Hail and well met
This message goes out to the 37 inch gamers. I know that I had planned a campaign, which has failed to appear. Well there is a reason, honestly I am sick of fantasy. Yup I have gone and said it. I am really sick and tired of fantasy all together. Some of it may come from 4th just coming out but this has been building for some time. I have a great story and a world all planned out, heck I have 3 continents planned out for crying out loud. It came to a head this weekend when I was planning on trying to have a meeting on the game and when push came to shove I just wanted to throw out all of my books.
Oh and on a side note, if we have given up looking at the message board could someone please take it down or put up a message saying it is pointless to post there. It was working so well then it just putted out. I had put up a message about the meeting and no one knew about it at all.
Ok so with all of that behind me I had to make a decision about the whole role playing thing. I could just give up and not even try to run anything or I could figure out what the heck did pique my interest and run it. Well I have a couple of ideas and I hope for the love of the Creator that some of you still stop by and read this so you can comment. Here are the ideas I came up with.
1. A super hero game run with Silver Age Sentinels D20 (Ok I heard that collective sigh of "not again")
2. A off the wall modern game set in the World of Darkness (no not vampire or any other book but right out of the basic WOD book, oh and for this game none of the others exist either) Think a crazy combo of Ghostbusters, MIB and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. This one is the least completed in my mind but shouldn't be hard to come up with some...wait I had a brain storm and have an idea.
3. A really strange game of All Flesh...where you are the zombies! Yeah a crazy idea I have had ever since I played Stubbs the Zombie. I am not sure on the time era but that can be discussed if I go that way. Oh important point on this one it is not super serious but tongue in cheek and funny, yes you are eating the living but it is going to be funny...I don't know how just yet but it will be I promise.
There they are. Let me know if you think any of them sound better then any others. I am kind of looking at the super hero one only because I haven't yet run a successful game yet...well complete is a better word cause you all said they were good.
Anyway I will also make sure to get with everyone personally just in case no one reads this.
For anyone not part of the 37 inch gamers thanks for reading anyway. I will post about 4th edition soon. I really have to formulate my thoughts into a cohesive tapestry of inspired cogitation. Yeah I can use my mouth better then a 20 dollar whore! (um just a clarification that was a joke from "Blazing Saddles")
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Matt-Man Chimes in on 4.0
Hail and well met
I am going to talk about 4.0 for a second or two. First off I would like to direct everyone's attention to this post I found. You should read it as it gives an excellent showing of what is wrong with the mentality behind 4.0. Oh and before you do I am doing this to bash 4.0, I am doing this to bash WOTC.
Missing the point entirely: D & D 4.0
Ok now that you have jumped right over and read that blog I am going...wait you didn't read it, did you? You just plowed right on ahead and started reading this paragraph totally ignoring the link. How rude! I go to the trouble of putting that link there and you just treat it like it doesn't exist! Well I see how it is. I know when I am not appreciated.
Ha made you screw up your eyebrows and go WTF. Actually I have to jump away from the computer for a few hours so I will comment on that post in later.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
I am going to talk about 4.0 for a second or two. First off I would like to direct everyone's attention to this post I found. You should read it as it gives an excellent showing of what is wrong with the mentality behind 4.0. Oh and before you do I am doing this to bash 4.0, I am doing this to bash WOTC.
Missing the point entirely: D & D 4.0
Ok now that you have jumped right over and read that blog I am going...wait you didn't read it, did you? You just plowed right on ahead and started reading this paragraph totally ignoring the link. How rude! I go to the trouble of putting that link there and you just treat it like it doesn't exist! Well I see how it is. I know when I am not appreciated.
Ha made you screw up your eyebrows and go WTF. Actually I have to jump away from the computer for a few hours so I will comment on that post in later.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Matt-Man vs Anime?
Hail and well met
Well I just spent several days catching up on some anime that I had started watching years ago and ended up missing for one reason or another. It is by far the truth that I could have gone the rest of my life without ever seeing them at all. Now don't get me wrong, they were well done and visually pleasing, with some great story telling as well. No the problem is that so far they have all done the same thing, bait and switch.
What do I mean by that? Well it is simple, they start promising to be a straight forward giant robot battle opera and lead you on with what seems to be straight forward story telling. Each episode building to the climactic final battle where all is revealed. The switch is when they totally drop the final battle/enemy angle and jump into some heavy psychobabble and introspection. Then to top it all of they have the audacity to drop a "deus ex machina" twist in the last few episodes that robs the viewer of a real ending but instead we get to see the writers idea of what God is and how we all were created or some such contrivance.
Why do they have to do this? What is the deal? I just wanted a intriguing story, with deep characters that interact and develop, while fighting horrors in giant robots/cyborgs/alien machines. I wanted to be entertained, enthralled and allowed to lose myself for a few hours...ok days. Is it that hard to come up with a story that doesn't end with some version of a god like entity showing up roaring around for twenty minutes while we are told how it is the creator of everything and how it is going to recreate the world? Or how it is going to jump back in time and change everything...yeah there is another pet peeve.
Time travel is something that I have spent a great deal of time reading about, thinking about and playing with in games. All of it seems to boil down to one simple point, every event is shaped by thousands of others leading up to it. So the two theories I have are these...
One- By changing the proper event the situation in the present is changed drastically. This totally changes the landscape of the present from the previous reality. People will be mostly the same but the events that you will remember them doing or being involved with will have been erased for the most part, in fact some of them may even be dead and others that did die will be alive. There is little to no way to know the full extent of the changes made to the present by changing even the simplest thing in the past.
Tw0- Some events are brought about by long term chains of events made by people that the time traveler is not aware of. Thus they may go back to change something but not knowing the real cause cannot alter the right events. This means that all they will most likely do is alter the players but not the event. They may even alter the outcome of the event but only along the lines of possible results of that event happening. In the end the thing that was trying to be changed only changes slightly with the end result being mostly the same.
Either way it would take a AWESOME story to encompass time traveling on even the smallest level. This is why I shudder when suddenly the term "time travel" shows up late in any series or show. Most of the time it is well founded as it totally screws up the plot and destroys any credibility it may have built up with me.
I could go on for a long time on that one. Suffice it to say that I have had it with anime for a long time. I mean really a long time. It would take a incredibly great anime that delivered what it promised from the beginning to the end with no damn twists! Maybe it is out their but for now I am not looking for it.
So this post was a little off the beaten path but I just had to vent.
Well off to work on going to sleep and then finishing my campaign.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Well I just spent several days catching up on some anime that I had started watching years ago and ended up missing for one reason or another. It is by far the truth that I could have gone the rest of my life without ever seeing them at all. Now don't get me wrong, they were well done and visually pleasing, with some great story telling as well. No the problem is that so far they have all done the same thing, bait and switch.
What do I mean by that? Well it is simple, they start promising to be a straight forward giant robot battle opera and lead you on with what seems to be straight forward story telling. Each episode building to the climactic final battle where all is revealed. The switch is when they totally drop the final battle/enemy angle and jump into some heavy psychobabble and introspection. Then to top it all of they have the audacity to drop a "deus ex machina" twist in the last few episodes that robs the viewer of a real ending but instead we get to see the writers idea of what God is and how we all were created or some such contrivance.
Why do they have to do this? What is the deal? I just wanted a intriguing story, with deep characters that interact and develop, while fighting horrors in giant robots/cyborgs/alien machines. I wanted to be entertained, enthralled and allowed to lose myself for a few hours...ok days. Is it that hard to come up with a story that doesn't end with some version of a god like entity showing up roaring around for twenty minutes while we are told how it is the creator of everything and how it is going to recreate the world? Or how it is going to jump back in time and change everything...yeah there is another pet peeve.
Time travel is something that I have spent a great deal of time reading about, thinking about and playing with in games. All of it seems to boil down to one simple point, every event is shaped by thousands of others leading up to it. So the two theories I have are these...
One- By changing the proper event the situation in the present is changed drastically. This totally changes the landscape of the present from the previous reality. People will be mostly the same but the events that you will remember them doing or being involved with will have been erased for the most part, in fact some of them may even be dead and others that did die will be alive. There is little to no way to know the full extent of the changes made to the present by changing even the simplest thing in the past.
Tw0- Some events are brought about by long term chains of events made by people that the time traveler is not aware of. Thus they may go back to change something but not knowing the real cause cannot alter the right events. This means that all they will most likely do is alter the players but not the event. They may even alter the outcome of the event but only along the lines of possible results of that event happening. In the end the thing that was trying to be changed only changes slightly with the end result being mostly the same.
Either way it would take a AWESOME story to encompass time traveling on even the smallest level. This is why I shudder when suddenly the term "time travel" shows up late in any series or show. Most of the time it is well founded as it totally screws up the plot and destroys any credibility it may have built up with me.
I could go on for a long time on that one. Suffice it to say that I have had it with anime for a long time. I mean really a long time. It would take a incredibly great anime that delivered what it promised from the beginning to the end with no damn twists! Maybe it is out their but for now I am not looking for it.
So this post was a little off the beaten path but I just had to vent.
Well off to work on going to sleep and then finishing my campaign.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Matt-Man Runs with Daikaiju!!!!!
Hail and well met!
Things have been good for me as of late. I am working more then less which is good as it keeps me in funds. The allergy season has fallen hard on me and my sinuses, especially on days when I work since I am out in a rural area with tons of farmers pouring stuff on their crops and people with more lawn space then brains paying to have grass cut and manicured like some models hair. Chemicals abound as well as pollen and mold, fun times for all who have mega doses of antihistamines. Ah well I am alive and that is all that counts.
The major topic of this post is going to be the up coming release from Privateer Pres:
For those that have no idea what it is here is a basic run down. Think the simplicity of most clix games but add the awesomeness of Giant Monsters! Oh yes throwing buildings, being thrown into buildings, titanic slugfests punctuated by belching nuclear fire or cosmic laser blasts. Not only do you have the big guys but they have the obligatory fodder running around filling support functions as well.
The team at Privateer have come up with a great looking game. Realizing the need for factions they quickly came up with some really cool ideas. Here is a look at them.
The Lords of Cthul
These bad boys are a classic idea that has never been really brought into the arena of Daikaiju (giant monster) entertainment. Well it is about time in my opinion, what could be more monsterific then some ancient monster that eats humans, both in body and mind, rising to consume the city. Their main figures are awesome as well as their support troops, which have some really cool abilities.
G.U.A.R.D.
Where would we be if we didn't have the giant human driven robot defenders of the world. I love the Giant Robo look that these guys have, well with a little sprinkle of Johnny Sacko's Giant friend. This represents the best the human race can muster to defend itself from the giant monster menace. There support troops are tanks and helicopters which are to be expected. I have no intel on what they are capable of doing so I can say little else.
The Martians
If I was impressed with the idea bringing the tentacled menace into the ring I was blown away by this addition. We are talking the tripods people! Yes those annoying war machines from H.G. Wells imagination. Here they are in all their three legged glory to conquer the world, and kick a little giant monster butt! There is little about these up at the web site but I am waiting with baited breath!
The Planet Eaters!
This is probably my favorite faction. Of course it stems from my youth and watching way to much Ultraman and Specter man. Wait you don't get it Well see I liked the cool monsters more then the men in rubber suits. Don't get me wrong but they were simple while the monsters were covered in spikes and fins and flashy thingies. How could you not like them more!? Well here they are and I am looking forward to playing them! I would try and remember the stuff they do but all I can say is...THEY LOOK COOL! So doe their support troops which look like different bugs.
The Shadow Sun Syndicate
Well speaking of guys in suits, here they are. These are the classic giant space men fighting the monsters, with a "twist". As their name implies, something is not quite right and there may be some "strong arming" going on behind the scenes. I love it! I mean why wouldn't aliens who stand 50 stories tall look down on us and say "Hey you want protection? Whada ya got?". I would hate to see the territory war if the mob found out...or maybe they would just steal some G.U.A.R.D. stuff and make a go of it? Oh their support troops are a mix of vehicles and smaller guys which is pretty cool and adds to the "gang" feel.
The Terrasaurs
Hailing from South America here comes the classic giant monster. A huge lizard that has to belch fire, they haven't said so directly on the site but come on...it has to! The faction's support troops are various age groups of the adult creature and boy are they cute! Not like I would want to take care of one but still I can see myself petting a belly or two.
Well now you know the players so here is the game. In a nutshell you are fighting over land (ok not a big surprise what war hasn't) on this land are points of power that you need to take. There are also points that if destroyed hinder you opponent. By holding the good points and destroying the bad ones you can unleash you forces to their full potential and annihilate your opponent. But just think about doing so by saying "My Planet Eater picks up your G.U.A.R.D. and throws him into the building", that is so awesome!
If you want a better idea and pictures of actual mini's go to the website...
Monsterpocalypse
and visit their blog for some cool insights into their thought processes at...
MonsterInsider
All I know is that when it comes out I will be getting some. I know Val is as well so if nothing else we will be playing.
Whelp till next time I am out. Have some laundry to do as well as typing a few more episodes of "The New Adventures of Matt-Man!", oh and miniatures to paint. Whoops almost forgot that campaign I have to polish up and get ready as well as several game ideas to get down on paper and start developing. Man I am a busy guy, can I get paid for it some day? Please?
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!!
Images provided by Privateer Press are © 2001 – 2008 Privateer Press, Inc. All Rights Reserved. All images property of Privateer Press are used with permission. Privateer Press, Monsterpocalypse, G.U.A.R.D., Martian Menace, Terrasaurs, Planet Eaters, Shadow Sun Syndicate, Lords of Cthul and their associated logos and slogans are trademarks of Privateer Press, Inc. All other trademarks are property of their respective owners. Wow never had to put one of these up before, feels kinda like cool.
Things have been good for me as of late. I am working more then less which is good as it keeps me in funds. The allergy season has fallen hard on me and my sinuses, especially on days when I work since I am out in a rural area with tons of farmers pouring stuff on their crops and people with more lawn space then brains paying to have grass cut and manicured like some models hair. Chemicals abound as well as pollen and mold, fun times for all who have mega doses of antihistamines. Ah well I am alive and that is all that counts.
The major topic of this post is going to be the up coming release from Privateer Pres:
For those that have no idea what it is here is a basic run down. Think the simplicity of most clix games but add the awesomeness of Giant Monsters! Oh yes throwing buildings, being thrown into buildings, titanic slugfests punctuated by belching nuclear fire or cosmic laser blasts. Not only do you have the big guys but they have the obligatory fodder running around filling support functions as well.The team at Privateer have come up with a great looking game. Realizing the need for factions they quickly came up with some really cool ideas. Here is a look at them.
The Lords of CthulThese bad boys are a classic idea that has never been really brought into the arena of Daikaiju (giant monster) entertainment. Well it is about time in my opinion, what could be more monsterific then some ancient monster that eats humans, both in body and mind, rising to consume the city. Their main figures are awesome as well as their support troops, which have some really cool abilities.
G.U.A.R.D.Where would we be if we didn't have the giant human driven robot defenders of the world. I love the Giant Robo look that these guys have, well with a little sprinkle of Johnny Sacko's Giant friend. This represents the best the human race can muster to defend itself from the giant monster menace. There support troops are tanks and helicopters which are to be expected. I have no intel on what they are capable of doing so I can say little else.
The MartiansIf I was impressed with the idea bringing the tentacled menace into the ring I was blown away by this addition. We are talking the tripods people! Yes those annoying war machines from H.G. Wells imagination. Here they are in all their three legged glory to conquer the world, and kick a little giant monster butt! There is little about these up at the web site but I am waiting with baited breath!
The Planet Eaters!This is probably my favorite faction. Of course it stems from my youth and watching way to much Ultraman and Specter man. Wait you don't get it Well see I liked the cool monsters more then the men in rubber suits. Don't get me wrong but they were simple while the monsters were covered in spikes and fins and flashy thingies. How could you not like them more!? Well here they are and I am looking forward to playing them! I would try and remember the stuff they do but all I can say is...THEY LOOK COOL! So doe their support troops which look like different bugs.
The Shadow Sun Syndicate Well speaking of guys in suits, here they are. These are the classic giant space men fighting the monsters, with a "twist". As their name implies, something is not quite right and there may be some "strong arming" going on behind the scenes. I love it! I mean why wouldn't aliens who stand 50 stories tall look down on us and say "Hey you want protection? Whada ya got?". I would hate to see the territory war if the mob found out...or maybe they would just steal some G.U.A.R.D. stuff and make a go of it? Oh their support troops are a mix of vehicles and smaller guys which is pretty cool and adds to the "gang" feel.
The TerrasaursHailing from South America here comes the classic giant monster. A huge lizard that has to belch fire, they haven't said so directly on the site but come on...it has to! The faction's support troops are various age groups of the adult creature and boy are they cute! Not like I would want to take care of one but still I can see myself petting a belly or two.
Well now you know the players so here is the game. In a nutshell you are fighting over land (ok not a big surprise what war hasn't) on this land are points of power that you need to take. There are also points that if destroyed hinder you opponent. By holding the good points and destroying the bad ones you can unleash you forces to their full potential and annihilate your opponent. But just think about doing so by saying "My Planet Eater picks up your G.U.A.R.D. and throws him into the building", that is so awesome!
If you want a better idea and pictures of actual mini's go to the website...
Monsterpocalypse
and visit their blog for some cool insights into their thought processes at...
MonsterInsider
All I know is that when it comes out I will be getting some. I know Val is as well so if nothing else we will be playing.
Whelp till next time I am out. Have some laundry to do as well as typing a few more episodes of "The New Adventures of Matt-Man!", oh and miniatures to paint. Whoops almost forgot that campaign I have to polish up and get ready as well as several game ideas to get down on paper and start developing. Man I am a busy guy, can I get paid for it some day? Please?
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!!
Images provided by Privateer Press are © 2001 – 2008 Privateer Press, Inc. All Rights Reserved. All images property of Privateer Press are used with permission. Privateer Press, Monsterpocalypse, G.U.A.R.D., Martian Menace, Terrasaurs, Planet Eaters, Shadow Sun Syndicate, Lords of Cthul and their associated logos and slogans are trademarks of Privateer Press, Inc. All other trademarks are property of their respective owners. Wow never had to put one of these up before, feels kinda like cool.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Matt-Man is Inspriation!!!!
Hail and well met
First off I have to give a shout out to Sara Jay for her recent email containing some amazing posters. I hope she doesn't mind but I am reposting them here for all to see. Hilarious! I laughed harder then I have in a long time.
Okay well it appears that I am having technical difficulties reposting those posters. Grrrrr why cannot things just work.
No matter. Thank you Sara Jay for sharing those with me and everyone you mailed them to. Keep it up cause they are funny.
Now on the the second reason for this post, besides the fact that I haven't posted in awhile. As some of you may know and some may not, in the past I have posted blogs on MySpace that were written adventures of Matt-Man. Several months ago I stopped for several reasons. Among them were a desire to polish the whole thing top to bottom so it worked better, then I wanted to solidify the universe it takes place in and finally I wanted to write the stories with continuity in mind, you know longer story arcs that mesh together not jump around all the time. There were other reasons that remain personal for personal reasons.
Well the time has come for me to kick my butt into gear and get things done. So with that in mind I began to write the adventures again. Originally it was to be returning to MySpace, but due to the interloping of Trans-Dimensional Error Imp Gnomes I have had to move it somewhere I could work everything out as I wished.
So without further ado here is the link to my new blog...
The Adventures of Matt-Man!!!
It is amazing! I even added a soundtrack! So here is to you all taking a look and liking what you see.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Matt-man Addicted to the "YouTube"
Hail and well met
I just can't seem to get enough of watching stuff on YouTube. Here is one I just had to share today.
Laughing as I am typing.
I'm a Matt-Man, yes I am.
Excelsior!!!
I just can't seem to get enough of watching stuff on YouTube. Here is one I just had to share today.
Laughing as I am typing.
I'm a Matt-Man, yes I am.
Excelsior!!!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Matt-Man For Something Completely Different
Hail and well met
I just found these on YouTube and had to share them. Watch and enjoy.
Just one more this time..
These are all done by ItsJustSomeRandomGuy. Look him up to see many many more fun videos.
That is all I wanted to post. See you all later.
Excelsior!!!
I just found these on YouTube and had to share them. Watch and enjoy.
Just one more this time..
These are all done by ItsJustSomeRandomGuy. Look him up to see many many more fun videos.
That is all I wanted to post. See you all later.
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Matt-man Bears All!
Hail and well met...
Hail...
HAIL...
Hail?
Ok come out from behind whatever it is you have jumped behind, I was talking metaphorically people. Besides this is a blog, not live and in person. I know the thought of me in all my glory is a frightening thought (right Neal?) but this is a serious post...well as serious as I can muster.
Listen I was reading a blog today and something in it struck me. Then I was working on my MySpace page and something else struck me, HARD. Those things forced me to face something from a new direction and understand what is going on in my life.
As I have stated in recent posts my sense of apathy. How I cannot seem to do anything with real passion or energy. I won't go into the whole thing cause it was long and verbose (like so much of my stuff is) besides that sums it up. Well after reading the blog I started categorizing my pictures on MySpace, I grouped the 37 inch gamers, people I knew from high school and then people from the two stores I worked at/managed. It was while gathering those pictures together I realized something.
I still had strong feeling about the loss of both of those stores, one worse then the other only because I was only assistant manger at the first one; while I ran the second one. It doesn't matter which one hurt more what mattered was that it hurt. I thought I had put these behind me and moved on. It appears that I have not or at least I have not healed from them or something. Then it struck me like a bolt of lighting, an epiphany if you will.
The problem I am having is not that I lack the energy but that I won't/can't/don't invest in anything emotionally, thus the feeling of lifelessness when I do them.
Without investing emotion into something you cannot expect to gain emotion from it, at least not anything that lasts. I know that is true because of what I gained from the time spent working at the stores. I got things out of those experiences, both good and bad but they are there and with me forever. Lately things come and go with little or no lasting impression.
The biggest proof of this is my inability to paint. I have tried on several occasions but again I just lack the energy to get anything accomplished. A few strokes of the brush and then I have to do something else or fall asleep. It is now clear that don't lose energy, there just isn't any there to pull from.
The big question is why? Why am I holding back on investing my emotions into the things that I know I love? What is blocking the flow that was so free before? This is the key and I must figure it out.
What could it be is easy. I answered it myself a second ago when I mentioned the lingering pain from past experiences...oh hell lets be honest cause I missed stating one.
Terri leaving me.
That one hurt and still does on some nights when I am laying in bed alone wishing to hear her voice next to me. Waking up to see her face, her smile and her eyes. God I miss her.
But that is not the point. The fact is I am just not investing my emotions in anything. Well that cannot be true because I do my job with energy and focus. Of course there is little in the way of a threat there as I am over my 1 year anniversary which gives me a little job security. That is not it either, it is more the fact that in all honesty aside from being broke I don't care if I lose that job or not. I don't care if they treat me like shit because I am not there to gain their approval. I don't want to make friends, I am there to work. I do the best I can and if that is not good enough then hard cheese, I don't care. I take a measure of satisfaction in my job and do it well but I take no pride in it. All I do is deliver the mail, like the rest of the quarter of million people that work for the Post Office in their various capacities. I just do my job and sometimes I make mistakes and sometimes I don't, just like anyone else.
Frak it all! I am invisible again.
I think that is what is holding me back. I am afraid of being special, of standing out. It makes me a target and I don't want to get shot again (figuratively speaking of course).
GRRRRRRR!
Well there is only one thing to do then.
STOP IT!
I don't mean going gang busters with my job, I mean with several other aspects of my life that I have let slip away because I know that if pursued there will be a big ole' target painted on my back, my front and all over me. Risk is the thing I am getting at. I am not taking any risks at all. Playing it safe. Lulling myself to sleep with thoughts that if I am patient enough it will all happen. Well that is bull straight from the bull's arse. I have to take risks if I want any of the rewards.
What is that line from "The Sound of Music"
"Nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could."
If I venture nothing I get nothing, if I do nothing I accomplish nothing. Yeah it means that I don't get hurt, from the outside that is. All the while I am dying a little each and every day on the inside.
I have to fight and struggle and RISK everything. I know there will be pain and loss and failure but I can learn and grow from these. I owe it to myself and everyone that believes in me to do it. I owe it to God because he gave me the ability to do the things I can do.
I just have to be honest here. I don't have a damn clue how to do it.
I will find a way, I have to because I refuse to become a ghost again. I won't. I would rather die and get it over with then go back to that unlife. Since I don't plan on kicking the bucket anytime soon that only leaves me one option.
Get'er done!
I have some work to do. No I have a shit ton of work to do. I had better get started.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!!
Hail...
HAIL...
Hail?
Ok come out from behind whatever it is you have jumped behind, I was talking metaphorically people. Besides this is a blog, not live and in person. I know the thought of me in all my glory is a frightening thought (right Neal?) but this is a serious post...well as serious as I can muster.
Listen I was reading a blog today and something in it struck me. Then I was working on my MySpace page and something else struck me, HARD. Those things forced me to face something from a new direction and understand what is going on in my life.
As I have stated in recent posts my sense of apathy. How I cannot seem to do anything with real passion or energy. I won't go into the whole thing cause it was long and verbose (like so much of my stuff is) besides that sums it up. Well after reading the blog I started categorizing my pictures on MySpace, I grouped the 37 inch gamers, people I knew from high school and then people from the two stores I worked at/managed. It was while gathering those pictures together I realized something.
I still had strong feeling about the loss of both of those stores, one worse then the other only because I was only assistant manger at the first one; while I ran the second one. It doesn't matter which one hurt more what mattered was that it hurt. I thought I had put these behind me and moved on. It appears that I have not or at least I have not healed from them or something. Then it struck me like a bolt of lighting, an epiphany if you will.
The problem I am having is not that I lack the energy but that I won't/can't/don't invest in anything emotionally, thus the feeling of lifelessness when I do them.
Without investing emotion into something you cannot expect to gain emotion from it, at least not anything that lasts. I know that is true because of what I gained from the time spent working at the stores. I got things out of those experiences, both good and bad but they are there and with me forever. Lately things come and go with little or no lasting impression.
The biggest proof of this is my inability to paint. I have tried on several occasions but again I just lack the energy to get anything accomplished. A few strokes of the brush and then I have to do something else or fall asleep. It is now clear that don't lose energy, there just isn't any there to pull from.
The big question is why? Why am I holding back on investing my emotions into the things that I know I love? What is blocking the flow that was so free before? This is the key and I must figure it out.
What could it be is easy. I answered it myself a second ago when I mentioned the lingering pain from past experiences...oh hell lets be honest cause I missed stating one.
Terri leaving me.
That one hurt and still does on some nights when I am laying in bed alone wishing to hear her voice next to me. Waking up to see her face, her smile and her eyes. God I miss her.
But that is not the point. The fact is I am just not investing my emotions in anything. Well that cannot be true because I do my job with energy and focus. Of course there is little in the way of a threat there as I am over my 1 year anniversary which gives me a little job security. That is not it either, it is more the fact that in all honesty aside from being broke I don't care if I lose that job or not. I don't care if they treat me like shit because I am not there to gain their approval. I don't want to make friends, I am there to work. I do the best I can and if that is not good enough then hard cheese, I don't care. I take a measure of satisfaction in my job and do it well but I take no pride in it. All I do is deliver the mail, like the rest of the quarter of million people that work for the Post Office in their various capacities. I just do my job and sometimes I make mistakes and sometimes I don't, just like anyone else.
Frak it all! I am invisible again.
I think that is what is holding me back. I am afraid of being special, of standing out. It makes me a target and I don't want to get shot again (figuratively speaking of course).
GRRRRRRR!
Well there is only one thing to do then.
STOP IT!
I don't mean going gang busters with my job, I mean with several other aspects of my life that I have let slip away because I know that if pursued there will be a big ole' target painted on my back, my front and all over me. Risk is the thing I am getting at. I am not taking any risks at all. Playing it safe. Lulling myself to sleep with thoughts that if I am patient enough it will all happen. Well that is bull straight from the bull's arse. I have to take risks if I want any of the rewards.
What is that line from "The Sound of Music"
"Nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could."
If I venture nothing I get nothing, if I do nothing I accomplish nothing. Yeah it means that I don't get hurt, from the outside that is. All the while I am dying a little each and every day on the inside.
I have to fight and struggle and RISK everything. I know there will be pain and loss and failure but I can learn and grow from these. I owe it to myself and everyone that believes in me to do it. I owe it to God because he gave me the ability to do the things I can do.
I just have to be honest here. I don't have a damn clue how to do it.
I will find a way, I have to because I refuse to become a ghost again. I won't. I would rather die and get it over with then go back to that unlife. Since I don't plan on kicking the bucket anytime soon that only leaves me one option.
Get'er done!
I have some work to do. No I have a shit ton of work to do. I had better get started.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Matt-man Says Generation-Shmeneration!
Hail and well met
Welp I was watching something on the computer and a commercial came on and referred to "Generation Z" which got me thinking about the whole labeling thing we have gotten in the habit of doing.
I understand it from a historical stand point but as I look back I realize that it has gone way beyond that. In many cases it appears that people have taken it upon themselves to find out what their "Generation" was all about and tried to life up to it. They have stopped defining themselves as individuals and instead adopt or co-opt the identity of the average person from their "Generation". While they sit around or do whatever they do it is apparent that they are happy as clams in their shells to stop trying to be themselves, individuals and slip into the cookie cutter existence dolled out to them by the "know it alls" whom tell them what it means to be of their "Generation".
I really see it in my generation, that would be the "X'ers" which I didn't really know until doing a little research on the subject. God I love Wikipedia.
Maybe I just don't get it. I have always been outside the "group" so to speak and was quite happy to be there. Being an only child I learned early on to get by on my own, since needing someone else left you vulnerable and incomplete. I mean what happens when someone has life drop in their laps and you are left alone, do you just shut down or do you deal with it? Well I learned to deal with it, on my own. I didn't need to belong to a "group" because I was one, literally, a group of "one";me.
I know that it has severely screwed with my mental and social development. It is probably the main reason I didn't rush off to collage, I didn't need to get away because I had already sequestered myself from the smothering around me. I had, I hate to say this but I see it now quite clearly, convinced myself I was "above" it. I also know I was totally wrong. I had not risen above anything, I had sunken below it. I was off the radar so to speak. Locked away in my room, painting, reading, writing and all the other stuff I did to fill my days and nights while I was alone, avoiding most social interaction.
It is a wonder I didn't end up some crazy basket case sending really nasty stuff through the mail while living in a cabin made from recycled cardboard boxes or something. Luckily I didn't become that although I have no idea what I have become.
In that is the truth of something that tasks me. What have I become? What am I? What am I going to be?
Stupid questions for someone who is 38, or maybe not. I guess that they are common for anyone to ponder at any age. Of course there is the "Mid-life" crisis theory. Yet I know it definitely not that.
I am not ragging on myself. I am not beating myself up. I am just realizing that I may be 38 physically but mentally I really haven't jumped past my mid 20's at best. Don't ask about emotionally, I know I don't.
Things happen for a reason. I know that if I had gone to collage it would have ended in disaster. I mean a real disaster. Were talking about evening news across the world covering the latest details of the crazed happening on that campus where that quiet, reclusive fat kid lost his mind and did something terrible. Trust me I can be honest enough to know I was in no mental or emotional condition for the environment of a campus.
I would have crawled into a shell and locked myself away totally losing touch with humanity not to mention reality. That can only lead to bad places. Trust me I know what lurks in the hearts of men...well at least this man. It would have been scary, no scratch that it would have been totally fracking terrifying.
I digress though as I didn't do any of that. I did manage to get out there a little. I did manage to find friends, something I have a knack for (of course keeping up with them is bit of a problem with me). I have involved myself with my fellow man, a little. I go out...once in awhile. Ok so I don't go looking for companionship and maybe I should.
Crap let me just say it. I am scared of it. Scared of going out into a crowed room of people I don't know and trying to talk to any of them, let alone the women of that crowd.
I am not one for idle banter. I don't chat well. Hell I can barely talk slow enough for anyone to understand and that includes myself. I try but it never works. I end up stuttering if I do and that is something I would love to understand; why do I talk the way I do?. What wires are screwed up in my head that I feel the need to try and speak at the speed of sound. (Ha that was a joke, albeit a bad one)I really have tried to slow down, I notice when I do and I even know when someone won't understand what I am saying. I force myself to slow down and it just causes a traffic jam in my head that comes crashing out of my mouth.
It is probably the second thing I hate about myself. You should all know the first one.
Anyway I again digress from the point and have lost it. No wait that is not true I am trying to escape talking about being mortified of interaction with those I don't know. Trying to weasel out of it. But then again it is my blog and I will quit when I want to. Even if it is an escapist effort to not continue. It fact I am surprised that I haven't stopped and erased this whole thing. Maybe I am trying to work it through. Hopefully I am ready to maybe face it and get over it.
Hmm talking about labeling a generation to my fear of interaction. That is quite a stretch and a little egocentric of me isn't it, turning this post around and about me. I guess I am a little self centered but again it is MY blog, so whatever.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Welp I was watching something on the computer and a commercial came on and referred to "Generation Z" which got me thinking about the whole labeling thing we have gotten in the habit of doing.
I understand it from a historical stand point but as I look back I realize that it has gone way beyond that. In many cases it appears that people have taken it upon themselves to find out what their "Generation" was all about and tried to life up to it. They have stopped defining themselves as individuals and instead adopt or co-opt the identity of the average person from their "Generation". While they sit around or do whatever they do it is apparent that they are happy as clams in their shells to stop trying to be themselves, individuals and slip into the cookie cutter existence dolled out to them by the "know it alls" whom tell them what it means to be of their "Generation".
I really see it in my generation, that would be the "X'ers" which I didn't really know until doing a little research on the subject. God I love Wikipedia.
Maybe I just don't get it. I have always been outside the "group" so to speak and was quite happy to be there. Being an only child I learned early on to get by on my own, since needing someone else left you vulnerable and incomplete. I mean what happens when someone has life drop in their laps and you are left alone, do you just shut down or do you deal with it? Well I learned to deal with it, on my own. I didn't need to belong to a "group" because I was one, literally, a group of "one";me.
I know that it has severely screwed with my mental and social development. It is probably the main reason I didn't rush off to collage, I didn't need to get away because I had already sequestered myself from the smothering around me. I had, I hate to say this but I see it now quite clearly, convinced myself I was "above" it. I also know I was totally wrong. I had not risen above anything, I had sunken below it. I was off the radar so to speak. Locked away in my room, painting, reading, writing and all the other stuff I did to fill my days and nights while I was alone, avoiding most social interaction.
It is a wonder I didn't end up some crazy basket case sending really nasty stuff through the mail while living in a cabin made from recycled cardboard boxes or something. Luckily I didn't become that although I have no idea what I have become.
In that is the truth of something that tasks me. What have I become? What am I? What am I going to be?
Stupid questions for someone who is 38, or maybe not. I guess that they are common for anyone to ponder at any age. Of course there is the "Mid-life" crisis theory. Yet I know it definitely not that.
I am not ragging on myself. I am not beating myself up. I am just realizing that I may be 38 physically but mentally I really haven't jumped past my mid 20's at best. Don't ask about emotionally, I know I don't.
Things happen for a reason. I know that if I had gone to collage it would have ended in disaster. I mean a real disaster. Were talking about evening news across the world covering the latest details of the crazed happening on that campus where that quiet, reclusive fat kid lost his mind and did something terrible. Trust me I can be honest enough to know I was in no mental or emotional condition for the environment of a campus.
I would have crawled into a shell and locked myself away totally losing touch with humanity not to mention reality. That can only lead to bad places. Trust me I know what lurks in the hearts of men...well at least this man. It would have been scary, no scratch that it would have been totally fracking terrifying.
I digress though as I didn't do any of that. I did manage to get out there a little. I did manage to find friends, something I have a knack for (of course keeping up with them is bit of a problem with me). I have involved myself with my fellow man, a little. I go out...once in awhile. Ok so I don't go looking for companionship and maybe I should.
Crap let me just say it. I am scared of it. Scared of going out into a crowed room of people I don't know and trying to talk to any of them, let alone the women of that crowd.
I am not one for idle banter. I don't chat well. Hell I can barely talk slow enough for anyone to understand and that includes myself. I try but it never works. I end up stuttering if I do and that is something I would love to understand; why do I talk the way I do?. What wires are screwed up in my head that I feel the need to try and speak at the speed of sound. (Ha that was a joke, albeit a bad one)I really have tried to slow down, I notice when I do and I even know when someone won't understand what I am saying. I force myself to slow down and it just causes a traffic jam in my head that comes crashing out of my mouth.
It is probably the second thing I hate about myself. You should all know the first one.
Anyway I again digress from the point and have lost it. No wait that is not true I am trying to escape talking about being mortified of interaction with those I don't know. Trying to weasel out of it. But then again it is my blog and I will quit when I want to. Even if it is an escapist effort to not continue. It fact I am surprised that I haven't stopped and erased this whole thing. Maybe I am trying to work it through. Hopefully I am ready to maybe face it and get over it.
Hmm talking about labeling a generation to my fear of interaction. That is quite a stretch and a little egocentric of me isn't it, turning this post around and about me. I guess I am a little self centered but again it is MY blog, so whatever.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Matt-Man For Great Justice...
Hail and well met
So here I sit with a heavy heart. I was tooling around IMDB and stumbled upon an entry for the Justice League movie. I had a fear that DC would screw it up and from what I am seeing the gun is loaded and aimed at their foot with the finger flexing.
How can this be you ask. Well it is simple really. They lack the screen presence or standing in the industry to pull it off. Also they lack the patience to do it. Here is my reasoning. Marvel is on the cusp of launching what will be the most amazing franchise in movie history, eclipsing even the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Only because there will most likely be more then three of them and will be surrounded by a mounting number of side movies, including the first films for the main characters. Iron Man was the beginning and I have no doubt it will continue with Hulk, Thor and Captain America when they come out. It won't be the main theme of the film but as with IM it will be laced through the film with a reveal at the end. Marvel is willing to take the time and spend the money to secure a recognized group of actors and then draw them all into one film that everyone will go see because of the previous movies. Not to mention the effort that is being made to make these newer films with attention to the cannon of the comics as well as strong cinematography.
DC is just not being as smart about it. First of all the only two characters from the Justice League that have films are Batman and Superman. Now these are very successful in their own right but there has been little or no attempt to draw them together at all. Then you have the fact that neither of the actors that played the characters are mentioned in the cast listing for the Justice League film. Yeah you heard me right they are casting entirely new and unseen actors for these characters for the movie. So you are going to have confusion and mixed performances (can we say the many faces of Batman which weakened that already weak franchise). Ok so that is big check mark against it but maybe they will make up for it with great writing...NOT. After checking out the two co-writers I can only wonder if they didn't just walk out and toss a lawn dart at people walking by the office. The two are Kirean and Michele Mulroney, a brother and sister team with absolutely no writing history at all and I am not joking. Kirean has some acting under his belt on such blockbusters as "Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service", Greasewood Flat, "Touched by an Angel", "NYPD Blue" and both Star Trek: Next Generation and Enterprise. Oh boy with such MOVIE experience I just know we will have a TOTAL SCREWED UP MESS. If his resume is ok then here is what his sis has done... Sunny & Share Love You (2007) (writer and actress)...yeah that is it. At this point I was seeing a movie ending up like the 1994 Fantastic Four that ends up being given away at conventions for free when you buy some anime porn.
Ok so inexperienced writers and out of the blue casting, maybe the director can pull it off. I mean Marc Singer did a wonderful job on X-Men so there may be a fleck of hope, right? Can I get a HELL NO! The gentleman listed as director is George Miller (II) who has won an Oscar. So what films has he done? Well here is the list from IMDB.
# Happy Feet (2006)
# "HBO First Look" (1 episode, 2006)
- Happy Feet (2006) TV episode
# Babe: Pig in the City (1998)
# 40,000 Years of Dreaming (1997)
# Lorenzo's Oil (1992)
# The Witches of Eastwick (1987)
# Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985)
... aka Mad Max 3
... aka Mad Max III (Philippines: English title)
# "The Last Bastion" (1984) (mini) TV mini-series (co-director)
# Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) (segment 4)
# "The Dismissal" (1983) (mini) TV mini-series
# Mad Max 2 (1981)
... aka Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (USA)
... aka The Road Warrior (USA)
Ok not that bad...if you want an 80's style action movie or pathetic schlock. I mean lets face it the last film he did was Happy Feet...HAPPY FEET?!?!?!
In case any of you have not seen it (I pray it is all of you) IT SUCKED. I watched about 1/3 of the film before I had to fake stomach cramps so I could excuse myself and come home, which was not that hard given the insipid, sickeningly thin premise the movie tried to doll out. I won't go any further.
Why does DC have to carry this rivalry with Marvel to this extreme? They should take a long look at the success that Marvel is having and instead of getting jealous or self-righteous, get down to business. Start by getting more of the main characters their own really good films, drop the hints and plant the seeds and then damn well deliver on them. It may take a few years but in the end you will have something that will really work, not some half assed attempt to throw something out there to appease the "fans", which may be what they say to press but really it is a slap in the face.
Unless things really change and soon the Justice League movie will be a lost cause.
On a happy note it is listed as "The project is tabled for now".
Well that about covers it for me. Not the usual fare from this blog but I had to get this off my chest. Personally things are ok. Some hiccups but that is to expected. I will weather them and come out on top as usual.
Oh and anyone not visiting the forum should cause I have posted about an event called "Zombie Fest" in October. Not going to go into details right now, probably in next post, but in a nutshell it is ZOMBIE CONVENTION!!!!!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
So here I sit with a heavy heart. I was tooling around IMDB and stumbled upon an entry for the Justice League movie. I had a fear that DC would screw it up and from what I am seeing the gun is loaded and aimed at their foot with the finger flexing.
How can this be you ask. Well it is simple really. They lack the screen presence or standing in the industry to pull it off. Also they lack the patience to do it. Here is my reasoning. Marvel is on the cusp of launching what will be the most amazing franchise in movie history, eclipsing even the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Only because there will most likely be more then three of them and will be surrounded by a mounting number of side movies, including the first films for the main characters. Iron Man was the beginning and I have no doubt it will continue with Hulk, Thor and Captain America when they come out. It won't be the main theme of the film but as with IM it will be laced through the film with a reveal at the end. Marvel is willing to take the time and spend the money to secure a recognized group of actors and then draw them all into one film that everyone will go see because of the previous movies. Not to mention the effort that is being made to make these newer films with attention to the cannon of the comics as well as strong cinematography.
DC is just not being as smart about it. First of all the only two characters from the Justice League that have films are Batman and Superman. Now these are very successful in their own right but there has been little or no attempt to draw them together at all. Then you have the fact that neither of the actors that played the characters are mentioned in the cast listing for the Justice League film. Yeah you heard me right they are casting entirely new and unseen actors for these characters for the movie. So you are going to have confusion and mixed performances (can we say the many faces of Batman which weakened that already weak franchise). Ok so that is big check mark against it but maybe they will make up for it with great writing...NOT. After checking out the two co-writers I can only wonder if they didn't just walk out and toss a lawn dart at people walking by the office. The two are Kirean and Michele Mulroney, a brother and sister team with absolutely no writing history at all and I am not joking. Kirean has some acting under his belt on such blockbusters as "Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service", Greasewood Flat, "Touched by an Angel", "NYPD Blue" and both Star Trek: Next Generation and Enterprise. Oh boy with such MOVIE experience I just know we will have a TOTAL SCREWED UP MESS. If his resume is ok then here is what his sis has done... Sunny & Share Love You (2007) (writer and actress)...yeah that is it. At this point I was seeing a movie ending up like the 1994 Fantastic Four that ends up being given away at conventions for free when you buy some anime porn.
Ok so inexperienced writers and out of the blue casting, maybe the director can pull it off. I mean Marc Singer did a wonderful job on X-Men so there may be a fleck of hope, right? Can I get a HELL NO! The gentleman listed as director is George Miller (II) who has won an Oscar. So what films has he done? Well here is the list from IMDB.
# Happy Feet (2006)
# "HBO First Look" (1 episode, 2006)
- Happy Feet (2006) TV episode
# Babe: Pig in the City (1998)
# 40,000 Years of Dreaming (1997)
# Lorenzo's Oil (1992)
# The Witches of Eastwick (1987)
# Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985)
... aka Mad Max 3
... aka Mad Max III (Philippines: English title)
# "The Last Bastion" (1984) (mini) TV mini-series (co-director)
# Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) (segment 4)
# "The Dismissal" (1983) (mini) TV mini-series
# Mad Max 2 (1981)
... aka Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (USA)
... aka The Road Warrior (USA)
Ok not that bad...if you want an 80's style action movie or pathetic schlock. I mean lets face it the last film he did was Happy Feet...HAPPY FEET?!?!?!
In case any of you have not seen it (I pray it is all of you) IT SUCKED. I watched about 1/3 of the film before I had to fake stomach cramps so I could excuse myself and come home, which was not that hard given the insipid, sickeningly thin premise the movie tried to doll out. I won't go any further.
Why does DC have to carry this rivalry with Marvel to this extreme? They should take a long look at the success that Marvel is having and instead of getting jealous or self-righteous, get down to business. Start by getting more of the main characters their own really good films, drop the hints and plant the seeds and then damn well deliver on them. It may take a few years but in the end you will have something that will really work, not some half assed attempt to throw something out there to appease the "fans", which may be what they say to press but really it is a slap in the face.
Unless things really change and soon the Justice League movie will be a lost cause.
On a happy note it is listed as "The project is tabled for now".
Well that about covers it for me. Not the usual fare from this blog but I had to get this off my chest. Personally things are ok. Some hiccups but that is to expected. I will weather them and come out on top as usual.
Oh and anyone not visiting the forum should cause I have posted about an event called "Zombie Fest" in October. Not going to go into details right now, probably in next post, but in a nutshell it is ZOMBIE CONVENTION!!!!!
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Matt-Man...What, you need more?
Hail and well met
Well I sit here typing today with a bit of a conundrum on my hands. You see I found something out this afternoon that should have me devastated. Right now I normally would be stressed out and pissed off, screaming at anything and everything in the 'verse for dumping this on me. Now I will get around to telling you what happened but this has to come first cause it has me, to be honest, scared.
Most of you know me for the light hearted fat man with a penchant for holding in his emotions until he blows (either his top or a gasket...he he he inside joke for now). Not one for handling stress or anger well at all. I try not to vent at anyone cause it is never fair to hurt someone you love for something that is not even remotely their fault and even if it is I tend to turn the other cheek. With all this bottled up emotion I tend to fly off the handle at times over the stupidest things. We all know it is true. Either that or fall into stupid depression from which I have to dig myself out.
Well as I learned what I did this afternoon I expected to sense the coming storm within. I braced myself and even prepared some lines and subjects for my resulting mood. As I stood there and waited for it to come I realized it wasn't. I was shocked but figured it was only a matter of time and it had not fully sunk in. So I went home and waited for it to rise. Time passed as it always does and I find that it is not there at all. Instead I think I feel nothing at all concerning what happened and in a way that worries me more.
You see as of late I have been realizing a new trend in my life. Apathy. A total lack of emotion and desire at anything. I tried with Iron Man and it did excite me a little but as soon as it was over...POOF gone. Nothing is sustained and fades so quickly. I keep trying to work on stuff and quickly fall off into watching something on TV or this blasted computer off the internet (NO ITS NOT PORN!...well not all of it ;) But all kidding aside it worries me that the harder I try and grasp some shred of discipline the easier it slips away.
In the end it worries me that I am falling apart on the inside, fading away. No that is not the right term for it or the idea either. I cannot explain what it is but it bothers me a lot.
So what did I learn this afternoon. Well it seems that my "new" van is not so good. A seal is not working right (hence the gasket joke earlier... come on it was funny)and the cost to figure out what exactly is wrong (not fix it but determine what needs to be fixed that is) would run conservatively around a thousand dollars. Well that is a no brainer. So once again I am on the search for a mail worthy vehicle that I can afford, I haven't even finished paying off this one. You see I should be worked up over all of this and it doesn't even phase me. I don't have any idea where the vehicle could come from nor can I afford another 3 month wonder. Yet here I sit not really caring one bit about it. I plan on just pouring oil down its gullet and drive it only for work. Which should also piss me off as it totally cuts me off from everyone and everything else.
And all I can say is "meh".
I wish life came with a owners manual or at least some helpful tips that popped up when you logged on.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Well I sit here typing today with a bit of a conundrum on my hands. You see I found something out this afternoon that should have me devastated. Right now I normally would be stressed out and pissed off, screaming at anything and everything in the 'verse for dumping this on me. Now I will get around to telling you what happened but this has to come first cause it has me, to be honest, scared.
Most of you know me for the light hearted fat man with a penchant for holding in his emotions until he blows (either his top or a gasket...he he he inside joke for now). Not one for handling stress or anger well at all. I try not to vent at anyone cause it is never fair to hurt someone you love for something that is not even remotely their fault and even if it is I tend to turn the other cheek. With all this bottled up emotion I tend to fly off the handle at times over the stupidest things. We all know it is true. Either that or fall into stupid depression from which I have to dig myself out.
Well as I learned what I did this afternoon I expected to sense the coming storm within. I braced myself and even prepared some lines and subjects for my resulting mood. As I stood there and waited for it to come I realized it wasn't. I was shocked but figured it was only a matter of time and it had not fully sunk in. So I went home and waited for it to rise. Time passed as it always does and I find that it is not there at all. Instead I think I feel nothing at all concerning what happened and in a way that worries me more.
You see as of late I have been realizing a new trend in my life. Apathy. A total lack of emotion and desire at anything. I tried with Iron Man and it did excite me a little but as soon as it was over...POOF gone. Nothing is sustained and fades so quickly. I keep trying to work on stuff and quickly fall off into watching something on TV or this blasted computer off the internet (NO ITS NOT PORN!...well not all of it ;) But all kidding aside it worries me that the harder I try and grasp some shred of discipline the easier it slips away.
In the end it worries me that I am falling apart on the inside, fading away. No that is not the right term for it or the idea either. I cannot explain what it is but it bothers me a lot.
So what did I learn this afternoon. Well it seems that my "new" van is not so good. A seal is not working right (hence the gasket joke earlier... come on it was funny)and the cost to figure out what exactly is wrong (not fix it but determine what needs to be fixed that is) would run conservatively around a thousand dollars. Well that is a no brainer. So once again I am on the search for a mail worthy vehicle that I can afford, I haven't even finished paying off this one. You see I should be worked up over all of this and it doesn't even phase me. I don't have any idea where the vehicle could come from nor can I afford another 3 month wonder. Yet here I sit not really caring one bit about it. I plan on just pouring oil down its gullet and drive it only for work. Which should also piss me off as it totally cuts me off from everyone and everything else.
And all I can say is "meh".
I wish life came with a owners manual or at least some helpful tips that popped up when you logged on.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Matt-Man Hails Iron Man
Hail and well met
I am glad to say that the movie surpassed the trailer. It was amazing and that could be an understatement. Robert Downey Jr was absolutely perfect as Tony Stark. His attitude, his mannerisms and his quips were an outstanding representation of the comic book character. Gwyneth Paltrow as "Pepper" Potts was an incredible choice, her chemistry with Robert was golden and on the money. Jeff Bridges as Stane was inspired as I did not see it coming and it is a shame his character died because I would love to see him and Tony go toe to toe again. His demeanor and its ability to change both visibly and vocally was amazing. Oh and lets not forget Terrence Howard as Rhodes and although he had only a supporting role it was excellent and planted seeds for the future...can we say "Warmachine"? I knew you could!
I would go into to the special FX but all I have to say is this...
OMG AMAZING!
Yeah that about covers it.
So all in all I have to say that Iron Man was the current best Marvel Movie...cause Hulk is on the way!
Oh and before I forget if you haven't seen the movie yet, go see it and STAY THROUGH THE CREDITS! It is worth it.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Friday, May 02, 2008
Matt-Man on Cloverfield
Hail and well met.
It has been awhile since I last posted. Things around here are doing well. I am in good health of body, mind and soul. Work is just that, work. I have recently revisited an idea I had last year and this time I have found the right way to go. I am still proceeding slowly and really taking the time to understand what I am getting myself into before I jump in head first and smack the bottom of the pool. It should be interesting to see where this takes me and what I get from it.
Now on to the meaning of the title. Well yesterday I bought the Cloverfield DVD and devoured it all in one sitting, well except for the director commentary. The movie is over 5 months old which is hard to believe that only that much time has past as it felt like almost a year had passed. I was a little disappointed with the DVD as it lacked any of the online material that made the build up for the film so much fun. I know that it would have been difficult to put on the DVD for DVD viewing but still at least mention it if not do a complete special feature on it. What was there was interesting and in some ways added to the fun of the film. Then there were a few things that kind of discolored it a little. No that is not entirely correct as I still fully enjoy the film and I am glad to have purchased it. I guess you could sum up what I am getting at by one statement.
This was not a Giant Monster (or Kaiju) movie but a tragic love story set against the backdrop of a disaster.
Yeah that about puts all the facts of it in order. J.J. Abrams is shown saying that his son and him made a trip to Tokyo and while there visited a number of toy stores. There he viewed that Godzilla was still a major factor in Japanese pop culture. He states that he wishes that America had such a monster, King Kong not withstanding. So he gives the impression that this is what stimulated him to make Cloverfield. Here is where I draw contention with his movie. If he set out to make a Kaiju film then it is without question an absolute and complete failure. As a amateur Kaiju film watcher I can say that hardly any of the required elements were there. Yes there was a giant monster but it had only a supporting part, bordering on bit or walk on if not for some later scenes. The conflict with the monster was no where near the center of the story nor did it recieve more then a passing mention in exposition. The army is seen fighting with it but their tactics and plans are never really shown except for the passing mention of the "Hammer Fall" protocol. While there was plenty of destruction of buildings it lacked the scope of the genre. Oh and the end was worse then spending an evening working with your date towards the big payoff only to have her fall asleep in the first five minutes after getting home. Yes there were a few explosions but those fell far short of the end of the film and the last scene didn't even show the monster. Unfortunately by comparison the American Godzilla was a better Kaiju film then Cloverfield.
Now that being said is Cloverfield a bad movie? Hell no! I loved it for what it was as I said before. It was a tragic love story set against the back drop of this monster rampaging around New York. I began to feel for these characters and wanted to know what was going on. I think the most engaging fact of the film is that I wanted to know more about what happened on the tape from the Conney Island day. I was clamoring for scenes. No I didn't want the whole movie to be about it but I found the contrast was amazing as well as the way it continued to draw you back to the humanity of the main character and his connection with Beth.
I was silently routing him on as he struggled with getting to her. Not to mention that along the way he has been watching his brother and friends die off due to this thing, in one way or another. Oh and did anyone else catch the irony of which one of the group survived...yes someone did survive! I totally missed it in the theaters but it struck me right between the eyes while watching the DVD. Ok for anyone that has not seen this film this could be viewed as a slight spoiler so stop reading and go out and watch the movie then come back and read on.
Lilly survives! The quite beautiful young lady gets on the Chopper and gets away! Someone made it out, just not our hero nor his lady which is why I call it a love story with a tragic end in a most classic way. Another way to put it is to call it a Classic Tragic Love Story or CTLS. Kind of looks like a short hand way to say cutlass.
"I'll take Swords for one billion!"
"What? No Mr.Connery that is S Words not Swords."
Sorry but I get distracted sometimes.
What else can I say about this film. I said I love it and then explained why it was not a Kaiju film but a CTLS. I dropped the bomb that someone survived. Hmm I could go into my thoughts on the little critters that fell off the monster but that is a long rant. I have some other insights on the thought process that went into the monster but again to long for this already long post. So I will let it go at that for now. I do want to share my views on the other aspects of the subject of this film so expect it in the future.
I am going to be seeing Iron Man tonight and I am planning posting on this experience but maybe on until Sunday as I work tomorrow and have gaming tomorrow night.
Looking forward to everyone being home, even if it is only for a short time.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
It has been awhile since I last posted. Things around here are doing well. I am in good health of body, mind and soul. Work is just that, work. I have recently revisited an idea I had last year and this time I have found the right way to go. I am still proceeding slowly and really taking the time to understand what I am getting myself into before I jump in head first and smack the bottom of the pool. It should be interesting to see where this takes me and what I get from it.
Now on to the meaning of the title. Well yesterday I bought the Cloverfield DVD and devoured it all in one sitting, well except for the director commentary. The movie is over 5 months old which is hard to believe that only that much time has past as it felt like almost a year had passed. I was a little disappointed with the DVD as it lacked any of the online material that made the build up for the film so much fun. I know that it would have been difficult to put on the DVD for DVD viewing but still at least mention it if not do a complete special feature on it. What was there was interesting and in some ways added to the fun of the film. Then there were a few things that kind of discolored it a little. No that is not entirely correct as I still fully enjoy the film and I am glad to have purchased it. I guess you could sum up what I am getting at by one statement.
This was not a Giant Monster (or Kaiju) movie but a tragic love story set against the backdrop of a disaster.
Yeah that about puts all the facts of it in order. J.J. Abrams is shown saying that his son and him made a trip to Tokyo and while there visited a number of toy stores. There he viewed that Godzilla was still a major factor in Japanese pop culture. He states that he wishes that America had such a monster, King Kong not withstanding. So he gives the impression that this is what stimulated him to make Cloverfield. Here is where I draw contention with his movie. If he set out to make a Kaiju film then it is without question an absolute and complete failure. As a amateur Kaiju film watcher I can say that hardly any of the required elements were there. Yes there was a giant monster but it had only a supporting part, bordering on bit or walk on if not for some later scenes. The conflict with the monster was no where near the center of the story nor did it recieve more then a passing mention in exposition. The army is seen fighting with it but their tactics and plans are never really shown except for the passing mention of the "Hammer Fall" protocol. While there was plenty of destruction of buildings it lacked the scope of the genre. Oh and the end was worse then spending an evening working with your date towards the big payoff only to have her fall asleep in the first five minutes after getting home. Yes there were a few explosions but those fell far short of the end of the film and the last scene didn't even show the monster. Unfortunately by comparison the American Godzilla was a better Kaiju film then Cloverfield.
Now that being said is Cloverfield a bad movie? Hell no! I loved it for what it was as I said before. It was a tragic love story set against the back drop of this monster rampaging around New York. I began to feel for these characters and wanted to know what was going on. I think the most engaging fact of the film is that I wanted to know more about what happened on the tape from the Conney Island day. I was clamoring for scenes. No I didn't want the whole movie to be about it but I found the contrast was amazing as well as the way it continued to draw you back to the humanity of the main character and his connection with Beth.
I was silently routing him on as he struggled with getting to her. Not to mention that along the way he has been watching his brother and friends die off due to this thing, in one way or another. Oh and did anyone else catch the irony of which one of the group survived...yes someone did survive! I totally missed it in the theaters but it struck me right between the eyes while watching the DVD. Ok for anyone that has not seen this film this could be viewed as a slight spoiler so stop reading and go out and watch the movie then come back and read on.
Lilly survives! The quite beautiful young lady gets on the Chopper and gets away! Someone made it out, just not our hero nor his lady which is why I call it a love story with a tragic end in a most classic way. Another way to put it is to call it a Classic Tragic Love Story or CTLS. Kind of looks like a short hand way to say cutlass.
"I'll take Swords for one billion!"
"What? No Mr.Connery that is S Words not Swords."
Sorry but I get distracted sometimes.
What else can I say about this film. I said I love it and then explained why it was not a Kaiju film but a CTLS. I dropped the bomb that someone survived. Hmm I could go into my thoughts on the little critters that fell off the monster but that is a long rant. I have some other insights on the thought process that went into the monster but again to long for this already long post. So I will let it go at that for now. I do want to share my views on the other aspects of the subject of this film so expect it in the future.
I am going to be seeing Iron Man tonight and I am planning posting on this experience but maybe on until Sunday as I work tomorrow and have gaming tomorrow night.
Looking forward to everyone being home, even if it is only for a short time.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Monday, April 14, 2008
Matt-Man, Live the Journey!
Hail and well met
Well things are going quite well over here in the new Matt-Cave. I have gotten some things done and a load more to the next level. Not to mention taking a trip this weekend down to Normal IL (although I have to dispute the name cause who decides what is Normal)
Why Normal? Well it was to see two friends that I have not really spent time with since almost three years ago. Chris and Andy Wasowicz were customers at 3D House of Games at first and then developed in to fellow gamers in several RPG campaigns. Of course along they way they also became friends. Several years ago they moved down to Normal to go to school. While there they bought a house and now live there while going to school. They are quite the pair and many a fond memory are attached times spent with them.
Anyway they were having a party (yes one of those wild collage parties) and I was invited. So with a spring in my step I drove two hours down to Normal to get my collage drink on. Ok in truth I wasn't planning on getting hammered just a few cocktails and head back. Well the best laid plans of mice and Matt-Man. First of all I forgot the directions to their house, second I failed to get either ones new phone numbers which left me wandering around the streets of the campus trying desperately to seduce luck into having me stumble on their house. Just as I was considering stopping at the next parking space and getting out to scream "Chris, Andy WHERE ARE YOU?" I received a phone call from Chris and within a few minutes I was there.
Hugs and slugs all around (guys don't do kisses..well unless dinner is involved...WHAT?!). They have a cool house and to be honest I was a bit jealous. Yes it is true I Matt-Man have recently been yearning for a permanent Mat-Cave of my own. Enough of that on with the show. At that time they had a few of those they invited over and introductions were made. I am glad to have met them all. Then it was off to the kitchen, also known as the brewery, for a bomb for which the only name I have is KoKo-bomb because it tasted like chocolate goodness. I will have to get the formula. Then it was on to the jungle juice which tasted like fruit punch, really good fruit punch. Little did I know until later that it was filled with something called everclear. Yeah I know what it is so don't think of posting some wise ass comment. Well two glasses later I was feeling barely anything at all so when a drinking game was called to order I figured in my state I was in good shape to play.
DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT!
I don't know if any of you have ever heard of MAO but it is a crazy game that I love. First of all we were not informed of the rules and had to figure them out as the game went on, which led to a lot more drinking. After three games (I think) I was definitely feeling good. Then it was off to talking and smoking for several hours. When all is said and done I spent the night on their fold out couch as I was in no condition to drive. The next morning I felt ok with only a very light hang over (thank God for water) and when everyone else had roused themselves it was off to breakfast at IHOP. Goodbyes were said and I made the trek back home. Fun times!
So anyway now I am getting ready for a long work week as my regular is going on a mini vacation starting on Thursday and going till the following Wednesday. That will be a nice paycheck.
Hope all is going well for everyone out there.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Well things are going quite well over here in the new Matt-Cave. I have gotten some things done and a load more to the next level. Not to mention taking a trip this weekend down to Normal IL (although I have to dispute the name cause who decides what is Normal)
Why Normal? Well it was to see two friends that I have not really spent time with since almost three years ago. Chris and Andy Wasowicz were customers at 3D House of Games at first and then developed in to fellow gamers in several RPG campaigns. Of course along they way they also became friends. Several years ago they moved down to Normal to go to school. While there they bought a house and now live there while going to school. They are quite the pair and many a fond memory are attached times spent with them.
Anyway they were having a party (yes one of those wild collage parties) and I was invited. So with a spring in my step I drove two hours down to Normal to get my collage drink on. Ok in truth I wasn't planning on getting hammered just a few cocktails and head back. Well the best laid plans of mice and Matt-Man. First of all I forgot the directions to their house, second I failed to get either ones new phone numbers which left me wandering around the streets of the campus trying desperately to seduce luck into having me stumble on their house. Just as I was considering stopping at the next parking space and getting out to scream "Chris, Andy WHERE ARE YOU?" I received a phone call from Chris and within a few minutes I was there.
Hugs and slugs all around (guys don't do kisses..well unless dinner is involved...WHAT?!). They have a cool house and to be honest I was a bit jealous. Yes it is true I Matt-Man have recently been yearning for a permanent Mat-Cave of my own. Enough of that on with the show. At that time they had a few of those they invited over and introductions were made. I am glad to have met them all. Then it was off to the kitchen, also known as the brewery, for a bomb for which the only name I have is KoKo-bomb because it tasted like chocolate goodness. I will have to get the formula. Then it was on to the jungle juice which tasted like fruit punch, really good fruit punch. Little did I know until later that it was filled with something called everclear. Yeah I know what it is so don't think of posting some wise ass comment. Well two glasses later I was feeling barely anything at all so when a drinking game was called to order I figured in my state I was in good shape to play.
DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT!
I don't know if any of you have ever heard of MAO but it is a crazy game that I love. First of all we were not informed of the rules and had to figure them out as the game went on, which led to a lot more drinking. After three games (I think) I was definitely feeling good. Then it was off to talking and smoking for several hours. When all is said and done I spent the night on their fold out couch as I was in no condition to drive. The next morning I felt ok with only a very light hang over (thank God for water) and when everyone else had roused themselves it was off to breakfast at IHOP. Goodbyes were said and I made the trek back home. Fun times!
So anyway now I am getting ready for a long work week as my regular is going on a mini vacation starting on Thursday and going till the following Wednesday. That will be a nice paycheck.
Hope all is going well for everyone out there.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Clsoetoflostdreams
The Classic IQ Test
My Result: Visionary Philosopher
In addition to your strengths in math and linguistics, you have a knack for matching and anticipating patterns. These skills and your uncanny ability to detect the underlying blueprint of most of life's situations add to your Visionary Philosopher mind.
Two philosophers who share the same combination of skills you possess are Plato and Benedict Spinoza. Spinoza had insight into how things worked in the world. He could envision a future based on the patterns he saw in life, and used mathematical logic as a structure within which to present his philosophical arguments. With that base he was able to use logic to formulate his theories. Borrowing from his linguistic strengths he wrote eloquent texts and, therefore, was able to bring his philosophical ideas and structure to the rest of the world. His story exemplifies the talents that are present in the Visionary Philosopher intellectual type.
Whatever you decide to do in life, you've got a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a wide variety of ways. You can expand your mind to understand a situation. Your strong balance of math and verbal skills will help you explain things to others. For example, if you were on an archaeological dig and discovered an object, you could probably use your deductive powers to figure out not only what the object was but also how it was used. Given your ability to put things together, you are more than capable of inventing a life plan that is in synch with your perspective on how things were, how they are, and how they might be one day.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Matt-Man....RISE!
Hail and well met!
I come to you tonight not from a borrowed computer but instead from the one and only Matt-Comp 5000! Oh yes the freedom of being able to go where I will when I will is such a freeing experience. Now don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying that anyone that allowed me to use their computer was being stingy or mean about it at all. Bill has been a saint about letting me use his computer and I thank him for it.
THANKS BILL!!!!!
It is just that there were things I wanted to do and couldn't. So now I surf with wild abandon from www.anteater.com to www.zebulon.com.
This will vastly improve my ability to work on the JFL and all related material. I have made some logo ideas, take a look.
This one is cool but I don't know about the 3 colors I have another one just in black.
Classic 80's T-shirt logo
What kind of idea would it be without a shield.
Ah the new classic slant logo.
Yup these are all ideas I am thinking of going with. Let me know what you think cause they will be available at Cafepress.com real soon...as soon I figure out how to get it to take the items I make and put them in the damn storefront! I can be so ignorant sometimes. But as Bill said earlier "It just takes some practice and things get easier."
So what else can I regale you with. Hmm not much really. I am doing ok and things are moving along rather well. I should be getting some stuff off to the guys in St.Louis real soon which get things one step closer to realization.
Yeah right now it is pretty smooth sailing. Oh my Itunes is having a problem and I gots to have my tunes so adieu for now.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
I come to you tonight not from a borrowed computer but instead from the one and only Matt-Comp 5000! Oh yes the freedom of being able to go where I will when I will is such a freeing experience. Now don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying that anyone that allowed me to use their computer was being stingy or mean about it at all. Bill has been a saint about letting me use his computer and I thank him for it.
THANKS BILL!!!!!
It is just that there were things I wanted to do and couldn't. So now I surf with wild abandon from www.anteater.com to www.zebulon.com.
This will vastly improve my ability to work on the JFL and all related material. I have made some logo ideas, take a look.
This one is cool but I don't know about the 3 colors I have another one just in black.
Classic 80's T-shirt logo
What kind of idea would it be without a shield.
Ah the new classic slant logo.
Yup these are all ideas I am thinking of going with. Let me know what you think cause they will be available at Cafepress.com real soon...as soon I figure out how to get it to take the items I make and put them in the damn storefront! I can be so ignorant sometimes. But as Bill said earlier "It just takes some practice and things get easier."
So what else can I regale you with. Hmm not much really. I am doing ok and things are moving along rather well. I should be getting some stuff off to the guys in St.Louis real soon which get things one step closer to realization.
Yeah right now it is pretty smooth sailing. Oh my Itunes is having a problem and I gots to have my tunes so adieu for now.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Matt-Man, a Call to Arms!
Hail and well met
To all my good friends and anyone else that reads this blog (I know there are some out there which is weird) I am sending out a summons. A few years ago while sitting with a friend of mine I came up with an idea. You see he as well am myself had discovered that no matter what we always seemed invisible to women. In a moment of inspiration I came up with something of a support group/sarcastic release for this feeling. After several hours of thinking about it I have decided to chuck my pride aside (it just keeps getting in the way anyway) and put it out there.
In the next few days or even weeks (depending on my schedule) I will be unveiling a Blog where I will start posting on my feelings concerning this. I also plan on creating a group of products on Cafe Press based on the theme. I may even look into a web site for it as well, but right now it is just the beginning and I don't want to overwhelm myself.
So with out any further ado I introduce to you...
The Justa Friends League!
May the Force be with you!
Excelsior!!!
To all my good friends and anyone else that reads this blog (I know there are some out there which is weird) I am sending out a summons. A few years ago while sitting with a friend of mine I came up with an idea. You see he as well am myself had discovered that no matter what we always seemed invisible to women. In a moment of inspiration I came up with something of a support group/sarcastic release for this feeling. After several hours of thinking about it I have decided to chuck my pride aside (it just keeps getting in the way anyway) and put it out there.
In the next few days or even weeks (depending on my schedule) I will be unveiling a Blog where I will start posting on my feelings concerning this. I also plan on creating a group of products on Cafe Press based on the theme. I may even look into a web site for it as well, but right now it is just the beginning and I don't want to overwhelm myself.
So with out any further ado I introduce to you...
The Justa Friends League!
May the Force be with you!
Excelsior!!!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Who Wouldn't Fight for Matt-Man?
Hail and well met
I must thank both Nicky and Ferric for their responses and their support. It does mean a lot to me.
I said I was going to post about my trip down to Carbondale. I went with Neal for two days. We got down there late Tuesday night and stayed through Thursday. It was a blast and I had an awesome time. I got to see Nicky, Chris, Joe and the whole gang. Being down there went a long way to rejuvenating me both physically and spiritually. Of course when I came back is when I had that fun conversation that was mentioned in the previous post, but it does not nor shall it every over shadow the great time I had.
I want to thank everyone down there for their hospitality and generosity. I only hope that one day I can repay the kindness.
When we got back on Thursday, we went over to Val and Mel's where some of the 37 inch gang had gathered. Miles, Kristin, Todd and NICK were there. Yes Nick was there and in good health. I really missed seeing him over the last couple of years. Much fun was had by all and it was rather late when I dragged my but to bed.
Not sure when I can make it down again or even if I can but I will keep it in mind. I also want to catch a trip out to Monmouth to hang with Miles before he graduates. Have to contact him and make devious plans.
MUUUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Other then that not much going on. I will see all when I can and hope to talk to anyone I cannot see.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
I must thank both Nicky and Ferric for their responses and their support. It does mean a lot to me.
I said I was going to post about my trip down to Carbondale. I went with Neal for two days. We got down there late Tuesday night and stayed through Thursday. It was a blast and I had an awesome time. I got to see Nicky, Chris, Joe and the whole gang. Being down there went a long way to rejuvenating me both physically and spiritually. Of course when I came back is when I had that fun conversation that was mentioned in the previous post, but it does not nor shall it every over shadow the great time I had.
I want to thank everyone down there for their hospitality and generosity. I only hope that one day I can repay the kindness.
When we got back on Thursday, we went over to Val and Mel's where some of the 37 inch gang had gathered. Miles, Kristin, Todd and NICK were there. Yes Nick was there and in good health. I really missed seeing him over the last couple of years. Much fun was had by all and it was rather late when I dragged my but to bed.
Not sure when I can make it down again or even if I can but I will keep it in mind. I also want to catch a trip out to Monmouth to hang with Miles before he graduates. Have to contact him and make devious plans.
MUUUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Other then that not much going on. I will see all when I can and hope to talk to anyone I cannot see.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Matt-man for the Future
Hail and well met!
Well it has been a long time since I have been able to post. Mostly it has been because of technical problems but that should be no longer a problem very soon. So what can I say.
Well it has been rough on several levels. I feel very alone and I don't mean like having people around alone but the other kind of alone. Everyone keeps telling me that I am good looking and a great guy, so why is it that no matter what I do no one notices me. Of course I know that I don't really jump out there throw myself into the ring so to speak but that has never been my strong suit. Gah I hate trying to figure out what to do in these situations. I even tried to fill out the stuff for Yahoo personals but I found that it kept asking me to define what I am looking for. Wow was I sitting here with that deer in the headlights look. I have no idea what I am looking for and what they offered as way of options really didn't help. So I left it unfinished like so many other things in my life and moved on.
On another front I spoke to a couple of people whom probably thought they were helping me by tearing me down. I was speaking about my work on both my games and the ones for the guys down in St. Louis when I was stopped. I was informed that I was wasting my time and should wake up, grow up and dump these pipe dreams. All I was doing was proving I was a loser and setting myself for failure since there was no future in any of them. Then I was regaled with how I was seen as a lazy mooch who was living off others like some kind of leech. In their opinion I was slowing some people up and would only succeed in taking them down with myself. In fact when I boiled it all down I really don't know why they would have ever been my friends.
To say I was devastated would have been an understatement. I say would have been because I didn't stay depressed. I got pissed off. I mean really angry. Now I know that no one that reads this are among those that were involved with what was said or how I feel but I have to get this off my chest in a forum that will not allow me to speak out loud because every time I do in the privacy of my own space it devolves into swearing and throwing things.
So here is my diatribe and please don't take this to heart.
When I boiled it all down I came to a conclusion.
I DON'T GIVE A FLYING F@#K WHAT YOU ALL THINK!
As far as I can see you only say those things because you are scared to death of me and what I am accomplishing. You see while I am fighting for my dreams you sit there in your drunken stupor with not one dream at all. In fact your idea of a dream is where you can go on your vacation so you can get drunk and forget your pathetic so called life. I don't need to get drunk because I don't need to forget my life. No it may not be perfect but by God it is filled with more then you have. Oh and as far as not having a house, what has it done for you? As far as I can see all it has done for you is tie you down and suck the money out of you. Not to mention the wasted time and money on those stupid techno crap gadgets you have to run out and buy to try and fill your void of a life. You call me a loser well let me tell you something, when it comes down to it you are the loser.
When I get my games published and I will!, Millions will know my name. I will affect those lives and bring fun into their lives. The only people you will affect are the liquor store owners and the Bust Buy corporate accountants, oh and not to mention the credit card companies. They will mourn your passing only as a real parasite mourns its host.
I would go on but as I said before I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.
IN FACT EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T READ THIS I CAN ONLY HOPE YOU FEEL THIS. GO F@#K YOURSELVES AND HAVE FUN SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE DRINKING YOURSELF INTO OBLIVION WHILE SURROUNDING YOURSELF WITH USELESS TECHNO CRAP. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ME.
IN FACT IF ANYTHING HAS COME FROM THIS IS THAT I HAVE DECIDED THAT I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS OF ME AND I MEAN NO ONE!
Ok I am going to stop there. It feels good to get it off my chest. If my new outlook upsets anyone, well I would normally say I am sorry but in truth I don't care. It is where I am at and that is that.
I will post on a trip down to Carbondale later cause it was an amazing trip and I loved it.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Well it has been a long time since I have been able to post. Mostly it has been because of technical problems but that should be no longer a problem very soon. So what can I say.
Well it has been rough on several levels. I feel very alone and I don't mean like having people around alone but the other kind of alone. Everyone keeps telling me that I am good looking and a great guy, so why is it that no matter what I do no one notices me. Of course I know that I don't really jump out there throw myself into the ring so to speak but that has never been my strong suit. Gah I hate trying to figure out what to do in these situations. I even tried to fill out the stuff for Yahoo personals but I found that it kept asking me to define what I am looking for. Wow was I sitting here with that deer in the headlights look. I have no idea what I am looking for and what they offered as way of options really didn't help. So I left it unfinished like so many other things in my life and moved on.
On another front I spoke to a couple of people whom probably thought they were helping me by tearing me down. I was speaking about my work on both my games and the ones for the guys down in St. Louis when I was stopped. I was informed that I was wasting my time and should wake up, grow up and dump these pipe dreams. All I was doing was proving I was a loser and setting myself for failure since there was no future in any of them. Then I was regaled with how I was seen as a lazy mooch who was living off others like some kind of leech. In their opinion I was slowing some people up and would only succeed in taking them down with myself. In fact when I boiled it all down I really don't know why they would have ever been my friends.
To say I was devastated would have been an understatement. I say would have been because I didn't stay depressed. I got pissed off. I mean really angry. Now I know that no one that reads this are among those that were involved with what was said or how I feel but I have to get this off my chest in a forum that will not allow me to speak out loud because every time I do in the privacy of my own space it devolves into swearing and throwing things.
So here is my diatribe and please don't take this to heart.
When I boiled it all down I came to a conclusion.
I DON'T GIVE A FLYING F@#K WHAT YOU ALL THINK!
As far as I can see you only say those things because you are scared to death of me and what I am accomplishing. You see while I am fighting for my dreams you sit there in your drunken stupor with not one dream at all. In fact your idea of a dream is where you can go on your vacation so you can get drunk and forget your pathetic so called life. I don't need to get drunk because I don't need to forget my life. No it may not be perfect but by God it is filled with more then you have. Oh and as far as not having a house, what has it done for you? As far as I can see all it has done for you is tie you down and suck the money out of you. Not to mention the wasted time and money on those stupid techno crap gadgets you have to run out and buy to try and fill your void of a life. You call me a loser well let me tell you something, when it comes down to it you are the loser.
When I get my games published and I will!, Millions will know my name. I will affect those lives and bring fun into their lives. The only people you will affect are the liquor store owners and the Bust Buy corporate accountants, oh and not to mention the credit card companies. They will mourn your passing only as a real parasite mourns its host.
I would go on but as I said before I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.
IN FACT EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T READ THIS I CAN ONLY HOPE YOU FEEL THIS. GO F@#K YOURSELVES AND HAVE FUN SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE DRINKING YOURSELF INTO OBLIVION WHILE SURROUNDING YOURSELF WITH USELESS TECHNO CRAP. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ME.
IN FACT IF ANYTHING HAS COME FROM THIS IS THAT I HAVE DECIDED THAT I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS OF ME AND I MEAN NO ONE!
Ok I am going to stop there. It feels good to get it off my chest. If my new outlook upsets anyone, well I would normally say I am sorry but in truth I don't care. It is where I am at and that is that.
I will post on a trip down to Carbondale later cause it was an amazing trip and I loved it.
May the Force be with you
Excelsior!!!
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Matt-Man Bids Farewell to a Real Hero
Hail and well met.
Yesterday morning co-creator of D&D and so much more, passed away at the age of 69. I was informed by a good friend last night and this morning I have been reading many of the reports and posts concerning this.
I was going to try and type my feeling on this matter, but that will have to come later. Right now I just want to say that this man has touched so many and by doing so has made this world a better place. If not for his creativity I know I would not be where I am today or the person I am either. I know I owe him so much that words cannot begin to express.
Good friend you will be missed.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
Yesterday morning co-creator of D&D and so much more, passed away at the age of 69. I was informed by a good friend last night and this morning I have been reading many of the reports and posts concerning this.
I was going to try and type my feeling on this matter, but that will have to come later. Right now I just want to say that this man has touched so many and by doing so has made this world a better place. If not for his creativity I know I would not be where I am today or the person I am either. I know I owe him so much that words cannot begin to express.
Good friend you will be missed.
May the Force be with you.
Excelsior!!!
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