are you doing reading this blog anyways if you don't like what I say?

READ A BOOK!

I love that one.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-man Vs.Time

Whelp I am on a mission. I am taking a Gyro Trip! Mikey needs BG FRIES and I am the only one that can get them to him before he expires from hunger.

MATT-MAN TO THE RESCUE!

Well there was some stuff that I wanted to post about but it will have to wait.

Quick to the Matt-mobile!!!!!!


May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-man's Roots

Hail and well met

As you have noticed by now there is a new graphic on my blog. That is the Hamilton Clan Crest with the Clan motto "Through". I have always known about my Scottish heritage and I love it. The problem was never being able to find a decent picture of the crest or motto to put here. Of course if I had really used my head I would have realized that there was something called Google on the internet and I could search for it. There are times when I really have to wonder where my head is at. Ah well there it is for all to see.

Speaking of missing something rather obvious, my friend Jim and I were talking about me getting a hold of John Poskin the Post Master at the Momence Office. I have been trying to track down his phone number so I can call him about a job. Well Jim suggested that I go to the Post Offcie sight and get the phone number for the Momence Office and call him there, what a concept! Again if I could be any more oblivious to the obvious I would be Legalos. The Crete Office has turned out to be a wretched. hive of scum and villainy so I said screw it. I am going to call tomorrow and speak to him. So things seem to be progressing forward and for the better.

I am still on track to head down to Carbondale this weekend and I look forward to it. I have much to do whilst there and I hope to procure the needed information to facilitate my co-habitation over the summer. There is a twist though. As I have said before I am looking to find a room-mate to share the expense and be there all the time while I travel back and forth. The twist is that I may end up having two places of my own. One down there and one up here. I was talking to Kirby and he is thinking of getting out of his current situation as well. We know that we can stand each other and like enough of the same things that we won't get on each others nerves to much. All in all I may be out of my sleep cave and on my own in two different places. Which is strange since when I talked to my mom a couple of months ago about me moving to Carbondale she told me a dream she had about me and she saw two houses and I lived in both.

Anyway I am doing as well as can be expected. Still working out steady and it is showing. Mikey thinks I should lay off the weights, but I am doing what seems to be working for me. I just think that he doesn't want me to show him up, which is stupid. I am 36 with a Scottish and German background, I was born to be big (well as far as muscle and body are concerned GRRRRRRR!)
Whoops sorry for the TMI.

Well that is all I have to say right now so I will see all later or this weekend. Oh and by the way thanks for the comments, I was beginning to wonder if everyone had stopped reading. Well even if everyone had I would still be here. I have always been here and I always will be.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-man and the Revelation of Confidence

Confidence
Function: noun
1 a : a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances b : faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way
2 : the quality or state of being certain : CERTITUDE

This is the crux of many a problem in the way we all live. A lack of confidence. Everyone is born with this thing called confidence, it may not seem like it but it is true. The trick is to realize that it is there and to call upon it. Oh it would be nice to say that it gets easier with time and practice, but that is untrue. We never find it easy to call upon but it is always there. Waiting to jump into action at our command and give us the power to stand up under extreme pressure and rise above the chaos of our lives to achieve a moment of greatness.

The biggest problem is that there is no way of really knowing when it is working. There is no flashing light on the screen telling us when we have called it into service. It doesn't even feel all that different then the way we normally feel. In the moments that we call upon it and use it we are almost always surrounded by a feeling of fear and trepidation.

I have been talking to a number of people and what they have said has astounded me. These people are who I would say have confidence, yet when I ask them they are sure that they don't have it. They have the same fears as I do about things. So what and where is this confidence and how is it that they seem to have it when they are scared out of their minds?

Well that has been the center of my concern for weeks now. If no one really knows about their confidence then what is it really? If it is not a power or substantial quantifiable thing then how does it work?

It works by the Faith that what we see is subject to change, allowing us to stand up to what we see as reality and act in a way that is contrary to what we see. It gives us the ability to stand up to the fear and step beyond the boundaries of the world around us. Through that Faith we have the Confidence to see beyond the realm of the visible and into the realm of the invisible. It makes no sense and no rational person would do it but that is what Confidence is all about. The bigger and greater things that you do the more Confidence you have and the greater Faith that you can do anything.

I have always said that nothing was impossible for me. Not until this moment did I realize that knowing it was not enough. Knowledge is not where confidence comes from and thus just knowing was nothing at all. The true power of Confidence is Faith. Faith in ourselves, our friends, family and whatever powers we believe in. With Faith we call upon our Confidence to take that first step and the second and so on.

That is the trick. We have to do something. Only through action can we build Confidence and in so doing increase our Faith. The Bible has a verse that until now has always bothered me.

James 2:17
So also the faith, if it may not have works, is dead by itself.

The more excepted translation is "Faith without works is dead".

Until this very moment I have held this verse as a paradox. My faith is something that God knows, so how can it be said that it is dead unless I parade it around and do things for God. Mankind has been building stupid buildings and oppressing people for centuries under the auspice of "good works". It was something that until right now I had just pushed aside, but now I see something.

The word "works" is an interesting thing. It has three definitions of course. The old testament was written in Hebrew, the new testament in Greek and the English one. So I will look at all definitions.

The Hebrew

6381 pala' paw-law' a primitive root; properly, perhaps to separate, i.e. distinguish (literally or figuratively); by implication, to be (causatively, make) great, difficult, wonderful:--accomplish, (arise...too, be too) hard, hidden, things too high, (be, do, do a, shew) marvelous(-ly, -els, things, work), miracles, perform, separate, make singular, (be, great, make) wonderful(-ers, -ly, things, works), wondrous (things, works, -ly).

The Greek

3167. megaleios meg-al-i'-os from 3173; magnificent, i.e. (neuter, plural as noun) a conspicuous favor, or (subjectively) perfection:--great things, wonderful works.

You may notice that it states in the Greek definition that it comes from another word. I have gone and brought up that word as well for comparison and to see the progression.

3173. megas meg'-as (including the prolonged forms, feminine megale, plural megaloi, etc.; compare also 3176, 3187); big (literally or figuratively, in a very wide application):--(+ fear) exceedingly, great(-est), high, large, loud, mighty, + (be) sore (afraid), strong, X to years.

Lastly I looked up "works" in a websters dictionary and here is the definition.

Work (since works is a plural I just went to the singular)

Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English werk, work, from Old English werc, weorc; akin to Old High German werc work, Greek ergon, Avestan var&zem activity
1 : activity in which one exerts strength or faculties to do or perform something: a : sustained physical or mental effort to overcome obstacles and achieve an objective or result b : the labor, task, or duty that is one's accustomed means of livelihood c : a specific task, duty, function, or assignment often being a part or phase of some larger activity
2 a : energy expended by natural phenomena b : the result of such energy c : the transference of energy that is produced by the motion of the point of application of a force and is measured by multiplying the force and the displacement of its point of application in the line of action

Of course as any dictionary would have there were several more forms of definition, but these cover the basic concepts that I have always been led to believe.

The engish definition seems to imply labor in one way or another and that is what I always look to when I read that verse. But the other definition holds a different view.

"great things, wonderful works." does not imply physical or mental labor but deeds. Great things as it says. The word from which it comes also seems to point away from labor and to actions of greatness and achievement. And that was the key.

Confidence is the application of our faith in the deeds that we perform when the world looks at us and says it is impossible, cannot be done, you don't have the power to do that:yet we believe (have Faith that) they can be done. Well if we act in the purely physical world then no it can't, it is impossible and we don't have the power.

But when we step into the world of imagination, call upon the Force around us and have the confidence to step forward we do have the power, nothing is impossible and we can do anything we put our minds to. Our history is replete with examples. Alexander graham Bell, Thomas Edison, the Wright Brothers are just a small sample of those that had the confidence to walk with faith to do perceived impossible deeds. No it is not easy and it never is. That is the proof of your faith and your confidence. Because you never stop pushing forward even when the going gets tough. No matter how much crap is piled on your shoulders you keep on trucking. Even when everything you have is torn away you still take that next step. As you step forward you have something to look back on and say "Hey I did that so I can do this" your Faith in your abilities grows as does your Confidence.

This is a better translation.

Faith with out deeds is dead.

Yes that is the better way to say it.

Not sure what exactly what I was trying to say. It just came to me. I will probably revisit it and work on it some more.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-man takes action.....

Hail and well met

Well everyone is waiting to hear about the job thing. (at least I hope that everyone is still out there in internet land) Anyway here is what I have going on right now. First off I am not going to the Crete Post Office, far too many crazy people there. Way to much stress for the money. I mean hours would probably be maxed for a part timer, but most of those would be last minute call offs by the shop steward. I would like the hours but not the uncertainties of working until any given morning at 5:30.

So does that mean that I am giving up on the post office. OH HELL NO! I am going to be talking to a Mr. John Poskin whom is the post master at the Momence post office. He learned of my availability from Jim and voiced an interest in my coming and working for him. I know John P. and I know that he knows me. It is a perfect situation...well not really cause I don't know how many hours I will get to start and it is 40 minutes away. But so what! Nothing is perfect (well there are a few things but not a subject for now) and that is what makes life fun.

Now there is a chance that this will all blow up in my face. Not a big chance but it is better to be prepared then to get screwed. So I have learned of a company that does outsourcing production for Ford. They are looking to add some people. Now first off I am going to get this information for a friend (yes Mikey I thought of you) but if this Post Office falls through then I have back up. Plus there are other things popping up all over the place. I just wonder where all this opportunity was when I first became unemployed? Oh well it is here now and that makes for a good day.

I am going to be out of town next weekend. I am heading down to Carbondale for a weekend away from everything. I will visit some good friends and hang. I will also be checking on available housing and what it costs to live down there, well in part. I am still planning on co-habitation between down there and up here. I really want to find a room-mate that can be there when I am not cause I don't like the idea of leaving an empty apartment or whatever just sitting for two weeks or more unattended. Oh well I am sure that some solution will reveal itself.


I am looking forward to seeing everyone down there. I plan on having a real good time. I love that town (mostly for the people down there but it is a nice place as well).

Oh I also started a My Space account....Yeah I know, me on My Space what was I thinking. Well I was just following the crowd. My buddy Jim has been on there for months, Pete has been as long or longer, my buddies Chris and Andy have jumped on and now Mikey. Well I just felt that it would be nice to keep up with some of them more then just stupid emails (which many never respond to anyways)

I have a lot of work to do on the site cause it looks so....Well......CRAPPY! I have a lot to learn. If anyone has a recommendation for a HTML hand book let me know. I don't want to have to take several college courses to spruce up my page, but if I have to then so be it.

Okay that is all the time I have for today. I have to plot out the demise of my players in Iron kingdoms...Who am I kidding I have to much fun fucking with them to kill them, besides life can be so much more painful!!!! Like living with the death of a undercover cop...Oh that one is priceless! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!>:)~

Oh Nicky, Ben mentioned role playing over the internet. That would be fun. If not then you are more then welcome during any break and summer. With the story centered around a tavern it is perfect for characters jumping in and out. I will talk about it next weekend.

Yeesh now I am done.

May the Force be with you

Excelsior!!!

Matt-man waxes poetic

The shadows creep and crawl
From under table and down the wall
Echoes whisper, mumble and scream
Tearing hope and smashing dream
There is no solice in sleep
For there is terrors keep
Wandering from day to day
Silent fool with so much to say
What is real and what is not
Never knowing why the war is fought
Struggle against unseen foes
Reel from invisible blows
But what if the only way to win
Is a forbidden and mortal sin
Seek and ye shall find
But not likely for the blind
Stumble, falter, trip and fall
In the world is this all
Nothing more can be found
Just a hole for us in the ground
Why put us here only to die
What is the point of wanting to fly
We have no wings we cannot soar
So left on the ground we want more
Turn away from what they see
But if we do we'll never be free
~fin~

Just kinda poured out there. It is almost 4 in the fucking morning. Yeah ain't sleeping again. Oh well just had to do something.